‘Stop doing that.’ He chuckled. ‘We’re just friends. It’s nothing like that.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ she said as she waltzed back out the door, almost colliding with Cameron.
‘Hey Dani,’ Cameron said cheerfully, catching the door. ‘What are you guys doing?’
‘Kyle’s making up some theories,’ Dani said as she headed back to her room.
‘Really? What you doing?’ Cameron asked as he gazed at Kyle’s walls. ‘Physics?’
‘Yeah, they’re just some theories me and Sophia have been talking about.’
‘Sophia? Since when?’ Cameron said, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.
‘Last month.’ Cameron frowned and slowly scrutinized the diagrams and notes. He seemed lost in them. Kyle said nothing, just watched his friend light up in a way he recognised.
‘If you put…’ Cameron picked up a pen from the side and started jotting down numbers and symbols next to Kyle’s diagrams. ‘Mhmm,’ he said. ‘This could work…’
‘What are you doing?’
‘Adding some maths that might be helpful,’ Cameron replied. ‘There’s a time dilation presentation tonight by the way. I’m assuming you’re going?’
‘Yes, Sophia thinks it will be interesting.’ Cameron stopped and gave Kyle a long stare.
‘You’re lucky Kyle, Sophia doesn’t stop to chat with many people; she’s usually in the labs and when she’s working she doesn’t have much patience for anyone.’
‘She doesn’t?’ Kyle raised an eyebrow; he hadn’t really thought about it like that. Of course Sophia would be busy, but she seemed to always be in the chapel whenever he wanted to talk to her. She always had time to speak to him.
‘Alice would have loved this too,’ Cameron said. His eyes were glazed over and far away, lost in some distant happy memory, one that Kyle found difficult to recall. Cameron was never shy about speaking of Alice, but then he didn’t have to feel the pain of her absence every day. ‘She would have been bouncing off the walls, with a puzzle like this.’ Cameron smiled and glanced at Kyle. ‘Do you remember when we used to sit at the park and ask strange questions and try to solve them? We would go to Mr Blakely the next day and he would point out all of our problems.’ Kyle winced; he could remember but he didn’t want to. ‘We would spend lunch breaks talking to him about our dreamt up theories of the universe; most of the time they were ridiculous but we had some good ideas. Do you remember?’
‘No,’ Kyle said, lowering his eyes to the floor.
‘Come on man, you do remember…’
‘Leave it Cameron.’ Kyle turned away from him and headed over to his desk.
‘Why do you do that? Why do you always shut her out?’
‘I said leave it, Cameron,’ Kyle hissed through gritted teeth. He was trying his best to supress his memories; he could feel them rattling at their doors.
‘No Kyle, I’m sick of it. She was part of my life too. Good memories – we both had good memories. It’s been almost three years now and you barely talk about her, it’s like she didn’t even exist. You loved each other. Does she really mean that little to you now?’
That cut deep.
‘Shut up, Cameron!’ Kyle squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could see her face, her smile; he could see their old physics’ classroom and their old teacher. He could hear her laughter, feel her touch; she had meant everything to him, but remembering hurt, it hurt so much.
‘You’re wasted doing business, you know. You don’t even like business. We were all going to do physics, remember? We all wanted to be physicists and go into research. It didn’t even matter what universities we ended up at. Alice even fought for you.’
‘Cameron!’ Kyle snapped. He felt cold, as though someone had injected ice into his veins. Why couldn’t Cameron understand? Why couldn’t he just see? He knew Alice had fought for him, inspired him, supported him, but he hadn’t even sat the exam, he hadn’t exactly earnt his place.
‘Kyle, talk to me. What’s going on? You look exhausted all the time. Damn it, we’ve been friends since primary school.’
‘I just… don’t want to talk about it, Cameron.’ Kyle felt guilt cripple his insides.
‘You can talk to Sophia but you can’t talk to me? Is that it?’ Cameron said. The door opened and Dani appeared again.
‘What are you guys yelling for?’ Her worried gaze flickered between the pair of them.
‘It’s nothing,’ Cameron muttered and then stormed out.
