by Bruce Thomas
Pulling on the collar of his white dress shirt, I forgot about his bloody lip as I smashed my mouth to his again. All I wanted to do was taste him like he did me. Running my tongue over his bottom lip, I tasted the coppery wound as his mouth happily opened, fighting my tongue with his for dominance.
I pulled at the base of his hair to force distance between us but Fred, being the aggressive guy he was, didn't take this as me trying to get away from him, instead he held me tighter.
A throaty groan vibrated from his chest making the heat grow
hotter in my stomach.
I shoved again at his chest. "No," I choked out pushing against him, turning my head away. He staggered backwards, shock edged into his features at my departure.
The strong scent of metallic rust filled my senses and I felt like I was going to be sick. I could still taste it on my tongue and again when I licked my lips. Adrenaline coursed through my veins making my head dizzy and my breathing short. I took a step back trying to breathe my own air, air that had nothing to do with Fred.
Both of our breathing could be heard in the closed space. Fred looked at me, chest heaving just as fast as mine. I forced myself to make eye contact with him. And what I saw nearly forced my heart into my throat. He looked almost wounded, his eyes so dark and showing every emotion that I felt: confusion, guilt, lust. It was enough to make me want to cry.
Fred took a conscious step towards me but stopped when the bedroom door swung open. His father, with his hand on the doorknob stopped and looked only at his son, possibly forgetting I was there. "Take the backdoor when you leave. I think the guest have seen enough of you tonight." His eyes skimmed over at me in the corner of the room and I tried my best to hold my breath to not give away my aroused state. He nodded with a jerk of his chin and I did the same, the gesture seeming formal enough.
When we were once again alone in his room I acted as quickly as I could. I went to the bedroom door that was left open by his father and looked back at Fred, waiting for him to lead the way out. The drive
home was silent, just like I expected. Fred watched the traffic out the windshield with intensity, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel though the radio was left off.
My heartbeat sped up every time he turned a corner because his attention would slide in my direction, but he never looked at me. That kiss. It was perfect. My heart has never pounded with so much purpose and my blood has never been so profound in my chest as when he kissed me. I was confused to how we ended up locking lips but I'm somewhat relieved that we did. Now that I know what it felt like, I knew it was dangerous.
Him and I could never be together. He was the type of guy to sleep with another guy's girlfriends. He was the type of guy that got into fights at his father's dinner parties. He was rude and aggressive and I wasn't going to place myself in the middle of this. But most of all, he didn't want me. He only kissed me because he could.
I was so deep in my own thoughts that I didn't noticed that Fred had pulled up to my dorm building.
"Anna--" I cut him off before he could say what he wanted to say, his body halting as he turned in the driver's seat to face me.
I may be an easy target because I was dumb enough to agree on going with him to his father's but I wasn't some girl you could walk over. "Goodnight Fred," I said reaching for the door handle. The sound of the automatic lock echoed through the SUV causing me to pause. I let go of the door handle and placed my hands on my lap, my eyes following.
"Back there...That..." He stuttered, his brows pulling together.
"That was a mistake," I finished for him. I watched him to see if there was a sign of protest on his fine features. My chest tightened when there was none even though I knew this was what I needed to see. It was a very big mistake no matter how fast my heart was beating as he licked his lips, wetting them. I knew that that could never happen again.
I pulled up the lock myself, not wanting to be in his presence for a second longer. I didn't hear a protest as I slammed the car door shut nor did I expect one.
I couldn't get up to my dorm fast enough. I didn't wait to see Fred pull away from the curb and I didn't bother to stop the tears that started running down my cheeks.
Why was I crying? There was no use crying over someone like Fred Montgomery. He was as transparent as a church window and I knew this was coming. Not the kiss, God not that kiss, but I knew sooner or later something would happen that would prove to me that a friendship was a ridiculous thing to want from a man like him.
This is a good thing, I tried talking myself up, wiping the tears from my face before I reached my dorm. The last thing I wanted was an inquisition from my nosey roommate. =================
13
I stayed in bed until Janet knocked on my door the next morning, wallowing in my own self pity.
"Hey," she cooed, her voice soft and mother-like. "How was last night? I was worried, usually you're up before me even on weekends. Why are you still in bed?"
I rolled over and looked at my clock to see that it was almost noon. Laying back down I came up with the best lie that I could. "I drank too much last night." That wasn't a full out lie. I did feel hungover, my head was pounding and my throat felt like cotton from crying most of the night. I didn't need to drink to feel like crap. I had a good old shot of Fred Montgomery.
Janet let herself into my bedroom and sat at the end of my bed. "Had too much fun at the thing, at the place, with that person, you won't tell me about?"
I could tell she was just trying to be friendly but I really wasn't in the mood for small talk. Even in my dreams I saw Fred. I saw his cloudy eyes and his stone set mouth. I felt his presence and heard his strong voice. And now here was Janet Annanging him up in real life even though she was unaware of doing so.
I just groaned, Annanging the covers up over my head.
