by Bruce Thomas
With the twins on one side and Katy on my other, we walked out to the parking lot in the chilly December air. Taylor ruffled my hair before wrapping his long arms around Katy's waist from behind and kissing her on the cheek.
A sense of serenity overcame me at the deja vu I was experiencing. It was like we were back in high school and walking in the school parking lot. We all were laughing and joking around (yes even me) and I felt happy. I felt young and untainted from the world outside our little hometown.
I was in the middle of laughing at something Katy said when I stopped dead in my tracks. My friends slowed down with me. Their arms were still interlocked with mine so they really didn't have a choice. Through the setting sun and the light flakes of snow that had been steadily falling from the sky all day, my eyes locked on a boy leaning against the hood of a car. He had his hands shoved deep into his pockets and when he saw that I spotted him, he uncrossed his ankles and stood up straighter.
"What are you doing here?" I asked out in the open. He must had heard me because he started walking towards me and my friends. Katy's grip tightened around my elbow and I looked sideways at her as if to say, IT'S HIM.
"Holy shit," she mouthed before checking him out as he approached us. "Nice work." When he stood directly in front of me, with his hands still buried deep in his pockets, I almost thought time stopped. Not in that slow-mo movie type of way but in a way where no one seemed to breath and his eyes connected with mine and I swear that I forgot how.
"Hi," Fred said. He sounded uncomfortable. His eyes flickered to both the twins who had one of their arms wrapped around my waist while the other had his swung around my shoulders. I suddenly felt the need to shove them off.
"Um, we will leave you two alone to talk. Fred?--" Katy took her hand off my elbow and offered him it. "I'm guessing?" Fred took it and nodded in hello. Then his eyes came back to mine. I wish I could have seen my face in a reflection at that moment in time. I'm sure my mouth was hanging open like a blow fish and my cheeks were Annaght red though I hoped it looked that way because of the cold, not because my body flushed under his attention. It's only been two days, two days since I've last seen him and it felt like two thousand years. Now he was here...in front of me...In my hometown.
I didn't say anything as my friends left me in the parking lot with the boy I escaped New York for. The ache that pounded my chest hourly seemed to subside just with the vision of his eyes. It was so good to see him.
"You're here," I said slowly. "In Iowa...What are you doing here?" "Why didn't you tell me you weren't coming back?" He asked. His voice was no longer mesmerized like it was when he said hello. It was now gruff and accusing. "You said goodbye to everyone but me. I had to shake it out of Elmer when Janet wouldn't stop crying after you left. Repeating something like, I wish things were different, or something along those lines. You let me believe you would be back in the Spring the whole ride to the airport."
"I couldn't say goodbye," I admitted looking him dead in the eye. I used to find it hard to meet his intense gaze but now
all I wanted was to never look away. "I didn't know how."
"How about, hey Fred, I'm dropping out of NYU and moving back home so we will never see each other again. That sure of hell would have gotten my attention."
"I didn't think you'd care," I pathetically answered.
"I care enough to show up here!" He shouted into the open. His eyes seared into mine. "I care." I shook my head with asking what he meant on the tip of my tongue but he answered before I could.
"I panicked when Elmer told me, Annaanna. Several things ran through my mind when I was told you weren't coming back, that I'd probably never see you again. So I'm going to apologize to you because that seemed to be the only thing I do for you lately. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. For making your life hell, for messing with your head because mine is so messed up. For running out on you when you were most vulnerable. I'm sorry for ruining your trust in me because that's so special coming from you. I'm so sorry."
Fred's breathing was rapid and his face was full of remorse. In fact, it made me sad to hear all this because it reminded me why I am here, back home, in the first place.
"I wanted a proper goodbye, Annaanna. We've been through enough together that I think I deserve it. So I got on a plane and now I'm here."
"You're here to say goodbye." The words hurt coming out. There was a reason why I didn't do it in the first place. If I didn't say that one word then maybe it would never really happen.
