by Tanya Stowe
He shook his head. “You can’t be a light, and be the ‘difference’ when you act like everyone else.”
“What do you mean?”
Dan pulled the limo to the curb in front of Sunny’s apartment complex.
But neither of them moved.
Jackson glared at her, probably with that steel-piercing frown she’d described to him a few minutes ago. But he had no intention of softening the look. “When I first met you, I thought you were different. But I was wrong. You’re just like everyone else in the business. You let ambition and ‘appearances’ rule how you act. I thought you rejected all the false flattery and games. But you fell into the cesspool with everybody else.”
Dan exited the limo and stood just outside the door, waiting, but not interrupting, their private conversation.
Jackson shook his head. “I learned a long time ago that I only have to please God and my conscience. I thought you understood that, too. I guess I was wrong.” Sliding across the seat, he moved toward the door.
Dan opened it, and Jackson stepped out. Tugging his jacket back into place, he reached inside to assist her out. Her fingers in his trembled slightly, but he gripped and lifted.
Outside, she faced him, hesitated. “Jackson…”
“Sunny, just…don’t. I think enough has been said. Right now, I need to get away from here.”
11
Heat waves shivered off the hood of the car stalled in traffic beside Sunny. She was stuck for almost thirty minutes at the stoplight before she could get around it. Her problems didn’t seem half as bad compared to the man standing outside his car and yelling into his cell phone under the merciless sun. She felt for him as she pulled through the intersection at last.
Most of the summer had been like this. Hot, hot, and more hot with a dash of humidity. And work. Don’t forget the work.
How could she? Almost everyone, from the lowliest crewmember to the executives in the offices upstairs, had taken some sort of vacation during the show’s summer hiatus…except Sunny. The bosses felt someone needed to be on sight to manage things, and they decided it should be her.
Ticket sales for next season were breaking records. Contestant applications were overflowing, and they’d even had requests from some big, big names, asking to appear on the show as judges. Apparently, everyone in the industry, inside and out, decided they needed to be a part of the show...except the one Sunny would like to see. She hadn’t heard from Jackson since the night of the awards ceremony.
So she’d spent most of the summer in her office, dealing with computer glitches, irate contestant applicants, and celebrities who thought if they bought her dinner, they’d be a shoo-in for the judging slots on Rising Stars. She’d eaten more sushi than she normally ate in a year, and stalled, hoping to keep one position open for the person least likely to fill it.
Maybe he meant what he’d said on the podium at the awards ceremony, and really did plan to return next season. But he hadn’t called. June had turned into August and Sunny still hadn’t filled the slot. Sooner or later, she’d have to face the fact that Jackson wasn’t coming back.
She cranked the air conditioning unit on her car back up to full power and wiped the sweat from her upper lip. She hadn’t been able to get away from the office for longer than a three-day weekend to her mother’s place in Palm Springs. And that was just to check on the house while her mom and Bill were touring Europe. It doesn’t really matter. Where would I go anyway?
She’d thought about heading up to Big Bear and the cool lake to escape the heat, but she was afraid she might run into Brody. She hadn’t seen him since the night of the award, but she’d heard stories. Not good ones. Tales about drinking binges and wild parties. The front page of one tabloid showed him with an actress on each arm.
Obviously, her suggestion about turning to God had made little impact.
She’d have to deal with him soon, but right now, bumping into him while he was at his mountain retreat would only remind her of how badly she’d failed. And seeing those forests would provide yet another reason to think of Jackson.
She couldn’t go to the beach for the same reason. Every time she saw the waves, memories of her tall cowboy watching the sun sink into the ocean from his Malibu deck came back to haunt her.
Those memories kept dragging her down, made trudging into work on this long, hot summer difficult. When had the job she loved so much turned into something she dreaded? When one tall, very handsome man pointed out the lies in your life.