‘Kyle?’ Dani said.
‘I’m going out,’ Kyle said, trying his best to keep the anger out of his voice. He picked up his jacket and keys. Dani backed up sharply as he came out into the hallway and then he locked his door.
‘What’s going on?’ she asked.
‘It’s nothing,’ Kyle said. He kept his head down, stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked out.
Twenty-Nine
Sophia sat poised over the edge of the ornate balcony, gazing down into the chapel below. The chapel was a beautiful place, most religious structures were. She watched as the congregation below, a mix-match of several religious groups, sat and honoured their gods together in perfect harmony. Today was different though, today their expressions were more solemn. She lifted up her knees and put her feet on the small safety wall as she hunched forwards. She wasn’t religious yet she knew all about religion; her family had their own type of faith, but this wasn’t the reason she liked to watch this particular congregation. It was because she liked to see the fruits of her suggestions.
Her thoughts trailed to Kyle; his soul was unusual. His soul could be bright, colourful and mature, yet his grey, his guilt and mourning caged him. He was still a faint impression of what he really could be, held back by his self-destructive emotions. She was pleased that she was drawing him out; he had taken well to their research. Sadly, Alice hadn’t returned and Sophia didn’t really expect her to. Moving objects in the physical world used Negative energy, and Negative souls didn’t come back. Negative energy was the easiest to manipulate, but it provided short, powerful bursts of energy, whereas Positive energy was much stronger, just slower, and harder to reach. Though no matter how delicately intertwined the energies were with everything in the universe, they could not affect nature. They could not stop someone from passing away, they could not cause nor stop a hurricane or tsunami, these things just happened anyway, though the living were very good at causing more problems for themselves. The energies and forces grew from the emotions of those who were affected and those who were not.
The fountain was surely in turmoil now. One day there would be hope for humans and the next they would be doomed. Sophia knew she needed to speak to Kyle about it; Mabel kept pressurising her and she had made a start but it wasn’t so simple. The modern world didn’t think about the dead, their rituals were half-an-hour funerals for the living. People generally became very scared by the idea of dead people hanging around; it was unnatural to them, but very natural to everything else. Sophia wished she could show people, wished she could make them understand. People would live their lives differently then, with respect for others and for themselves. After all, this was the foundation for all religions. She looked below.
‘I invite you all now to stand and join hands. We shall hold a minute’s silence for the people who have lost their lives in the Middle East this week.’ The congregation stood and moved to the front of the chapel where they formed a loose circle and then bowed their heads. Sophia watched, fascinated, as Anglican Christians stood beside Catholics, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus and many more. Though Sophia couldn’t recognise all of them, the majority were dressed the same, just like her. She stood slowly; she could feel the tingle of Positive energy in the very air around her. It was as though her awareness was a bubble which had been stretched far beyond the confines of her s
oul and body. She could sense the emotions of everyone in the chapel, though she had to focus in order to pick up on the specifics. It was an odd sensation to describe, and not one she admitted to willingly; the majority would say she was mentally unhinged.
The Positivity died suddenly and she felt a cold numbness smothering her senses, falling down slowly and crushing against her. Images jumped into her mind and she saw Kyle sitting outside Red Oak’s Manor house, looking across the lake there. His soul was orange, brown, black and blue; he was angry and upset about something. Sophia frowned as her vision returned to her present location and she left the chapel.
She made her way across the campus, and then walked down a narrow road behind the library which took her through the trees. The ground opened up and she came upon the manor. She went around and behind it to where a path cut down to one of Red Oak’s lakes. Kyle was there, the sun sinking in the distance and the light fading from orange to red to pink and then to purple. She approached him slowly; the evening breeze still carried a cold bite but the snow had gone now. He sat with his back to her, and she could see his soul. It was dark and angry, flashing from orange to brown to grey to blue; she could see the odd wisp of black, Negative energy curling around his outer layers. He looked up at the sound of her footsteps but he didn’t seem at all surprised.
‘I didn’t know you liked to come here,’ Sophia said as she sat down next to him. The grass was a little damp but she didn’t mind.