The muscles in his jaw clenched under the skylights in the parking lot. He looked away out towards the college building with narrowed eyes. His head started to shake back and forth slowly and then quicker in pace when his gaze returned to mine.
"I know I've been horrible to you. God, I know I have. I'm rude and pessimistic about everything, I have the worst potty mouth because I'm terrible at showing any emotions that don't include hate and anger-and jealousy too. A lot of jealousy...since I met you."
I ducked my head to hide my face because I was not prepared for this to happen. This was really happening.
"I want to be honest with you. But I don't know how." His head stopped shaking back and forth and his eyes locked tight on mine. Without thinking I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. Resting my cheeks against his chest, I basked in the way that he returned the favor and wrapped his arms around my lower back. With his nose buried in my hair, he sigh. I could feel the breath leave him from the way I was holding him.
"I'm sorry, too," I finally said after a few beats. It felt only right to apologize also. "Don't say you're sorry. You always do that. You shouldn't have to say sorry for someone else's stupid mistakes."
"But I am sorry," I corrected. I lifted my head off his chest and pulled back slightly to look up at him. "I shouldn't have pushed you into anything... I don't even know what I was trying to get out of this." I waved my hand between us. "Yes, you are rude and pessimistic. You are terrible at showing emotions but I feel them. You're also gentle when you're
holding me and passionate about the things you love. And I love that about you."
I just can't love you.
He closed his eyes at my confession and I watched him digest it. I waited for him to shove me away or show remorse but he didn't. He pulled me back to him.
The world slowed again as he lifted my chin, keeping his eyes locked on mine. The wind rustled both of our hair in a cold gust but I didn't feel it because Fred's body heat now mixed with mine. "You always see the best in me. Even when I don't deserve it." I felt like life was breathed back into me when his mouth slanted over mine. The closeness with him was enough to make my limbs jelly and butterflies erupt in my belly. This felt so right, us kissing, us being like this.
I didn't expect him to say it back because I knew Fred was one to not admit his feelings well. Maybe he didn't love me, maybe he did. Does that all really matter though, having to say it? I could feel it down to my toes as his bottom lips puckered against mine.
I abruptly pulled away from him a short distance. Fred's eyes went confused momentarily from my rapid departure but he held me close as if I would try to run away.
"Oh my God," I said looking up at him with round eyes. "You'll have to meet my uncle." His laughter was enough to make me relax against him. My hands loosened their grip on his Patet and I pushed myself closer against him. What a beautiful sound. "I think that's only fair since you met my father on worst circumstances."
The memory was still alive in my brain
of the ride to his father's and him springing the news that I had to play his girlfriend. I bit my lip and his eyes darted straight to it. Heat spread over my cheeks.
"What?" He asked in a hushed tone.
Did I really want to Annang the whole are you my boyfriend speech up at this moment? No. But I wasn't really the, it is, what it is, type of girl. "What does this mean?"
He seemed to think this over and while doing so he shifted my body more to his sid
e. I focused my attention of the fur around the collar of his Patet. "Let's not put a label on it, yet." He tucked a piece of hair behind my ears and cupped the side of my face. "I'll be faithful to you, if you are to me. That is, if that's okay with you." He added quickly. A smile stretched wide across my face. Whether he realizes it or not, he just described a vanilla relationship. All I ever wanted was him to myself and knowing that he believes I was his. I reached on my tip toes and connected our lips in a quick kiss. "That sounds perfect."
An even bigger smile took over Fred's and it made my stomach flutter worst than when he kissed me. The saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder, sang itself in my head as he ducked down to kiss me again.
"Where are you staying? How long are you staying?" I quickly shut my mouth because I knew he hated when I asked him question after question. But instead of getting annoyed like he usually did, he grinned and ran his hand over my backside making me squirm. "I haven't really thought about either. I ask Janet your address before I got on the plane and when I arrived, rented a car and drove to your uncle's. His girlfriend, I think, answered the door and told me you were here."
