“When they saw she was hurt really bad, the two guys freaked out and left her there, escaping out the back and across the fields onto the land they were trying to buy.”
My heart hammered at my chest as I heard Colt recount the death of my beloved Melody. Nausea washed over me and I leaned my head in my hands. “But… but if Melody got killed, why was Rosa taken? And what the fuck happened to me?”
Colt sighed heavily. “Because, son, as soon as you found out what had happened, you took your gun back from Weasel and went and killed one of the two guys who tried to kidnap Melody. The reason things went to hell is because it turned out you killed Deak’s younger brother.”
My skin crawled with cold sweat and I almost lost my breakfast. I’d killed a guy after all. The relief at not being the one who killed Deak’s daughter was short-lived. Who the hell was I? Who the hell am I now? Suddenly Kelly’s beautiful smiling face came to mind, and my stomach plummeted once more. What the hell would she think of me? I had killed a man. I was a cold-blooded murderer. Okay, so it was some kind of revenge killing, but two wrongs never make a damn right. She would never look at me again the same. If I hadn’t already lost her, this would have been the final nail in the coffin. My eyes began to sting and I was overcome with homesickness for a place that never should have been my home—but it was, because she was there. The need to crumple into Kelly’s arms and have her tell me she forgave me for all the shit in my past was so overwhelming. A strangled sob left my chest as I dropped my head forward into my hands again. Could this situation get any more fucked up?
Colt laced his fingers together before himself. “Deak snapped. He’d lost his daughter and his brother, and you were the fucking devil. He wanted you dead. He blamed you for his daughter’s death, and then you made shit a whole lot worse. And then I heard through Sadie that they were going to take Rosa.”
My eyes snapped up to meet Colt’s. “Sadie? I don’t—”
“She was one of the house bunnies,” Six chipped in. “You and Sadie used to fuck. She was one of many, Cain. You liked the ladies. Before you fell for Melody, that is. Sadie had it bad for you and didn’t take too kindly to losing you when you chose to be faithful to Mel. When all the shit went down, she left and joined the Legion in some stupid bid to get her revenge. But she heard stuff being said and felt bad, so she came to tell me.”
I turned to face Six. “Okay… So where did they take Rosa?”
Colt cleared his throat, and my head snapped back so that I could meet his gaze. “They didn’t take her.” Colt looked me right in the eyes as he delivered his news.
I shivered, not completely understanding but wanting to, needing to get to the bottom of things. “Then who did?”
“We did.” Colt’s matter-of-fact tone made the hairs on my arms stand to attention.
I stood, ready to pounce. “What the fuck?”
Six stood beside me and placed his hands on my shoulders.
I shrugged him off.
Colt held both his hands up. “Sit down, Cain. It’s not how it sounds. Please… just sit.”
I gulped down the knot of anger in my throat and, dropped my body heavily into the chair once again. “This had better be fucking good.”
“Rosa is safe. She’s somewhere the Legion won’t find her. We had to take the necessary precautions, Cain. But rest assured, your sister is safe and well.”
I scrambled around my brain, trying to piece together the dreams I’d had, the terror I know I’d seen her endure. “But… she was crying and shouting at the men who held me. They hit me and she saw—”
“That’s why we took her. They attacked you when you were driving her home from school one night. Luckily we’d been tipped off by Sadie and we got there just before they killed you. Rosa was distraught. We took her into the Denver territory, and from there she was moved on. You… well, we had to fake your death. You were drugged and hidden on board a container ship. Jinx, one of our guys, was in charge of drugging you to start with, but he paid someone on board ship to keep you unconscious until you arrived wherever the ship was going. We thought it was better not to know. Anyways, Jinx wrote the instructions out for the guy on board ship, but when it was too late and the ship had already sailed, he realised he’d gotten the calculations wrong and that he had given you too much of the drug. Jinx was convinced you were dead. But there was nothing we could do. We didn’t know where you were. And there was no way for us to find out. He didn’t know the guy he’d paid off. There was no way to contact him. We were pretty sure that if the guy had found you dead, he would have thrown you over board. No one would have been any wiser. You get the picture? And anyways, if we had been able to contact the guy and we’d have tried to locate you, they would have followed. And you’d be dead regardless.”
