by E. L. Todd
Coen started the engine without speaking. She knew he didn’t want her near him.
As they drove home, her heart accelerated with throbbing pain. She felt horrible for hurting Coen. His anger was justified even though he agreed to keep their relationship a secret. Sydney wanted to be open about their relationship but she couldn’t do that to Henry. That would have been a horrible way for him to find out. Seeing her holding Coen’s hand while they walked on the beach at sunset. It definitely would have made him feel worse.
When they arrived at her house, Coen jumped out of the car and slammed the door behind him. She followed him to the front door.
“Have a good night,” he said as he turned away.
“Please don’t go.”
“I’m pissed right now, Sydney. I really don’t want to talk to you.”
“Stay,” she begged.
His feet were rooted to the ground, unable to move. He was too weak to resist her beautiful voice.
Sydney approached him then wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her face close to his. He automatically circled her waist with his hands.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “But what was I supposed to do? Just let him find out like that?”
He breathed through his anger. “You could have dropped my hand and let him see us hanging out together.”
“But then he might suspect something.”
“Good. He’ll realize that you are interested in other guys. It will help him move on. Pushing me in the trees is just unacceptable. I don’t deserve to be treated like that.”
“I know you don’t,” she whispered. “But I told you I needed more time. Please give me that.” She looked him in the eye. “You told me this was fine in the beginning. I love Henry like my own family. I know you were hurt, but please help me through this. I won’t hurt him. I refuse to do it. You’re just going to have to deal with it.” He said nothing, avoiding her gaze. “I hate this as much as you do. I want to climb on top of you and kiss you in front of Audrey. I want to sit next to you in class, and I want to hold your hand when we walk across campus.”
“If he sees us again, you can’t hide me. I won’t touch you or kiss you, but you can’t hide me.”
She sighed. “Okay.”
“And I want to be involved with your friends. When you guys go out, I’m invited.”
“Why?”
“I want them to get used to me. I’m your friend, not just your boyfriend. That sounds like a fair compromise.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Okay.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you still mad?”
“Not as much as I was before. Are you mad at me?”
“No. I understand why you’re upset even though you told me you would put up with this for a short amount of time.”
“That’s the key word; short.”
She pulled her hands away. “You can go if you want.”
“Do you want me to?”
“Not at all.”
He sighed. “So, we’re okay?”
“I think we settled this issue—for now.”
“I’m sorry I got upset. I just hated being pushed in the trees like that. It’s like you’re embarrassed of me.”
“That couldn’t be further from the truth and you know it.”
“Sorry. I just got caught up with my emotions.”
“I’m sorry too. You deserve more than this, Coen. I admit that.”
“Well, I’ll wait for you.”
“Thank you.”
“But I meant what I said. I won’t put up with this for long.”
“I know.” She opened the door then walked inside.
He followed behind and they sat on the couch, saying nothing for a while.
“So, what do you want to do?” he asked.
“I like doing this.”
“Can I sleep here tonight?”
She smiled. “I was hoping you would.”
“I like sleeping with you, even though we don’t get much sleep,” he said with a smile.
“Me too.”
They left the couch and walked into her bedroom.
When he shut the door, he looked at her. “It’s your turn tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
“You get to lose control and I’ll make sure nothing happens.”
“So we trade off?”
“I think that’s fair.” He took off his shirt and she marveled at the sight. He stared into her eyes as she watched him. When she licked her lips, his spine shivered. He took off his jeans then stood in his boxers. She was frozen as he came over to her and stripped her clothes away. When her shirt came off, she shivered so he pulled her close to him. He kneeled down and removed her shorts.
“I could stare at this all day,” he said as he kissed her stomach. He stood up then guided her to the bed. He climbed on top of her then rubbed his nose against hers. “Are you ready to learn?”
Her heart accelerated in her chest. She was excited but also ashamed.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” he said. “This is hot.”
“Really?”
“Hell yes it is.” He pulled down her underwear then tossed it on the floor.
“You’ll stay in control?”
“I promise,” he said as he looked her in the eye.
“Okay.”
“Now let me get you ready.” He leaned in and kissed her gently, making her melt. She gripped his back and slid her hands across his body. When she reached her hand to his crotch, she wasn’t thinking. He let her touch his erection for a second before he pulled her hand away. “We’re doing you right now.” He reached his hand down and touched her clitoris gently. She moaned for him. “I think you’re ready.” He inserted two fingers inside her then pulsed gently.
She cupped his face and pulled him closer to her.
“Do you feel that?”
“Oh—yeah.”
“Now I’m going to bend my fingers and touch your G spot.” When he rubbed her, she knew he hit his mark. She moaned loudly. “I found it,” he said with a smile. “You can feel the different texture when you touch it. That’s how you’ll know.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
He moved his thumb to her clitoris and started to rub it in circles.
