by Linda Wisdom
He studied his hands clasped in front of him, the fingers tightening around each other. And wondered how it would feel to throttle the slime that had attacked Lauren. “Had you started dating before you moved out here?”
She shook her head. The drying hair slid across her cheek, hiding her expression from him. “At the time, I felt more comfortable keeping track of my research. No demands, no having to keep a smile on my face if I didn’t feel all that cheerful. As far as I was concerned, that was the best therapy I could get.” She slowly raised her head and met his gaze head-on. “And somehow that woman found out the whole sorry story. Or at least, the story Ron wanted the others to believe. Especially that his disgusting tale that I was having an affair. At least, my friends knew the truth.”
“It’s natural she’d figure you wouldn’t want me to know all the dirty details and you’d back off and she’d have me all to herself again.”
“Exactly.” She gestured toward his plate. “I’m sorry. I talked so much you didn’t get to eat your food. If that’s cold, you can warm it up in the microwave.”
He took a bite. “I’m so used to cold pizza I wouldn’t know what to do if it was hot.”
Lauren watched him demolish several pieces while his brain seemed to pick and choose tidbits.
“If she does know, then we can be fairly certain that she has police and/or courthouse connections,” he said finally, pushing his plate to one side.
She stared at the almost empty box. “Wonderful, it only took you seven pieces to figure that out. I could have told you that for a fact long ago.”
“Oh?”
She nodded. “She knows too much about you to be someone you might only see where you shop for groceries or at the dry cleaners or maybe the drugstore. This might be a smaller city than Los Angeles, but it’s still a city. You’re right, she would need the right kinds of contacts to find out anything that wouldn’t be readily available to her.”
“Kevin and I thought of that almost at the beginning, but nothing panned out.”
Lauren smiled. “That’s because you’re not a woman.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, you’ve been doing this all wrong. A man can’t know a woman’s mind, but a woman can.” She moved her legs until she sat cross-legged, her robe draped over her bare legs. “And I won’t apologize for sounding sexist, either. You men do it all the time and you never apologize.”
Josh grinned.
She looked at him, unsure of what had prompted it. “What?”
“You did a hell of a great job of surviving, Doc. Something tells me this lady better watch it if she’s going to mess around with you anymore, because she could end up the loser.”
Lauren took a deep breath. The fear she’d felt when she’d discovered her cleaned-up bedroom and bathroom had disappeared. The sorrow she’d felt over the loss of her former life was also gone.
“Damn right she will.”
…
“Amazing, how you moved out there because it would give you plenty of peace and quiet, and instead, you end up part of the focus of your typical fatal attraction stalker,” Dana said. “You were better off back here in crime-filled LA, sweetie. At least the cops here know a little better how to handle that kind of situation.”
Lauren switched the phone to her other hand. With her face still smarting, she wished she’d used her Bluetooth earpiece. Josh had just left for his house to pick up a change of clothing, and Lauren had immediately called her friend. “As far as I’m concerned, she’s playing the part of an anti-matchmaker, except that she seems convinced Josh and I have something going on.”
“He’s a hell of a lot more man than Ron ever was.”
“Come on, Dana, you never make such a quick decision about a person. And since you’re using your ‘I know I’m right’ voice, I’d enjoy hearing what made you decide that about him.” Lauren tried to ignore the quiet surrounding her and wished she didn’t feel like such a coward.
“Lauren, Josh and I were on the phone for a good hour and a half last night. He was alternately furious and sick over what happened to you.”
“I don’t know why he should be.” She ran her finger across her dresser’s surface and idly realized the woman was a better housekeeper than her own cleaning lady. “She’s going after me, too.”
“Simple, he sees it as all his fault. He feels that if he hadn’t taken you out to dinner that first time, this wouldn’t have started. And his little playmate from hell might not have fixated on you, too. I told him that was a load of shit. This woman needs victims to blame for his not loving her, and you were just the next in line.”
Lauren pulled a pair of pajamas out of the dresser. “This sounds as if you’ve been doing a little more studying of her.”
“She needs Josh to send little gifts to, to choose the flowers for, to admire from afar, but she needs a rival to focus her hate on,” Dana told her. “And you’re very convenient.”
“Dana, you are not making me feel safe.”
“I’m a shrink, sweetie, I have to keep you feeling insecure so you keep coming back to me. How else can I make the payments on my Maserati and condo?”
“You drive a ‘57 Thunderbird and you held a mortgage-burning party four years ago. All I’m asking is some suggestions on what to do now. How to handle this before I go completely insane and you have to lock me away in that padded room where I’ll be given finger paints for therapy.”
“Lauren, what I’m going to tell you has to stay strictly off the record because no doctor in her right mind would advise this.” Dana used her crisp doctor’s voice. “Keep your gun loaded and handy, and if she ever gets angry enough to go after you face to face, don’t be afraid to use it on her. It may be the only way she can be stopped.”
Lauren threw up her hands. She’d forgotten about her friend’s bloodthirsty nature. “That’s not the kind of advice I was looking for!”
