The grey haired woman smiled kindly at me and held up her hand to halt me. “It’s okay. I’ve been expecting you. I’m Ellen, come on in.”
She stepped aside so that I could enter what turned out to be a small apartment. I glanced around the tidy space and spotted a framed photo of the woman with the guy from the café downstairs and a dark-haired, blue-eyed girl I recognised immediately as my kid sister. A lump tightened my throat and my eyes misted over.
“She’s a fine young woman. You should be very proud of the job you did bringing her up, Cain.”
I sniffed and wiped my eyes on my sleeves before turning and offering a smile. Words evaded me. My heart ached. I wanted to hold Rosa just so that I could see for myself that she was okay.
“Come on and sit down.” She gestured to the couch. “Can I get you a drink? Coffee perhaps?”
I walked over and sat, then I shook my head. “No, no thanks, I’m good. Where is—”
“Don’t worry. She’s at the local adult ed. centre. She’s catching up on her high school diploma. She’s a bright kid.”
“Yeah, she always was. Even when she was a lot younger she wanted to know ‘why’ about every damn thing. Used to drive me crazy. In the best way though.”
“Oh, I can imagine. It took her a little while to settle, but… she’s doing well. Although she’s restless. You can see it in her eyes. She’s always looking to the horizon.”
I chuckled. “Yeah. She must get that from me.” I chewed at my lip for a moment and chose my words carefully. “Did she… did she cope okay after I was gone? You know, when they brought her here?”
“Honey, she is a tough cookie, but she’d been through such a lot. She hasn’t been here that long really, but I feel she has made progress in the time she’s been with Hank and me.”
Something niggled at the back of my mind. “I thought she was being looked after by part of the Cosmic charter here in Idaho.”
Ellen smiled warmly again. “Oh, she is, dear. Hank was president up until he hit sixty and started with heart trouble. I’ve spent many hours on the back of his bike. Too many. But we retired and bought the place downstairs. The house joined on is where Hank and I live and where Rosa has been staying. She comes up here to study. We usually have members of the club hanging out in the shop or in my kitchen, so she likes the quiet.”
I smiled as I imagined her sitting with her nose in a book. “I’m proud of her for studying again. She hates school.”
“Well… she’s quite the artist, you know. I’m amazed no one has picked up on that before. And she’s a whiz with a needle and thread.”
“Yeah. I always tried to encourage that, but you know how kids are. You tell them one thing and they straight up go and do something different.”
Ellen laughed as if she totally got what I meant. I was so happy that someone as kind as Ellen had been looking after Rosa. She had been missing a mother figure for many years. This was probably what she needed.
The front door opened, and I heard a familiar voice. “Hey, Ellen, I’m home! Are you here?”
My heart felt like it might swell right out of my chest. Rosa walked into the living room and stopped dead. Her eyes widened and she gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. She looked beautiful. Her long dark hair was now all shoulder length and choppy. She looked really grown up. She’d kept the blue streak in front, and that made me smile. I realised I was staring—but then again, she was staring too.
“You… you can’t be here. You’re… you’re dead,” she whispered through her fingers, and the colour drained from her cheeks. “You’re not real. What the hell? I don’t… Ellen!” she called as she dropped to her knees in the doorway. Both Ellen and I lunged for her, but I got there first.
I scooped her up in my arms and stroked her hair. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s me and I’m not dead. I’m very much alive. And I’m not leaving you again.”
She buried her face in my neck and clung to me as she sobbed my name over and over again. My own tears escaped once more and soaked into her hair. “Shhh… it’s okay, Rosa. We’re gonna be okay. You and me against the world, kiddo. Just like before.” My voice cracked as I tried so damned hard to reassure her.
“But they killed you. They beat you and then when Colt got there, you were so badly injured that they couldn’t save you. You can’t be here!” she cried as she pulled away and hammered her fists into my chest. “You left me alone. I lost Mom and Dad then Melody and then I lost you. I was so alone. Where have you been? Why didn’t you come home if you were okay? You fucking bastard! You were my only family. My only family and you left. Just like the rest of them.” She stopped hitting me and crumpled into a heap in my lap, clutching onto my waist as if she thought I would float away on a breeze. Sobs racked her body and broke my heart as she let out all the anguish and pain she’d had pent up since I disappeared.
How the hell do I make this damn situation right?
I bent myself over her protectively and engulfed her in my arms as I spluttered out my words in an emotion-filled croak. “I know, sweetheart. And I am so, so sorry. I’ll explain it all someday. I promise.” How can I ever tell her I lost my mind in Scotland… and left my heart there when I came back? “But right now… from right now, I’m going nowhere. You hear me? You’re stuck with me.”
She pulled away and gazed up at me with clear blue eyes that matched mine. “You promise?”
I held her face in my palms and rested my forehead on hers, trying to focus on my sister and my life here with her, trying not to grieve for Kelly, though even now my body ached with missing her. Rosa was my family. And taking care of her had to be enough. “I swear on my life. And apart from you, that’s the most precious thing I have.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Kelly
Skye was fast becoming my favourite place in the world. The fact that I made a life-changing decision in the two weeks I was there told me it was fate. The job at the elderly people’s centre had been meant for me. Alex and Esme had known it before I knew it myself. But they were so right. To be honest, the role really did appeal to me right from the start. And the meeting with Christian, the centre manager, had gone so well that I had butterflies fluttering around in my stomach whilst I waited for news to come in.
