Pieces of Me

by Rachel Ryan

  “I’ll call you later. Okay?”

  I nod my head and raise my chin for another kiss. As I watch him walk down the driveway, I feel a tear run down my cheek.

  ***

  It’s Saturday morning, the day my best friend leaves me to move two and a half thousand miles away. I had to drag my tired body out of bed this morning, not wanting today to happen. I haven’t had a decent sleep for days, my mind too busy dreading today’s events.

  As I walk down the road to Jake’s house, I spot the rental truck in his driveway and my heart stops. It’s really happening. It isn’t just a bad dream. I force my legs to move the rest of the way and as I approach, his mum is loading some suitcases into the truck.

  She gives me a sad smile.

  “Hi, Abbi. Jake’s up in his room. Go on up.”

  “Thanks.”

  As I walk through the bare house, I feel the tears coming again. I won’t do it though. I told myself that I would be strong today, for Jake. Blinking, I push Jake’s door open to see him standing there in the middle of the empty room with his back to the door.

  Walking in quietly, I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my cheek on his back.

  “We’re leaving so many memories behind in this house. It’s like losing him all over again.”

  “Jake, he’ll always be with you, no matter where you are.”

  We stand there like this for what feels like a minute but when I look down at my watch, I realise it’s been half an hour.

  Jake’s mum’s voice pulls us out of our daze as she calls him from downstairs.

  “Jake, it’s time to go.”

  Jake takes hold of my hand and leads me down the stairs and out the front door, pulling it closed gently behind us. It’s only then that I notice the real estate sign out the front with the word ‘sold’ in large red letters. My stomach feels sick. Jake’s mum and brother climb into Jake’s SUV and give us a wave as they pull out of the driveway. She also sold her car and his dad’s car through the week.

  Jake leads me over to the truck and opens the driver side door before turning to me, a sad smile on his face.

  Cupping my face in his hands he gives me gentle kiss. “I’ll call you when we’re settled, okay?”

  Nodding, I can’t speak. I’m scared that if I open my mouth I will break down. I throw myself into his arms, wrapping mine around his waist and resting my head on his chest. I can hear his heartbeat and it soothes me as I try to hold it together. After a few minutes I pull away.

  Jake reaches down into his pocket and lightly places something into my hand before climbing up into the truck and closing the door behind him. Giving me a slight wave, he pulls out onto the street as I stand motionless in the driveway, the tears streaming down my face, until the truck is out of sight.

  It’s only as I reach my front door, I open up my hand and see the small jeweller’s box. Opening it up slowly with a smile on my face, I see a beautiful silver heart locket. My hands are trembling as I pull it out of the box and open it up to reveal a tiny photo of me and Jake smiling and looking happy.

  I collapse onto the front stairs and the sobs start rising in my chest. I’m struggling to breathe as the grief washes over me. I have just lost the best friend I will ever have and he doesn’t know it, but he has taken my heart and shattered it into a million tiny pieces.

  Chapter Five

  Six Years Later

  “Cameron!”

  Dropping the grocery bags onto the kitchen bench I storm through the small apartment trying to locate my sister. Throwing open her bedroom door, I see her sitting on her bed painting her toenails bright pink. There’s some annoying pop song blaring out of the speakers on her bedside table and there are clothes strewn all over her floor.

  “What the hell happened in here?”

  Glancing around her room she tries to look innocent.

  “What? I’m going out tonight; I need to find an outfit.”

  “Cam, you own way too many clothes. Anyway, where are you going?”

  “Me and a couple of girls from school are heading to that new bar, I think it’s called ‘The Joint’, for a night of drinking and dancing. Want to come?”

  “Mmm…tempting, but no.” After the day I’ve had the last thing I feel like doing is hanging out with a bunch of University students. Cameron recently turned nineteen, but I swear sometimes I still picture her as an annoying little thirteen year old.

