Miguel recognized she had a right to be bitter. But he didn’t like to think she could be as callous as Charlene, who’d tossed him away like an outdated garment she no longer wanted.
“The other day when Roy came by the ranch, I honestly got the notion you...cared about people. But now I’m beginning to wonder just who and what you care about.”
She gritted her teeth and tried to slow her rocketing temper. “You think I don’t have a heart just because I had the common sense to get over a man who was a liar and a cheat? Who do you think you’re helping by pining after that ex-wife of yours? If she’d been any kind of woman at all you would have kept her, right?”
His eyes were little more than slits when he finally glanced at her. “What do you know about my ex-wife?”
“Nothing! Except that she must have been a bi—a difficult person. Or is that not true? Did the fault of your divorce lie with you? Is that why you never see your son?”
As soon as the questions were out, Anna was horrified at herself. She’d never meant to say them. At least not in such a blunt fashion. But he had such a way about him that one word, one glance was enough to rip away all her niceties.
Miguel’s face grew rigid as a rock, then red, as he stared at the highway in front of them. “Who told you I had a son? Have some of the men been gossiping about me?”
Horrified with herself or not, another spurt of anger blasted through Anna, and she turned on him. “I’d hardly call it gossiping to say someone has a child! Or are you ashamed of him?”
With a brief glance in the rearview mirror, Miguel stomped on the brake and jerked the vehicle to the side of the highway.
Anna’s heart was pounding as he killed the motor and deliberately turned in the seat to face her.
“I am not ashamed of my son! And you are never to speak of him again!”
“Why?” she dared to ask.
“Because he is none of your business!”
Anna’s gaze was riveted to his face, and as she looked at him, she realized it was more than anger she was seeing. Her probing questions had ripped something away, exposed a vulnerable part of him he didn’t want her to see, and the sight tore at her.
“No. I don’t suppose he is my business. But he should be yours.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I had to find out about your son secondhand from my brother. That doesn’t sound like a proud father to me!”
“Do you know how wrong, how ignorant it is of you to make insinuations about me? About my relationship with my son?”
His voice was low and furious, and Anna knew he wanted to strangle her. But for once she didn’t care that she had angered him, that she had perhaps stepped over the line. She was doing it because she cared.
“Just like it was wrong of you to assume I was nothing but a musician,” she shot back.
Her reminder hit home. After his eyes raked a few more cutting paths over her face, he sighed and settled back in his seat.
“Miguel, my intention wasn’t to imply you were a bad father. I simply wanted to know about him. Why he isn’t here with you,” she said more gently.
He didn’t reply. Anna sighed, then looked toward the window as the sting of tears touched the back of her eyes. “I guess I was a little hurt because... well, you obviously didn’t want to share that part of your life with me.”
Long moments of silence continued to stretch inside the vehicle. Anna eventually turned her head to look at him. His anger was gone, and in its place she could see sad regret.
“Oh, Anna,” he said softly. “It shouldn’t matter to you. You getting tangled up in my life...it isn’t good. For either of us. You’ll be gone soon.”
He was gently reminding her she had no place in his life or even a place on the Bar M, and she felt as if he’d stabbed her to the bone.
Glancing away from him so he couldn’t see the glisten of moisture in her eyes, she said, “I might not be leaving soon. I might decide to stay here on the Bar M for good this time.”
He muttered a curse under his breath. “You’re talking silly now.”
Anna’s first instinct was to turn and scream at him. But the last thing she wanted was for him to add hysterical to her description.
As coolly and collectedly as she could manage, she said, “I don’t think anyone is ridiculous for wanting to be home. If you do, I think you’re the one who’s heartless.”
“That’s not what I meant. I think it’s crazy for you to consider giving up your career.”
“You gave up yours,” she countered.
He arched a brow at her. “I’ve never had a career.”
“You were a lawman.”
He grimaced. “I never intended to be a lawman for the rest of my life. But you have a talent. You’d never be happy if you gave it up. After a few months’ time, you’d be frantic to get out of this place, to get back into a refined culture. And that’s not even counting the money you’d be turning your back on.”
All her life Anna had heard those very words, and for years she’d believed she had no choice but to play music. Guilt had riddled her whenever the mere thought of giving it up flashed briefly through her mind. She didn’t want to be a quitter, a loser like Belinda had been. But, dear God, she silently prayed, was she suppose to give up having a family, a home, all the things she’d ever wanted the most?
“It’s always easy to give someone advice when you’re looking through the other side of the fence.”
He sighed, reached for the ignition switch, then paused. “I think you are a troubled girl, Anna. You don’t know what you want.”
Two weeks ago she would have probably agreed with him. But now the once-confused vision in her heart was slowly growing clear. She wanted to be near Miguel. She wanted to feel his touch. She wanted to play for him. She wanted to wake with him each morning, look out over the mountains and know that she was truly home.
But how could she tell him how she was feeling? He didn’t want her or any woman in that way. Even worse, he believed she was young and fickle.
“And you do?” she countered softly.