"Well, then," she said forcing the blanket away from my face. "Looks like you're in need for a good girl's night tonight!" I groaned again because I have come to know that when Janet goes out she mostly hangs around with Sydney, Lauren, and Dianna. The last thing I wanted to do today was listen to them complain about this and that, all while directing every little jab towards me.
"Oh come on, it will
be fun. It will just be you, me, and Anne if you like. We could order pizza and watch Dirty Dancing--Oh! and you can tell us all about last night! We'll stay in and lay low. How does that sound?" There was no way in hell I was telling anyone about last night. I didn't even want to think about last night Why was she so nice? I have never felt such an instant connection with a girl who was in the running of becoming my friend as I have with Janet. Even with Katy. Janet was giggly and always smiling. I have yet seen here when she is having a bad day. Being around someone who had such a positive outlook on life sure lifts you up some.
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
"Anna," Janet drew out. "How much did you have to drink last night?" She pulled apart the curtains to let the Annaght yellow light into the room.
Like a vampire, I escaped under my blankets.
She didn't say anything else as she made her way out of my room. I could hear her turn up the television louder just for my sake. I liked Janet but she sure was pushy.
By the time I showered and even shaved my legs, I could hear Anne and Janet giggling about something in the kitchen. I walked out, hair up in a bun on top of my head, and working the basic college look, yogas and a crew neck. The weather was still hot outside but the apartment was rather cool considering Janet was hot blooded apparently and insisted on freezing me out.
"She's alive!" Anne cheered handing me a glass of cheap box wine.
"And I will drink to that," Janet said draining the rest of the bitter crimson in her bowl glass. Anne gave her a knowing look. She turned to me and filled me in. "Elmer is being a tool again."
I nodded. I was getting used to Janet and Elmer's on-again off-again relationship. Well, considering there was a relationship. I still wasn't sure. The feeling o
f guilt started to settling in because I was so hung up on Fred's mood swings that I didn't think to ask Janet how the whole date with Elmer went. I knew she really liked him but I never got the insight of how they were getting along.
Before I could ask, Janet filled me in. "He is not a tool," she said refilling her glass. "He's great, it's me that's the problem."
"How so?" I asked taking a sip of my wine. I cringed at the taste. This stuff really sucked. "It's just he's always been known as this fuçkboy and now he wants a relationship? It just doesn't make sense. What have I done to make him think he can have one with me? Clearly this is just a phase for him, him thinking he wants to actually have a long-term girlfriend."
"It's quite obvious he liked you. Maybe give him a chance. He might make the best boyfriend the world has ever seen." I smiled and set down my wine on the small kitchen table. I really didn't need alcohol at this moment of time. My head still hurt.
Janet just shrugged her shoulders draining another glass.
"At least you are getting male attention," Anne piped in. She too emptied her glass and refilled it. "I, on the other hand, can't even get a guy to talk to me."
I found this hard to believe. Anne was cute, with her choppy hair and almond eyes. She was petite and little, the posterchild of what every teenager wanted for a body figure. Sure she was a little dorky but her brains were going to make her big bucks in the future.
"Ugh, I'm so done talking about boys. Let's get this girls night started!" Janet pumped the bottle of wine in the air while Anne and I laughed. Over the next eight hours, all we did was watch one chick flick after another, eat all the junk food under the sun, including chips, popcorn, pizza, and wine and I managed to perfect the lift from dirty dancing with Anne while Janet laughed until she cried on the couch.
We were in the middle of Anne being lifted for the sixteenth time when there was a knock on the door. Janet offered to get it, leaving Anne and me in a heap on the floor, laughing when my arms gave out. Janet shook her head and continued making her way to the door.
Who ever was at the door knocked again but with more force this time, causing my roommate to roll her eyes. "I'm coming!"
She swung the door open to no other than Fred Montgomery. His eyes were bloodshot and his motions sloppy as he pushed her aside to make his way into the apartment. My brain didn't think to question him because it was in shock that he was here...At night...Alone.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Janet scowled as he pushed past her, a slight edge of warning in her tone.
I turned to Fred to see his answer but he remained silent, making his way to me on the floor. I stood up quickly before he reached me and Anne in our pile on the makeshift bed of blankets and pillows. He didn't
say a word but grabbed my wrist and dragged me behind him to my room. My friends protested but Fred had them blocked out, paying no attention to their existence.
"Fred," I commanded trying to get his attention as he shut my bedroom door. His grip was tight on my wrist and I knew there were going to be a red mark when he let go.
"Fred," I said more forceful than before.
"Stop talking," he snapped. He ran a hand through his usual messed up hair, biting down on his bottom lip. He looked like a proper psycho; a confused, worried, agitated, sexy psycho. I crossed my arms over my chest ignoring the sting on my wrist and waited for him to speak. Part of my brain was screaming at me to open the door and command him to leave but the other half wanted to hear what he he had to say.
I raised my eyebrow indicated him to spit out whatever he needed to say.
"I needed to see you," he explained, his voice suddenly soft and deflated, his shoulder haunched.
