And if that was the case, then that meant someone had tried to kill him.
I shuddered at the thought as the whole plot thickened before me.
Once he had completed my questions satisfactorily, I allowed him to have a drink of water before continuing on. “Okay, Cameron… I must inform you that the police will be needing to speak with you in the near future. They may go over some of the ground we have covered, and I apologise if this is frustrating for you, but it’s necessary to ascertain your identity and the reasons for your presence here. We’ve been putting them off, but the mystery surrounding your appearance in Scotland needs to be solved, and so they will no doubt have plenty of questions for you. There will be the matter of DNA checks too. They can do this with a sample of hair, saliva, or blood, but you need to consent to this. That’s why it hasn’t been done before. Human rights, etcetera. Once we have the sample, we can match it to databases here and in the USA.”
His nostrils flared and it was clear he was uneasy at the thought of having his DNA checked. “But… won’t I only show up on the databases if I’m some kind of criminal?”
“There are a variety of reasons that DNA samples are logged, Mr. Iss. And yes, one of them would be if you had been involved in any previous criminal activity.”
Why it bothered him so much was just as big a mystery to me as his very presence here in North Kessock. But the fact that it did bother him led me to believe he knew more than he was letting on. I tried to ignore the unease prickling my skin. “I must ask you again, has anything… however small… come back to you about your life? Any memories that may assist us in figuring out who you are and why you’re here?”
He frowned. “Last night… I had this vivid dream. It was filled with,”—he swallowed and I watched his Adam’s apple move; my hand started to rise as though to stroke it, and I made myself lower it and pay attention to his words—“violence. I… I was being beaten. There was this young woman… dark hair… blue eyes… beautiful… she was sobbing and screaming, ‘No!’ Then… earlier today… when I was in the bathroom… a name… not my name… at least I’m pretty sure it’s not my name…”
His words trailed off and he dropped his gaze.
A sudden spike of intrigue made me lean forwards as his crumpled expression told of his concern for this woman… whoever she was. I urged him on. “A name? That’s good. Go on.”
He brought his pained gaze back up to meet mine, and for a brief moment he was caught in some kind of trance, just staring at me. A shiver shot down my spine and goose bumps prickled at my skin. Was he feeling it too? This strange pull?
He blinked rapidly and the spell was broken. “Rosa. The name that came to me was Rosa. I don’t know who Rosa is or why that name is so significant but… it’s all I have.” He lifted his hands briefly and dropped them in his lap again. It was the gesture of a defeated man. He slumped back into the couch and rubbed his hands over his face. A distinct urge to comfort him—to just touch him—fought to surface from deep within me, but I squashed it down and gripped my pen so tightly I was sure it would snap clean in two.
Focusing on him once again, I watched as a deep sadness washed over his beautifully chiselled features, and my heart ached for the loss he must’ve been feeling, the shared pain of sympathy intertwining with illicit desire inside of me. I nodded and made a note of his breakthrough.
Then it hit me.
Rosa was the name on his suicide note.
I sat in silent contemplation for a few moments, wondering how best to approach the matter of the note. I felt his stare and met his gaze. “Okay… Now I have something to tell you, and as I said… it may be difficult to hear. But please know that you are going to be cared for and given all the necessary help.”
His brow furrowed and he nodded. I watched as he swallowed hard again and knotted his hands in his lap.
Experiencing more sorrow for this man than I ever had for a patient before, I took a deep breath. “When you were found… you were in a bit of a state to say the least. As I told you before, all you had in your possession was a tatty leather jacket, an iPod and a note. It… it was evidently a suicide note.”
His eyes widened and he stood a little too quickly. The colour drained from his face and his hands were visibly shaking as he ran them over his head then rubbed at his face again. “So that’s what she fucking meant. The risk. The razor. You all thought I was going to kill myself.”