His face closed, he reached for the ignition and the engine sprang to life. “Right now I want my supper,” he said brusquely. “As for your question, that’s my concern. Not yours.”
Was her brother out of his mind? Miguel’s a lonely man. He needs your company. Or was she the crazy one for listening to him in the first place?
“I’ll try to remember that,” she said flatly.
Supper was a quiet occasion. Miguel ate steak. Anna was contented with a shrimp salad. Their conversation touched on a few local happenings, the general condition of the ranch and some of the work they would both be doing in the next few days. But even though they talked, Anna felt a cold chasm stretching between them.
She didn’t know if the awkward tension was because they’d said too much to each other or not enough. Whatever the case, she was relieved when he finally suggested they leave the restaurant.
On their way across the parking lot they passed a young couple heading toward the building. The man was leading a toddler while the woman was carrying a baby in a small carrier. Anna stared after them, her expression unknowingly wistful. Many of the friends with whom she’d grown up had already started families of their own. Violet was pregnant and Chloe had mentioned that Emily might be expecting again. But she could see no baby on her horizon. Not even the promise of one to come.
A few minutes later Miguel surprised her by saying, “You’ve gone quiet.”
She shook away her thoughts and glanced at him. “I was just...thinking.”
“Those people back in the parking lot, did you know them?”
She shook her head. “No. They...well, seeing them made me wonder what it would be like to have children.”
He frowned skeptically. “Did you ever want children?”
Her head bent, her gaze on her lap, she nodded. “I’ve always wanted children.”
“A
nd how do you think a baby would fit in your life?” He didn’t add the question of a husband. The idea of a man, any man making love to Anna, filling her with child was too repulsive for Miguel to consider.
“Just like anyone who has a baby,” she answered. “They make a special place for him or her.”
“And how could you be a mother?”
She lifted her head and looked at him with dark, wounded eyes. “You make me sound like a freak! Just because I entertain people for a living doesn’t make me different from other women. I want the same things. Need the same things.”
But her career did make her different, Miguel thought. And if she couldn’t see that, she was headed for big trouble. “You’ve already had one broken engagement. You don’t think your career had anything to do with that?”
“No. Scott had already agreed that I should tour until we started a family.”
“Maybe he got tired of you being gone,” he said, then shot her a knowing glance. “Men and children do require attention.”
Anna started to lash back at him, but then suddenly noticed they were on a different road than the one they’d traveled into town.
She peered out the window. “Where are we... going?”
“You don’t recognize where you are?”
She licked her lips as her heart began to pound with anticipation. “It’s dark. And it’s been a while since I traveled around Ruidoso.”
“We’re going up the mountain.”
She jerked her head around, tried to find his expression in the darkness of the vehicle. “Sierra Blanca? Why?”
“Don’t ask why. Just enjoy it.”
It was a good thing Anna wasn’t squeamish of heights. The narrow asphalt road climbing the mountain was drastically steep and nothing more than a maze of treacherous switchbacks. But Anna’s thoughts weren’t on the journey. She was too busy trying to figure out why Miguel was taking her to such a place.
At the top he parked, and the two of them climbed out to the ground. At twelve thousand feet, the night air was cold. Anna rubbed her hands over her bare arms as she joined him at the front of the vehicle.
“What are we doing up here?” she asked.
“Appreciating the view,” he answered, then took her by the shoulder and guided her toward a paved area where one could safely look off the mountain.
Even though it was cold and she was at a total loss as to why she was standing atop Sierra Blanca, she still gasped with sheer pleasure and wonder as she gazed off into the valley of mountains stretched below them.
“Did you ever come up here in the winter and ski Apache?” he asked.
“Many times. I was never as good as my brother or sister. Adam is very athletic and since Ivy is more petite than I she’s more graceful on the snow. But I always managed to make it down the mountain without breaking my neck.” She glanced at him. “Did you ever ski?”
He grunted with wry amusement. “No. Social sports were never my style. But Charlene loved it.”
“Charlene. Was that your wife?” she ventured.
He nodded. “For a year and half.”
His admission completely stunned her. “Only for that long? Then you’ve obviously been divorced for a long time. How...why are you not able to forget her?” she asked in a strained voice.
His roughly hewn profile turned, and his gaze found hers in the darkness. “You misunderstood me, Anna. I’ve forgotten Charlene a long time ago. Forgetting the pain she caused is another thing.”
“Tell me,” she urged softly.
His hand moved up her shoulder to rest beneath her hair at the nape of her neck. “You’re cold. We should be going.”
“I want to know,” she said her gaze refusing to let his go.
His fingers pressed into her warm skin as he sighed and looked away. “Charlene was from a very rich and notable family in Albuquerque. I met her at a charity function put on by the sheriff’s department. She was beautiful and flashy, and I suppose it was flattering to a young struggling deputy to be pursued by a woman like her. But I married her because I thought she loved me. Because I thought I loved her. Yet it took me only a few months to figure our marriage was...not much more than an adventure to her. After the novelty of being married to a real cowboy deputy wore off, she wanted her freedom.”
Horrified, Anna shook her head. “But if she had your son, surely she must have taken your marriage seriously.”