Sunny sighed. Jackson’s words about being ambitious ran through her mind almost daily. He was angry when he’d said them, uncharacteristically unkind because she’d disappointed and hurt him. But that didn’t alter the truth that zinged through his words. When had she allowed herself to become a puppet, jumping every time Stockard commanded it? How had that happened when she’d been so determined to keep God at the helm?
Every morning when she flipped on her computer, she asked herself that question. And every morning she’d asked God to help her understand. She’d waited all summer for an answer, for clarity on what she should do next. So far…nothing. Most of the time her lack of peace seemed just punishment for having failed.
Her only bright spot had been her visits with Dorothy. The older woman had been under the weather for almost a month now and missed their weekly church services. Sunny made it a habit to pick up lunch at Flo’s and take it to Dorothy’s house. They’d enjoy their favorite burgers and talk about the pastor’s sermon. She’d visit until Dorothy grew tired. Then Sunny would leave her friend dozing in her recliner with the fan gently stirring her white hair.
Today, she was exceptionally late arriving. Pulling to the curb in front of her friend’s house, she jumped out, take-out bag in hand, and hurried to the door.
Dorothy’s frail voice responded to her knock.
“I’m sorry I’m so late.” She kissed the top of the older lady’s head and went straight to the kitchen. “I got stuck behind a stalled car. Took me forever to get through.” Unwrapping the bags, she pulled two containers out. “I know you hate microwaved food, but I’m sure everything is stone cold.” She punched the buttons on the tiny machine before she headed back to her friend’s side. “At least your milkshake will be soft enough to drink. You usually have to wait for it to melt a bit anyway.”
“That’s all right. I’m not very hungry.” Dorothy’s half smile tugged at Sunny’s heart. She hated to see her friend like this, but at ninety years old, Dorothy’s health was failing.
The microwave dinged.
Sunny masked her concern by hurrying into the kitchen. When she returned, she unwrapped the paper from the warm burger and set it flat on the tray in front of Dorothy. As she moved away, the older lady grasped her hand.
“Sunny, why are you here?”
Sunny shrugged. “I’m spending time with one of my best friends.”
“If I’m such a good friend, why haven’t you told me why you’re working yourself into a hole? Or why Jackson hasn’t been around?”
“I…I didn’t want to upset you.”
“It upsets me more waiting for you to talk. I’m not that patient these days.”
Sunny smiled at the small hint of her friend’s old spunk. Then she explained the situation at work and how it had been “suggested” that she should stay in town and man the fort.
Dorothy humphed. “Sounds to me as if you need to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. You’re the reason business is doing so well. They should be giving you time off and a raise.”
Sunny gave a small laugh. “That’s what Jackson said. But not quite so kindly.”
Dorothy leaned back in her chair to study Sunny. “I can’t imagine that boy saying anything unkind to you. When he was here, his eyes glowed every time he looked your way.”
“I hurt him, Dorothy.” Sunny ducked her head. “He thought I’d been seeing Brody behind his back.”
“Were you?”
“Well, yes, but n
ot in the way he thought. Brody wanted a chance to see if we could be more than friends. I thought he deserved the chance even though I knew it wouldn’t work out.”
“Why would you do such a foolish thing if you knew it wouldn’t work?”
“I don’t know. I did a lot of foolish things. Lou Stockard said I was spending too much time with Jackson and neglecting the other judges. I let him influence me more than he should. But it goes deeper. One of the things Jackson talked about when we first met was shallow relationships and games, what he called the Hollywood trap and how much he wanted to avoid it.”
She shook her head and rose from her seat. “We talked about it for hours. He’s worked really hard not to let his success influence his attitude and actions. One of the reasons he hesitated to come to L.A. was because he wanted to stay close to his roots. I agreed with everything, said yes over and over again, and then fell right into the trap. I disappointed him. I let him down in the worst way. He couldn’t wait to get out of this town…to get away from me.”
“This town is not the problem. People are to blame.”