I looked down at my hands. They were shaking violently.
As if there were some divine intervention at work, the door opened and Delilah walked in sheepishly with a glass full of amber liquid. “I… I’m sorry to barge in but… I figured Cain might need a drink.”
Colt glanced up and nodded, gesturing for her to come in. I turned my head and stretched my lips into something like a smile as she handed me the glass. I gripped it with a juddering hand and took a large gulp. She squeezed my shoulder and left.
I closed my eyes briefly, trying to make sense of it all and not having much success. When I opened them again, I took a large gulp from the glass; the burn that followed the swallow told me it was neat whiskey. “So… you… you didn’t kill Melody? And you didn’t try to kill me?”
“Fuck no!” Colt leaned across the table and gripped my arm. “You are family, son. You, Rosa, Melody. Family, do you hear me? We were trying to protect all of you. I know it seems like a fucking dumb-ass way to go about it, but… it seemed like it was a good plan.”
“But… I remember… I had a flashback of you and me arguing about me wanting out. I thought…”
“I won’t lie to you. It broke my heart that you wanted out. And I knew that this shit was going on, and I couldn’t tell you what they were planning. But the Legion had already green lighted you. If I’d told you what was going down, you would have tried to sort it out yourself and gotten killed for sure. I couldn’t risk that. I hope you understand. And I’m sorry that things got so fucked up. The suicide note, the additional drug to wipe your memory, and the alias were supposed to keep you out of the country. We figured that while the authorities wherever you wound up tried to figure out who you were, you’d be safe. We hoped they’d lock you up in some hospital and look after you. Well, that was the original plan, but then Jinx realized he’d fucked up big-time and we thought you were dead. We had no way of finding out.”
I clenched my jaw and spoke through my gritted teeth. My knuckles turned white where I gripped the glass in my hand as I remembered the club’s betrayal. “But the police in Scotland tried to contact Cosmic. No one would admit to knowing me. Is it any wonder I was suspicious?”
“I know. I know. We thought that if we welcomed you back, you’d wind up at the mercy of Loki’s Legion. Fuck knows what they would have done to you if they’d gotten to you.”
Anger was building inside of me. “You could’ve just told me from the start. You didn’t have to drag me through hell.”
Colt banged his hands on the table. “Be honest, Cain. What does your gut tell you that you would’ve done if we’d told you?”
I thought for a moment. “I would have… I…” Revengeful thoughts ran through my head as the image of Melody lying in a pool of blood assaulted my frontal lobe.
Colt held his hands up. “Exactly, Cain. You would have wound up tortured and dead and Rosa would too.”
And what if somehow I’d convinced Kelly to come back here to Utah with me? The thought that I could have potentially put her in danger through my own selfish need for her made me hate myself.
My clenching jaw ticked. “I don’t understand why you couldn’t come up with another fucking plan.”
“We had so little time. When we found you out at the Legion warehouse, you were in a bad state. Rosa was next. And fuck knows what they would have done to her, Cain.”
But they hadn’t done it. Because the Company had gotten us out of there.
I rubbed my hands over my face as some kind of acceptance washed over me. I was alive. Rosa was alive. My memory was coming back. I had a lot to be thankful for—all things considered.
I sighed heavily. “So… now that I’m back?”
Colt’s nostrils flared and he clenched his fists before him on the table. He glanced over at Six, and when his stare met mine again, I saw a dark foreboding in his eyes. “If you want to stay alive… you can’t stay here.”