Her body ignited in pleasure as she felt him touch her with such precision. She was losing control and it felt amazing. He increased the pressure as she gripped him harder.
“I want you,” she whispered.
“This is me, baby,” he said as he looked into her eyes. He pulled his hand out. “It’s your turn.”
She kissed him. “I like it when you do it.”
“Come on. It’ll feel good.”
“I feel dirty.”
“You should. I like it when you’re dirty.” He grabbed her hand and brought it to her entrance. He guided her fingers inside her.
She gasped as she fingered herself.
Coen pulled off his boxers and started to rub himself. With a shaky breath, he said, “Find the spot I told you about.”
“Oh,” she said when she found it.
He pulled his hand from himself then pressed her thumb over her clitoris. “Like this,” he said as he rubbed it.
She moaned.
“You feel that?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” He grabbed himself again and leaned over her, looking in her eyes as he jerked himself. He pressed his lips against hers while they touched themselves. Sydney still felt connected to him even though they were responsible for their own pleasure.
“Baby, I want you to picture me when you finger yourself.”
“Yeah.”
“Tell me when you’re about to come.”
She moaned. “I feel it.”
“Keep going.” He rubbed himself harder. “I’m there, Sydney,” he said with a heavy breath. “I just need you to meet me.”
She rubbed her clitoris harder. She felt the formation of the orgasm start and spread through her
body. It tingled her fingers and her toes. Her lower stomach throbbed with release. “Coen, I’m there.”
He looked into her eyes. “Let go, baby. Come on.”
She felt herself crumble under her own ministrations. She fingered herself faster as she convulsed under her own movements. “Oh—god.”
Coen bit her lip as he came onto her skin. “Yeah.”
When she finished, she pulled her fingers out and rested them on her stomach. “Wow.”
“You wish you had learned that sooner, huh?”
“Yeah. But I still like it better when you do it.”
“Well, I’m not always here.”
“I want you to be.”
He rubbed his nose against hers. “I hope that happens someday.”
Her eyes softened. “Me too.”
He kissed her. “Do you still feel dirty?”
“Filthy.”
He smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with satisfying yourself. But after we have sex, I doubt you will anymore. I’ll please you all the time.”
She whimpered. “I want to have sex now.”
“I do too.”
“Then why don’t we?”
He was quiet for a long time. “We aren’t ready.”
“But I really care about you, Coen. I want to be with you all the time.”
He stared into her eyes. “I’ll make love to you after Henry knows the truth.”
“Why then?”
“Then I’ll know that you’re really serious about me.”
“I am serious.”
“And I’ll know something else as well.”
“What?”
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
14
After Sydney finished cleaning all the tanks, she walked through the lobby toward the break room so she could take her fifteen minute break. When she saw Dr. Goldstein enter through the front doors, her heart raced. Maybe she could talk to him and bring up his research project. But then the depression descended. The guy couldn’t even remember her name. She knew it was pointless. Instead of acknowledging him, she turned toward the break room.
“Sydney?”
She stopped and turned around. She was speechless for a moment, shocked that he addressed her by her correct name, not Stacy. “Yes?”
He smiled as he approached her. “I heard that you are quite the student.”
Her heart moved into her throat. She wasn’t sure if she was dreaming or if this was really happening. Was he talking to her? He knew she was a good student? “Thanks.”
“I’m conducting research on great white sharks next week. My team and I are going out to the open ocean for a few days to study their ability to dilute and concentrate salt based on their location in the ocean. Perhaps if we understand this physiological process, we can adapt it to humans.”
She already knew everything about his research. He didn’t need to tell her any of that. Her mouth dropped open like she was meeting a rockstar. She closed her mouth then cleared her throat. “That sounds fascinating.”
“Thank you. I need an undergraduate student to help with the data collecting. Would you be interested?”
She jumped on her toes. “Are you serious?”
He smiled. “Yes. I heard you would be worthy of my time.”
“Yes! I would love to. I’m so honored that you even asked me.”
He nodded. “That’s wonderful. I look forward to working with you.”
“Thank you so much,” she said as she clapped her hands.
He walked away. “Talk to you soon.”
“Bye!” she said as she hopped on her toes. She turned into the break room then pulled her phone from her pocket.
“Hey, baby,” Coen said.
Her words came out in a rush. “Oh my god, Dr. Goldstein just invited me on his research trip into the ocean to study great white sharks and he said I could collect data for him and spend a few days with them on the boat!” She took a deep breath before she screamed into the phone. “He actually asked me to go with him. I can’t believe this! This is so awesome.”
“That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
“I’m so excited. When he asked me, I almost peed myself.”
“I’m glad you’re never that excited to see me.”
