Pieces of Me

by Rachel Ryan

  “Was.” I correct her.

  “No; Is. He’s still in love with you Abbi. Have you not seen the way he watches you when he thinks no one is looking? Sometimes he looks at you like he wants to eat you, but he also looks at you with so much tenderness, so much love.”

  Sighing, I look into her eyes. “It’s too late, Cameron. We had our chance six years ago. Obviously our love for each other wasn’t strong enough.”

  “So you do love him?”

  Tears pool in my eyes again. “I’ve never stopped loving him. He meant everything to me. When he moved away, we kept in contact for the first two years and then after that he just disappeared without a trace. I never heard from him again. He just forgot about me and went on with his life.”

  Cameron holds my hand and looks into my eyes. “Maybe that’s why he’s here. Maybe he’s here to make it right between the two of you.”

  “Yeah well, he’s too late. I’m happy with Daniel.”

  “Abbi, you should at least gi…”

  I cut her off “No, Cameron. I can be his friend, but that’s it. I won’t let my heart get involved with him again. I can’t.”

  Chapter Eight

  I see Jake from a distance a few times at school over the next week, but eating lunch in my classroom has become a regular thing now, and I tell myself it’s not because I don’t want to see him, but I know it is. Ever since the party at Nathan’s, Jake is all I have thought about. I want us to remain friends but since his declaration of love I just don’t feel quite ready to see him yet. I’m scared that I might give in and follow my heart instead of my head.

  I haven’t seen Daniel since the party as he suddenly had to leave for Tasmania the next day. I know it’s part of his job, but sometimes I just wish there wasn’t so much travelling involved. Sometimes it would be nice to go home to him and do things that normal couples do. Instead of just spending a night together here and there when he is back home for a day or two. But it has been this way since we met and somehow, it works for us.

  We met at a Hotel in downtown Sydney almost eight months ago. I was there for a teaching conference and he was also there for a work obligation. We ended up having a couple of drinks together in the Hotel bar and he asked for my number. I’m not the type of girl that hands out her phone number to strange guys, but there was something about him…something that drew me to him. We spoke on the phone quite a few times before I relented and agreed to go on a date with him. He was very persistent and it was hard to avoid his charm. He warned me from the start that he would be away a lot for work and I guess that kind of appealed to me as it meant less pressure for it to be a regular relationship. So far the whole, no sex thing hasn’t been too much of an issue with Daniel. Sure, he’s tried to talk me into it a few times, but he seems to respect the fact that I’m just not ready. I know, it’s strange, being twenty four and having no interest in sex, I don’t know what my problem is. Sometimes I feel like just doing it to get it over and done with, but then I realize if that’s why I want to do it, then I really don’t want to do it. I guess deep down I’m just not ready.

  ***

  On Friday afternoon we have our monthly teaching faculty meeting and it will be impossible to avoid Jake. I take a seat in the staff room and go over next week’s class plans while I wait for the rest of my colleagues to turn up. Julie Preston, one of our Physical Education Teachers sits down opposite me and tries to start up a conversation. Closing up my folder, I try to seem interested in the story she’s telling me about one of her students.

  I feel his presence before I see him. It’s like the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my body starts to tingle. Glancing up I see him in the doorway staring straight at me and I quickly avert my gaze back to Julie. He strolls in and takes the empty seat beside Julie, putting him in my line of sight and making it nearly impossible to avoid looking at him. Julie turns to him with a stunning smile and she begins making conversation with him. I open my folder back up and try to focus, but I can’t help but listen in to their conversation. It is a little one sided as Julie blatantly flirts with Jake. He doesn’t exactly discourage her interest though which annoys me a little. He’s been here, what, like two weeks and she’s already making a play for him, bitch. Lifting my head I glare straight at her blonde head and hearing a chuckle, I glance to her left to see Jake watching me with a grin, his dimples making an appearance and causing me to feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

  The hour long meeting feels like five hours, but eventually everyone shuffles out the door. I take my time packing away my stuff while I wait for the room to clear out. When everyone has left I gather my things and make my way slowly out to my car. Just as I’m about to insert the key into the lock I hear footsteps behind me and almost jump out of my skin. Spinning around I see Jake standing there with a smile on his face.

  “Are you avoiding me, Shorty?”

  After getting my rapid breathing back under control I shake my head.

  “No, I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve just been super busy.”

  He takes a couple of steps closer to me, his eyes on mine the whole time.

  “I thought maybe you were still angry at me.”

  Sighing, I glance down at the concrete. “I wasn’t angry with you Jake. You just took me by surprise at Nathan’s party.”

  “Why did you run out on me?”

  “I told you why. I’m with Daniel. I’m happy with him. Our relationship works well.”

  “Why? Because he’s never here?”

  “What the hell do you know about it?”

  He steps closer again. “I know that he travels all the time and that you hardly see each other. Is that why it works for you? Because you can pretend it’s an actual relationship?”

  My throat is tightening and I can feel tears welling in my eyes.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  He steps closer again until his body is up against mine. The moment his chest touches mine the breath rushes from my lungs and I lean into him slightly. I can’t help it. No matter how much I try to resist him, I am just drawn to him, I always have been.

