by Karen Cimms
Izzy followed.
“How come I didn’t need to get tested?”
I held my breath for a second. “Excuse me?”
“Me. How come I didn’t get tested for allergies before Dad got the dog?”
I tried to think. Chase had done the swabbing so quickly and matter-of-factly, we assumed Zac wouldn’t even give it a second thought. Apparently, he had told Izzy.
“I know you’re not allergic to dogs, that’s why.” I scraped long, thin peels of carrot into orange ribbons.
“I thought allergy tests were done by scraping the skin and leaving behind some of the potential allergen. I’ve never heard of a home allergy kit.”
The buzzer for the chicken went off. I grabbed the potholders and busied myself as Izzy began to set the table, knowing full well she wouldn’t drop it.
“I’m not really sure. Dad picked it up. But it seems Zac isn’t allergic, so we’ve nothing to worry about.” I filled a pot with water, dumped in the carrots, and put it on the stove to boil. “So, how did you do on your math test?”
“Spanish.”
“Excuse me?”
“I had a Spanish test.” I caught the little eye roll, and I hoped she was chalking up my confusion to neglectful parenting and not outright lying.
“Oh. How did you do?”
“I’m not sure. The results don’t come back as fast as allergy tests, you know.”
That’s the trouble with smart kids. Too difficult to pull one over on them.
“I wouldn’t really know about that. Would you pour some milk for you and your brother, and then tell him to wash his hands? Dinner’s almost ready.”
The roast chicken smelled great, but my appetite had disappeared.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Late December
I came home from work to find the house dark and quiet, even though Rain’s car was in the driveway, and found her sitting on my side of the bed, holding an envelope. It looked as if it was still sealed.
I sat down beside her. “Where are the kids?”
“My mother took them to the mall and then out to dinner.”
“Are those the results?”
She nodded.
“Did you open it?”
“I couldn’t do that without you.”
I waited, but she didn’t seem ready to open it with me either.
“Do you want me to do it?”
Chewing her lip, she handed me the envelope. I’d already studied the sample test result on the lab website, so I knew exactly where to look for the results.
I flicked on the bedside lamp.
“Rain, look at me.” The fear in her eyes shocked me. Maybe we should have just hired the lawyer and tried to bluster our way out of it, tried to stall him. Or maybe I should have gone to Preston and convinced him that what he was doing wasn’t right for Zac.
“Baby, we don’t have to look at this if you don’t want to. We can wait.”
She shook her head.
“Okay, but whatever it says, we’ll all be fine. I promise.”
I slid my finger under the flap of the envelope, more slowly than I would have thought possible. I took out the paper and opened it. Numbers jumped all over the page, none of which meant anything to me. I remembered to look in the bottom right corner.
I squeezed Rain’s thigh so hard, it had to have hurt. When I said nothing, she leaned across to read for herself, then collapsed against me.
Probability of paternity: 0%
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Rain cried so hard and so long that I finally gave her a tranquilizer—prescribed, ironically, back when Preston first laid this bombshell on her—then put her to bed. My heart was breaking as well, but it would do no good for both of us to fall apart. I promised her we would get through this, and we would, although I didn’t have a fucking clue how.
After taking care of Rain, the next thing I wanted to do was to track Preston down and beat the shit out of him, something I should have done five years ago when he sent her the damn flowers after she and I had started dating. Of course that wouldn’t have changed anything because she’d already been pregnant.
She’d already been pregnant.
Pregnant by a man she had once loved. I’d known the whole time she was pregnant that this was a possibility. Yet once Zac was born—even before, really—I thought of him as mine. I saw myself in him, convinced myself that the color of his hair and his mannerisms were mine.
Other than beating Preston to a pulp, what could I have changed? Would I have wanted to miss any of this if I’d known from the start that Zac wasn’t mine?
No fucking way.
My blood pressure began to lower.
We could do this. Neither Rain nor I would have chosen an alternative that would have meant no Zac. Like she said, she never regretted sleeping with her high school boyfriend because he gave her Izzy. How could we regret her knowing Preston if he gave us Zac? It didn’t mean that I didn’t still want to pulverize him or that I wanted to hand my son over to him, but it showed me I could deal with the reality.
Now I just needed to convince my wife.
After looking in on Rain to make sure she was still asleep, I took the dog for a quick walk, then heated up some leftovers for dinner. I was cleaning up when the kids came in with Dorinda, Zac loudly calling for Thor, who came skittering through the kitchen, barking and jumping.
“Hey!” I whisper-yelled. “Your mother’s sleeping.”
“Sleeping?” Dorinda looked at her watch. “It’s seven thirty.”
“She’s not feeling well. I’m not sure if she’ll be in tomorrow.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I think she’s just run down after the holidays. She probably needs a couple days to regenerate.”
“Can I show her the picture I drew of Thor?” Zac asked.
“Not right now, buddy. Maybe in the morning. Go get ready for bed, and I’ll come read you a story.”