“I’m too happy to care about your insults.”
“When do you get off?”
“Soon.”
“Can I see you for a little while?”
“Do you wanna come to the aquarium? You can meet Rose.”
“Your dolphin friend?”
“Yeah.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“I can get you in through the back. No one is here right now because we’re closed. Just me and Dr. Goldstein.”
“I’ll be right over.”
“Okay.” She hung up and waited for him to text her when he arrived. When he did, she went to the back of the facility and opened the door for him. He slipped inside without anyone noticing.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him. “Hey.”
He rubbed his nose against hers. “Hello, gorgeous.”
She took his hand and pulled him away. “Come on.”
“Do you think she’ll like me?”
“Of course. Rose loves everyone.”
They walked to the outside pool then kneeled at the edge. The dolphins were swimming near the bottom of the pool, next to the glass viewing window.
“How do you get her attention?” he asked.
“Like this.” She tapped the water ten times then pulled her hand away. A moment later, Rose came to the surface with a loud squeal. She moved her head toward the wall and let Sydney pet her. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
Coen said nothing as he stared at Sydney, a smile on his face. She gently caressed the rubber flesh of the dolphin’s skin then kissed Rose on the nose.
“I’m getting a little jealous,” he whispered.
She kissed the dolphin again. “I love you.”
The dolphin squealed.
“Can I touch her?” he asked.
“Yes.” She looked at Rose. “This is my boyfriend, Coen. He’s very special.”
The dolphin looked at him then moved closer.
Coen chuckled as he ran his hands over the wet skin. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
Sydney reached over and touched the side of her head. “Whenever I want to talk to someone, I come to her. She always seems to understand what I’m saying.” Coen watched her while she spoke, still rubbing the dolphin. “Animals are better than humans. They aren’t complicated or evil. They do what they have to do to survive. And they have emotions just as strong as we do. Whenever I cry, she knows.”
“You cry in front of her?”
“Sometimes,” she said quietly. “She makes me feel better.”
He smiled at the dolphin, who was rubbing her head against his hand. “It’s hard not to love her. She reminds me of Brutus.”
“I wish I could take her home with me.”
“You would,” he said with a laugh.
She stared at the dolphin affectionately while Coen stared at Sydney’s face, mesmerized by her beautiful features. He wished she would confide her secrets to him but he decided not to pester her about it. She obviously wasn’t comfortable yet. She grabbed a fish from a bucket then fed it to Rose, who took it under the surface as she ate it.
Coen stood up. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah.” She smoothed the wrinkles of her jumpsuit. “Sorry that I don’t look my best.”
“You always look your best.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m not a liar, Syd.”
She avoided his gaze. They returned to the main building and she clocked out and changed. They left the building and locked the door behind them. After Coen walked her to the car, he turned to her.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She frowned. “Could you sleep with me tonight?”
“Well, I’ve
fallen behind on my studies. I really need to hit the books.”
She hid the disappointment with a smile. The idea of sleeping alone was torturous. Coen was the first person she had reached out to, and now she felt stupid for doing it. But she understood that he had other responsibilities. She had been monopolizing his time for the past few weeks. “Okay.”
He looked at her. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”
“I know,” she said with another fake smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He kissed her on the forehead. “I know you’ll be in my dreams tonight.”
“Will they be dirty dreams?”
He smiled. “They’ll be filthy.”
“Good.” She turned around and got inside her Jeep. She wanted to hide the despair on her face before he got a glimpse. She pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. She thought about calling him and asking him to study in her bed while she slept but she refused to do that. It was too needy and pathetic. Never in her life had she been as clingy as she was with Coen. Whenever he wasn’t there, she wished he was. She could call Henry but she didn’t feel comfortable lying beside him. It could only be Coen. He was the one.
After she got inside her house, she went into her bedroom and started to read a book, hoping it would take her mind off her pain. School and work had minimized her thoughts but they came roaring back at the first opportunity.
When her eyes finally started to droop, she let herself fall asleep. Her slumber was dreamless and wonderful. Perhaps the nightmares had stopped because Coen made her feel safe. Just when she was in a deep part of her sleep cycle, it happened.
Sydney couldn’t see herself, but she knew she was just sixteen. Her breasts weren’t full like they were now and her hips weren’t as wide. She was thin and weak, frail like a plastic doll.
She was sitting in her car by the railroad tracks, watching the train speed by every hour. Mom and Dad had gotten into another fight. She wasn’t sure what they were arguing about. It seemed like they always fought. When her cell phone rang, she answered it.
“What?” she snapped.
“Where are you?” her father asked calmly.
“Leave me alone.”
“I asked you a question, Syd.”
She said nothing.
“Your mother and I fight like other adults. It’s normal.”
“Why is she so mean to you? Why does she hit you?”