First Annie, and now Patty and her big mouth strike again. “Well… you can understand our trepidation. You had a large amount of sedatives, alcohol, and other prescription medication in your bloodstream. You should’ve been dead, Cameron. How the hell you survived that with so little internal damage is something that none of the doctors can figure out. You must have an ironclad constitution, that’s for sure.” I immediately clamped my mouth shut. What the hell was wrong with me blabbing on like I knew the man? Hell, he didn’t even know himself!
He flopped onto the couch again and dropped his head into his hands. “But… I don’t…”
“Look, I apologise. That was very blunt and it must be difficult to have such information offloaded on you like that.”
His blue gaze met mine again. “No, no it’s fine. I get the feeling I’m a straight-up kind of guy. I’m glad you told me. So… am I allowed to know what the note said exactly?”
I hesitated and dropped my focus to the file at my side. The letter was in there. It was against my better judgement to show him the note at this point. I wanted his memory to return so that he could tell me why the attempt to take his own life had occurred—if indeed he had written the note. His surprise at the mention of suicide confused the issue. As if moving of their own accord, my fingers slipped into the file and pulled out the letter. I inhaled nervously through my nose as I held it toward him.
As he leaned forward, I caught the clean, fresh scent of body wash. A manly fragranced body wash—it wasn’t the hospital’s standard issue stock—and I wondered if it was something that someone had given him especially or if it was just the usual stuff and it just smelled so much more manly because it was mingled with his own unique scent. He reached and took the paper from my hands, brushing his fingers over mine. As our skin made contact, his eyes travelled rapidly up to meet mine as if I’d given him an electric shock. He stared at me for what felt like minutes, but eventually the spell was once again broken and he turned his attention to the letter.
A myriad of emotions flashed across his face, and his lips moved as he read. Those kissable lips that had been distorted by the ventilator only a matter of days ago. Those lips that had been so close to mine as he intimidated me and turned me on all at once. I watched him closely for any indication that he knew the note was written in his hand, but all I saw was confusion.
After what seemed like an age he lifted his gaze. “C-Cameron Iss… is… is that me?”
My heart broke at the lost look that had taken over his sculpted face. “I really don’t know. We’ve searched records and contacted the US embassy since you gained consciousness, but no one by that name has been reported missing. If the DNA results don’t bring anything up, we may have to wait until you regain more of your memory before we can determine your identity for sure. In the meantime you’ll need to stay in the hospital so that we know you’re safe.”
“But… I’d rather go back to the USA and try to figure this shit out. Can’t I, I don’t know, be transferred or something?”
I shook my head. “I’m afraid it’s not that simple. You have no passport. Perhaps the reason no one in the US has reported you missing is because you actually reside here… In Scotland. Cameron is a very Scottish name, after all. Or perhaps Cameron Iss isn’t your name. Iss is very unusual and certainly not Scottish. In fact the name is very uncommon and found mostly around New York.”
He exhaled a long, loud breath and ran his hands through his dark, scruffy hair again. “So… what happens now?”
“Well, we wait. You appear to be dreaming
about scenarios that could actually be flashbacks. We need to meet regularly in order to figure out if that’s the case. They may become more vivid and more frequent.” My mind involuntarily flashed back to my own vivid dreams. Images of him looming over me as he drove into me, pushing me toward ecstasy, appeared in my frontal cortex and I felt that familiar throb between my legs. My nipples pushed forward at the lace of my bra and I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the ill-timed fantasy.
He nodded and then fixed his gaze on me again. He stood and skirted around the wooden coffee table that sat between us and closed the remaining distance. Taking the space beside me, he sat on my couch. My heart responded immediately with a faster rhythm.
He lifted my hand and brought it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss there. “I’m so sorry for what happened yesterday, Kelly. I… I don’t know what came over me. I just seemed to… snap I guess. I’m a little scared that that’s who I am. Some dickweed who intimidates women. I… I don’t want to be that person. I hope you can forgive me.”
