by Bruce Thomas
I couldn't seem to pull my body of the ground. I was frozen with fear.
Please, hurt me, kill me. Just don't touch him!
The smile on the woman who hated me with her whole being flashed in front of my eyes blocking my view. She looked back at me to make sure I was watching, before she plummeted the knife into the angel's stomach.
I bolt up in bed continuing with the scream.
"Anna," Fred said shaking my shoulders, his voice sounding panicked in my ears. "Anna, wake up."
The scream continued to rip through my throat. My eyes seemed glued shut with the image of Fred hunched over with his hand over the bleeding wound.
My eyes flew open with one more shake from Fred. His hands held both of my shoulders. I was shaking so bad I'm sure I would have vibrated right off the bed if it wasn't for him holding me down. I looked up at his face in surprise. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. Except the parts that didn't involve Fred, were frightening memories.
Fred was here. He was fine.
I don't know what came over me then. I pushed Fred down to the bed and straddled his hips. I had to see for sure that he was okay. My mind was filled with horrifying images of his blood and the confused, sad look on his face as he looked at me on the ground in front of my mother.
Fred peered up at me with shocked eyes as I placed myself
above him, sitting back on my haunches so most of my weight was on his thighs.
The room was dark except for the light of the moon illuminating our features, just enough to see his shocked expression plastered on his face while I hovered over him. I pushed up his shirt just enough to see his flat stomach.
"What are you--" Fred threw his hands up by his ears.
His stomach was, of course, smooth and clear. The only dents were the muscles that formed under his skin. No gash seeping red liquid anywhere in sight.
I sighed in relief. The dream felt so real. I could still smell the prominent stench of whiskey. A sheer shudder of relief left my lungs, making my body go slack. When I looked up to see his face, he had a wicked smile on his lips. "You know, if you wanted me to take off my shirt you just had to ask." I quickly climbed off his lap, back to my side of his full sized bed and placed my head in my hands. The sight of her angry face still invaded my senses. My breathing was still coming in short, quick gasp and I felt like I was going to be sick.
"Some nightmare, huh," Fred muttered sitting up next to me. Had made no movement to comfort me, not that I expected him to. I hated being touched. "You about gave me a heart attack with the screaming."
I flinched when I felt his hand slide up my arm before landing on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Unwanted tears sprung into my eyes at the surprisingly welcomed gesture. My breathing came out even more uneven.
"Slow breaths Anna. In, out, in...there you go. Focus on my voice." Fred now
sat up next to me watching me with a worried expression. I did just that. I focused on his breathing and made it so my exhales matched his.
I shook my head so that my hair covered my face more. I didn't want him to see me so vulnerable. But he reached up and tucked the hair behind my ear.
I started to cry harder. What was wrong with me? "Anna, talk to me." His voice was kind and gentle. I've never heard him sound like this. His normal arrogant voice that sounded deep and gruff was now coaxing me softly. His hand rubbing up and down on my back in small circular motions was comforting and I could feel myself begin to relax, my breathing becoming less shallow as the minutes wore on.
Could I tell him? Sure he knew I was messed up but to what extent, I don't know. Part of me wanted to spill everything to him; my mother, my father, everything about my past, while the other half of me coward in the corner hiding from the golden boy and his judgmental gaze.
"It was just a bad dream," I mumbled into my hands. I took a shaky breath and wiped the tears from my face. I pushed my hair away from my forehead and made sure to turn and give Fred a small reassuring smile, not able to meet his eyes. "Sorry I woke you up."
"I'm sure the neighbors think I'm murdering you over here. They're not used to that type of screaming." There was no humor or mocking in his voice, though I can say that didn't stop me from breathing out a short snort.
"Do you want to talk about it, baby?"
My heart fluttered. He taunted me with that tag before, usually when he wanted to get a
reaction out of me, but his voice was laced with so much concern and not an ounce of vulgarity. I finally looked at him, ignoring the pounding of my heart.
His face was relaxed except for the two crinkled lines between his brow. I wanted to reach up and smooth them with my finger but instead I balled my fist at my side.
He had major bedhead, his partially wavy hair flat on his forehead while the other strands stuck out around his ears from getting too long. I did something then that I couldn't stop myself from doing. I reached forwards and ran my fingers across his unshaven cheek gently, feathering them across his taut skin just wanting to feel his warmth. He froze but didn't stop me from continuing to touch him.
I allowed myself to reach up and smooth out the two lines carved between his brows that only deepened from my unanticipated actions. I loved the feel of his warm skin under my fingers; soft but rough in a way that made me want to lean forward another inch and kiss it.
With the dizziness of my dream and the warm daze that now lingered in every inch of my body I leaned forward and did just that. I placed my lips on the two indented lines my fingers hovered over. I pulled back then, searching Fred's eyes for him wanting me to stop, which was stupid because this is what he wanted. I was the problem. But at this moment in time, all I wanted to do was feel his mouth on mine.
He was the one to slowly close the space between us.
This kiss was different than the others that we shared. This kiss was slow and light, his lips softly brushing against mine over and over again until I couldn't stand it anymore. I could feel the fire just underneath the surface, burning up like a volcano that's been waiting years to explode. I had so much pent up desire from spending years of never touching anyone.