Chapter Thirty
Kelly
Life after Cain was uneventful to begin with. But images of him haunted me. Conversations we’d had during our sessions played over and over in my mind. The sound of his voice the time we had sat in the park before I took him to my home and my bed for the first time kept replaying in my mind like the soundtrack to the most powerful and heartbreaking of all the memories.
Every single time he popped into my head, the accompanying ache knotted my insides and made my eyes sting. It had been a week. That’s all. Just one week. And I was in pieces. There was no end in sight.
I was just about functioning on a day-to-day basis, but being at home, alone, was difficult. I could feel him there. I know that sounds crazy, but it was as if the place were haunted by his memory. I knew he was still alive and I know ghosts are a myth, but it’s the only way I could explain how it felt to be without him.
I was desolate.
I hadn’t known him that long, but that didn’t matter to my heart. Nor did it minimise the vastness of the pain I felt.
Nights were the worst. I would lie in bed and close my eyes, hoping that a dreamless sleep would come and be kind to me, but of course it never happened. My dreams were so vivid. So real. I could feel his fingertips on my body. Smell his skin. Feel his weight on top of me only to wake and discover I was still alone and he was still in America.
Esme had been amazing. I have no idea how I would have got through losing Cain without her. She’d taken me on several nights out—along with lunches, dinners, and even breakfasts. I guessed she thought I wasn’t eating, as she was continually trying to ply me with food. In a way I have to admit that she was right. I had very little appetite.
I threw myself into work head first. I had some very interesting cases to work with, and I was doing a lot of outreach stuff too. Patty was constantly asking if I was okay. I must have been wearing my despondency like a merit badge. I was, however, managing to convince myself that I was fine.
At least I thought I was.
Sitting at home on a Friday night was no fun. But then again, excitement was something that had been distinctly lacking in my life since Cain left. I was halfway through a bottle of red wine and a large packet of very salty crisps when the landline rang.
“Hello?” My tone was filled with disinterest.
“Hi, sexpot! Long time no fuck,” came the familiar chuckle down the line.
“Urgh… Dermott, I’m not coming out if that’s why you’re calling.”
“You’re not? Shit, you sound half-pissed and grumpy as hell. I’ll be right over. You need cheering up.”
“No, no I’m—” The line went clunk as he hung up before I could get my sentence of protest out. Oh, shit.
I glanced down at my scratty yoga pants with a patch of off white in a blob on one leg where I had spilled yoghurt earlier. Well, he’ll just have to take me as he finds me, ‘cause I’m not getting changed.
Twenty minutes later there was a knock on my door. I dragged myself off the couch and looked through the peephole. Dermott’s face looked bulbous as he gurned at me through the tiny hole. I rolled my eyes and yanked the door open.
“There she—” His smile disappeared “Oh, shit, what happened to you?”
“Nothing. Just working hard, that’s all.”
His eyes trailed down my body and back up again. “Well, you look like shit.”
“You don’t have to bloody stay! Fuck off back home!” I shouted, giving him a shove for good measure.
He just laughed and grabbed me, pulling me against his chest. “Oooh, I love it when you’re feisty. When was your last good shag?”
I pushed him away from me. “Good grief, Dermott, is sex all you think about?”
“Nope. I think about the state of the global economy from time to time, but that’s not half as much fun.”
His cheesy grin made me smile as it usually did. He meant no harm. In fact I got the feeling that sex wasn’t actually the thing that was on his mind for once.
“Why are you here?” I huffed sulkily.
He flung his arm around my shoulder and rested his head on mine as we walked into the living room. “Like I said, I got the feeling that you needed cheering up.” He held up the carrier bag in his other hand. “I brought Bridesmaids on DVD. It’s gross in places but so bloody funny. If that doesn’t cheer you up, then nothing will.”
I punched his arm playfully. “Awww. Don’t tell me you’re going soft on me?”
“Nah. I’m hoping you’ll cheer up enough for a quicky.” This time when I punched him it was a lot harder, but all he did was guffaw loudly.