“All right, then do yourself a favor and don’t let that man get away, even if he is a lawyer and we both know what I think of that breed since Karen moved out last year. You have told him what happened to you, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I did, and he took it very well. But I only told him tonight, so he may change his mind after he has a chance to think about it and realize what a mess I am.”
“I don’t think so. He doesn’t seem the type to back out of a problem the way Ron did. If he was, he would have left town the minute his problem with this woman started. No, just do as Dr. Dana says and grab onto him and hang on tight. After our talk, something tells me he’s going to be around you for a long time.”
After Lauren hung up, she sat on the bed, listening to the faint sounds a silent house was prone to make at night. She used to enjoy this time to herself, when all was quiet and she could plan the next day. She always relished the solitude and quiet.
Not anymore.
Chapter Twelve
“I put clean towels in the bathroom for you,” Lauren told Josh.
She was bleary-eyed from their decision to stay up late and watch the Creature Feature movie marathon on cable. But at the time she welcomed the diversion, since she still felt too nervous to go to bed just yet. She suspected Josh sensed that and suggested the movies to help her relax. Now she felt so relaxed she wanted only to crawl into bed and sleep. As she looked up at his face, with features too rugged to be considered classically handsome, and listened to his lazy drawl, with that hint of Texas, she came to realize what a comfort he’d been to her the past few days. And what he’d come to mean to her. For a woman who was determined to keep all men at arms’ length, she was doing a pretty sorry job of keeping him at arms’ length. Probably because that was the last place she wanted him to be.
“Don’t worry, I’m pretty good at making myself at home,” he assured her. “You go on and get to bed before you fall down.”
She laid her hand on his arm. “Thank you, Josh. Knowing you’re here will make it easier for me to sleep.” She stood up on her to
es and kissed him on the cheek. Before she could draw back, he turned his head and caught her mouth.
His kiss didn’t demand or even ask. It was meant to show her he cared, and she took it as such. His arms wrapped around her, giving her another form of protection with his body warmth. Even then, he never asked for more than she wanted to give at the time. In the back of her mind, Lauren wondered whatever had made her think she could easily dismiss him. When she finally pulled away, her breathing was more than a little erratic. She stepped back.
“Good night, Josh.”
He remained in the bedroom doorway until she entered her own room and didn’t speak until she began to close her door.
“Still think this is something we can just turn off at will, Lauren?”
She didn’t bother to reply and just closed her door. But then, Josh didn’t expect her to say anything. Not when she knew he spoke the truth.
…
Past experience should have warned Lauren that sleep wouldn’t be easy that night. Even with Josh sleeping down the hall, she felt the shadows in her room closing in on her. She disregarded the sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed when she’d left the hospital because she hated the way she felt when she woke up. Her previous success with relaxation techniques Dana had once taught her was nonexistent tonight. All she could do was lie on her back, stare at the ceiling, and feel convinced that every tiny sound she heard was someone breaking into the house. Only her self-imposed order to remain calm kept her from reaching for her gun and probably making a fool of herself.
“Think of something else, Lauren.” Her quiet voice seemed to bounce off the walls. “Think about what will be waiting for you in your office when you return. No, on second thought, don’t. That will only upset you more.”
She finally gave up and climbed out of bed, pulling on her robe as she headed for the door.
The door to the guest room was ajar, and one peek inside told her what she needed to know.
“Can’t sleep?” Josh’s quiet voice reached out to her.
“I was tired until I turned out the light.”
He sat up, plumping up the pillows behind him. “Come on in and pull up a piece of the bed.”
She pushed the door open wider and walked in. The faint light shining through the parted curtains allowed her to easily find the bed and curl up on the end.
“After the rape, I had trouble sleeping with the lights off. I couldn’t even take a shower without having the bathroom door open and sometimes even the shower door open. I was willing to clean up the mess because my peace of mind was worth it. I always parked under a light post, a security guard always walked me out to my car after dark, and drive-bys were increased when Ron was on duty. But after a while, I started to forget to keep the shower door open or I’d automatically close the bedroom door at night. I didn’t overreact if a man accidentally touched me and I learned to live again. Right now, I feel as if it’s happening all over again, except it’s a member of my own sex who’s doing this to me. There’s something very wrong about that.”
“There’s something wrong about the whole situation.” He held out an arm. “Come ‘ere.”
Lauren slid across the bed and curled up against his side with her head on his shoulder. She idly wondered if he wore anything to bed.
“Why are you so gung-ho on women’s issues?”
“You mean you didn’t hear all the stories?”
“Of course, but I’d rather hear your version.”