I needed more.
Wrapping my hands around the sides of his face, I pressed my lips firmer to his. Fred wasted no time in pinning my body closer to his.
Leaning back to our original position on the bed, I straddled him again, pushing him as deep into the mattress as I could. Fred moaned when my hips pressed down harder against his lower half, rocking without my accord, sending shots of pleasure to the pit of my stomach. I could feel him growing underneath me and in my dazed mind, I was insanely turned on.
"Anna," Fred groaned. His voice was thick with sleep and lust and I found myself wanting to hear it again. I brought my hands that were twisted in his hair down to his chest, fisting and grabbing at his shirt.
I didn't know what I wanted then and there. I didn't want to do something I would wake up in the morning and regret. I didn't want to leave Fred's place without something that I came with. I did want to hear Fred's breathing hitch when I touched him in just the right places. I got a taste of what he sounded like when he was in this state and now I didn't know what would happened to me if I didn't hear it again.
I did want Fred.
I pulled away from him and looked him square in the eye. His pupils were blown incredibly large making his eyes look like an incubus ready to take everything from me. I'm sure mine looked the same because all I wanted was to give him what he wanted. I slid my body down his slowly, never breaking my eyes from his. Fred's mouth dropped open as he watched me and I couldn't help but smirk at the thoughts scrambling in his head right now. I know at the moment mine were definitely in the gutter.
I skimmed the band of the basketball shorts he was wearing with my fingertips, inching closer and closer to the dark hair that trailed into them. But as I hooked my fingers under the hem the elastic band his hands shot out and grabbed mine.
"What are you doing?" My heart was
hammering profoundly in my chest and I'm sure he could feel it in my wrists where his hands grasped tightly. I wanted to do this and I was certain, from the bulge just inches from my face, he wanted it too.
"Do you not want me to?" I asked barely above a whisper. I didn't even care what I sounded like. The frightening feeling that I would lose him, even though I didn't even fully have him, was stinging behind my eyes.
Fred looked pained. His hand left my right wrist and gripped my jaw running his thumb over my bottom lip repeatedly. Several emotions passed over his features. It was too dark in the room for me to observe them clearly but I didn't miss him dragging his bottom lip between his teeth.
That did it for me. I smiled under his thumb pressed to my lips. He took advantage of my partially opened mouth by dipping the pad of his thumb just past my teeth. Giving his finger a gentle nibbled, I knew I won from the strained groan that escaped his throat.
"God, yes." Falling back into the
mattress, Fred let out a quick breath that gave me the push that I needed. He took his thumb out of my mouth and let go of my face completely allowing me to continue what I very much wanted to do. It was incredible how comfortable Fred was with his body. He had no shame with me tugging down his pants and baring himself to me. But then again, he had nothing to be ashamed about. He looked like he was sculpted specially by God himself.
My breath caught in my throat when he sprung free and the size of him was directly in front of my face. Sure I had felt him before but I was surprised by how big he was now that I was up close and personal. Touching it as if it would bite me, I made a fist around him and ran my hand from the base up to the tip slowly, getting the feel of him. The muscles of Fred's abdomen flexed under my other hand as I continued to stroke him.
His hand pushed my hair out of the way and cupped my face, rubbing the thumb that was recently in between my lips across my cheekbone. I looked up at him to see his eyes hooded and his chest rising and falling rapidly.
Keeping our eyes connected, I leaned forward and placed a single kiss on the tip of him. "Fuçk." His hips bucked slightly and his eyes momentarily closed before they snapped back open, incredibly darker than before. My core tightened with that still unfamiliar ache that his eyes did to me. I don't think I will ever get used to them.
I took a second to center myself, controlling the butterflies that were bouncing uncontrollably off the walls of my stomach before I took a small amount of him in my mouth. I could taste the saltiness of him on my tongue and I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. What made it even better was the gruntle sounds Fred was making right above me, urging me to continue.
I had no clue what I was doing. I tried taking more of him in my mouth but gagged slightly, so I decided to just use my hand on the rest of him that I couldn't handle. Fred winced above me.
"What, what did I do?" I asked quickly, letting go of him.
"Nothing, just watch the teeth," he hissed, pushing my head back down to him urgently. "But now that I think of it, I kinda liked it. Just don't stop."
"Sorry," I whispered smiling innocently at him through my hair that once again fell in my face. "God, look at me like that again," he grunted, his face scrunching together in ecstasy. "You have the most beautiful eyes. Big and blue."
Fred's hand twisted in my hair as I bobbed my head faster, sensing that he was close to the end. I looked up at him like he asked, to get a glimpse of him come undone at the last second before the hot liquid nearly choked me.
I pulled back just fast enough that most of it spilled on my chin and coated my lips. The taste wasn't terrible, I was just caught off guard that it ended so suddenly.
I watched Fred as he spasmed under me, Annanging a hand roughly through his hair as his chest heaved up and down. It was a beautiful sight, really, that I made him do this.