  She’s been living with me since I finished my degree almost a year ago. I found a nice little cheap apartment in Sydney and she decided to board with me while she attends Uni. Sometimes I regret the decision of letting her live with me, but it is nice to have that small connection to home.

  “Come on, Abbi. Come with us. You look like you could use a night out.”

  It was a pretty rough day today, beginning with my car not starting this morning, making me late for work and then once again this afternoon when I left the Grocery store and it had died on me again. The mechanic I called replaced the battery for me, but it still caused me a stressful day.

  I’ve been working at a local high school as an English teacher for the last eight months and sometimes I still wish I had chosen to teach Primary school, some of these Secondary students can be a real handful.

  “I think I need a bubble bath and a relaxing night in front of the television with a glass of red; or maybe a bottle. Have fun though.” My boyfriend, Daniel, left yesterday for a work trip to Darwin, so it looks like it’s just me and a bottle of wine tonight.

  Pulling Cameron’s door closed behind me, I make my way back to the kitchen to put the groceries away and find something for dinner.

  ***

  The next morning I wake up after a twelve hour sleep and feel like a new woman. I stretch my limbs, arching my back on the bed, and then I wander out to the kitchen for a coffee. Cameron is sitting at the kitchen table with one of her friends, Sarah, I think.

  “How was your night out?” I ask them as I pour my coffee.

  “Oh my God, it was so much fun. That place is amazing. I think it will be our regular place from now on. There was so much eye candy. Oh, that reminds me, I bumped into an old friend of yours there.”

  “Oh yeah? Who?”

  “Jake Lewis.” My mug hits the floor and shatters into tiny pieces as scalding hot coffee burns my toes.

  “Oh, shit.” I tear off some paper towel and drop it onto the puddle of coffee, trying to calm my racing heart. “Are you sure it was Jake Lewis?”

  Cameron nods her head and goes to fetch the dustpan. As she sweeps up the pieces off the floor, she says.

  “Yeah, I spotted him across the bar and thought he looked familiar and by the end of the night we got to talking. When I told him my name he explained who he was.”

  “Is that all?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Did he…mention me?”

  “Yeah, sure. He asked where you were living and whether you were teaching. He said that he moved here about a month ago for a new job that he’s starting on Monday. I remember you two being good friends but I never really took much notice of him, guess I was too young to notice boys back then. But, Abbi, he is fine.”

  I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. I can’t believe that he is in Sydney. Why is he here? Where is he working? I have so many questions.

  “I’m going to jump in the shower…wash this coffee off my feet.”

  I almost run to the bathroom, fearing that Cameron will see just how much her news has affected me. She knew Jake, but like she said she was too young to notice him as any more than my friend. Even when it turned into more, I don’t think our parents ever really noticed the change in our relationship. They were used to us spending all of our time together.

  I spend way too long in the shower, my mind taking me back to six years before. The first six months after Jake left me, we would talk for hours on the phone each night. It was so hard not being able to see him though; I missed him like crazy. I became ki
nd of a hermit until I finished school and moved to Sydney. I was living on campus and University definitely took up a lot of my time and provided a distraction. I made some good friends and Jake was making new friends in Perth, so our nightly phone calls turned into weekly phone calls. He didn’t visit me like he said he would. Apparently money was still tight and he couldn’t afford the ticket. By the end of my first year at Uni, I didn’t even consider us as being in a relationship anymore; Jake had a new life and seemed to forget all about me. By the middle of my second year of Uni, our weekly phone calls turned into monthly text messages. We seemed to just run out of things to say to each other, I guess we just didn’t have much in common anymore. I think deep down I also resented the fact that he seemed able to leave me so easily and the promised visits never happened. I never forgot about him, but it just felt like, as time went on he forgot about me. By the end of my second year at Uni, I no longer heard from him. It broke my heart all over again that he could so easily forget what we had. So many times I wanted to call him and beg him to come and visit me, but I guess it felt like he was trying to move on with his life and I was no longer part of it. So I let him forget about me.