“You’re right. I was…am the problem. I’m weak, like my dad.”
“Now you’re just being silly!” Dorothy scoffed. “There’s nothing weak about you. You’ve blazed your way right to the top with hard work and good ethics. You’ve resisted the moral traps most young people fall into, and you’ve been a good friend and example to everyone you meet. You’ve done everything you set out to do.”
“I thought I was on the right track. Maybe that’s why I wanted to give Brody a chance—because I thought it was the right thing to do. But all I did was succeed in sending him in the opposite direction. I heard he’s on a doozy of a binge.”
Dorothy closed her eyes in a weary gesture. “Brody has free will just like the rest of us. What path he chooses is between him and the good Lord.” She opened her eyes and pinned her gaze on Sunny. “It’s not up to you, never has been. But you’ve stormed through life trying to shoulder more than your share, out to prove you’re not like your father.”
Her words hit Sunny like a thunderbolt. She stared at the older woman. “Is that what I’ve been doing?”
Dorothy gripped Sunny’s hand. “Your father was a lost soul, Sunny. He had a great big hole in his life where God should have been. He tried to fill it with alcohol, drugs, and women. You’re not him. Your life is full, and your faith is strong. You won’t be trying to fill an empty hole. The Lord is already there.”
“But I still botched it. I let what others think and say determine my path, how to behave.”
“Sure, you slipped up. You’re young. You’ve made mistakes. But what did the Lord do? He sent a strong and faithful man to help you get back on track.”
“Oh my goodness.” Sunny felt as if a gigantic light had just been turned on in the dark muddle of her brain. “He did send Jackson to point me in the right direction.”
“If I’m not mistaken, he sent Jackson to do a lot more. You two fell in love faster than a high-speed train.”
Sunny closed her eyes and sighed. “Until I put on the brakes. I was hesitant to get involved, afraid of making the same mistakes my father made. I pushed Jackson away. I just couldn’t see a happy future for us. All I could think about was the failed marriages I’d seen.”
“Including mine?”
“Of course not. Yours was one of the successful ones, but…”
“But?”
“I’m not you, Dorothy.” Sunny ducked her head. “Maybe there’s more of my father in me than I want to admit. Look at how I let Brody persuade me.”
“You’re confusing your kind heart with a moral compass. You know right from wrong. You knew Brody wasn’t the one for you. But you didn’t want to hurt him, so you handled it poorly.”
“I mangled it.”
“You made a mistake. You’re allowed. Get over it. Now what else is holding you back from contacting Jackson?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I guess…how can I be sure this is really what the Lord wants me to do?”
“You can’t be sure. Love is a little like faith. There are no sure bets. The only way you’ll know what the Lord has in store for you is to knock on that door. If the Lord opens it, then you step in. Pick up the phone, Sunny. Call Jackson. Tell him what you’ve learned about yourself and how wrong you were.”
She shook her head. “I wish I could. But my window of opportunity is gone. Jackson wants nothing more to do with me. He didn’t even give me a chance to say good-bye. I don’t think second chances are in my future.”
Dorothy closed her eyes and leaned her head back. “I think you’re wrong about the boy. He cares. More than you think.”
Sunny didn’t answer. There was no need. Dorothy’s eyes had closed and her head tilted to the side. Their conversation had worn the older lady out. Very quietly, Sunny lifted the remains of the burger off the table and tiptoed into the kitchen.
~*~
“Sunny, thank you so much for your help these past few weeks.” Dorothy’s daughter-in-law, Ada, stood outside the chapel doors with her husband and grown children surrounding her. “You were a good friend to Mom, and she loved you like a daughter.”
Sunny tried not to let the tears burning the back of her throat stop her from saying what she felt. “I loved her. I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else than by her side these last few weeks.” She gave Ada another hug. “This was a beautiful service. Your mother would have loved the music.”
Ada smiled. “We couldn’t have done it any other way. Her friends wanted to do their part.”