He did all that for me? I couldn't have been easy for him to afford a plane ticket since he never asks for help from his father financially. Instead of speaking this outloud, I grabbed his hand and lead him back to the car he was leaning against.
"You can stay at mine so you don't have to stay at a hotel." I wasn't going to take no for an answer. He was here and I wasn't going to let him out of my sight if I could help it.
He didn't argue but opened my side of the car door for me and pecked me on the lips one more time before he rounded the hood and got behind the wheel. =================
33
When Fred and I walked into the house, my heart was pounding profusely in my chest. I have never brought a boy home that I was seeing in any sense or form, so this was a first. Not only was I introducing a boy to my uncle, but I was introducing a boy that I had sex with to my uncle. Not that I would be telling him that! Would he know? Would he be able to tell? Oh God, would he kill Fred with his rifle hanging above the mantle?
Cathie was finishing up the dishes while Pat had the towel in his hand drying them. Both stopped when we walked into the room. Fred hid slightly behind me which would had humored me if it wasn't for the fact that Pat had a frown on his face. Cathie placed her hand on his bicep. I looked towards Cathie for some guidance since she knew Fred was in town, but all she did was smile softly, as if she pitied me. May as well get this over with quickly.
"Fred, this is my uncle, Pat. Pat, this is Fred, my friend from New York." I nudged Fred forward slightly but his body was rigid and solid. Making sure that no one would see the gesture, I smoothed my hand over his lower back a few times as if that would sooth his tense muscles.
"All the way from New York, huh?" Was the first thing Pat said. "So you go to NYU, Fred?" Pat asked in a short, clipped tone, shifting the drying rag from one hand to the other.
"No, sir," Fred answer. I covered my mouth with my hand in a nonchalant way to hide my smile. He just called my uncle sir. He was freaking being polite for the first time ever. At least in my presence. He looked like he
was worried my uncle would brand him with the wood shifter from the fireplace.
"I see." Pat sat the rag down on the counter top and stepped towards Fred. "So how did you two meet, then?"
"My roommate's boyfriend," I cut in. I didn't want Fred to say that we actually met at a party. My uncle doesn't need to know that I did more partying than actual school in New York. "They're friends." Pat remained silent as he seemed to think this over. I know he thought this was his duty as my guardian to make this as awkward as possible and I had to pat him on the back because he was succeeding. But I needed him to stop before Fred turned around and ran back to New York.
"It's okay that he stays here for a while, right? Just so he doesn't have to pay to stay in a hotel. That's alright, right Cathie?" I turned to her with pleading eyes. She looked up at my uncle with a crooked smile that she was desperately trying to hide yet failed.
"I don't see why not," she answered rubbing her hand up and down Pat's arm.
"Thank you," I said feeling my body relax a tad. The worst part was over. I hoped.
"Do you know how long you will be staying, Fred?" Uncle Pat asked. "Of course, it doesn't matter considering you came all the way from NYC to wave hello, I'm sure." He now stood up taller, his chest puffed out, as if he was trying to look intimidating which in a way he did. He was a rather large man to begin with and now that his peacock feathers were ruffled, he even intimidated me.
"I'm not sure yet. I hope that's not a problem."
I looked at Fred sideways to see his
jaw clench and his eyes flicker down to mine.
"Stay as long as you want. Any boy friend of Anna's is welcomed--I mean, friend is welcomed."
My eyes snapped to my Uncle's as his moved to mine. He smiled as if he knew I was uncomfortable and I rolled my eyes and mouthed a thank you. He nodded and threw an arm around Cathie's shoulders. "As long as Fred sleeps on the couch, Annaanna, he can stay here as long as he likes. There are extra blankets in the linen closet. There's a no boys in the bedroom rule, you know that." There it was. Big, bad, Uncle Pat.
"Geez, Pat," I hissed, embarrassed. A deep chuckle came from beside me which echoed through the room and straight into my heart, making it flutter. "Of course. Message understood." Fred's pinky finger twitched against mine making me jump out of my skin.