“I’ll do it,” Izzy offered. I kissed the top of her head. “Thanks, sweetie. I’d appreciate that.”
“Is Rain okay?” Dorinda asked after the kids left the kitchen. “She’s been kind of jittery the last couple days, but she didn’t seem sick.”
“She’ll be fine. I think she might just need a couple days to rest.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“Really, she’ll be fine.”
“That didn’t answer my question.” She was as tenacious as her daughter.
I just shrugged and told her again that Rain would be fine.
As it was, Rain slept on and off for nearly two days. I figured that on top of the lab results, the past year had caught up with her. I did little more than hold her while she slept and comfort her when she cried.
Zac had a play date after school on Thursday. When I got home, Rain was awake but in bed, staring at the television.
I lay down beside her. “What are you watching?”
“Judge Judy.”
“Hoping to gain some free legal advice?” I asked, trying to tease a smile out of her.
“Let’s hope so. I called Irena today and quit. I told her I was sorry, but it was just too much for me.”
“You didn’t have to do that because of me.”
“I know, but you don’t want me bartending, and to be honest, I’m tired of it. And with you giving up the apartment, that’s one less expense we have to carry.” A spark of amusement flickered behind the cloudy blue of her eyes. “You are planning to give up the apartment, right?”
“Yeah, that was in the works anyway.”
“Were you and Callie buying a house?”
“No. And please, let’s not talk about any of that, okay?”
“I’m sorry.” She shimmied up against me and tucked herself into my side.
“And I don’t want you to worry about money. I’m selling the motorcycle.”
She jerked out from under my arm. “You can’t do that. You love tha
t bike.”
“I love my family more. Besides, I never ride anymore. I’m a dad, remember? Dads don’t ride Harleys.”
“Yes, they do. And you’re a hot dad. Hot dads ride bikes.”
I kissed her on the temple and tried to change the subject. “Did you eat anything today?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You need to eat. Your mom sent over some Italian wedding soup. I’m gonna heat it up for you, and then I have to go pick Zac up at Paul’s.”
She made a face, but she promised to try.
When I returned about an hour later, Rain was asleep and Izzy was on the bed next to her, finishing her homework. She slipped off the bed and followed me into the hall.
I took the soup bowl from where she’d balanced it on top of her textbooks. The bowl was still nearly full. “Has she been asleep all this time?”
She shut the door quietly behind us. “I brought her the soup, but she only took a little bit and said that was all she wanted. Then she went back to sleep.” She leaned to the side and peeked around me. “Where’s Zac?”
“He’s getting into the shower, why?”
“Is Mom going to be okay?”
I slipped my arm around her shoulder. “Of course she is. She’s just not feeling well.”
“I’m not stupid. I know what’s going on.”
I pulled back, bracing myself for what she had to say.
“C’mon, Dad. An allergy test? I learned about DNA in my science class, and I’ve seen them do about a thousand cheek swabs on those TV crime shows.”
“I warned your mother you were watching too much TV.”
She frowned and rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I overheard you and Mom talking one night. I didn’t mean to, but I heard Mom crying and I was just afraid you and she—”
“We’re fine. Don’t you worry about anything.”
“I know.” Izzy took a few steps toward her room, then turned around. “Dad?”
“What, sweetheart?”
“I remember him. He’d come around now and then. He was always nice to me. He’d make me laugh. He’d even read to me. He likes kids.”
I had an almost irrational desire to tell her to knock it off and go to her room.
“He’s not you, but I think he’d make an okay father.” She gave me a crooked smile. “You’re a great dad—the best. If I had a choice and could pick anyone to be my father, I’d pick you. Hands down.”
Tears pricked at my eyes. I kissed her on the top of the head.
“And Dad,” she added, “so would Zac. Hands down. It’s going to be okay. The rest of it is just biology.”
I had a hard time speaking over the lump in my throat.
“How’d you get to be so wise?”
She grinned. “Fifty percent nature, fifty percent nurture. It’s all that matters.”
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Some time during the night, I felt Rain press herself against me. My eyes fluttered as her hand slid across my stomach. They flew open the rest of the way when she slipped her hand under the waistband of my pajama pants and found what she was looking for. Considering she had cried herself to sleep, I wasn’t anticipating an amorous interlude anytime soon.
Maybe I was having a sex dream.
“Are you awake?” she whispered.
Parts of me were more awake than others. “I am now.”
“I want another baby.”
The part of me that had risen first must have drawn all of the blood from my head, because I thought she just said she wanted to get pregnant. I closed my eyes, certain I was still asleep. Her fingers gripped tighter.
Nope. Definitely awake.
I flicked on the light.
“What?” I wiped the sleep from my eyes.
Clearly more awake than I was, not to mention naked, Rain sat up.
“I want another baby.”
It was hard to disagree with Rain when she was naked, especially from this angle, so I pulled her down on top of me.
“If this is about me, I’m okay. As far as I’m concerned, Izzy and Zac are mine. No lab test is going to change that. So maybe I couldn’t give Zac a kidney, but I’d make damn sure someone else would, even if I had to wrench it from the son of a bitch’s back with my bare hands without benefit of anesthesia.”