My heart pounded in my chest and butterflies set about dancing in my stomach. My free hand rested in my personal alarm and with an unsteady voice I replied, “I already said I’d forgiven you.”
A crease appeared on his forehead and he looked anguished. “But you’re afraid of me. I can see it in your eyes.” He stopped speaking for a moment as he stared at me… through me… into me. “You have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen, do you know that?”
It wasn’t fear he saw in my eyes. Trying to remain professional and emotionally distant, I moved back slightly. “Mr Iss… seeing as that’s what we’ll have to call you for now… I most certainly do not know that I have the most beautiful green eyes you’ve ever seen. Seeing as I don’t know you, how would I be party to such personal information?”
A smile played on his lips as he leaned further in toward me and inhaled through his nose. My breath quickened and I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. “I love it when you get all feisty like that. God, I can’t help myself. You really do smell good.” His eyes fluttered closed briefly just like the day before. When he opened them again his pupils were dilated. He still gripped my hand in his and I sat frozen to the spot. Unable to move. Mesmerised by him.
Heat flooded my bloodstream and I swallowed. A wry smirk appeared on his full lips. “What I wouldn’t give for just a little taste,” he whispered, his lips perilously close to mine. My head told me to call for security or activate my alarm, but the heat of his breath so close to my mouth left me incapacitated.
I cleared my throat. “Okay, Mr Iss. That will be all for today. It’s best to keep our sessions brief for now to ensure we don’t tire you out too much. You can return to your room now.” I tried to project my voice in a way that exuded confidence but instead it came out husky and sultry.
I was under his spell. And I liked it.
He stood steadily. “Just in case you’re wondering, I have no desire to off myself. I do, however, have other desires. Shame I’m so weak right now. I have a feeling I could rock your world.” He covered the pronounced ridge in his jeans with the hand that had been clutching mine only moments before, pulled his bottom lip through his teeth and smiled. It wasn’t an arrogant smile though. It was a smile that told me he was messing with me, in spite of the inappropriate hand positioning. “Sorry, ma’am. Right now, that’s pretty much all I know about myself.”
I suspected he wasn’t sorry in the least. I pursed my lips and stifled the smile trying to break through.
I stood and smoothed my slacks down my legs as I stepped away from him. I needed the distance—especially since now I was imagining him running his hands along my thighs. “That’s good to know. Thank you. Goodbye, Mr Iss.” I bent to gather my papers and could feel his stare on my behind as I moved. I turned to face him once again, and with my gaze fixed firmly on his I called, “Patty, you can escort Mr Iss back now!”
The psychiatric nurse burst through the door as if she’d been listening at the keyhole—and I wouldn’t have put that past her.
Holding her arm out to Cameron, she said, “Come on, hon. Let’s get you back to bed.”
He smirked at her. “I bet you say that to all the mysterious, handsome yanks.” He winked over at me, and I couldn’t help but smile. Patty tapped his arm playfully and muttered something about his being young enough to be her son, but the blush on her cheeks gave her away. It apparently wasn’t just me that he had that effect on.
Chapter Six
Kelly
I had to get inside the man’s head. He couldn’t remember who he was and that intrigued me like no other case I had worked on. He was unique. In more ways than one. Something drew me to him and that scared me. He had the kind of eyes that hypnotised. I was having to avoid eye contact for fear of turning into a damp-pantied, needy mess in his presence.
At the end of the day I took his iPod from the filing cabinet. The police had dusted it for prints already and listened to the contents therein but had reported the results as inconclusive. They had handed it back in case I needed it for my work with him, and I was glad that they had. Perhaps it would give me a little insight into what made Cameron tick.
I was a great believer in being able to learn a hell of a lot about someone from his musical taste. I hoped I wasn’t wrong.
