Pretending Hearts

by Topham Wood, Heather

  Levi came up next to me and gave his brother an exasperated look. “I don’t even want to ask what’s going on. Just remember that Delia’s brother plays for the NFL. I don’t want him to beat you up badly enough that the only way you’ll get a date is by being a catfish online.”

  “We’re cool, bro. She’s like the little sister I never had,” Evan teased.

  Levi ignored his brother and faced me. “We have to go on soon. They have another band so our set is ending at midnight. Do you have plans for later?”

  “I’ll have to check with Casey first, but I don’t think so.”

  Evan snickered. “She’ll be busy later, believe me. Fuck me, why did I pick paper? Cole’s rock totally smashed my paper.”

  “You’re a moron,” Levi addressed his brother. He kissed my cheek and said, “I’ll see you after.”

  Levi and Rain went to the stage while Evan dragged Cole away from his conversation to Casey. Casey sighed as she watched the band take the stage. “Are you positive Cole is bad news? Because he sure is pretty to look at.”

  I gestured to the crowd. “I don’t know. We could take a survey of the women here. By the scowling looks on half of their faces, I’m guessing the consensus will be he’s a dog.”

  “Damn,” she swore. “Is there something in a guy’s DNA that doesn’t allow him to be gorgeous and committed simultaneously? That’s why the age men marry is so much higher than women’s. As soon as they start losing their hotness, they decide its time to settle down.” She gave me a meaningful look. “Don’t let Levi be your white whale.”

  “Like Moby Dick?”

  “Don’t look so surprised, I am in college. I do read,” she huffed. “You’re not going to find many guys like Levi and just because the timing isn’t the best, you shouldn’t let him get away.”

  Saying the timing wasn’t the best was putting things lightly. The ticking of the clock pulsed in my blood. Each second, each minute, each hour that passed was leading to an inevitable explosion. My heart wanted Levi, but falling in love with Levi wouldn’t prevent the detonation bound to destroy both of our hearts.

  ***

  The band wowed Casey. I think whether or not she hit it off with Cole wouldn’t affect her new fandom. Rain knew how to work the room and all of the songs were crowd pleasers. My heart was thumping wildly when their version of “Hurt” ended and Levi rose from his chair at the back of the stage.

  Rain’s voice was seductive as she spoke into the microphone. “I know you guys are used to us playing covers, but we have something special planned for you tonight. Our very own Levi Caldwell has written a song that will definitely cause some wet panties in the audience tonight.” Levi shook his head as Rain smiled broadly at him. She clapped and gestured him forward. “And not only did our luscious Levi write the song. He’s going to sing for us!”

  Whistles and screams erupted in the audience and I felt my toes curl in anticipation. Levi looked sheepish from the attention, but he still stepped forward. He adjusted the microphone and he paused to scan the crowd. Our eyes locked and I swore the entire room disappeared. I was only seeing him and he was only seeing me. And the way he looked my way told me that we’d never only be friends. His stare penetrated my skin and I could see the promise of what his touch could do to me. Maybe my intentions were different when we met, but he had seized my heart and wasn’t letting go anytime soon.

  Casey nudged my ribs. “Holy shit! If a single look could bring on an orgasm, you were just on the receiving end of one.”

  I didn’t tear my eyes away from Levi to respond to her. “I’m feeling a little lightheaded. Please don’t let me pass out and miss his song.”

  Casey handed me the water and I started to guzzle it down. I had too many emotions coursing through me and I told myself to get a grip. But I couldn’t put a stop to the fire raging over my skin. I wanted him. I wanted him to grip my body in the same way he held the microphone and drive into me until I was screaming his name.

  “This is for a girl who needs to believe in silver linings.” Levi’s voice sounded gravelly as he took the microphone.

  Not much in the way of finding bright lights,

  But on this starless night I was much more than blinded.

  You don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re doing it right.

  They say you don’t realize what you’ve found until you find it.