Sunny nodded. The small white chapel had been full to capacity with friends, and even some famous faces. The service had been more of a celebration of life than a good-bye, the perfect finale to a life well-lived.
The tribute to Dorothy’s life had been done through song, the most fitting way to say good-bye to a woman whose life had been devoted to music.
Surprisingly, Sunny had shed few tears. She’d felt privileged to share these last days with a wonderful woman. She’d also taken Dorothy’s sage words to heart. The sweet woman had opened Sunny’s eyes to the fact that she’d been trying to prove to everyone, including herself, that she wasn’t her father. Busy forging her own path with energy and conviction, she’d missed God’s still, quiet voice pointing out His chosen path.
The Lord had sent her a wonderful, faith-filled man to guide her in the right direction, and she’d driven him away. Now, all she could do was admit her mistakes and face the rest of her life with as much courage as her dear friend had faced meeting her Maker. But how? I don’t even know where to begin.
The days stretched ahead like a dark, endless, empty road. She gave Ada one last hug then turned. Her gaze swept over the crowd of people in front of the chapel. Something caught her eye, and she froze. Across a sea of bodies dressed in black, one familiar black cowboy hat rose above the others. Sunny’s heart leapt into her throat. Jackson. It couldn’t be him.
The crowd shifted and cleared.
He stood across from her, fingers tucked in his black jeans, that beloved frown creasing his brow, his gaze piercing her across the distance.
Pleasure washed through her, so intense she almost cried out and lunged forward, but she caught herself.
Of course he would be here to pay his respects. He had great affection for Dorothy and was always unfailing, respectful, and kind. Even on tour he’d find a way to be here for Dorothy. He was that wonderful.
Holding her happiness at seeing him in check, she walked down the steps.
He met her halfway.
“Hello.” She dared not hug him even though all she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and hold on…for the rest of her life. But she’d given up that right.
He nodded.
“I thought you were on tour.”
“Tour’s over and I needed to be here.”
Sunny nodded. “Of course. You cared for Dorothy.”
“I had ot
her reasons.”
She looked up. He had something serious on his mind because the frown still dented his brow. She longed to reach up, to stroke the spot, and wipe away his concerns. Instead, she clenched her fingers and looked away. “I didn’t know you were here. You could have come and sat with me.”
He shook his head. “I just got into town, so I was late. I didn’t want to create a scene. Some fans have already spotted me.” He nudged his chin in the general direction of a group of teenage girls gathered in a circle, whispering and pointing. “Can we talk some place more private?”
She nodded, unable to speak. Her throat closed over any words she might have conjured up to fill the awkward silence.
He took her arm and guided her through the crowd. A secluded path wove amongst beds of blooming roses to a quiet corner with a marble bench and a tinkling fountain.
The murmur of the water and the sweet scent of roses flowed over them, but all Sunny could focus on was Jackson’s firm, warm hand pressed against the small of her back. How could she have been so blind? He was everything she never knew she wanted. Kind. Caring. Capable. He was like a rock. Steady and strong. She loved everything about him. He would have been the perfect partner. Someone stable, and always there in her crazy, mixed-up world.
She’d been afraid of so much. Her own weaknesses. Other people’s opinions. Everything. Jackson had tried to tell her but she’d refused to listen. She didn’t deserve him. But she was oh, so glad to spend these last few minutes in his company. “My office has sent your people some very lucrative offers. We were hoping to get you back for one more season.”
Jackson’s shoulders sagged. The frown deepened, and he shook his head. “I didn’t come here to talk business, Sunny.”
His admonishment washed through her like a hot river of shame. “Of…of course not. You came to offer Dorothy your respect.” Her throat burned, and tears filled her eyes. Tell him the truth. Tell him you’re so desperate to spend more time with him you’ll say anything.
“Dorothy and I said our good-byes the last time we spoke.” Jackson’s voice took on a rough edge. “I came here for you.”