  He wipes a tear from my cheek with the back of his finger and his eyes study mine.

  “I know that your heart belongs to me, Abbi. It always has and it always will.”

  I feel anger building inside of me and somehow I manage to push him away from me.

  “That’s where you are wrong, Jake. My heart did belong to you…until you broke it. Please just leave me alone.”

  Before I can change my mind and throw myself into his arms, I unlock my car and climb in, slamming the door loudly behind me. As I tear out of the parking lot, I glance in my rear view mirror and see him still standing there watching me go.

  Later that night, I’m lying in my bed and I reach over to the nightstand to pick up my phone. I just need to hear Daniel’s voice. Glancing at the time, I realize it is probably a bit late, but I connect the call anyway. When he answers his voice sounds sleepy, like I woke him up.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s me.”

  I hear a shuffling sound on his end and then what sounds like a door closing.

  “Hey, Baby. What’s up? Why are you calling so late?”

  Is he whispering? Why would he be whispering?

  “Nothing’s wrong, I just miss you and I wanted to hear your voice.”

  “Oh, okay. How have you been?”

  “Okay, I just wish that you weren’t away so much. I feel like I hardly see you anymore.”

  “I know, Baby.” There’s that whispering again. “You know that I have to travel to different locations for my job. I wish I was at home more too, but it’s just impossible at the moment.”

  Suddenly I hear a sound on his end that sounds like knocking, and he must have put his hand over the mouth piece of the phone as I can hear his voice but it is soft and muffled.

  “Daniel? Daniel?”

  “I’m here, Sweetie.”

  “Daniel, was tha
t someone knocking on your door?”

  “No…I just dropped a book on the floor.”

  “Oh…okay. Um…”

  “Listen, Abbi, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Sure…talk to you tomorrow.”

  I don’t hear from Daniel the next day, or the day after or the next five days. Each time I try calling him it goes straight to voicemail and my text messages get no reply either. I wonder what’s going on. I hope nothing has happened to him.

  On Friday night I get a text message from Lacie saying that she’s coming into town for a business conference on Saturday and she is staying the night. I tell her she is more than welcome to stay at our place on the pull out sofa bed. We still keep in touch after all of these years. After we had graduated high school, Lacie had confessed to Corey that she was in love with him; he said he felt the same way. And since he had broken up with Grace two weeks before when he found her going at it with some guy, she was no longer an issue. They had both attended University in Sydney and then moved back to Coffs Harbour to start up their own Advertising Business. They got engaged eighteen months ago and their wedding is scheduled for four months away, on Valentine’s Day.

  The next afternoon I am sitting at my kitchen table in the middle of marking yesterday’s test papers when I hear a knock on the door. Assuming it’s Lacie I throw open the door to see Jake standing there in dark jeans and a light blue polo shirt, his dark hair messy and his hands in his pockets.

  “Hey…Jake. What are you doing here?”

  “I got a text message from Lacie telling me to come around. She said she was in town for the night and said you wanted us both to come around for dinner.”

  “Oh, sure, come in.” So he kept in touch with Lacie all of these years but he didn’t feel the need to keep in touch with me. He and Lacie hadn’t even been that close when we were kids. My body starts to tremble slightly, anger coursing through me. He claims that he was in love with me but couldn’t even keep in touch with me? I am so confused.

  I tell him to take a seat in the living room before walking into the kitchen to scoop up the test papers and put them away. They will have to wait until tomorrow. While I’m in the kitchen I hear the front door open and Cameron’s voice as she greets Jake. I’m pretty sure I also heard Levi’s voice as well; those two seem to be spending quite a bit of time together lately. I wonder if it’s exclusive. Walking back into the living room, my suspicions are confirmed when I see Cameron sitting beside Levi on the two seater sofa. Sitting down on the three seater beside Jake I greet Levi.

  A few minutes later the front door flies open and Lacie is dragging in a large suitcase. She looks into the room and her eyes light up when she spots Jake. Dumping her suitcase on the floor with a loud thud, she walks straight to him as he rises up off the sofa and she pretty much throws herself into his arms.

  “Hey, Stranger. Long time no see.”

  “Hey yourself.” He hugs her for a few minutes and when he releases her she makes her way to me and wraps her arms around my neck, slapping a kiss on my cheek.

  “Um…Lacie.” I glance over at her suitcase sitting by the door. “I thought you were only staying for the night.”

  “I am. It’s not just clothes in there. There’s makeup and hair care products and shoes, lollies, chocolate, alcohol, just the essentials.”

  Jake chuckles and I smile at my friend. Over the last six years she hasn’t really changed. Her blond hair is styled in a blunt bob and her clothes are a little more professional. But, she is still the funny, sweet, charming girl that she always was.

  Lacie looks a little surprised as she suddenly notices Cameron and Levi sitting on the other sofa. Introductions are made and then I help Lacie cart her suitcase into my room.

  As soon as the door is closed I spin around and glare at her.

  “What the hell is your game?”

  She feigns innocence as she looks around my room.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Lacie, why is Jake here?”