His face was suddenly carved from stone, and the caustic laugh that erupted from his lips chilled Anna far more than the mountain air.
“Charlene was furious when she discovered she was pregnant. I had to beg, cajole, do everything I could think of to prevent her from getting an abortion. She wanted a divorce, and I wanted my child. It was the only bargaining power I had.”
Anna’s heart ached for all he’d gone through and lost. And ached, too, for the chance to take away his pain and bitterness. “What happened after your son was born?”
“After Carlos was born, Charlene’s motherly instincts must have kicked in because she made a complete turnaround. She wanted her son. She also still wanted a divorce.”
“Did you try to fight for custody?”
He nodded gravely. “At first I fought hard. But Charlene’s father was councilman for the city of Albuquerque and big buddies with most of the judges. Besides that, her family had enough money to keep me in court forever.” He shrugged with weary acceptance. “In the end I gave Carlos up, because I knew they could give him so much more than I ever could. Since then Charlene has remarried, and thankfully her life is settled now. Her husband is good to Carlos and treats him as his own.”
Anna turned to face him, and her palm found the middle of his warm chest, the rapid thud of his heart. “But you are his father, Miguel. Don’t you think he needs you?”
His eyes blinked, his throat worked to swallow, and then his fingers lifted and gently brushed across her cheek. “Nobody has ever needed me, Anna. Nobody.”
Chapter Seven
Anna knew a crippled horse when she saw one. Although the limp in his right foreleg was slight, the swelling around his hoof and fetlock were marked enough to worry her.
She motioned at the newly trained groom who was leading the horse around in a small circle so Anna could observe his gait.
“That’s enough, Dale. Put him back in his stall.”
“You want me and Sam to rub it with liniment or something?” the young man asked.
Anna shook her head. “No. I’m not sure what’s wrong. I don’t want to start any treatment until I have someone look at him. Do you know whether Mr. Chavez has been down here to the ranch yard yet this morning?”
“Yes, ma’am. He’s already come and gone. Him and another hand went over to Roswell to see about a load of alfalfa.”
So that meant he wouldn’t be back at the ranch for several hours, Anna calculated. She would have preferred to have his opinion about the horse’s foot before summoning a vet. He knew horses inside and out, and he could possibly advise her on how to care for this one, but she dare not wait until he got back to the ranch. The animal was one of Chloe’s best runners. She didn’t want to take the chance of postponing treatment. His condition might grow worse.
A week had passed since she and Miguel had gone into Ruidoso for supper. Since then Anna hadn’t pushed her company on him, and he’d more or less stayed out of her way. Because he felt that was the safe thing for him to do, she supposed. But his revelations that night had told her much. Now when she looked at Miguel she knew he wasn’t just a hard, arrogant man who preferred his own company. He’d been wounded by a callous woman. He couldn’t forget his broken marriage because he still had a son somewhere out there whom he loved and missed. Anna figured until he’d made a steady, concrete connection with the boy, he would continue to hang on to the bitter past.
She wasn’t at all sure what she could do about Miguel or even if she should do anything. She tried to tell herself he was right about them being like ice and fire.
Maybe they were no good for each other. Maybe he would never love her. But she couldn’t ignore the way her heart throbbed at the very sight of him, or the pure joy she felt whenever he was near. She loved the man. She couldn’t let him go without a fight.
At the ranch house she located the name and number of the veterinarian her mother normally used. Unfortunately he was out for the day so she tried the second number her mother had jotted down as an alternative. After a quick discussion with his receptionist, Anna learned he was tied up for the morning, but he could come to the ranch later that afternoon. Anna assured the woman she’d be waiting.
“What the hell is he doing here?” Miguel mouthed out loud as he pulled the pickup to a stop a few yards away from the stables.
Elmer, the old wrangler sitting next to Miguel, glanced at his boss then out the window at the young veterinarian standing with Anna in the open doorway of the building.
“Guess the missus needed a doctor.”
Miguel snorted. “She doesn’t need his kind of doctoring.”
Elmer strained to keep a grin off his face. “Chloe says he’ll do in a pinch.”
“He might know about animals, but not about women. I’ll bet he’s spent five minutes doing his job and another forty-five talking to Anna.”
“Hmm. Well, I don’t hardly see anything wrong with that. Miss Anna’s probably lonely with all her family being gone.”
Miguel gave the man an odd look, but said nothing. He didn’t want to sound jealous. Because he wasn’t, he assured himself. He just didn’t want Dr. Dalton getting chummy with Anna. The man was known for his philandering, and she’d already been hurt by a man with a roaming eye.
But as Miguel got out of the truck and walked over to the two of them, he had to fight the urge to take the veterinarian by the collar and boot him off the Bar M. He didn’t want this man or any man looking at Anna in a possessive way!
Anna didn’t miss the dark look on Miguel’s face as he approached her and the doctor. She didn’t know what could be on his mind, but from the expression on his face she figured it had to be her. She seemed to be the only one or thing that could rile him.
The Cowboy And The Debutante Page 10