The movie was a lot of fun and we almost ate our weight in popcorn and crisps; but when it was time for Dermott to leave, a sadness seeped in to kick out the temporary good mood I’d been experiencing.
Dermott hugged me as we stood at the door to say goodbye. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?”
I allowed my gaze to drift anywhere but at him. “No.”
“Don’t beat around the bush, Darrow, eh?”
“Sorry, but it’s just something I have to deal with by myself.”
He sighed and rested his chin on my head. “Do you want me to stay?”
“I’m not fucking you, Dermott.”
He chuckled. “I kind of already gathered that. I just meant to keep you company. You don’t seem yourself, and I’m worried about you.”
His kind tone made my eyes sting, and I pulled away.
He tilted my chin and looked into my eyes, and I could tell he was assessing me. “Have you fallen for someone Kelly?”
Unable to reply with words, I closed my eyes and nodded my head as tears spilled over.
He pulled me into a hug. “Oh, sweetheart. I knew there was something going on. Who is he? Want me to punch him for you?”
“You can’t. He’s not in this country.”
“Shame. If he’s hurt you, I’ll get on a fucking plane and go find him. What did he do?”
“Nothing. He did nothing. He just… had to leave.” He stroked my hair and I was overcome with sadness. “But he didn’t hurt me. Not through any fault of his own.”
“This has been going on a while, hasn’t it?”
I nodded again. “I need to forget about him and get on my with my life. I’m just finding it a little difficult, that’s all.”
He cupped my face and ran his thumbs over my cheeks to wipe away the tears. “Look… I know I’ve treated you like a… like a… well, like a fuck buddy, but… I care about you too, Kelly. I hate to see you so sad. The light’s gone from your eyes and I want to help. If there’s anything that I can do to make this easier, then just tell me, okay? And I don’t mean rebound sex. I mean anything, Kelly. You’re one of my dearest friends, and you’re usually so full of life. Even when you’re tired out, you’ve usually still got fight in you. But now you just look… lost. I don’t like it.”
I forced a smile. “I’m not too keen on feeling this way either.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
I mulled over his suggestion for a few seconds. “Yes. But there won’t be any sex.”
“How about I sleep in your bed and just hold you? I’ll keep my undies on.”
He had a way of making me smile. �
�That would be nice, thank you.”
He removed his coat, and we made our way back through to the living room. I walked to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water, brushed my teeth, and stared at my pale face and sunken eyes in the mirror. Dermott was right. The light in my eyes was dim—if it was there at all.
When I arrived in my bedroom, Dermott was already under the duvet. He’d kept his T-shirt on and I presumed his boxers too. I climbed into bed beside him and he pulled me into his warm, comforting embrace. He held me close and stroked my hair as my tears soaked his T-shirt.
I heard him sniffling and I pulled away. “Dermott? Dermott, what’s wrong?”
He cleared his throat and chuckled. “Oh, God, take no bloody notice of me. I’m feeling all sentimental.”
I reached up and wiped his damp cheek. “Sentimental? You? Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A mixture of things, I guess. I think I always expected that you and I would end up together, which I know is crazy. But… This is the end of you and me and any chance there was for us, and that’s kind of sad. But… I hate to see you hurting like this. I love you, Kelly. And you deserve to be happy. You deserve someone who can make you smile, not cry. I just hope… I just hope he realises what a sweet, wonderful woman he has left behind and comes back to make things right.” His voice cracked, and his words caused more of my own tears to fall. The tenderness he was showing was so out of character, but I loved him for it. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him that Cain wasn’t coming back. Ever.
I nuzzled into Dermott’s chest once more, and for the first time ever, I felt that he understood my silence. There was no need for more words. This was the end of the Dermott and me from before. We were entering brand-new territory. As he held me close, I drifted to sleep properly for the first time since Cain had left.
Chapter Thirty-One
Cain
Bad Company: Company of Sinners MC #1 Page 22