  “Shh, he’ll hear you. I just thought it would be nice for all of us to spend some time together, like the old days. He said that you guys have been hanging out a little since he arrived in Sydney, so I didn’t think you would mind me inviting him over. Do you mind?”

  Sighing, I run my hands through my hair.

  “It’s not that I don’t want him here, it’s just…it’s been a little awkward between us lately.”

  I had called Lacie a couple of days after Nathan’s party and told her all about what had happened between Jake and I. She wasn’t surprised at all and said that it was always pretty obvious to everyone that Jake thought of me as more than just a friend. Everyone but me it seems.

  “Well, it will remain awkward until the issue is sorted out.”

  “There is no issue; we can be friends and nothing more. He knows I’m with Daniel.”

  “Ugh” Lacie rolls her eyes dramatically and fake gags. She’s only met Daniel once and she’s not a fan. “Is he still around? I was hoping you’d grown sick of him by now. Where is he this week?”

  “He’s in Tasmania and no, I’m not sick of him. Although I am a little worried as I haven’t heard from him in a while.”

  “Good riddance, I say.”

  “Lacie, please don’t be a bitch about Daniel. I honestly don’t know why you dislike him so much.”

  Sighing, Lacie rolls her eyes again, a really annoying habit of hers.

  “I don’t dislike him; I just think he is all wrong for you. I don’t see any passion between the two of you. And I know I haven’t been here long but I’m already seeing plenty of passion and sexual tension between you and Jake.” She wiggles her eyebrows to get her sleazy point across.

  “God, you are worse than Cameron. Ever since we found out Jake was in Sydney she has been trying to push us together. It won’t work. Whatever Jake and I had six years ago is irrelevant. We are both different people now.”

  “Mmhmm…whatever you say. Come on let’s get back out there before they send a search party.”

  We walk back out to the living room and join the others.

  An hour later the five of us are sitting around the dining table eating Chinese food. I’m seated between Lacie and Jake and all through the meal I’m sure I can feel Jake’s eyes on me. A couple times I glanced over at him and he flashed those sexy dimples, making my stomach flutter and my cheeks turn red. I really hope he hasn’t noticed the way my body reacts to him. After the dinner dishes are cleared away, Lacie sets out a bottle of Tequila, a salt shaker and a few lemons on the table. Boy, she does come prepared. I take five shot glasses down from the cupboard and we each do a few shots each. The alcohol eases my tension and makes me feel a little more comfortable and we are all talking and laughing when we hear a knock on the door. Cameron goes to answer it and a minute later walks back into the kitchen with Daniel following behind her. As soon as I see him I feel the anger rising inside of me.

  Daniel looks around at us all, his brows drawing together a little when he sees Jake and then even more so when he spots Lacie.

  “Hi everyone. Sorry to interrupt.”

  They all stare at me; I guess waiting for me to say something. The problem is I don’t know what to say to him. He’s been ignoring my calls for a week and I am pissed. I really don’t want to get into it in front of all my friends though, so I stand and make my way toward Daniel, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him toward my bedroom.

  He follows me into my room and closes the door softly behind him. As he moves closer to me he tries to wrap his arms around my waist.

  “I missed you, Baby.”

  Pushing his arms away from me I glare at him.

  “Don’t you ‘Baby’ me. Where the hell have you been?”

  He looks shocked at my outburst.

  “I told you, I went to Tasmania.”

  “Why the hell haven’t you called me? The last time we spoke you said you would call me back the nex
t day. That was a week ago. Why haven’t you called me?”

  Daniel looks down at the floor and then back up at me.

  “I’m sorry sweetie, I’ve been really busy.”

  “Too busy to check your messages? I have been trying to call you all week.”

  He moves close to me again and I shake my head. His brows draw together in a ridiculous frown. Why the hell is he frowning? I’m the one that should be angry.

  “Don’t touch me. I’m really pissed at you right now. I have been worried sick; thinking something had happened to you.”

  “You didn’t look too worried just now out there with your friends.”

  As I gape at him, I fight the urge to slap him and tell him to get the fuck out of my house. I see what he’s doing though, trying to steer the topic of this conversation away from the fact that he ignored me for an entire week. Sitting down on my bed I rest my elbows on my thighs and stare up at him.

  “What is happening with us Daniel? Do you want out of this relationship? Because it sure feels that way.”

  Shaking his head swiftly, he kneels in front of me and takes my hands in his.

  “Baby, I want nothing more than to make this work between us. Sometimes I guess I just get so wrapped up in my work, I kind of forget about everything else.” Leaning forward he presses his lips softly to mine. I don’t return the kiss straight away as I’m still trying to process his excuse for not returning any of my calls. Eventually, I realise that I may be overthinking the situation and overreacting. Maybe he was so busy with work he just didn’t have time to call me. Kissing him back I wrap my arms around his neck and look into his eyes. Leaning forward he gently pushes me back onto the bed and moves so that his body hovers over mine. He tries to deepen the kiss and pushes his tongue into my mouth. Feeling uncomfortable, I turn my face, abruptly ending our kiss. Lifting up on his hands he stills above me staring down into my face.