  Not much in the way of pretentiousness,

  We bear our wounds, we’re reckless and defenseless,

  And I’d shield you from what you could never face head on,

  I’d hold you in my arms till Armageddon.

  I can’t seem to decide when it all really started,

  But I got most of it regardless, your eyes seemed so harmless.

  Whatever currents come you will always keep turning me on,

  'Cause we have the right to be, just like we’re lost at sea, and we’re burning strong.

  You got in the way and you showed me such bright lights,

  And I had no recollection, of ever being so alive,

  You made me who I am, cause you’ve never given up on me,

  And I only hope I made you feel as wanted and as pretty.

  I can’t seem to decide when it all really started,

  But I got most of it regardless, your eyes seemed so harmless.

  Whatever currents come you will always keep turning me on,

  'Cause we have the right to be, it’s like we were lost at sea, and we’re burning strong….

  He added verses I never heard before and I imagined him speaking directly to me through his song. Levi wanted to be with me and I kept fighting him because I thought I needed to stay away for his own good. But who gave me the right to decide for him? Common sense may have dictated we couldn’t work out under the circumstances. But I had to remember I’d witnessed relationships that defied the odds.

  “Don’t worry, you can ditch me,” Casey laughed as she spoke into my ear. She leaned in close to speak over the deafening roar that had taken over the bar once Levi finished his song. All eyes were on him and I could safely assume he would no longer be able to fade into the background without anyone taking notice.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’ll make myself scarce after their set and you can invite Levi back to your apartment.”

  My face was likely the shade of an eggplant. “I’m not going to sleep with him. Okay, maybe I’ve been a little hasty in my decision to push him away. But I can’t just suddenly pretend no outside forces are keeping us apart—”

  Casey grabbed hold of my arm and squeezed. “As your friend, I am going to be perfectly honest with you. And tell you that you’re being a fucking idiot.”

  I pointed to her beer. “How many of those have you had? Because I don’t think you driving home is a good idea.”

  “This is my first one.” She put the beer down on the table. “Levi is in love with you and you can’t play catch and release with him over and over again. You’re not being fair to him or yourself.”

  “He’s not in love with me.”

  She slapped her forehead. “Like I said you’re a fucking idiot.” She shook her head at me and widened her blue eyes. “It’s not just a little crush. For chrissakes, he’s writing love songs in your honor. How much more obvious can he be? I don’t think he could do a much bigger gesture. He does have ink on his arms, maybe you can just wait for him to tattoo your name on himself.”

  “You’re a huge pain in the ass, you know?”

  “No, I’m the annoying voice of reason when it comes to love. Well, with the exception of my own love life.” Her stare was intense. “I know you have your issues with Blake and Autumn, but setting all other things aside, I think you understand how much they truly love one another. And what I’m witnessing between you and Levi is making me have flashbacks to when they first met.”

  I didn’t continue arguing with her. I’d been fighting against the falling in love, but I’ve should have s
een that love wasn’t what I should have been avoiding. I was afraid of heartache, but never having love in the first place was likely a worse fate.

  Levi was a rarity. And smart girls didn’t run away from the Levis of the world. They ran straight into their arms.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Hours later, Levi and I were alone and back at my apartment. Casey had stayed at the bar until Trojan Jedi’s last song and then ditched me as promised. Cole appeared disappointed by her hasty departure, but I assumed he wouldn’t pine for too long. I believed Casey was over casual hookups and wanted her own love story.

  There had been an electric vibe humming between Levi and me since we arrived back at my place. He was happy and talkative and I could tell he didn’t regret his decision to take the stage.

  I had told Levi before I wished he were more ambitious, but it wasn’t because I was discontent with who he was. If Levi told me he would always work in the college’s maintenance department, I wouldn’t have liked him any less. I only wanted him to show the world that the guy who tried to fly under the radar was the one who could end up blowing you away.