Josh settled back more securely against the pillows, pulling Lauren closer to him. “It’s a typical story about a kid who grew up watching his dad knock his mom around the nights he was drunk and knock her around nights he wasn’t drunk because he’d already spent all the money on booze. I hated him for it. The first time I tried to stop him I was about six and I ended up with a broken finger.” He ignored her shocked gasp. “Each time I fought him, he broke something else, until I got big enough to fight back and break a few of his bones. He ran out on us when I was fourteen. I considered it one of the best days of my life, because I figured if he’d stuck around I’d have killed him.” The ringing conviction in his voice told Lauren he still felt that way. “I was willing to quit school and take care of my mom, but she was more determined I’d get a decent education. She cleaned houses and offices and I hated her doing it, so I raised more than my share of hell because it was the only way I could handle it.”
“What an ungrateful son you were!”
He grinned. “Yeah, well, Mom had a better way of putting it. One night she picked me up at the police station; some friends and I were picked up for vandalizing the grade school. She kept talking about how she didn’t want to see me turn into my old man and that she wanted me to have more and to have a chance to get out of the town. Small, dead-end towns in Texas don’t have a lot of business opportunities. Then she broke down and cried. You know, I could have handled her yelling at me, hitting me, anything, but I couldn’t handle her tears. I promised I’d never do anything to make her cry again. I concentrated on my studies, got a scholarship, and chose law school because it was a challenge and I needed that.”
She punched him in the arm. “You should have been ashamed of yourself by vandalizing a grade school.”
“Don’t worry. They didn’t let us get off that easy. The four of us had to paint all the classrooms, which took a hell of a lot of weekends.”
“Poor baby,” she cooed, rubbing his arm with the same mock sympathy.
“Yeah, right.”
Lauren snuggled down farther in Josh’s arms as he pushed the pillows down a bit.
“Do you think life will ever return to normal for us?”
“Maybe this is supposed to be normal for us. Maybe we were thrown into the Twilight Zone and will have to figure out some deep, dark secret before we can get out of it.”
“Then I hope we can figure it out real soon.” She half rolled on her side and moved in closer, absently looping an arm across his waist. Within moments, her body was relaxed in a deep sleep.
…
Josh lay awake for a long time after Lauren fell asleep. He kept his senses tuned to their surroundings, listening for the faintest sound that didn’t belong. He looked down at Lauren sleeping in his arms and lowered his head to press a light kiss against her forehead after carefully brushing her bangs to one side. He usually didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with a woman throughout the night, although he was never crass enough to climb out of bed and head for home unless he had an excellent excuse. Early morning appointments worked best for him. It didn’t take him long to realize sleeping with Lauren was something he could easily get used to. At the same time, a chance to do more than just sleep with her interested him even more.
…
Two o’clock in the morning. The lights were off inside the house and his car was still parked in the bitch’s driveway. What did she do to convince him to stay? Did she whine that she didn’t want to be alone or act like the typical helpless female who had to have him with her? By playing on his sympathy, she probably easily seduced him into her bed. For a moment, she thought of switching on her car engine and ramming the vehicle through the side of the house. But she knew it wouldn’t make her feel better unless she was able to hit Lauren.
She suddenly snickered. She probably had to keep the lights off so he wouldn’t be forced to look at her marred face.
She considered mixing glass bits into the cleansing cream pure genius. She had gotten the idea one evening while watching a movie on TV set in an ancient Middle Eastern harem where an enemy was given tea with ground glass mixed in as an added ingredient. She didn’t want to go that far. Not if Lauren was willing to listen to reason and leave Josh alone. She tapped her fingers against the steering wheel in movements that grew more agitated by the moment. Except it appeared Lauren didn’t want to listen to reason. What was she going to have to do to convince Lauren she was better off staying away from Josh? She knew plenty of men who were panting to have sex with he
r.
She didn’t need to have Josh on her list of conquests, too.
She kept staring at the darkened house until she was glassy-eyed. Lauren didn’t need Josh, but she did. He could save her, she knew he could. From the beginning she knew he was perfect for her. She just didn’t have a good enough chance to prove to him how perfect she was for him. Lauren hadn’t given her that chance, just as Celia hadn’t given her a chance long ago. Why couldn’t Lauren just go away? Just as Celia finally had. Just thinking of Josh started to calm her down. She ran her fingertips along the V-neckline of her sweater, then brushed her knuckles across the swell of her breasts, touching herself the way she knew Josh would touch her. She lost herself in a haze of imaginary memories as she continued stroking herself into a frenzy. Only a tiny speck of sanity kept her from screaming Josh’s name when she climaxed.
…
Josh discovered two things when he woke up: he was alone in the bed and the smell of brewing coffee drifted into the room.
He knew before he did anything else he had to make sure Lauren was all right. He quickly pulled on jeans and a T-shirt and headed for the kitchen. Dressed in a bulky terry robe that somehow looked sexy on her, and her hair pulled up in a loose topknot, Lauren stood at the counter, beating eggs in a small bowl.
“Don’t worry about serving me breakfast in bed. I was never much for room service.”
“Good, because I hadn’t planned to.” She looked over her shoulder and angled her chin toward the coffee maker. “Help yourself. I’m making French toast. If you don’t like it, you’re on your own.”
He poured his coffee, took several sips, and went on to pull plates out of the cabinet and silverware out of the drawer.