Once at home, I showered and dressed in my pj’s and slipped the iPod into my own docking station. Just as I was about to hit play, the phone rang. Bloody great timing.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Kel. It’s just me,” my best friend, Esme, said. “I wondered if we’re doing dinner at the weekend. I feel like I haven’t seen you for ages.” Esme was right. We had texted back and forth, but I hadn’t been out with her for around four weeks. And it was four weeks too long.
“Oh, hi, Ez. Yeah, that’d be good. We could try that new Italian maybe?”
“Orrr, we could just walk down to Johnny Foxes and have a bite there?” Esme was a creature of habit. But I loved that I always knew where I was with her.
“I suppose we could. But where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I think I left it at Johnny Foxes and that’s why I need to go back.” She giggled and I joined in.
The rest of the conversation was filled with ridiculous talk about Internet dating and her setting me up with friends of hers. I’d been stung by that situation before and had vowed never to go down that road again. I knew she meant well, and a date with another man would be a good way to get Cameron Iss out of my mind—or maybe not, since fucking Dermott hadn’t helped in the least—but most of her male friends actually fancied her and only went out with me as a way to get closer to her.
No thanks.
No more.
Once the call had ended, I poured myself a glass of red wine and hit play on the iPod. I braced myself for what was to come. The intro to the first track was soft and melodic, and I began to wonder why I had expected the contrary. However, as the lyrics came in I realised that maybe my first instincts weren’t so far from the mark.
The track, highlighted on the screen as “The Noose” by A Perfect Circle, talked of someone’s heinous deeds being hidden and lied about, and I wondered what on earth someone had done to him to make him listen to such a song. And who was it that had wronged him to spark such bitterness?
The second track sent shivers down my spine. Images of a heartbroken man sitting alone with tears streaming down his face assaulted my mind. My own tears spilled over. From the lyrics I imagined he had lost someone he loved dearly. But perhaps he just enjoyed melancholy music. I guess these were questions I would only find answers to once his memory began to return.
I just hoped that it would begin to return.
The song, “Set Fire to the Third Bar” by Snow Patrol had me reading between invisible lines and coming to conclusions that I had no basis for. But if my gut feeling was right, this man was heartbroken. And once more I realised that this song told me things about Cameron that I cou
ldn’t ascertain.
Next came “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. Wow. The picture building in my mind was one filled with regret, hate, and loss. I began to wonder if perhaps his amnesia was some kind of self-preservation/self-defence mechanism. A way to wipe the pain from his mind. If the songs told a true story, then the man was broken. I just hoped I could help him to rebuild and repair.
I closed my eyes and drifted off to the shoreline at Rosemarkie.
The sun was setting and I turned to my right side to look toward Chanonry Point, but he was there blocking my view and creating something all the more worth looking at. His eyes were filled with pain, and the descending sun caught on the damp trails tracing down his cheeks, making them glisten. I reached up to wipe one away, but he grasped my wrist and pulled me firmly into his hard, muscular chest.
I winced as his other hand fisted in my hair and he crushed his lips into mine with a frustrated aggression that both scared and excited me. The pained noise rippling from his chest as he thrust his tongue into my mouth made my heart clench. Unable to resist, I gripped his shirt and let him lay me down in the warm sand.
“I need you, Kelly. Only you can help me,” came as a hoarse, emotion-filled whisper as I felt him harden against me. The wetness of his tears mingled with my own as my will crumbled completely. In that moment I would have done anything to help heal his fractured heart and damaged soul.
A strange noise yanked me from my trance-like state, and when I lifted my hand to my cheek, I felt the tears that I had unknowingly shed for Cameron and realised the noise had been a sob leaving my body. Unable to continue, I hit the off button and climbed the stairs to my room. I was emotionally drained. And even though he hadn’t directly told me in our meetings, the songs on the iPod were a deep insight into the broken man I was growing to desire above any ethics that provided an obstacle. My heart ached for the mysterious man enlisted to my care, and I wondered if perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew.
Bad Company: Company of Sinners MC #1 Page 5