“I still want to make a baby.” She began planting kisses down my belly, and then—
“You’re not going to get pregnant that way,” I pointed out, fully awake now that her warm, wet mouth had closed around me. I groaned. “But we can discuss it when you’re finished.”
A short time later, after she’d draped herself over my body and I’d kissed her several times, I rolled her over onto her back.
“Even if I were to agree—and I’m not, right at this moment—aren’t you on the pill?”
“Uh-huh.” She kissed my neck and scooted her nose over my chest.
“Then how are you planning to get pregnant right at this moment?”
“I guess I’m not.” She smiled. “But right now, I need you.”
So I did my best to give her what she needed.
“Is Mommy going to be okay?” Zac sounded much more worried than any four-and-a-half-year-old had a right to be.
“Dad says she’s just a little tired,” Izzy answered confidently. “Remember, she was working a lot before he came home. Now that he’s here, she can rest. She’s just catching up on her sleep.”
It was a day after Rain had woken me in the middle of the night to tell me she wanted another baby. I’d taken Thor for a walk around the neighborhood and was just coming in to read to Zac before bed, but Izzy had beat me to it. I shifted my weight quietly outside his bedroom door.
“Now, instead of reading one of your books tonight, can I read you a story I wrote?”
“But Daddy was supposed to read more from my dinosaur book.”
“I know. He can read that to you tomorrow night. How about I read you my story tonight? It will be a big help to me.” Talking Zac out of a dinosaur book was a difficult task.
“What’s it about?” I could imagine his dubious little face all scrunched up.
“A beautiful farmer’s daughter, a prince, and a fisherman.”
“A farmer’s daughter? Are there any dinosaurs?”
I pressed a hand against my mouth to hide my laugh.
“No, but there’s a fisherman. You like fishing.”
“Okay. But if I don’t like it, you have to read me a chapter from my dinosaur book.”
“Deal.” The chair dragged across the carpet as she settled.
“Are there pictures?”
“No, but tell you what. I’ll help you imagine what everyone looks like in your head.”
“Okay,” Zac said with a dramatic sigh. He was doing this because he loved his sister. Nothing more.
“Once upon a time, there was a farmer who raised vegetables to feed the entire village. He had a beautiful daughter. She had long blond hair and big blue eyes.”
“Like Mommy?”
“Exactly. And just as beautiful.”
“The farmer’s daughter worked in the fields every day, helping the farmer grow his vegetables.”
“What was her name?”
“Um, Sunshine.”
In the hallway, I rolled my lips together.
“One day, the prince rode up to the farm on his big white horse to buy some vegetables.”
“He went shopping for his own vegetables?” Zac asked. “Don’t princes have maids to shop for them?”
“The maid was busy that day. And the prince was an enlightened prince. He liked to help around the castle.”
“Oh. What’s enlightened mean?”
“Zac. Just listen to the story.”
Zac gave a small harrumph.
“The prince was passing the farm and offered to pick up vegetables for the castle, since it was on his way home from the jousting match. When he climbed down from his horse, he saw the farmer’s beautiful daughter gathering tomatoes in
a large basket. The prince wasn’t at all shy. He just walked up to her and introduced himself, but he didn’t tell her he was a prince because he didn’t want her to be nervous or frightened.”
“What was the prince’s name?”
“Charming. Prince Charming.”
“I think I’ve heard of him.”
Damn, I wished I could be recording this.
“Yeah, that’s the one. Prince Charming thought that Sunshine was the most beautiful girl in all of his kingdom, maybe even the world. Every day, he would ride to the farm and buy more vegetables just so he could see the beautiful girl. Sunshine liked the prince. He was very nice to her, and he smiled a lot. And he always paid top dollar for her vegetables. Sunshine fell in love with the prince, and he fell in love with her too.
“Then one day, the prince stopped coming around. It turned out that although he had fallen in love with the farmer’s daughter, his father, the king, insisted he marry a princess from another land.
“Sunshine was very sad. It was hard for her to work in the fields, taking care of the crops, because she would think of the prince, who no longer came to buy her vegetables. To get her mind off the prince, she took long walks after she finished working in the field. Sometimes she would walk as far as the river. One day, she came upon a handsome fisherman. He was even more handsome than the prince, very tall and strong. His hair was the color of the wheat that grew in the field near her vegetables, and his eyes were the same blue as the sea.”
“Like Daddy,” Zac said.
“Exactly. Just as handsome as Daddy. When the fisherman saw Sunshine walking near the water, he fell in love with her at first sight, even though she looked so sad. One day he followed her home and brought her a fish that he had caught. Being a nice girl who had very good manners, she invited him to come and eat the fish with her and her father. After that, the handsome fisherman came every day and brought her a fish. The beautiful girl cooked the fish and some of her vegetables, and soon she realized that she loved the fisherman even more than she had ever loved the prince.”