Carter smiles. “You’re right. That wasn’t too painful. I think I could get used to this talking thing.”
“You better, because I see a lot of it in our future.”
She laughs and when we get up, she pulls me close.
We spend the afternoon at the pool, swimming and relaxing while we both sort through the memories and what they mean for the future. A walk on the beach to watch the sunset. It makes me feel like the world is in the palm of my hand now. This trip is shaping up to be everything I hoped it would be, a renegotiation of terms, a reminder why we were inevitable to begin with. We’re not exactly hungry when we return to the house. We work up an appetite in the huge shower where I spend a few wonderful minutes on my knees, on a soft towel, on my tongue the taste of sun, salt, and her.
Later, Carter gives Marlene the evening off. I prepare a snack with fruit, nuts and cheeses while she mixes us cocktails.
“There’s something you wanted to show me,” I remember.
Carter shakes her head. “Not tonight. This day has been too good.”
All of a sudden, it’s like there’s a dark cloud over the brightness of the day, and I know it’s not going to go away until we’ve dealt with this, whatever it is.
“Tell me.”
She sighs. “You’re not going to let this go…and I promised you. Okay. I thought if you read your file, it would be easier for you to separate why we had to get you out of town, from everything else.”
“My file?” My voice climbs up high, cracks a little. If I’m honest, that’s nothing I shouldn’t have expected. I’m sure there’s a file on Emilia Laydon, Aisha, Brenda’s friend. That’s how she and Nick work. “Okay, so there’s a file. You found out some things about me, and you knew about the guy who wanted to sell me off, because I didn’t want to sleep with him.” I shake myself. It’s unreal. With the distance, I’m more angry than scared. “Do you really think there are any surprises in there?”
“I don’t think so, not the content. It might be different when you see it concentrated like this, and it’s not light before-sleep reading.”
“You’ll be with me. If I ask you to, you’ll mix me another of those cocktails, right?”
“Of course.”
“Wait a minute…exactly how big is this file?”
“I’ll get it for you. Let’s go to the living room then, okay?”
We carry our drinks and dishes inside, and I put the latter into the dishwasher. Carter returns with the file, and to my relief it will not take me all night to go through it. I’m a bit anxious—after all she has never even mentioned it before. I should have known.
“Thank you. I swear, nothing in there will ever change my mind.”
“That’s not what I’m afraid of,” Carter says, but she sits next to me on the couch, waiting for me to begin. I want to do this quickly, to ease her mind and mine.
At the beginning, there’s a neat section with lots of information on me. It would be disturbing, no doubt, if I hadn’t known who did this meticulous stalking.
“I suppose this means Nick was in my apartment before that night.”
“No,” she says. “I went through your purse at work and checked your coat for size. He brought me a list of products in your bathroom when you came here. We don’t break into apartments just for fun.”
“Okay.” I’m not sure if that’s the right word, but I read on. There’s a transcript, describing the man’s brother pimping me to the trafficker he was doing business with. I knew this happened in general, but reading the words make my stomach churn for real. To think about this window in my life, where decisions and choices were taken out of my hands completely, a moment that could have turned out so much worse, is difficult. Too many emotions. I remember not knowing whether I could trust her, at the same time being drawn to her, all while the real danger was still looming. I skim over the last few pages, the abrupt ending that details the arrest of the suspects.
“Wow, that’s…” I take a deep breath. “It’s quite a story.”
“I wanted to take you far away from all that. My mistake was to underestimate how far Laydon would go to try to bring me down. For him, it was never about you, or the guy who got his feelings hurt because you said no to him. I had to clean up this whole mess, and for that…I wanted you to be in a beautiful place.”
“Distracted. So I wouldn’t ask any questions.”
“Yes and no. I’d also been dreaming about you from the moment I first saw your picture, and the day in the café—I knew this could be something different, amazing for both of us.”
“It sure was…is.” Different and amazing. I’m really tired all of a sudden. Would you mind if we make it an early night?”
“No, not at all.”
Chapter Sixteen
Carter
The nightmares come back, just as I expected, just as I hoped it wouldn’t happen. It’s not that the content of the file is so graphic. I’m not sure Penelope ever looked so closely at the horrific possibilities before, not even when McKinley who pretended to be FBI, threatened her with a gun.
Once the adrenaline has worn off, the mind is capable of conjuring terrible images. I am not making them up. I know what Muriel has told me, before I paid for her therapy, before I got her into the training where she could apply her anger and become one of my best security officers. It’s different for men. They want to be one of the good guys. Muriel got involved with Nick’s crazy idea because she has no tolerance for anyone, woman or men, who would associate with Laurier, and by proxy, Laydon.
Here we are.
I hold Penelope close to me, feel her racing heartbeat. Being here on the island, not only good memories come back, and they merge with the recent stress situation. No surprise there. I wish I could make any of this easier for her.
“I’m sorry for waking you.” She sighs. I tighten my arms around her, the single most precious person in my life. I’d give up my world-saving ambitions if she asked me to, but I know that’s not her intention.
