by Anah Crow
Nick shifted, getting his legs under him, rolling onto his elbows and knees. He shook back his hair and turned to look at Holly, eyes blown and cheeks flushed.
“Good,” Nick said. So beautiful. Holly hadn’t ever imagined that he’d do this, only because he’d never thought he was worth it.
“I love you,” Holly said softly. He kissed Nick’s tailbone again and ass cheeks, licked back down to do what he’d been doing before, tonguing and licking to get Nick ready. He slicked his fingers as he licked, then pulled away to slide one finger in, then two. Nick didn’t answer Holly with words, just gave another muffled, swallowed-down moan as Holly’s fingers slid in, his head falling between his arms.
Part of Holly was still locked in the dissonance between everything he’d thought was true about him and Nick, and part of him was lost in admiring how beautiful it was to watch Nick take his fingers in, deeper and more with every stroke. He managed to get a condom out and on, and then he slid his fingers out to slick his cock.
Holly didn’t hesitate or ask for permission; he’d already been told, and he didn’t want to make Nick wait. With a hand on Nick’s hip, he guided him onto his cock, letting Nick set the pace. When the head of Holly’s cock opened him up and pushed inside, Nick’s breath hissed between his teeth.
“God,” Nick muttered. “It’s been a…a really fucking long time.” Holly made a soothing noise and stroked Nick’s back.
“I know,” he said quietly. While he could have reveled in the pleasure of the moment—and it did feel amazingly good—it was easy to push that aside and focus on Nick’s needs. He kept still, waiting for Nick’s tension to ease, for Nick’s body to remember how all this worked.
Nick took Holly in slowly, so slowly, pushing back and opening up. Nick’s breathing was unsteady, but the noises he made didn’t sound like anything but want. Finally Holly was deep inside, his hips pressed against Nick’s ass, but Nick didn’t move. He knelt there, breathing, and Holly could feel Nick’s body relax around him, welcoming him inside.
Holly hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until that moment. He exhaled with a deep sigh and leaned forward to rest his cheek on Nick’s shoulder, wrapping an arm around Nick’s chest. He could feel Nick’s heartbeat through their bodies, and it loosened the tightness in his own chest, made him feel right again. Nick let him snuggle for a while, but then his hips shifted, tilting up to take a little more, and his body clenched tight.
“Fuck me. Show me what everyone was always yelling about when you were fucking them in my bed.”
That sent a surge of heat through Holly and he bit Nick’s shoulder with a growl before he even knew what he was doing. Nick could have found out for himself if he’d ever asked. Holly would just have to make up for that lost time. He straightened and moved, learning Nick’s body, what made him moan, what made him buck back for more. Pushing the fact it was Nick out of his head helped Holly focus on the mechanics of fucking until Nick was incoherent with it.
Nick wasn’t passive, didn’t just let Holly fuck him. He pushed into every thrust, grinding back onto Holly’s cock, dropping his upper body to the bed to change the angle. Through it all, he moaned and growled Holly’s name every time Holly hit just the right spot, so Holly knew how good he was making him feel.
It was even better than Holly had dreamed, to have Nick so into it and wanting him so much. Falling forward, Holly caught himself on one hand and fucked Nick deeper and harder. He wanted to give Nick everything he had, to make it good so Nick would know there was nothing Holly was holding back.
Every thrust drove a moan out of Nick. Shifting his weight, Nick slid one arm beneath him while he shoved himself onto Holly’s cock, driving Holly into him deeper, faster. Holly bit his lip as Nick moved under him. He wanted to touch Nick, to feel Nick’s cock sliding, hard and hot, against his palm. But Nick was so demanding that Holly needed to focus on fucking him. He nuzzled in the curls at Nick’s nape instead, closing his eyes and breathing in Nick’s scent as he pushed into him again and again, giving him everything he was asking for.
When Nick’s body clenched tight and he gasped Holly’s name, Holly wanted so badly to just let go and fuck and come, but he held himself together, riding out Nick’s orgasm. It was only as Nick’s shudders slowed that he realized he was waiting for permission.
