“Okay. What do you need to know? Let me rephrase that. What do you need?”
She has apologized and made some changes in the company. Everything beyond that, it’s hard to put it into words.
“I’m not sure what to say,” I admit. “I know you’ve taken some steps to create…a different situation, but will it last? Is there going to be a next time someone suspects I’m after your wealth, or try to act out some revenge scheme?”
“Absolutely not,” she says firmly. “I made it clear that they can’t do anything like that behind me back.”
“But would you tell me about it?”
“There isn’t going to be a next time.”
I nod, wondering if this isn’t confirming all my worries. “I know you’re mad at them right now, and I totally think it’s justified…but it’s not so different from when you tried to keep things from me in order to protect me. Look how that turned out.”
“That is not the same,” she argues. “I didn’t tell you every little thing because…It wasn’t important.”
I can tell she changed her mind mid-sentence, that we’ve touched on something she doesn’t want to share. Just like that, we have reached a boundary.
“Something might be important to me. I’m sorry, that’s the way I am, and sometimes I need to hear the words. Even if it’s something negative—I can’t deal with something when I don’t know what it’s all about.”
“I love you,” she says, and I’m struck by the pain revealed in those words. “I thought that was enough.”
“It is. I don’t want to give up on us,” I say, blinking away tears.
Carter clears her throat as the flight attendant arrives with champagne and a small snack consisting of crackers, cheese and pears.
“I’m glad—and I think this calls for a toast.”
Maybe she’s just as nervous as I am, and this is an opportunity as good as any to drink those nerves away.
Dusk falls over the city when we arrive, and by the time we make it to the restaurant, it’s almost pitch dark. It’s Asian fusion, on the third floor of one of the smaller buildings crowded by high rises, and pretty fancy.
The owner comes out to greet Carter—of course she’s been here before. She introduces me. The wine and the first course, soup, arrive in no time. I feel less stressed than before, with the comfort of the beginning of an excellent meal, here in this private comfortable corner. It might be that the champagne earlier mellowed down my defenses, but most of all I’m just really hungry.
“Do you like it?” she asks hopefully.
“Oh yes. I knew you’d keep your promise.” That promise, anyway.
“This is one of my favorites in town. I only come here on special occasions, and…Penelope, I wanted to ask you something.”
She wouldn’t call me Penny, not even like this when we’re in private and a little tipsy. I don’t mind.
“I’m aware that there’s a lot we have to figure out, and I won’t be able to go on a longer trip tomorrow, but I want you to keep that in mind. We could go back to the island sometime. Maybe that will help us.”
The offer surprises me, and reminds me that I’ve thought about it as well. The circumstances have changed though. Isn’t it necessary to solve things at home first? How would I feel walking through those rooms where I was once locked in?
“I understand that you have to think about it—and I swear you’ll have authority over all keys in the house, no hidden agenda. I just wanted us to find a way out of this…place we’re in right now, and it seems to me that this would be a good starting point.”
“Maybe.” In some way, the idea freaks me out. Maybe it will help me see how far we came from the days when she didn’t tell me anything, not even the fact that I wasn’t a kidnap victim so much as in danger from a man I’d told no to.
“I missed you,” I say, the words coming out easily, not pushed by the alcohol. “I want to come back home, but I’m also scared. Sometimes, you…overwhelm me.”
Carter has the grace to look surprised at that, and indeed I believe her that she doesn’t always know, or plan to make me feel like that.
“How?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love being with you. I love you. It’s just that sometimes I need to remind myself of my boundaries. I need to keep being my own person.”
“I thought you could do that with me. That’s why you said yes when I asked you to marry me.”
“Yes. Of course.” This is hard. “I’m afraid that if I go to the island with you, we’re going to have a wonderful decadent time without solving anything, and we’re going to hit the same wall at some point in the future. I know you’re used to dealing with everything by yourself, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I would never interfere with your business, I don’t know by far enough to do that, in a good or a bad way. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve given me, but I told you before, you have to let me give sometime. I have to know this is not a one way street where you keep things from me with the best of intentions.”
Carter listens, and after my little speech ends, she is silent. Am I right to ask these things of her? If she can’t—or won’t go there, am I jeopardizing too much?
“It’s not always that I want to keep things from you. I didn’t want to believe any of it. I had Colette make her own inquiries to clear you, and it worked, just not as fast as I would have liked. I want you to give me another chance. I promise I will give you as much time as you need, but don’t say no to the island just yet. It’s a beautiful place, and I want you to have better experiences than the last time.”
“Not all of it was bad. Is it really true that you have none of the side projects at this time?” Testing.
“Not since Mom’s friend, I swear.”
“No one is going to interrogate me anytime soon?” This is still an emotional subject. Back when confronted with real, dangerous criminals, I was already on high alert because of my bizarre situation. Nick and Muriel, I didn’t see that coming. It’s not like I can’t rationally explain it to me—of course they have crossed lines before when it came to Carter’s safety, and I knew they were ready to do so. I just never expected to become a target. Nick helped bring down the guy in the bar. Muriel—she’s a survivor, and while I don’t know her exact story, I thought she would be less inclined to scare another woman half to death.