‘I run past here in the mornings sometimes,’ Kyle said.
‘You run?’
‘I don’t run as often anymore, not since the nightmares.’
‘Oh, I see.’ He’s still having problems then. She gazed around, searching for Alice, but she was nowhere to be found. ‘You seem…’ she searched for the right words, ‘upset.’
‘Cameron made me angry.’ Kyle shrugged. ‘Well it wasn’t really Cameron, it was me.’
‘You know that doesn’t really make much sense,’ Sophia said. She flashed him a crooked smile.
‘He would be annoyed at me now, if he knew I was talking to you.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘He thinks I should talk to him, but he thinks I only talk to you. Which is nuts really, you hardly know anything about me. He’s just pissed that I won’t talk about the past.’
‘Guys are strange,’ Sophia said. ‘But you’ll have to explain a little more than that if you want my advice.’ Kyle looked at her and then let out a deep sigh.
‘Hell, I might as well prove him right.’ Kyle’s soul colours dimmed back into grey and he began to talk. Slowly at first, and with frequent pauses, but he told her everything. He told her all about his past, his friends, his family. He told her about Alice and her diagnosis and her death. He told her what had happened to him and the choices he had made afterwards. He told her everything and by the time he was done, the sun had completely disappeared and the first stars were peering down at them.
‘Cameron doesn’t understand why I switched from physics to business; he thinks I’ve given up on everything. And he’s probably right; I had ignored him up until now.’
‘What changed?’ Sophia asked, though she had a pretty good idea what the answer was going to be.
‘A lot of things.’ He frowned. ‘It’s like this… Our conversations in the chapel made me realise how much I missed physics. I used to enjoy it; I was good at it, but, my dad…’ He paused. ‘When Alice died I just couldn’t face doing physics without her.’
‘What do you want to do?’ Sophia asked. Kyle faltered and glanced quickly at her before looking out across the lake again.
‘I… I’m not so sure now. I accepted things as the way they must be. My dad means well. I just don’t know now.’
‘I guess that’s what you need to figure out,’ Sophia said. She stood up and brushed the backs of her legs; her jeans were damp and cold. ‘You do need to talk to Cameron; he’s not bringing up the past to annoy you, he’s just looking for some shred of the old Kyle, the one he used to know. He’s part of your past and you’re denying him his own memories too.’
‘People have to grow up and move on, that’s what my dad…’
‘He’s wrong,’ Sophia said. ‘Yes, we move on but we can’t avoid the past, good and bad. Just as we learn from our mistakes and failures, we must learn from our past. Things change and bad stuff happens to everyone, but ultimately you decide how you live the rest of your life. Being happy is largely a choice. You might upset some people to begin with if they don’t agree with your choices but they will come around, especially if they see you’re happy.’
‘I’m not so sure.’
‘Have you thought about switching your degree back to physics?’ she asked. ‘You could change courses. It would mean staying on a few extra years but you could do physics again if you really wanted to.’
‘My dad would probably have a heart attack.’
‘You need to do what is right for you, Kyle. Don’t forget there are thousands of possibilities that are open to you, every moment, of every day.’ She smiled. ‘Or are you just a rock?’
‘Feels like it sometimes.’ Kyle smiled back and got to his feet.
‘I don’t think Alice would want you to be miserable. I know they’re cookie-cut words but they’re true. No one want’s misery for anyone, not really.’
‘I guess not,’ Kyle said.
‘Think about what I’ve said.’ Sophia looked him directly in the eye and he nodded, reluctantly.
Thirty
Alice watched as the rest of The Thirteen left, their bodies fading away like smoke on the wind. She glanced at Ahrl but, even though his body remained behind, she knew he wasn’t there. His eyes were glazed over and dull, he had that faraway stare which meant his attention was elsewhere. A few seconds later his eyes brightened to their incredible sapphire blue and a small smile etched its way on to his face.
‘Should I even ask?’ Alice said.