  I pulled my knees to my chest as I listened to him rehash the concert. He wasn’t fishing for compliments, but I could tell my opinion mattered to him. He was bombarded with new fans after his song—praising his talent as a vocalist and a songwriter. But I was touched that what I thought still carried the most weight with him.

  “I think you’re going to be the first superstar drummer slash songwriter,” I said.

  “There already have been a few, but thank you. Us creative types need our egos stroked on a regular basis,” he said.

  “My hope is to ride your coattails to fame and glory,” I laughed. Laughing released a portion of the fears I’d been harboring. I had started to forget what the sound of my own laughter was like. Cocking my head to the side, I nodded in the direction of the camera placed on the coffee table. “I took some pictures of the show. I haven’t completely figured out how to work your dad’s camera, but maybe you can look at what I got and tell me what you think.”

  He removed the camera from the case and turned on the power. I watched as he pressed the button to scroll through the individual shots. I had wanted to capture him during his song, but I had been too transfixed to do anything but stare with my mouth hanging open.

  “These are amazing, Delia,” he said when he finally stopped looking at the viewfinder. “For not ever using the camera, you seemed to have picked it up fast.”

  “Not really, but I plan to learn. The camera has a great action mode that takes over three frames per second so the images were still sharp when you guys were moving on stage.”

  “Wow, that sounded really geeky. I think I’m rubbing off on you,” he teased.

  “I’m completely geeky now. Instead of trolling online for the newest brands of lip gloss, I’m looking at telephoto lenses and tripods.”

  He grinned at me and I mirrored his ecstatic expression. Being happy was kind of an awesome feeling. I realized I’d been wasting way too much of life being bitter and resentful. After a long minute, I yawned. Levi straightened and looked at his watch.

  “Wow, I can’t believe it’s three in the morning. I better get home,” he said and stood up.

  “Or you could sleep over,” I blurted out. My hands covered my mouth in surprise.

  His eyebrows lifted. “Are you inviting me to spend the night?”

  I lowered my hands away from my face. “Well, it’s late. I don’t want you driving home tired. Fact: more accidents are caused by sleepiness than drunkenness.”

  Levi smirked. “I’m touched that you’re concerned for my safety but I’m actually not tired at all. I’ve worked the graveyard shift for a year now and I’m used to being up at night.”

  “Oh okay,” I said in a low voice.

  “Unless there’s another reason you want me to stay?” he asked, humor lacing his voice.

  “Fact: Delia Bridges is really into you and wants to be in your company as much as humanly possible,” I said. My voice was robotic, but I hoped my eyes showed him how serious I was.

  He closed the distance between us. His thumb brushed over my lips and I watched his dark eyes fill with need. I closed my eyes and parted my lips as I waited for his lips to touch mine. He took his time, the anticipation becoming unbearable as each second passed without his kiss. Finally, he covered his mouth over mine and nipped at my lower lip. I let out a gasp and felt his tongue slip inside my mouth. I urged him to deepen the kiss by lacing my fingers behind his neck and pulling him closer. His fingers were splayed against my hip and I felt his hand inch higher before resting against the bare skin under the hem of my shirt.

  I fell backwards onto the couch, but the movement didn’t break the kiss. He inhaled and stole my breath away. I’d give him all of me willingly. He kneeled before me with his knees pressing into the cushions. His hands were everywhere as we kissed. His fingers traced a line from my collarbone, over my breasts and down my belly. He cupped my breast in his palm and applied gentle pressure as we kissed. I let out a pleasurable sigh as his thumb grazed over my nipple.

  “Delia…” He said my name like a gentle caress. The sound of his voice brought to life every nerve ending in my body. I was left feeling more aroused than ever before.

  My nipples hardened from his touch and my response made him bold. He kissed me deeper—sucking gently on my tongue. His scent was overpowering and masculine and as I breathed him in, my back arched in response. The kisses were long, but I felt like they were fleeting. I didn’t want his kisses to stop because once they did, I was afraid the feeling I belonged to him would fade.