Nick didn’t give it immediately. He kept rocking back into Holly’s thrusts, moaning and writhing and fucking Holly’s cock for a long while after his orgasm had faded.
Just as Holly was starting to worry Nick might never let him come, he breathed, “Come for me.”
Holly had no choice. Pressing his forehead to the sweat-slickened hollow between Nick’s shoulder blades, he came hard, biting his lip to keep from being too loud. When he finally stilled, he felt completely used up, wrung out and limp with the release of physical and emotional tension. Nick made a low, pleased sound and slid onto his belly. When he rolled over, he gathered Holly against him, wrapping him in a warm embrace, petting his hair.
“Okay, you’re okay,” he whispered, pressing kisses to Holly’s temple. “I’ve got you. You’re so good, Holly. So good.”
That was everything. Holly was flooded with relief. He buried his face in Nick’s neck, soaking up the praise. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed about how needy he was sometimes; it never seemed to bother Nick.
Chapter Sixteen
Nick tapped his bare toes against the arm of the love seat, keeping the beat of the song playing on his phone while he dealt with a few more of the hundreds of emails that had piled up in his inbox while he’d been ignoring the world. No more ignoring. No more hiding. He’d been slowly picking away at the emails, filing the ones that could be dealt with later and apologizing profusely to the people who’d been waiting for a reply. It wasn’t as difficult as he’d thought it would be, and there were more people worried about him than he’d expected.
Rich, he’d known about. Holly, he’d expected. Alison, Anne and at least half a dozen other people he knew from work or college had emailed to check in. It was actually kind of nice. The phone rang, interrupting Nick’s musings.
“Hey!” Holly’s voice was bright, and suddenly everything was even better. “Busy?” Nick couldn’t help but smile.
“Nothing that can’t wait. What’s up?”
“Just finished a meeting with that youth art collective Danner wants to do the back wall of the store, and I noticed I’m down by the Westway. You want to come meet me for lunch?”
Nick’s smile turned tender as he wondered if Holly was feeling the same way he had when he’d called Holly to meet him at the Westway all those months ago. “Yeah, I can do that. Give me a few minutes to get dressed and I’ll meet you there.”
“I’ll be waiting. I love you.” The huskiness in Holly’s voice suggested maybe, yes, Holly was feeling exactly that way.
“I love you too.” Nick ended the call and rolled off the love seat to find some clothes. Holly’d brought home bags of clothes in Nick’s size from Stone Age Sports, casual clothes Nick would never have considered wearing before. But before didn’t matter now.
He found a pair of preworn jeans, soft and faded, and pulled them on, but he passed over the T-shirts in favor of a hoodie since it was likely to be chilly outside and he didn’t want the bulk of wearing a jacket. Sneakers, wallet, keys, and he was ready to go.
It didn’t take long to make his way to the diner. As he slipped inside, the bell over the door chimed, and he waved to say he’d find his own seat before looking for Holly.
Holly was sitting at the same table Nick had chosen last summer. Nick hadn’t realized Holly had been well enough at the time to remember that kind of detail. He stood out among the others, his gold hair all sun polished and his skin warm with a deep tan. He looked like summer, even though he was wearing a heavy gray hoodie with black flame tattoos and a skull-and-crossbones scarf. His attention was on his computer, but then he looked up and his face lit up completely.
; God. That was the kind of thing that hit Nick in the gut and warmed him from the inside out. He crossed the room in a few long strides and stopped beside Holly’s chair to smile down at his beautiful lover.
“Hi.”
“Hey.” Holly closed the laptop and got up, leaning in to kiss Nick on the cheek. “You’re the best thing I’ve seen since I left the apartment this morning,” he murmured. Nick cupped Holly’s face in one hand to hold him close, then turned his head to gently nose Holly’s cheek and brush a kiss along his jaw.
“You’re a bit biased,” he pointed out, letting Holly go and sitting across from him. “But I like that about you.”
“I can’t help it. You warped me when I was young and green.” Holly sat down and put his chin in his hands, looking at Nick the way he had their first time here, like there was no one else in the world.
