“You make it sound so harsh.” His chest heaved with a shaky breath. “If I hadn’t seen you tonight—tonight.”
I knew better than to think I could’ve stopped him. “If you’re going to do it, no matter how much someone asks you to stay, I think you should do it here, with me.”
“You won’t try to change my mind?”
I sympathized with what he wanted. He was right, I’d faced the unbearable and unending pain many times before I met Calind, and one time afterward. There were many instances where I wondered what it would’ve felt like to silence the pain for good.
The thoughts scared me, and might’ve been part of the reason I signed up with Executive Suites. It wasn’t sex stacked on top of sex; it was about wanting to live out loud for whatever little time I had left.
The month after I met Calind, when I was alone and worse off than I ever had been, thoughts of the end flooded my head. Every time I woke up, my sadness was worse. I hated being that way: the seizures, the headaches, the endless pain. I knew what I had to look forward to alone, and couldn’t face it.
Now, things were different because of Calind. Despite the secrets and lies, he anchored me to the world. No man had protected me the way Calind did. No one made me encounter an incredible array of emotions the way he did.
I kept a bottle of pain meds hidden away from Calind in the closet of our bedroom. I had set it aside for when the sickness made me too weak to get out of bed, and the injections stopped working. They were my false strength if I needed it. “I have pain meds. Will they do?”
“They will.”
I traveled to my bedroom and retrieved the only two bottles I had from my bag stashed in a pair of boots in the back of the walk-in closet.
“Why do you need these?” Van questioned as he stood in the doorframe.
“Does it matter?”
“Are you taking the injections?”
“I am and they are helping, but I won’t take them anymore. It makes me feel…I can’t explain the way it makes me feel.”
He took both of my hands in his as a sudden seriousness swept over his face. “Before I die, you need to listen: Calind thinks he can protect you and will do everything he can to make sure you’re safe, but the people coming after you will never stop. Calind will drive you right into the arms of someone who will control you and use you. Regan…you don’t want that person anywhere near you.” He held up a bottle. “This might be your only way out.”
“You know, then?” I asked, my voice breezy. “You know I’m supposed to be the project?”
“I know what I need to know. You don’t want to be a Vorarei. Immortality isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. The way they are? They can’t help it. And Calind? He has a good side, but there’s another side to him, too.”
“I’ve seen it before,” I told him.
“Don’t think you have.”
“You say that because…”
“If you had, you would admit it with terror.” He dropped the hand holding the bottle to his side and stared at the rug underneath our feet for a while in silence. “Calind will never forgive you for helping me die. He might show you the side you haven’t seen yet. Leave when I go. Swear you’ll leave all of this and go where neither Calind nor Emile can find you, and take the rest of these pills.”
I squeezed his hand and gave him a sad smile. “Rest, okay?”
We crawled into bed together and he rested his head on my shoulder. “Thank you for the night. Regardless of how short, it meant something. I’m glad I’m not alone in this.”
“Only because you told no one,” I reminded him. “Calind knew you were sick. Why didn’t you confirm what he knew?”
“He would try to save me.” Van inhaled a wavering breath, closing his eyes. “How will you explain my death to him?”
“I’ll say whatever I have to.” I wrapped my arm around his neck and clasped his head. “Van…rest.”
“I know not to argue with a stubborn woman.”
I nodded, feeling as tired as Van. I thought I was dreaming, too tired to open my eyes. When I was in between dreamland and a waking state, I could’ve sworn Van said, “I’ll see you on the other side soon, sis.”
THE RARE AND early morning downpour at dawn woke me. I opened my eyes to view an empty bedside. One of the pill bottles on the nightstand was missing, leaving only one full bottle left. From underneath the closed door, a cloudy light emanated from the bathroom.
I adjusted my sore and tired body to sit on the edge of the bed. I stared at the door, somehow knowing and feeling that I had lost the only person I could count as a real sibling.
My steps remained at a slow and steady pace, slapping against the wood floor. I took my time before I moved a single limb to open the bathroom door.
Van was inside the empty tub, the robe laid on the side of the bathtub.
I sat on the edge of the antique copper tub, entranced by Van’s facial expression—a peaceful calm.
I choked back the sobs and called 9-1-1.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CALIND DIDN’T ANSWER his phone when I called. Instead, I reached Cyan. I had a short and uncomfortable conversation with Cyan to give a message to Calind for me.
Things were miles apart from the welcoming I envisioned giving to Calind. If everything happened the way it should have, Calind would’ve arrived home to see me naked in the kitchen of our home, waiting for him to fuck me senseless.
Alternatively, I was standing outside the morgue. They couldn’t release Van’s body without a next of kin to identify him and sign paperwork, and I wasn’t on record as being his sister; only Calind was listed.
My nicotine fit had hit its stride. I bit my nails while my legs quivered. I glanced toward the door again. My timing was in sync with Calind’s arrival.
With my voice trembling in fear, I called his name and stood to get his attention.
When his brown eyes settled on me, it became real. Everything June and Van had told me replayed in my head, and scared me shitless.