  I felt him hard against my leg and his wants became my wants. I felt a tingling and the need for a release began to build. My hand reached out to stroke him—to feel the hard and silky length of him beneath my hands. Before I could wrap my fingers around his erection, Levi broke our kiss.

  “You’re right, we should slow down,” I breathed.

  Levi’s let out a pained laugh as his body tensed over mine. “I don’t remember saying that.”

  “But the smart thing would be to not rush anything.” I tried not to look at him directly as I talked because my lust was making me want to jump on top of him and ride him until we both climaxed. After how worked up I was after a kiss, I didn’t think it would take long until I was completely over the edge.

  I stood up and tried to smooth down the tangles in my hair. I wanted bedhead that would last for days, but reality was forcing its way into my thoughts. I may have given my brain the night off, but I was still trapped in the same body—a body that no longer fully belonged to me.

  “I could stay though if the invitation is still open,” he suggested. “The couch looks very comfortable.”

  My mood had shifted—Levi had a way of using his light to chase away my darkness. The crushing weight resting on my chest—ever-present since the night I took the pregnancy test—alleviated. “My bed is too,” I added, “Will it be cheesy for me to ask you to hold me?”

  “Nothing you could say would be cheesy to me,” he said. He moistened his lips before adding, “I’ve wanted to be close to you for so long. You’re amazing—beautiful and smart. But I had no idea… no fucking clue how incredible it would feel to kiss you and touch you. And believe me, I’ve spent every night wishing for my chance.”

  I wanted more than anything to put a freeze frame on the moment—because I couldn’t stand the thought of ever losing him. I was a girl who never believed in destiny and fate, but that couldn’t shake my certainty that Levi was the man I was always meant to be with. He brought me into his arms and I smiled into his neck. The heat of his body along with the memory of the stolen kisses made me question why I’d thought it was a good idea to take things slow.

  Resting my head against his solid chest, I listened to his heartbeat. The sound was mesmerizing and my feelings for him bloomed as I soaked in the feel of his arms around me. I never wanted him to
let me go.

  ***

  Levi and I lay side by side in my queen bed. My leg would brush against his as we shifted and I would feel his touch deep in my belly. I was overwhelmed by my need to be close to him. We were quiet since we climbed into my bed and I wondered if he had already fallen asleep.

  “Are you going to come any closer? I feel like we’re following the three inch rule imposed by the nuns at my high school dances,” he said through the darkness.

  When Levi moved onto his side, I shifted until our bodies were flush. His arms wrapped around me and I laid my head flat against his bare chest. He had been under the covers with the lights out before I had come back from the bathroom, so I hadn’t caught the view of him bare-chested. But lying next to him, I allowed myself the pleasure of feeling the hard planes of his chest and abs. My nipples pebbled as they rubbed against each ridge. The sound of my breathing was amplified and I wondered how I’d actually get any sleep when lying next to the man who held the key to unlocking every one of my innermost desires.

  I was quiet as I tried to gather my thoughts. “I’m not going to hold you to your promise. But I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said the other day. You know about how you’re not going anywhere.”

  I felt him nod his head. “I meant what I said.”

  I swung my head around until my chin was resting on his chest. I could see his eyes glitter in the darkness. “I don’t want to lose you, so I need to hear that. I need to be sure that whatever I choose to do that you’re not going to leave because of my decision.”

  “Delia, I see myself with you. I see myself with you in every possible future you could think up,” he said heatedly. “There’s no one else for me. I’ve known that for a while now.”

  “I love you,” I whispered.

  His kiss was tentative as he brushed his lips against mine—a tease of what he had to offer. My lips parted and our tongues start dancing slowly and erotically. The kiss was charged and I felt the current course through my body as his lips continued their exploration. The kiss ended, but our mouths remained a hairbreadth away from one another.