“Maybe we both got lucky, then.” Nick knew he had. To have Holly still want him after all these years was nothing short of a blessing. To distract himself, he pulled out a menu. “Any requests?”
“Yes, please. I’m starving. So one of their big sandwiches, maybe? Other than that, it’s up to you.” Holly gave him a sweet smile. “I am really craving a chocolate milkshake, though.”
When the waiter came over, Nick ordered a triple-decker chicken salad sandwich for Holly, a hot roast beef sandwich for himself and some waffle fries instead of the regular ones that came with Holly’s sandwich.
“Oh, and a chocolate shake for him and a black and white for me.” As the waiter walked away, Nick turned back to Holly. “I think you’ve earned a treat.”
Holly’s face was suffused with happiness at the praise. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly.
“I’m glad you invited me.” Nothing in the world felt as good as making Holly happy like that. Nick slid his hand across the table, palm up, so Holly could touch him if he wanted. Holly reached out and put his hand in Nick’s, the one with the ring on it. He looked at their hands together, tanned and pale, and his soft sigh was pure contentment.
Someone approached their table, just out of Nick’s vision, but he had the sense it wasn’t a waiter, especially when the man stopped next to him.
“Nick?”
The voice was familiar—very much so—but the person wasn’t someone he’d expect to be seeking him out, not now. Nick raised his head.
“Max.”
Max was the one who looked startled. “Sorry, it looked like you and then I wasn’t sure…” He also looked tired and shabby around the edges.
“Wasn’t sure it was appropriate to talk to me, considering you spent a year fucking my wife and neglected to mention it while we worked together every single day?” Nick was happy with Holly, but that didn’t make it easier to know that his editor—someone he’d considered a friend—had valued him so little. Max winced.
“Yes. Well, wasn’t sure it was you and…That. Yes. I just. It’s good to see you looking well. That’s all.” He adjusted the bag slung over his shoulder, the same leather satchel he’d carried for years, stuffed to overflowing with papers and his laptop. “I’m sorry. I just wondered how you were. Other than the obvious.”
Nick found his ring on Holly’s hand and worried at it, rotating it back and forth. He had a good life now, even if he wasn’t entirely sure where that life was taking him.
“I’m doing well,” he said, letting his gaze slide back to Holly. “Very well. Max, this is Holly, my lover, my partner. Holly, I’m sure you remember me mentioning the man who’s fucking Caroline.”
“How could I forget?” Holly raked Max with a look. “I remember when Nick was excited about working for you,” he added.
That made Max cringe, but he didn’t quite step back. “Nice to meet you. Sorry for interrupting. I just…Like I said. I hadn’t heard anything and…”
“And?” Nick didn’t work for Max anymore, wasn’t Max’s friend anymore. Max had gotten what he’d wanted—Caroline—and Nick couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t gloating. Or at least leaving.
“I was worried about you.” Max flushed all the way to his graying hairline, and he clutched the strap of his bag with both hands. “What I did was shitty. I never thought it would play out like that. I didn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t keep your job. I was going to get a transfer over to Arts and Entertainment so you wouldn’t have to work with me. I thought…I don’t know what I thought. I thought you’d be okay, even relieved. I kept checking around, but you just disappeared. You were a good friend, Nick, a great writer. I didn’t want you to fade away because I—because Caroline and I were completely out of line. I’ve been sick about it since the night she said she told you and how.”
“I never did like those charity parties she kept dragging me to,” Nick said. Holly’s hand tightened around his, and a flicker of pain crossed Holly’s face. Holly obviously hadn’t forgotten he’d been there that night, oblivious. Sometimes Nick wished he’d been less numb so he could’ve dumped his glass of champagne all over Caroline’s damned peacock dress. It would’ve been the perfect ending, going out with a bang.
“You haven’t seen me around because I didn’t get another job. I didn’t look.”
“Well, I don’t blame you. The parties, that is. As for the job…I’m sorry about that. You’re very good at what you do. We miss you at the paper.” Max shook his head. “I’ll leave you two to your lunch.”
“Thank you. I hope you learn to enjoy the parties. I never could.” Nick lifted Holly’s hand and brought it up to his mouth, brushing Holly’s skin and his ring in a light, apologetic kiss.