Calind wrapped me in his strong embrace, fooling me into believing I could relax. His arms were a comfort I desperately needed. I missed the fuck out of him. It was as though he’d been away from me for years, and I clung to him, unwilling to let go until he pried my fingers from his body and held me at arm’s length. His face held a signature expression, preventing me from finding out if I was in deep shit, or something much worse.
Calind continued to search my eyes. A darkness stained his expression, and he released me, leaving me bereft of what he took away. “Where am I supposed to go?”
I pointed to the station with a shaky hand. “They said they would call someone to take you to—to his body.”
“Where are you parked?” he questioned. “I’ll meet you there.”
“I took an Uber.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. In truth, I was too out of it to drive. My mind was full of my disbelief and on the verge of bursting into the understanding that everything around me was a reality.
I wish I’d told Michelle to fuck off when she approached me. Where would I have wound up if I had? Depressed and long dead. Whether or not Calind would ever forgive me and punish me for the rest of my life, I didn’t regret meeting him.
“My driver is waiting at the back entrance,” Calind informed me. “Meet me there.”
“W-we have a regular driver now?”
He glowered. “If I had driven, I would have killed several people on my way here.”
I wish I knew nothing and could still be the woman he met. The woman who had something smart to say or do, provoking him into disciplining me for it later.
My hand went up to my mouth to chew on my nail beds. “I-I’d rather wait here for you.”
He leaned in my ear and spat, “Go wait in the fucking car, Regan.”
When I submitted with a nod of my head, he sauntered through the lobby to the security station.
I watched his back, and he glanced over his shou
lder with a foreign look in his eyes. His anger toward me was quiet and unnerving. It tore at me, shredding me apart and forced me to turn away for a reprieve from the suffering.
Calind’s car stood at the curb of the visitors’ zone, a driver seated in the front seat. Upon my arrival, the chauffeur bolted out of the car and opened the door to the backseat, permitting my entry.
As I sank into the cool leather seat, dire thoughts consumed my mind.
His flight didn’t take as long as Cyan proclaimed; in fact, it was half the time. I assumed Calind had enough time to go to our home, survey the scene, and drew his own conclusions of what happened before he came to the hospital.
The things June knew? The things Van had said, backing up June’s crazy theories? I refused to be the too stupid to live girl and exasperate someone who could’ve killed me within seconds. I easily slid into the submissive character that used to be difficult to adopt.
I waited for one more hour.
The driver dashed out of the car again to offer an open door to Calind, but Calind beat him to it.
Although his eyes remained unseen through his pitch-black glasses, I could tell he couldn’t look at me. His resentment was a broken radiator set on high during a humid summer day.
AS WE ENTERED the foyer at our home, Calind’s steps lagged behind mine. He slammed the door with such a force the entire house shook. At the doorframe, cracks appeared in the drywall.
The destruction Calind incited on the house sent it to hell sooner than it should have deteriorated.
I made a beeline, moving toward the patio to have a cigarette.
Calind stepped in my path, his eyes glancing toward the hall leading to our bedroom. “Did you show Van how best to kill himself before or after you fucked Emile in our bed?”
It didn’t matter how many times I washed the sheets. Calind had discovered the evidence.
“Calind, I’m sorry—”
He shoved his hand in front of my face, halting my need to plead my case and damn near cry over it. Something invisible held me back from showing him he had staked a very soft part inside me. I was his and prepared to fall apart if he no longer wanted me.
Despite it, the emotional liar in me took over and said, “Fuck it.” I adopted the persona of the businesswoman who didn’t take shit from anyone and was a cold bitch when she needed to be for two reasons; he lied, and he broke the rules with Cyan. “Let’s talk about you and Cyan. I know you two dated. Tell me again why you hired her, and why the fuck was she with you instead of me on the trip?”
“My brother is dead because of you, you fucked a man you promised you’d never see again, and you’re questioning me about Cyan? Where is your mind right now?” Calind grabbed the sides of my face with both hands and jerked my head to tilt upward.
His face closed in on mine as a tepid breath brushed across my skin. “Was Van’s death payback? A task from Emile?”
My mouth moved with wordless sounds, shocked he thought I could’ve been so savage. “It’s not like that at all. It was never like that. Van was terminally ill, and in pain.” My tone changed as my eyes watered. “You can’t imagine what that feels like, Calind. I’ve been close to where Van was. It was easy to imagine the pain he’d been dealing with for who knows how long. He was going to do it with or without me. I wanted to give him the peace he craved. The peace I won’t have when I die.” And then I said something fucking stupid. “Y-you should thank me.”
His eyelashes framed his eyes so tightly the brown orbs turned virtually black. “My brother commits suicide inside my home. You’re fucking a man you told me I had nothing to worry about, and I should thank you?”
“He was my brother, not yours!”
“Information from Emile, I suppose?”
“Not really. I got a visit in absentia from Claudette.”
His jaw clamped so hard the muscle ticked “You took a vial Emile gave you, didn’t you?”
“W-what?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Regan. It’s not the fucking time.”
“Y-yes.”