‘I was just placing a suggestion, a question if you must know,’ Ahrl said and he smiled warmly at her. Their reality shifted around them. The room with the stone table bleached out and then suddenly new colours began to emerge, vivid greens, purple and gold. She stepped back in surprise as blades of grass shot up around her bare feet carrying tiny purple and gold flowers. A bright blue washed the sky overhead and a sun appeared. She shaded her eyes from its rays as the garden spread out around them.
‘I’m tired of vague uncertainties,’ she said. ‘Why is it him? Why does it have to be him?’
‘It’s the result of millions of decisions made by millions of people, and chance,’ Ahrl replied. ‘It may not even come to pass, or the end result may be different. Everything we do is connected to everything else, from the smallest actions to the biggest thoughts.’
‘I know,’ Alice said. ‘The living can’t see it that way though, or rather, they see it through cracked lenses.’
‘It’s hard to see something that is so subtle and normal, it becomes part of everyday life,’ Ahrl replied. ‘You just need to focus on Kyle. There’s been a good change in his soul recently, he is beginning to question.’
‘You have no idea how difficult he is,’ Alice said, shaking her head.
‘Don’t sell yourself so short Alice, certain things happen in certain ways. You exist, and that is based on so many chances. Don’t give up just yet.’ Alice looked at him in surprise, she recalled her Grandma Paula saying those exact same words. ‘You haven’t seen the memories from my world have you?’
‘No.’
‘Let me show you,’ he said. He turned away from her and led the way up a small rise. When they crested the top she saw the fountain on the next hill. Ahrl led the way down and up to the fountain. She felt the cool stone platform beneath her feet.
‘Is this… am I allowed?’ she asked.
‘Yo
u have seen and been told everything to do with Kyle now, so I don’t see how showing you the past will change anything.’ Ahrl held his palms above the water and moved them across in a slow arc. Alice could see flashes of gold and black and images jumping across the pool’s surface, and then it suddenly cleared. Ahrl stepped back.
‘You can look now,’ he said, gesturing with one hand. Alice gulped and moved forwards. She had always wanted to look into the fountain, to know everything, to hold all of the knowledge of the afterlife, but she was only a Deykashee. She placed her hands on the edges of the fountain and looked into the pool. She saw nothing at first, just the reflection of the blue sky above, and then slowly, colours emerged across the surface like ink. Images formed before her eyes, and she felt as though she were being pulled down into the memories. She wasn’t just seeing them, she was there too. She could feel everything, see everything, knew everything. She was one person and she was every person at the same time.
She saw a world, much larger than Earth, with five huge continents, dwarfed by the oceans. She saw different races of the same species growing and evolving separately on each of these continents. Most were bipedal but one race was quadrupedal. They began life primitively, living in small huts with each small family group owning a patch of land – there was plenty to go around. They lived inland and steered clear of the shorelines; there were great beasts, larger than Earth’s land mammals, with scaly skin and little hair, who roamed the shores. The five races evolved slowly, their technology growing slowly with them; they farmed the land and lived next to fresh water lakes. She could see Positive and Negative hovering in the air around them, and she could see their souls. The inhabitants of Ahrl’s world seemed to be more in tune with the forces, able to see and guide them to their own ends. However they did it with respect and compassion; none of the races used Negative energy, it was frowned upon.
Alice saw a few members of each race trying to cross the oceans, but the beasts made it difficult and the oceans were different to those on Earth. The water was thicker, more viscous and toxic. Time jumped forwards quickly and she saw their houses improving from simple hut structures to stone. She saw books and art, and simple machines being built. Still the races evolved separately and differently to one another, not aware that the other races even existed. Time jumped again and she saw grander buildings and machines; she saw technology that looked similar to the technology on Earth and she saw technology that was completely alien. There was a shiny liquid substance that seemed to take on the form of either liquid or solid. She saw Ahrl’s pale species wearing strange gauntlets with this substance in a small tube; they would guide Positive energy and shape the substance into whatever solid form they desired, weapons and tools in most cases. Even as the population grew, each family seemed to have their own patch of land; they weren’t crammed together in apartment blocks like humans.
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