“It’s okay. That’s what this time is for, right? Working through things?”
“I feel silly,” she confesses. “It’s just…words on paper. Nowhere near as dangerous as jumping off balconies or potentially getting shot at.”
“Don’t. We made it out, unlike those sad little men who got their asses thrown in prison.”
She laughs softly. “Yeah, I like it when you put it like that. Makes us sound badass.”
“Aren’t we?”
“I know you are.”
“You made a speech about how we empower women, in New York, and you actually jumped off a balcony—that sounds pretty badass to me.”
“I guess I did okay.”
“You did more than that.” I’m aware of the implied question. “You know, when we do what we do, it’s not all about coming in with blazing guns. There’s a lot of planning involved, as you can imagine, and the next time, I promise I will involve you. You’re good at this, and we are passionate about the same things. We can work together in this…in a way that doesn’t make me freak out. You just have to know it will be like this, stories that make you want to scream and throw something.”
“Like Aisha…and Muriel?”
“Yes—and every other one of them. The great thing is we’re not actually rescuing anyone. They are already strong, and capable. We just lend them a hand so they can have a life, for themselves, their families.”
“Did you think I was strong—capable—when you first met me?”
“Oh, absolutely. It takes a strong person to tolerate my presence.”
She smiles, but stays silent after that and leans into my embrace. The conversation is over for now, more bits and pieces revealed. I hope we can get some sleep now.
* * * *
I wake up to find she’s gone, close to panicking when I realize this is not a nightmare. The sound of crinkling paper alerts me to the written message next to me.
C., I had to be on my own for a bit, so I’ll go
down to the beach. Please give me some time. I’ll come get you. In the meantime, there’s coffee. P.
I’m not sure what to make of it. It worries me, but I know I have to accept that this is the process we’re in now, something we both chose with the goal to come out stronger. The first day sort of erupted in sexual bliss, and from there…it’s never far to the darker subjects. I put on a light satin robe and take my coffee out on the deck overlooking the stretch of private beach. It makes me feel a little better that I can see her standing there, watching the sun rise. She brought some coffee for herself.
I will keep my distance. I will wait. I will tear down the last barrier and tell her why I treated her differently from any other woman who needed a helping hand. Food, clothes, new papers, plane tickets, whatever necessary. A career boost.
I want to see Penelope thrive, and I’m happy she does under Traci’s skilled supervision, more than capable of taking her place in the business. I also wanted her for myself, because I knew right from the start she could give me something that no one else could. Occasionally using restraints during sex is only a metaphor. Locking her in wasn’t, and that’s where necessity became mixed in with need.
“Can you come with me now?”
I got so lost in thought I didn’t even realize that she was back in the house. We both leave the coffee on the table, then reach out for each other’s hand at the same time, and we walk back down to the beach where the sunrise is unfolding in all its glory. How long has she been out here? What’s her conclusion?
“It wasn’t right,” she says softly. “I know you wanted to protect me, keep me from thinking about what could have happened to me. You scared me. At first, anyway. I didn’t realize how much until…the interrogation.”
“I didn’t mean to…but I know it happened. I’m sorry about that. It’s not an excuse, but with everything that was at stake, I wanted one place that was free from all of that evil.” It sounds a bit lame, I know it, and I cringe. “Not just this one time. With all the work we’ve done over the years, and all the successes, there’s so much left to do. Sometimes it feels like drowning. In some twisted kind of way, I was hoping you could keep me safe. Sane, anyway. There is something to it.”
Penelope’s fingers tighten around mine. “I want to give you that safe space, but I need you to say it, I need us to talk like we do now. Much as I wish, I can’t read your mind.”
“I know—and I have just one condition. I will tell you whatever you ask me for, but I want us to have someplace we can take a time-out from the job, whatever it entails. Keep it out of the bedroom, and when we go on a vacation. There will be enough time during the day to discuss all of these things. When I’m with you, I want nothing else.”
“I can do that. There’s something that took me a long time to figure out. I’d been taking care of myself for quite some time, and then, for a while, you brought all of that to a halt.”
“I’m—”
“Don’t be sorry. I learned something about myself during that time. I can be working with you toward a goal that we both share, in the company and with those other projects. I married you because I’m madly in love with you, which can be scary sometimes, but mostly amazing. For all of this to work, I need you to share. I’m good with keeping the worst stuff out of the bedroom, because I need that to be a safe space too, so I can let you take control. I know it’s what you need. It’s what I need most, and it took me a while to realize that I can be a feminist and stand on my own two feet and still want to lose myself completely in you.”
“I love you too. We can make this work.”
“Yes. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
The next time we make love, it’s not in the suite I had prepared for her, but in the master bedroom, with the sunlight streaming in. Skin to skin, limbs entwined, the rhythm comes easily, and it’s all relief and emotional overload, the firm pressure of her fingers reaching between my legs and inside me that sends me over the edge.
“Wow, that’s quick even for us,” I say as I’m catching my breath. We both know why.