“Ah, well, that’s not my problem anymore either.” Max waved. “Have a good afternoon. If you ever need a reference, it’s the least I can do.”
Nick gave Max a nod. “You too.” He turned back to Holly and kissed his hand again.
“Sorry about that,” Nick said. He hadn’t even thought to warn Holly some of the people from the paper ate here. He hadn’t remembered to worry about it. And he hadn’t thought Max, of all people, would’ve approached him. Not his problem anymore. The words finally registered, and Nick realized Max and Caroline must’ve split up already, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Looks like you weren’t the only one who got played,” Holly said, glancing at Max’s retreating form. “And you don’t have to be sorry. I’m just sorry I have to wait until after lunch to get closer to you than this. That’s all.”
Nick tugged gently at Holly’s hand and nodded at the chair beside him. “You don’t have to wait.”
Holly looked sheepish as he crept closer and took the next chair. When he was settled, he put his head on Nick’s shoulder.
“I’m also sorry you didn’t tell me that night,” Holly murmured. “I know why you didn’t. I’m still going to be sorry about it.”
“I couldn’t have done it differently.” Nick would have felt miserable and petty, ruining things for Holly that way. “But I am sorry it hurt you.”
“I know.” Holly kissed Nick’s cheek and then straightened with obvious reluctance. “Please don’t do anything like it again, though. I want to be there for you. Please?” Nick nodded slowly. He knew better than to count on nothing bad ever happening to him again, so it wasn’t easy to promise.
“I won’t,” Nick said. It wasn’t easy, but it was what Holly deserved. “I’ll tell you.”
“All the good things that happened to me lately, the job and everything,” Holly said quietly, “they were nice, I needed them, but they never meant more than they did when I realized that they gave me something to offer you.”
“You always had something to offer me.” The waiter came with their food, but still Nick didn’t look away from Holly. “All I want from you is you.”
“That, you have,” Holly said, his grip on Nick’s hand tightening like he was afraid Nick would slip away.
Nick leaned over to kiss Holly’s cheek, whispering, “I know. And I’m planning to keep you.” As he pulled back, he broke off a
piece from one of the waffle fries and brought it up to Holly’s mouth.
Holly rarely ate fries—preferring to steal Nick’s if he craved one—but he opened his mouth and ate obediently. “That’s all I want,” he said when he was done.
“You have it.” Nick cut off a bite of his roast beef and held the fork out to Holly. “I never expected to get this chance. I’m not going to take it for granted.” Holly ate that too, the tension easing from his body and his expression.
“You don’t have to get a job, you know.” Holly picked up his milkshake to take a sip. “Nothing you don’t want to have, I mean. I’m not rolling in money, but my job pays well enough for both of us. It’s weird the way I don’t seem to spend money anymore.”
It wasn’t going to drugs or alcohol or other people’s addictions, and he wasn’t tending to the whims of a high-maintenance girlfriend, so it was no wonder Holly had more cash on hand than he was used to.
“Are you sure?” Nick had been thinking about what he might want to do. Seeing Max had confirmed he didn’t want to go back to the Gazette, but he didn’t want to go to work for one of the other papers either.
“Absolutely. Even if we weren’t…together, I’d want to give that to you.” Holly’s voice was quiet but steady, his gaze serious. “If anything’s going to make sure I stay focused and don’t fuck up, it’s you. You depending on me—it’d work for me. You know that, right?” Nick knew. He could see it in how comfortable Holly had become, how he’d slid so easily into taking care of Nick while working.
“I’ve been thinking about writing,” he admitted.
“You didn’t have that surgically removed when you took that job with the Gazette?” Holly’s grin was pure mischief. Nick snorted and shoved another bite of waffle fry into Holly’s mouth to shut him up.
“I haven’t had much time for it lately. But…if I’m not working for a paper…”
Holly managed not to choke on the fry, in spite of the fact that he was laughing.
“So write,” he said, sliding his arm around Nick’s shoulders and kissing Nick’s cheek. “I promise keeping me out of trouble will no longer be a full-time job.”