  Over the last four years I have often wondered what could have happened if his father hadn’t passed away. We would have gone to Uni together and it could have been Jake sharing this tiny apartment with me instead of my little sister.

  I rinse the conditioner from my hair, turn off the taps and step out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around myself I glance in the mirror. I feel like I have changed a lot over the last six years, I wear my hair shorter now with it falling just below my shoulders and my body has developed a few more curves. I wonder if Jake has changed much. I dry my hair and slap on a bit of moisturiser before dressing in some daggy sweatpants and a t-shirt. I’ve got twenty five essays to mark today, so I doubt I will be doing much else.

  ***

  By Monday morning my brain is tired. My whole weekend was spent just thinking of Jake and wondering where he is and what he’s doing. It has taken me six years to stop obsessing over him and all it takes is my sister to mention his name and I’m back where I started. In six years I never met a guy that made my heart race or who touched my soul the way he did. My boyfriend, Daniel and I have only been dating for six months and so far the relationship is…comfortable. We don’t spend a lot of time together as he travels a lot for work. He’s a freelance photographer and is always jet setting around the country for contracted work. I think that’s part of the reason why our relationship works. There is no way we would get sick of each other because we don’t spend a huge amount of time together. He’s currently in the Northern Territory doing a feature for a travel magazine. At twenty eight, he’s four years older than me and lives a fairly quiet life, not a whole lot of partying. Which suits me fine; I’ve never really been into the whole partying scene. I’d prefer to stay at home with good friends and a nice bottle of wine.

  Pulling into the staff parking lot at work, I grab my bag and folder and lock the car before making my way to the staff room. I greet my colleagues and tuck my bag into my locker before sitting down at the table to do a last minute check of the days teaching plans. Five minutes later I hear the School Principal, Louise Anderson, clear her voice and make an announcement. She is standing near the door and a group of teachers has gathered around blocking my view of her.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, as you all know Mrs Gillis transferred to a school in Melbourne last week. I would like you all to meet our new music teacher Mr Jake Lewis.”

  What? It can’t be. Now my brain is hearing his name as well. I really need to snap out of it. There are murmured voices as my colleagues introduce themselves to the new music teacher and I hear a deep, masculine voice reply. My curiosity just shot up. Rising up slowly from my chair I try to peer over the heads of my colleagues. The new guy is facing the other way and all I can see from this angle is a head of shaggy dark brown hair that is slightly long and curls around his nicely tanned neck. As the other teachers go back to what they were doing before the interruption, my eyes trail down the back of his long body, noticing his black shirt and loose blue jeans that sit low on his hips. He kind of has that young surfer look. I wonder what his face looks like.

  I don’t have to wonder too long. He slowly turns around and my chin practically hits the table. Oh my God. He glances my way and his eyes widen in surprise. My hands start to sweat and I can feel my heart thumping in my chest. His big, beautiful brown eyes pierce mine as he slowly starts to walk toward me and I swallow nervously. It’s him. It’s Jake.

  My hands are shaking and my voice still won’t work. He is standing right in front of me, but I feel like I am dreaming as my eyes roam over his face. Cameron wasn’t kidding when she said he was fine. He seems taller than I remember and his body is a lot broader too. But his face…his face is still the same, square jaw, perfect nose and holy crap, those dimples. They were always my favourite feature of his and as he smiles down at me I feel lightheaded. I can’t believe my Jake is here, right in front of me.

  “Hey, Shorty.” God, I have missed hearing that nickname. His voice is so deep and masculine and…hot. He really has developed into a beautiful man. I always knew he would though.

  “Hey, Jake.” I don’t know what else to say, I am still in total shock. Wait a minute! Did Louise say he was the new music teacher? “Business?”

  Jake smiles as his eyebrows draw together in confusion. “What?”

  “I um…I thought you were going to study Business?”

  He chuckles softly and it’s the most hypnotising sound I’ve ever heard.