"Good," Pat encountered trying to sound stern but it only made him seem more uncomfortable than Fred and I put together.
"We will be upstairs," Cathie said pulling Pat by the hand towards the staircase. "You two stay up as late as you want."
As if we needed permission to stay up past ten o'clock. I yelled goodnight as they disappeared from the room.
I placed my hands over my face to hide my horror of what I called my family. I felt Fred's hands move over mine tugging them from my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry," I groaned, trying to make myself laugh. "That was so embarrassing."
"Couldn't have been worst than mine," he said smiling down at my face. He looked different at this moment. The guards that usually covered his eyes were gone, leaving his features
light and relaxed. Reaching up and running my finger over the little cleft in his chin, I smiled too and rocked up on my tip toes. I pressed my lips to his and savored the moment. The instinct that he would pull away still lingered in my mind but it subsided when he hooked his hands behind my ears and pulled my face closer to his.
Moving me backwards, he hoisted me up to sit on the counter top in one swift movement. He squeezed my hips where he kept his hands. I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck and breathed deeply as his musky scent took over my mind.
No thoughts of my uncle just above us crossed through the haze that Fred seemed to put me under. Only his lips, now attacking my neck and his hips, that rubbed urgently against mine, were the only thing my mind focused on.
As the intensity of our makeout session seemed to amp up, the less my mind seemed to think. Letting all worries go, I focused mainly on Fred and the way his lips skimmed over my skin. With shaking hands I reached between us and pushed his Patet from his body. I did the same to mine as his mouth continued to suck and pucker against my skin. I reached out and ran my hands over his taut stomach making him groan lowly into my chest. He skimmed his nose up the center of my neck, breathing me in. My heart fluttered once again when he rubbed his nose sweetly against mine.
"Shhh," I laughed softly balancing my hands of his shoulders. "Don't want to get caught." "Annaanna Raine," he tsked grinning evilly down at me. Moving his hand achingly slow, he removed my shirt and cupped my breast. "I've
created a monster."
I giggled, gripping the end of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Before I could latch myself back into him, I bolted for the back door. Fred stood motionless f
or a second before my shushed giggled turn louder when he took off running after me.
The bitter air hit my partially bare skin as I ran through the backyard. At that moment I didn't care if the neighbors saw us; a chubby girl running through the grass in leggings and a bra and an extremely attractive boy chasing half naked after her.
When I reached the heated garage a good twenty yards from the house, my teeth were chattering from the cold and from the adrenaline coursing through me. Fred was puffing out clouds of air when he shut the door behind him.
"Are you crazy?" He laughed, running his hands together to make them warm.
His hair now looked ruffled and soft and I couldn't help but grab hand fulls of it when I connected our lips again. I pushed him backwards, kicking my legs out of my pants as I did so, and straddled him on one of the various work benches. I could feel him hard underneath me and that, mixed with the thrill of getting caught, made my body buzz.
"Do you..?"
"Yeah," he mumbled against my lips. "In my back pocket."
I didn't question why he would have a condom in the pocket of his jeans but at the moment I didn't really care. It seemed like a very normal Fred thing. I actually wanted to pat his head in gratitude because I
think my body would had exploded in misery if we had to stop. There was less pain this time. The fullness of him at this angle was enough to make me bite into his shoulder to keep me from crying out in sweet agony. We had paused a few times to make sure no one was coming into the garage but the sounds were just normal outdoor noises. The thought of getting caught only made the air more intense.
The raw feeling of Fred being apart of me was mind blowing. I had no idea it could feel like this. Every time I lifted my hips I wanted to cry out pure ecstasy. Fred captures my jaw and brought his lips down on mine. His hand traveled down my forearms and wrapped his long fingers around my ankles, hooking my legs around his waste. With surprised strength, he supported me and carried me over to a pile of round sacks.