Am I overreacting? I was feeling safe in the mansion, like it was my home, and now I’m just not sure anymore.
“Please, understand,” Carter says. “I’ve talked to a lot of people lately. This is part of the reason why I can’t get away right now, much as I’d wish—aside from us, I had to work on finding out what the hell was going on in my business. There were some misconceptions I let stand for too long.” She laughs, but there’s a bitter ring to it. “You know, it sucks when even your friends think you’re so desperate for sex that you throw money at just anyone. The more I thought about it, the angrier it made me, because it’s freaking insulting. Of course, they didn’t see it that way, but it’s not such a far leap. This is not about me, though. I promised you you’d be safe with me. I swear someday I’m going to deliver on that.”
I’m not sure why now, but I’m close to tears. “You came back right away.”
“Of course. Colette called me in the middle of a meeting. I left them standing—well, sitting that is. I’m still mad at Nick for making such a bad judgment call, and he knew if I’d been here, I’d never given my okay. I made a mistake too. I wanted to tell you, but he asked for more time, and I honestly thought he was going to clean this mess up, not make more of it. Do you think you can ever forgive me?”
“I already have. That’s not the point.”
The waiter brings the dessert, a creamy cheesecake with honey-baked banana on top, and tea.
This is important. I cannot give in on the most important subjects we’ve covered if this is supposed to work in the long run—but I’m so very tempted, as usual, to let it all slide. I know that from here,
it won’t be long, to the hotel room, and perfect bliss. Carter might want to leave the choice up to me, but she definitely gets me in the mood, a sensual seduction that is about so much more than just sex.
I wish we could be in that bubble forever and not have to deal with the outside world at all.
But that’s not us, is it?
“I’ll think about what you said, and you’re probably right. We don’t have to stay there long, three, four days maybe, a long weekend.”
The smile lights up her face.
“Is that a yes?”
“That’s a ‘likely.’ You let me know when your schedule allows it. Meanwhile, we’re here…and I think you booked us a hotel room, didn’t you?”
“You’d like to see it now?”
“Why not? I think we’ve done the talking. The rest, I guess, we’ll have to wait and see.”
I think I’ve been miserable for long enough, brooding and worrying. I said my part. Now I’m willing to follow along with whatever hopes Carter brought here with her. I wonder if the silk scarves were part of her preparation, but I’m sure we can make do without them. My face feels hot as my mind gleefully explores possible ideas.
I want her. In the end, it always comes down to that.
“Let me pay that.”
“Only if you let me pay for the champagne later.”
She shakes her head, her expression affectionate and somewhat indulgent. “If you must.”
On some occasions, it’s been so sweet and slow it was almost torture, touching on limits…It’s not like that tonight. Sweet, yes, but mostly hot, stumbling into the hotel room, heated, take-no-prisoner kisses up against the door. Some hair-pulling that’s more accidental than an erotic element, breathless laughter.
I push up her skirt and let my fingers slide past the hem of stockings and slip, and she sinks back against the door with a sigh, making no attempt to turn this around. I need to use my window with Carter when I can. My heart is racing, the feel of soft skin and warm wetness under my fingertips thrilling. Yes, we need to talk some more, but there will be time for that. I need this, too, the confirmation of her trust in me, to know that she needs me as much as I need her. Be inside her. She is warm and relaxed, my fingers gliding easily. As I brush my thumb over her clit, a helpless moan is my reward. I feel the wetness between my own thighs. Pleasuring her like this is such a turn on, and when she comes on my hand, I nearly do too.
“Can I touch you?” she asks, her voice a breathless gasp. I’m shaking with desire. It matters, her, asking for permission, but my answer is fairly predictable.
Maybe there are some things that are too good to be true, I realize later that night when I wake up crying from dark and disturbing, but vague nightmares. The house Nick took me to wasn’t exactly a serial killer basement, but an average family home. It doesn’t translate like that into my dreams, and for a moment, I lost judgment too, not knowing how far he and Muriel would be willing to go. Truth be told, I still don’t know, because it was Colette’s intervention that stopped them.
Carter’s embrace is calming me. It’s not doing away with all the emotions, my anger at myself, my disappointment, the lingering fears for the future. I love her, more than anything. Why can’t that be enough?
“It’s okay,” she whispers. “We’ll figure it out. I just want you to come home.”
“I will—and I will go to the island with you. We do have a lot to figure out.”
I am just so scared. My life until now, the short period we spent together where I went from a less to a more willing captive, then to a spouse, was it any real? Will some people in Carter’s company always consider me a gold digger, and even if she doesn’t, can I live with that?
Chapter Thirteen
Carter
It’s no small victory that Penelope agrees to come with me and go back to where everything began, the place where I tried to convince her everything would be fine if she just trusted me.