“You’re going to make it last,” Penelope whispers, her voice a heated lusty tone sending aftershocks through my body.
“You bet. Come here.” I get up and stand at the foot of the bed, my legs still weak, but I’m determined to give her something special before breakfast. She follows obediently until we’re standing in front of each other, the air between us heating up with promise and anticipation.
“I promise you it’s safe to get lost, because I’ll always find you.”
Her eyes widen as I retrieve the white scarf from the drawer.
“Let’s start with this.” I carefully blindfold her, a small gasp escaping her lips when she’s robbed of one sense. Kneeling in front of her, I brush my hands over her calves, up her thighs, lean in close enough so she can feel my breath on her skin.
“Oh. Wow. I’m not so sure about this. I feel a little…unbalanced.”
“And I will catch you if you lose your balance. Don’t move. I have something to help you.”
I can’t help it—I reach out to touch the tip of my finger against her sex, exploring, content to hear her moan quietly. I stop short of slipping inside though her body begs me to, depriving both of us for the moment, in favor of greater pleasures to come.
“Tease.”
“You must know it by now.”
Penelope lets me steer her a couple of steps back and widen her stance slightly. Next are soft leather restraints to tether her to the bedpost, her wrists above her head. I’ll make sure she can become safely un-tethered.
“How are you feeling? Anything to tight?”
She shakes her head. “A little uncomfortable, but I trust you to take care of that sometime today.”
“Let me try. You’re beautiful,” I can’t keep in the words. “I love it when you’re impatient like that. I love you.”
I kiss her mouth, then her neck, pushing two fingers into her, welcomed by the velvety heat. Her reaction is a near sob. Relief, and emotional overload, it’s the theme of the day. I move slowly inside her, enjoying the intimate connection.
“Faster would be okay,” she rasps, which makes me smile. It’s yet to be determined who’s in control, and the answer is a lot more complex than we thought.
I surrender to her wish, encouraging each sound reflecting the crescendo inside her body, higher, deeper, a sudden rush of heat until she slumps slightly in the restraints, breathless.
I remove them before the strain gets painful—we’re still not into that—and ease her down on the bed. The blindfold comes off next, her smile filling me with lusty affection. My wish came true—there is a space that is not touched by the ugliness we have to deal with somehow. I didn’t need to worry. Penelope will never be tainted by it.
I have promised to tell the truth, but I might not tell her that the windows were open the whole time. She might be too mortified knowing Marlene set the table for breakfast on the deck below, possibly within earshot of passion and pleasure.
* * * *
The rest of the trip passes peacefully, no nightmares, just sun, sex, great food and drinks, and profound happiness. We took a look at our foundation and fixed it where it needed fixing, made it solid. We’re ready.
I could have done without a call from Eve within the first twenty-four hours of our return, but so be it.
She tells me about a woman whose abusive ex-husband has sued her for full custody, and he is likely to win as she was caught trying to move the two girls over the border. We will monitor this case closely, have Gillian send someone in from the legal team for starters—intervene if necessary.
“What does that mean, intervene? What if he wins?” Penelope asks, concerned and at the same time thrilled for being in the situation room.
“That’s what we’re trying to prevent,” Linda says. “People like him have skeletons in their closet. We’ll find them.”
There’s not a doubt in my mind that we will.
Chapter Seventeen
Penny
I hurry into the meeting at headquarters during my lunch break. “Here’s the key.”
“Thanks, Penny,” Linda says.
“If you have time for lunch, over there. Help yourself.” Nick directs me to a box of pastries next to the coffeemaker. Knowing where he gets them from, I can’t say no.
“Thanks.” I pour myself a cup of coffee and get a cream puff on a paper plate. “The room is paid for three days, that should give us enough room in case we need to change plans.”
Kristen Granger was lucky—the court confirmed sole custody of her children, which means she now has one angry ex after her. Nick and Colette will provide protection for the time being, while Linda continues her investigation.
“Any news on Kevin?” I ask. There’s evidence of major tax evasion. If it turns out to be true, he’ll soon have so much more to worry about than chasing after Kristen.
“I’ll have what I need tonight,” Linda confirms. “After that, he’s toast. Kristen won’t have to worry about him for a long time.”
“Well, those are the words I like to hear.” Carter has just walked inside and overheard the investigator’s words. “I see we’re all set.”
We definitely are. It’s not like I’m going to do any of the cloak and dagger stuff anytime soon—my role is more of what I do at work anyway, organize, pay some bills, but that still makes me part of the end result. I love that we’re in this together, she and I—and no one here questions my presence any longer, at home and in the business. This is as close to perfect as it gets, even if we both wish no one needed the help we are able to give.
It’s rewarding nonetheless, what we can achieve together.
“Is this how you imagined life?” Carter asks me when we sit together in the Jacuzzi that night, celebrating Linda’s findings that were even better than we thought. Eve and her colleagues are already working on the case.
“No. This is so much better.”
Surrender Forever (Surrender Trilogy Book 3) Page 11