He covered his face for a moment, turning from me. His broad back expanded the limits of his black button-up. He dropped his hands, and when he turned around, his expression wasn’t anything nice. “Do you remember what I said I’d do to you if you ever betrayed me?” He didn’t wait for an answer when he barked, “Take off your clothes.”
I took a step back, shielding my body by crossing my arms and shook my head. “No, not like this. Never like this.”
“The more you defy me, the worse it will be.”
“Calind—”
“Remove your fucking clothes!” His booming shout made me nearly jump out of my skin.
Sensitive Regan reared her unwanted head, and I couldn’t pretend anymore. “Please don’t do this while you’re mad at me. Let me explain—”
“Explain what? How many times you fucked him in our bed? If he made you come?” As he walked forward, I retreated.
Tiny prickles inside my head induced a killer headache. The pound was an intoning drum rhythm, beating harder and faster.
“I didn’t,” I whispered, my lips quivering. “I didn’t want to be with him. I don’t know what happened. It was like I wasn’t present in my body and someone else was there, doing those things.”
He squinted, either in misunderstanding or deep concentration.
A striking pain stabbed my brain and brought me to my knees. Warmth trickled out of my nose. When I touched my fingers to it, I came back with blood. I glanced at Calind, and in an odd realization, knew he was the one responsible. “Calind, stop it!”
“Did he give you pleasure, Regan?” he pressed for answers. “Did he make you come?”
I remembered an orgasm. The pain became blinding and forced an answer. “Y-yes.” I fell on all fours. The blood flowed from my nose, dripping at a faucet’s pace onto the floor. “Please stop! It hurts.”
“Still feel you’ve done nothing wrong, Regan?” His question echoed above me. “Do you feel justified in what you did?”
“I feel everything,” I sobbed, shaking through the pain.
“I can smell him all over you, and it disgusts me. All over our bed. All over our fucking house.” His tone became choked and dry. “I want to make you bleed more and break you like you’ve broken me, but I can’t.”
The pain disappeared at once, and the blood stopped flowing. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and scrambled up, slipped, and staggered to stand while leaning against the wall for support. “Calind—”
“Don’t speak, or I’ll find the energy I’m lacking right now. There will be no precedence for how severe my hand will be. None.”
In one long stride, his body was against mine. His daunting figure shadowed me and crushed me against the wall, forcing me to look up into his eyes, darkened by shadow and dense lashes. “I want to rip your fucking heart out the way you’ve ripped out mine.”
A droplet of moisture streamed from his jaw onto my chest and stung my skin as though it were an acid with the pH of one. I shut my eyes to keep from shedding more tears. “Calind, please understand my side—”
“I could’ve saved Van. I could’ve stopped him from thinking there was only one way to overcome his sickness. All I’ve done—all I was forced to do is for naught.” His hand pressed against the back of my neck. “You’ve broken your promises, and yet, all I’ve done is to fight to protect the people I care about. You’ve ruined everything with your unbiddable nature.”
“I am on your side,” I stated my case. “I was always on your side. This wasn’t about hurting you.”
“On my side? Do you truly believe that? Your actions were vindictive and personal. You are not on my side.”
“No. No.” I shoved at his boulder of a body. “How can you blame me for everything, like you did nothing wrong? What about Cyan and the promise you broke? What about everything you hid from me? What about the fact that Claudette was my mother? What about the fact that she’s been
dead for years, despite you claiming you now work for her and have clearly taken over her companies?”
“Cyan is a mentee,” he explained, emotionless. “A progeny with a schoolgirl crush. I never fucked her, nor will I ever. Her feelings will fade in time. And Claudette isn’t dead. She’s working through someone I care about to make me do her bidding, and I continued to do as she willed to keep you safe. As for hiding truths from you, given your reaction to what you now know, can you blame me for my secrecy?”
“Everything Van said? It’s all true?”
“Regan,” he called in a way that broke my heart apart further, “I never felt an iota of what I feel for you with anyone else.” He pressed closer as his lips met my ear. “You’re a part of me in ways you couldn’t understand. I’m in your system as much as you’re in mine. I used to think nothing would make what I felt for you disappear. Nothing could ever taint it. I now know different.” He parted from me, leaving me with a chill intense enough to elicit shivers.
His words struck me, and I couldn’t stop the tears anymore. My heart wrenched. The pain in my body dissipated for something much deeper. I didn’t think I realized how consumed I was with Calind until now.
The way he glared back at me empty-eyed, I thought I’d lost Calind for good. I sobbed harder. “W-what d-do you want to do about us?” I could hardly speak through my sobs. “What about the experience?”
He rolled his eyes to the ceiling, and rubbed his face “Don’t you get it, Regan? From the moment I met you, every event after wasn’t about completing your wish list. It never was. I’m not an employee of Executive Suites.”
“I-I don’t understand. What the fuck does that mean?”
He chewed his lip, shaking his head. “I think I’m well within my right to ask for time away from you.”
I clutched my chest, feeling as though he took a spoon and scooped out my insides. “You’ve broken the rules, too.”
The Vamp Experience_The Full Experience Page 21