Just because I didn't want it to end, I ducked down again and took him back in my mouth. Hollowing my cheeks and circling my tongue around him I finished him off for the second time in mere seconds. Fred's hands shot out to me, holding my head as another spasm rocked through him, sending more liquid down my throat.
I couldn't help but feel pride. I just made a guy come twice on my first blowjob. Who would have thought...
I ran the back of my hand over my mouth to clean up what I could. Fred faced the ceiling, body still recovering from what I did.
I reached for his pants and pulled them back up the best I could to cover him. I sat there unsure of myself while his breathing mellowed.
"So," I said quietly. "Was that okay?" I sounded like a wounded animal wanting praise from its owner. Because, let's be honest, Fred owned me more than I wanted him to.
Fred was silent and I started to internally freak out. Was it that bad? Was that really not supposed to happen? Twice! Oh God, did I hurt him?
"Okay?" He started, barking out a laugh. Great now he was laughing at me. I looked down at my hands. I should have never made a move and gone right back to sleep. Or better yet, gone home after the movie instead of getting back into bed with this guy who has been nothing but rude to me. You would swear I liked being a doormat.
"Anna, that was more than okay. You made me come twice. That's never happened before. Never. Did you lie and put on this virgin act just to hook me in? Because that was too good for a newbie." He was looking at me with wide eyes, both hands tucked underneath his head. He seemed
so relaxed now.
"Maybe it's a natural talent," I retorted. A smile crept across my face and I tried to hide it the best I could.
"What a lovely talent it is." He fixed his pants on his hips and sat up propping his weight on his arm. I could feel his eyes on me while I pinned my focus on my fingernails. Even after doing that, I was afraid to look at him. When I did, I had to pressed my legs together from the look in his eyes. They raked my face, then my chest, all the way to my crossed legs.
"Um, I'm just gonna get some water," I said, scared of what would happen if I didn't leave the room. Before I could make my way down to the end of the bed, he grabbed my wrist and yanked me back up.
"No, you stay here. I'll go get you some."
I didn't want to stay in the dark room all by myself even if it was just for a minute so instead of obeying him like he wanted, I walked out after him.
I sat on the long legged chair by his counter and watched him reached into the fridge to drop two ice cubes into a water glass.
The apartment was silent except for the casual hum of the refrigerator. I remained quiet even after Fred handed me my glass. Avoiding his eyes, I took a sip of the cool drink while he leaned against the counter and watched me. "Can you not," I mumbled, swallowing the rest of the water down.
"Not what?"
"Look at me."
He chuckled softly, one big brush of air leaving his lungs, and he leaned further into the countertop. "You're a sight to see at the moment."
I glared at him over the glass and instinctively reached
up and pulled my hair into a bun on top of my head with the holder around my wrist. Fred continued to watch my movements closely which made me extremely uncomfortable.
"Anna," he started, shifting closer to me on my stool. My stomach dropped and my breath started leaving my lungs in quivers. Why did I do that to him? I seem to ask myself this a lot when I was around Fred. Why? When? What? So many questions had my mind frazzled and confused when I wasn't around him. It seemed that I was always thinking about him now, and then when I was with him it got even worst. I was doomed either way.
I shifted to face him, prepared for the "we are nothing" speech he was about to give me. "What did you dream about that got you so worked up?" He asked.
Oh. I would rather talk about the other thing.
"Not that I'm complaining," he assured. "That was a very nice way to be woken up even if it is four o'clock in the morning."
"It was nothing, I already told you that." I tucked an escaped curl behind my ear. "And just forget what happened, too, okay. This is
so embarrassing." I felt like I was doing some walk of shame. Fred's deadpan gaze heated my face as he lowered his eyes on me. I hated when he did this. It was like he was searching my very soul for something to use against me. He didn't blink, he didn't move. It was like he could read my thoughts and just the thought of that made my cheeks turn as red as a tomato. "Okay," he said after a few moments.
"Okay?" I repeated, shocked that he was letting it go. But then again why would he care? It wasn't like this was the type of relationships we bare ourselves to. I like to think this was educational on my part. "It's none of my business," he answered. "I'm going back to bed."
I watched him pad his way out of the kitchen and back to his room. Staring back down at my glass, I watched the cubes dance beneath the surface. I didn't know what to do. He told me that he hated when girls stayed after they did stuff because it made them look needy and clingy. But then that contradicted with me staying here with him in the first place. Things were never clear with us and that drove me crazy. It was quite clear, however, that I was now in too deep to just leave him alone completely. I liked him. I can tell myself that but never him.
I was aware of what I was to him, which is just a new experience, something to keep him on his toes. Maybe that's why I was attracted to him. He was something I could never officially have. Yeah, he just wants to know what it's like to sleep with a fat girl, my mind bullied me. What other reasons were there?
I know I shouldn't make myself an easy target. I know that I should play a little hard to get but that's just the thing. He didn't really want me. He wouldn't be the one hurt at the end.
Getting off the stool, I walked over to the couch where my purse laid. Grabbing it, I pulled out my wallet to see that I had a few dollar bills that I could use for a taxi.
Twisting the knob as quietly as I could, I opened Fred's apartment door and made my way out into the busy New York streets to hail down a cab. =================