  “That was the plan, but I had a change of heart.” He always was passionate about music and it’s nice that he followed in his father’s footsteps.

  “What are you doing in Sydney though?”

  He shrugs “When I finished my degree, I applied for a whole bunch of jobs around the country…and I was offered this one.”

  Shaking my head I still can’t believe he is here.

  “How’s your mum? And Josh?”

  His eyes light up at the mention of his family. “They’re good. Mum remarried last year. She got a job as a secretary in a well-known law firm in Perth and ended up marrying her boss. He’s a nice guy, Josh likes him and Mum’s happy for the first time in a long time. What about your family? I actually ran into your sister on Friday night and she mentioned that you live together.”

  “Yeah, after I finished University she moved in with me.”

  He glances down at the floor “So, no husband?” His voice is almost a whisper and his eyes pop back to mine and I’m lost in them.

  I shake my head.

  The bell rings and our colleagues begin shuffling out of the staff room to begin the day’s lessons.

  Scooping up my folder from the table I glance at the door. “Well, we’d better get to work, I suppose.”

  “Yeah.” We walk out the door and I realize his class is on the opposite side of the building to mine.

  “I guess I’ll see you later.” Smiling I give him a little wave as I turn and walk away. His voice halts my steps.

  “Shorty. It’s really good to see you again.” Turning around and taking a deep breath, I see he is already walking in the other direction.

  I whisper “You too, Jake.”

  I don’t see him again through the day. I avoided the staff room and ate lunch in my classroom while I marked some of this morning’s test papers. At the end of the day, I rushed to the staff room, grabbed my bag and practically ran straight to my car. I don’t know why I’m so nervous about seeing him again; I think it was because of the way my body had reacted to him this morning. I need to get over the shock of him actually being here before I can engage in a productive conversation and not look like a stammering idiot.

  “So, you won’t believe who I ran into today?”

  Cameron shrugs and stays focussed on her pasta. We’re sitting at the kitchen table having dinner and I have been
tossing up whether to tell her or not.

  “I actually ran into Jake. It turns out he is the new music teacher at school.”

  Cameron shakes her head in disbelief “Holy crap! What are the odds?”

  Nodding my head in agreement, I secretly wonder if he knew that he was applying for a job at the school where I worked. No…when we saw each other in the staff room, he seemed just as surprised as I was.

  Cameron shocks me with her next question, “So is the friendship going to pick up where it ended?”

  I ponder this for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. We hardly know each other anymore. A lot can change in six years.”

  “I suppose. I wouldn’t mind getting to know him a little if you know what I mean.”

  Giving Cameron a tight smile, I finish the rest of my dinner in silence.

  Later that night I’m sitting cross legged on my bed with a large shoebox in front of me. It’s covered in dust from sitting in the back of my closet for so long. Lifting the lid I pull out the small photo album inside and notice my hands are shaking as I open it up. The first thing I see is a photo of me and Jake when we were sixteen. We were sitting in the cafeteria at school and Lacie had taken the photo on her phone. She sent a copy to me and I had printed it up because it was such a great shot. I’m looking toward the camera and Jake is staring at me. His brown eyes are glowing and I never noticed before but he is watching me with the sweetest expression on his face…such tenderness in his eyes. I feel the tears building as I think back to the last moments we shared together.

  The ringtone of my phone drags me away from my memories and when I pick it up I see Daniel’s name on the screen. Sniffling, I quickly wipe away the tears before I answer the call.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi, Sweetheart. What are you doing?”

  “Oh not much, just…reading a book. What about you?”

  “I’m just sitting in a little pub having dinner and a glass of wine and missing you.” Smiling, I quickly pack away the shoebox of Jake memories and focus on Daniel. I spend the next ten minutes listening to him describe his adventures in the outback, before we say goodnight. Two hours later I’m lying in bed, wide awake and nervous but also a little bit excited about seeing Jake again tomorrow.