The job I did wasn’t so great, and if it wasn’t for Nick acting quickly at the time…Nick is also responsible for her latest nightmares, so that’s a tricky subject as well. I have always enjoyed working with him, always thought his heart and mind were in the right place only to find him making such a crass error of judgment. I’m still not sure how to deal with either.
Meanwhile, Colette is doing a great job taking over, and she and Scott are working well together. It’s a relief that something is going according to plan. I have to push aside my frustration with Gillian and Linda as well, because I need them both as Forbes Inc. is getting ready to take over a pharmaceutical company.
The best of all: Penelope has agreed to move back in, and in the evening I tell her all about our latest coup. It’s not exactly top secret or close to crossing boundaries legally, but I know she appreciates being included.
“This company bought a lot of drugs in the past year, now they’ve been raising the prices. In that industry, imagine—it’s not like they’d have to go hungry if they sold them at an affordable price.”
“Are they going to sell?” Penelope asks.
“The ex-wife happens to own the majority of shares, so yes. She seems like a decent person, so I’ll have her on the board. That’ll be two strikes.”
She laughs. “You love making enemies, don’t you?”
“Just when they’re entitled misogynist people, yes,” I say, holding back what’s on my mind. Not when they hurt you. I hope I’ve been clear enough with everyone in my company—I appreciate their efforts to protect the integrity of the business, but they are to leave Penelope alone. Nothing to see here.
“It’s not just about that. It’s a good investment, and good publicity.”
“You’re a good person. Don’t try to deny it.”
“I’m glad you think so. When this deal is through, we can go as soon as your classes allow.”
“I’ll let you know,” she says with a hesitant smile, and I think this is all I can get from her for now. It’s something. It’s up to me to make this trip our new start, no more holding back, no more trust issues.
Oh boy.
After dinner, I talk to Marlene about the specifics. She has already resigned to the fact that she’ll travel with us—I could do four days of catering, but who would want to if we can have her?
“We can’t go right now, but it might be soon. I’d like you to check in with the staff there and make sure everything is perfect, and you’ll have everything you need. For the fresh ingredients, you can send someone on the day we arrive.”
“It will be fine.” I could swear Marlene is amused even though she’s trying to hide it. “She didn’t marry you for my cooking skills. Certainly not for yours. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
“Oh you did. It’s okay. I need everything to work perfectly once we’re there.”
Marlene looks thoughtful, and I’m sure she’s thinking, like me, of the last time we prepared everything for a houseguest. I had an incredible amount of clothes delivered for a while, lingerie, bath products, everything to make someone who didn’t want to be there, as comfortable as possible. Food and drinks aren’t really such a big problem as the staff that lives there permanently, has to eat and drink too.
“I’ll see to it that everything’s stocked up,” she says.
Chapter Fourteen
Penny
I’ve been sitting across from Traci, working on grants for the past two hours, mostly in companionable silence. We’re busy after all. It’s almost noon, and I know my opportunity to ask the question that’s burning on my mind will be gone soon…so I blurt it out, almost surprised the words actually came out of my mouth.
“Do you think I married Carter for her money?” I might be crossing a line, but I think she’s the right person to ask. She certainly doesn’t know the details about my “abduction,” so if she makes those assumptions, I’m pretty much screwed.
From across the desk, she regards me with a curious expression. “Why are you asking me that? And for
the record, no, I don’t think that. You seemed genuine. I still try to believe in the good in people, true love and all that, but most of all I know Carter wouldn’t tolerate that kind of BS. I hope that helps.”
“It does. Thank you. I’m sorry.”
“This is about Nick leaving the company?” she asks.
“It’s about me being insecure. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s okay,” Traci assures me. “People will always talk, and when it’s about Carter, they always talk a lot. I sent you to New York for a reason, and I honestly hope you want to keep working with us. I understand that being married to the boss gives you some advantages—when she wants you on a trip with her, I can’t say no. I can live with that. When you’re here, you’re not messing around. That’s all I need to know.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“I don’t know if you’re still going to thank me when I say I have a lunch date in ten minutes…?”
“That’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
“Yes, I know.”
When she’s gone, I continue for a while before taking my own lunch break. I briefly call Carter to hear about the takeover, and it seems to be going well. She’s having coffee with the ex-wife at the moment.
After hanging up, I stare at the phone list for a moment. I’m indecisive, wondering if it would be a mistake—or part of the moving on? The office number now belongs to Colette, but there’s still Nick’s cell phone number. Maybe there’s something I have to figure out for myself before Carter and I go on our closure trip—and maybe I have to do it right now before I lose the courage to do it.
“Nick, it’s Penny. I was hoping we could meet.”
“Right now?” He sounds genuinely surprised.
“I’m at work. I can’t leave right now, but maybe after my shift? There’s a coffee shop across the street. Could you be there at five-thirty?”
There’s silence for a moment, then he says, “I’m not sure what you’re hoping to achieve.”
“Don’t worry, I’m over that apology—or the lack thereof. I honestly don’t care, but there’s something I’d like to talk to you about in person.”
Surrender Forever (Surrender Trilogy Book 3) Page 9