There I was in a stunning part of the world. Not too far away from my friends. With the possibility of a career change that would take me away from a job that was draining me emotionally and instead place me into something that could be wholly fulfilling. If I ignored the emptiness inside of me created when Cain left. Some of the time, I could.
Like I said… fate.
The eagerly awaited call came on the Friday of the second week on Skye. Esme and I were on the top of the world. Well, that’s what it felt like, standing at the summit of one of the smaller mountains in the Quiraing when my cell rang. I stared at in disbelief for a while, wondering how the hell I had a signal all the way out there.
Esme nudged me and nodded at the thing. “It could be important, you nutter.”
I hit the answer button and stuttered my greeting across the airwaves. “H-hello?”
“Kelly? It’s Chris Sampson. Is this a good time? You sound a little windswept.”
“Oh, hi, Chris. Yes I’m at the top of the Quiraing.” I laughed at my explanation.
“Oh, I love it up there. Great views. Listen. You might get more opportunities to spend time up there from next month. We’d like to offer you the job. And we’d like you to start as soon as possible. Obviously we know you’ll need time to think it through.”
My heart skipped in my chest, and I began to hop from one foot to the other, waving my free hand and mouthing the words “I got it!” to my best friend, who stood a very short distance away.
She covered her mouth with her hands and also began to dance around silently. It’s was a good thing we were the only people up there, or we may have been carted off to a secure unit.
“That’s wonderful. I don’t need time t
o think. I’d like to accept.” My smile was wide and it felt good to be happy. Esme began to wipe errant tears from her cheeks.
“Well, I have to say that’s wonderful news, Kelly. We can’t wait to have you on board. Keep in touch and let us know when you have a start date in mind.”
“I will, and thank you again for the opportunity, Christian.”
“No, it’s we here at the centre who are thankful. Speak soon, Kelly.”
I hit the end call button and proceeded to continue jumping around with Esme. Her blonde curls bounced around from under her woolly hat. We squealed and danced a jig on the top of the Quiraing like a pair of total fruit loops, but we didn’t care.
Once back at the cottage Esme surprised me with a bottle of champagne. “Where the hell were you hiding that, you crafty bugger?” I laughed as the cork shot across the small kitchen, narrowly missing the light fitting.
“It’s been in the wood shed. I knew you’d get the job. I just didn’t expect it to be this week! I was going to surprise you with this tomorrow night for our last night here, but what the hell. Now we have a real reason to celebrate.”
I held out the two wine glasses I had gotten out of the cupboard, and Esme filled them as far as the bubbles would allow. She made a toast and we both took a slurp of our delicious fizzy beverages. The log stove had been lit, and the amber glow in the living room matched the warm tingle I had inside.
It was going to be a fresh start. A completely blank slate.
And I couldn’t wait.
If only Cain were going to be making the journey with me…
Back at home I began the task of working my notice at the hospital and searching for a place to rent near Portree on Skye until I sold my Inverness property. I also had to inform Dermott of my change of direction. I had arranged for him to come over with a Chinese takeaway, and I had bought a couple of bottles of wine in—mainly for my benefit, as my nerves were jangling.
We had arranged our meetup for the Friday that followed my Saturday arrival back in Inverness and I was sitting on the couch chewing on my thumb nail awaiting his arrival. The wine was already open and a half-drunk glass sat before me on the coffee table.
There was a knock at the door and I checked the clock. He was bloody early. Typical. At least I can get this done and out of the way, I suppose. With a happy grin plastered on my face, I pulled the door open.
Dermott looked very handsome. His dirty-blonde hair was messy as if he had not long since been showered. His green eyes sparkled and his megawatt smile elicited an even bigger smile from me.
“Hey, you.” I stepped aside so he could walk in.
“Hey, gorgeous. Get some plates out. I’m starving.” He walked through to the kitchen like he owned the place and plonked the brown paper bag of food on the countertop.
The aroma of Szechuan chicken made my mouth water, and my stomach gave an appreciative gurgle. “So how are you? Apart from hungry that is?” I asked as I grabbed plates from the cupboard and then cutlery from the drawer.
He sighed. “Oh, you know… busy… horny… same old, same old.”
I placed the utensils down, rolled my eyes, and turned to face him. “On that note, I have news.” No time like the present. Rip off that Band-Aid, Kelly.
“Oh, yeah?” He stepped toward me and slipped his arms around my waist. “You horny too, eh?” He waggled his eyebrows.
Slapping his hands away and stepping back to create some much-needed distance, I fixed him with a steely stare. “No. You know very well that’s not happening between us anymore.”
He stuck out his bottom lip. “Spoilsport.”
“Seriously, Dermott, I have something pretty major to tell you.”
He folded his arms and leaned against the countertop. “Go on, then. What is it?”
“I’m… I’m moving.”
He raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Oooh, that’s exciting. This place is a bit small. You should look at those new apartments near me. Bigger. More contemporary. I could really see—”
“To Skye.”
His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth but no sound came out.
I took a deep, calming breath. “I’ve been offered a job working at a residential centre for the elderly near Portree. It should be really great. I’m very excited about it.”
He sniggered. “Are you joking? Is this a joke? You working with old folk?”
Strange reaction. I shook my head slowly. “No, Dermott. It’s happening… for real.”
I watched his Adam’s apple as it bobbed and his jaw as it clenched. He snorted a ridiculous fake laugh. “I see. You know, if the sex was that bad, you could’ve just said so. And we did agree we weren’t doing it again, so you didn’t have to move that far away.”
I watched as his cheeks turned a shade of pink that I had never witnessed on him before. I wondered why he was behaving that way. “Are you okay, Dermott?”
He nodded emphatically. “Oh, yeah… yeah, fine. So, long-distance fuck buddies, then, eh?” He forced another laugh and my concern grew.
Shit. He was taking it harder than I ever imagined. “Dermott, you just said we’re not doing that anymore, remember?”
An uneasy silence fell over the room and neither of us made eye contact. The food was no doubt going cold and my hunger had turned into a knot of anxiety.
After what felt like hours, Dermott stepped toward me. “Don’t go, Kelly. Please.”
I pulled my brow in and met his panicked gaze. What the hell? “I’m sorry, but my mind is already made up. I’ve accepted the position. It’s all sorted.”
He stepped closer still and gripped my arms. “I love you, Kelly. I’m… I’m in love with you. Always have been. Please don’t leave.”
What!
Doing my best impersonation of a Venus fly trap awaiting its prey, I stood there, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, unable to find the words to respond to his shocking revelation.
“Say something, Kel. Please?”
“B-but Dermott… I don’t feel that way about you, you know this. We talked about this a while ago when you stayed over and we agreed that we would just be friends. We tried a relationship at university—”
“We can make it work. The sex is amazing and… and I can protect you. No one will fucking hurt you again. Ever. Not bloody idiots who don’t love you back and bugger off to God knows where. Not crazy bitches with staplers. No one, Kelly. I love you. Stay with me. Please?”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Kelly
I stood there before Dermott as he spilled his heart out to me, and all I could think about was Cain. How much I missed him. How much I wished it were him standing before me, expressing his innermost feelings. But Cain was thousands of miles away, moving on with his life.
Dermott and I had known each other for so long, and at one time I had thought we had a chance at making things work just like he had admitted not so long ago. But not anymore. Admittedly, since meeting Cain, I had been spoiled for any other man. I couldn’t imagine any man making me feel the way Cain did. And I don’t just mean sexually—though if anyone could even come close to that, it would be Dermott. But Cain had captured my heart, and in him I had found the other half of my soul. It was something that I couldn’t really explain. But it was something that I knew. Suddenly things clicked into place as thoughts about Cain and Dermott rampaged around my head. The sex between Cain and me was so amazing because he was the yin to my yang. Because he was my other half. Because he had captured my heart. I gasped at the realisation and closed my eyes briefly, almost forgetting Dermott was standing before me.
I opened my eyes as guilt washed over me and Dermott pleaded at me with his vivid green gaze. Saltwater welled up, and my lip began to tremble. He caught an escaped droplet, and his own eyes began to glisten.
He smiled sadly. “I… I think maybe I should go.”
“I’m so sorry, Dermott,” I whispered as my heart squeezed in my chest.
He shrugged. “You can’t help w
ho you fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants. On paper we’re a perfect match. But in real life… I guess in real life we’re perfect as friends.”
I nodded and pulled him into a hug. “I’m so sorry, Dermott. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. If I could change how I feel, believe me, I would. I don’t want to feel this emptiness that I’ve been left with. And I wish I could love you the same way, I really do.” I sniffled into his shoulder.
“Yeah… Maybe I should have said something a heck of a lot sooner, eh? Although I’m guessing it wouldn’t have made much difference. Would it?”
I shook my head as more tears sprang forth. “No. I’m sorry, but no, it wouldn’t.”
“Well… sometimes these things have to be said out loud. I just wish the outcome had been different.”
Panic suddenly knotted my stomach. Was I about to lose one of my best friends? “Will you still keep in touch with me?” I widened my eyes but feared for his response.
He kissed my forehead and then looked into my eyes. “I’ll always be here for you, Kelly. I think I sold myself short where you’re concerned. I acted all casual for so long when deep down, all I wanted was to admit how I really feel.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “There’s no wonder you don’t want me. I talked about us as fuck buddies, for God’s sake.”
“Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it. Please. It’s just not meant to be. But I do love you. Just not in that way.”
He cupped my cheek. “If you ever change your mind… I’d move to Skye for you. I’d gladly leave everything here behind for you. Just so you know.”
How many more revelations were coming? This was all too much. And all it did was compound the sense of loss inside of me. I began to sob, and Dermott enveloped me in his arms. A place where I had always felt safe—but now it just made me realise how much I missed being held… by Cain.
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