He sat down on the edge of my bed and cradled his head in his hands. The cuts and bruises from last night were still visible and made his image look even more dangerous. I couldn't help the leap of my heart at his confession.
"I needed to explain my actions about last night. About kissing you..."
I was lost for words. I hated the sudden crescendo of my heart in my chest.
When I didn't say anything he sighed and stood up again, wobbling on his feet. I swooped over and wrapped an arms around his waist to guide him back down on the bed. He was carelessly drunk. "Just slow down," I said standing
up again. The last thing I wanted to do was touch him more than what I already had. I could still feel the electricity coursing through my fingertips at the brush of his skin. "No, no, I won't slow down, I have to say this now otherwise I will sober up and come to my senses!" With his hands placed on the tops of his knees, running them up and down his pant legs, he lifted his head up to me. "That kiss last night, I've...You kissed me back. Why did you kiss me back?"
I shook my head wishing he never came here. In all honesty I don't know why I kissed him back. Maybe it was because I've never been kissed like that before. Maybe it was because I got caught up in the moment. Was he forgetting that I pushed him away?
As if reading my mind he spoke up again. "And then you went and pushed me away. Why did you kiss me and then push me away? You said no."
"Why did you kiss me in the first place?" I was trying my best to keep my voice down because I wouldn't put it past Janet and Anne to be listening on the other side of the door. Once again he pulled at his hair. I hated seeing him drunk like this but I heard that drunk people tell the truth better than when they are sober. I needed to know this. I was going crazy thinking about him, knowing that I shouldn't be.
I had been trying the whole night to not think about this disturbed boy. I had succeeded throughout most of the girls night but, like most unfortunate events that happen in my life, here he is. In my bedroom of all places.
Fred rested his forearms on his thighs and dangled his head. "Not a lot of people tell me I am wrong. You are constantly putting my in my place and for some reason I like it. It's like you care." He looked back up at me with sad eyes. "I just--I couldn't help myself. Like you said, it was a mistake."
"You kissed me, remember?" I said firmly. I know that I did say those exact words but it hurt hearing him confirm it.
"You don't like me, remember?" His jaw was set and it twitched when he grounded his teeth together, anger setting into his features and his voice rising. "And you kissed me back."
"If I didn't like you I wouldn't have gone with you to your father's." I pinched the Annadge of my nose trying to stop the sudden migraine that was making it's way into my head.
"So you do like me?" My eyes snapped up to his and once again my heart hammered in my chest. His eyes were red rimmed, his clothes wrinkled yet perfectly fit for his body, and his hair looked like he ran his fingers through it too many times. It was clear that was something he did when he was aggitated.
Why did he have to go and ask that? Hell, I didn't know what my feelings towards him were. This was such an unusual emotion that I wasn't used to. I have only known him for about a month now and he hasn't done anything to make me like him in any way. He was rude and arrogant and spoke without thinking. He asked me personal questions and made me feel stupid most of the time but then every once in a while he made me feel somewhat beautiful.
The image of his face when he finally looked at me in that dress last night haunted the corners of my mind, gracefully
popping up when I least wanted it to this morning and throughout today. I have never felt beautiful, never felt like anyone paid any attention to me. And then there's that smile he does when he is really happy or amused. It rarely appeared on his face but when it does it makes you feel special like you put it there and not a lot of people could conjure it out of hiding.
But did this all mean that I liked him? Even if it wasn't in a romantic way, did I consider us friends or were we just putting up with each other because someone (me) was a pushover?
I wasn't sure if this would last long, us being civil towards each other. Why was I even contemplating this, it wouldn't matter either way. He didn't mean a single thing that he was saying.
I exhaled the breath I had been holding since he rushed us into my bedroom and I shook my head as if to clear all of the unanswered questions away.
"You're drunk," I said letting my eyes roam around the room as if I wasn't feeling anxious that he was here. "I'm going to get you some water."
I left the room before he could protest. He wasn't going to get his answer tonight because I clearly didn't have one to give him.
I walked out into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard. To my surprise I found Janet and Anne sitting on the couch in silence eating popcorn from the big bowl.
I filled up the glass halfway with water and even grabbed a couple Tylenol for Fred to take. "What is he doing here?" Janet asked. "Why is he showing up unexpectedly to our apartment? Please tell me you aren't sleeping with
him."
"God, no," I sighed. I almost felt angry that someone would think that low of me but I can see what it looked like. Fred never came around these people until I came along. Oh this was all so confusing.
"Then what, Anna?" Janet asked.
"You can tell us, Anna, we're not going to judge," Anne added swallowing a handful of popcorn.
I bit the inside of my cheek thinking this over. "It isn't what it looks like. Fred is just having a tough time right now and I just happen to have been in the right place at the right time to know what it's about. It's not a big deal. He'll be gone in a few minutes."
I walked back to my room with my friends at my heels. When I walked through my door I halted, the glass declining below my elbow with surprise.
Fred was fast asleep, his body leaned up against the top of the bed and his legs stretched out in front of him. His soft breathing could be heard from around the room. I walked over to my night stand and set down the glass of water and the painkillers.
Well, looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight.