Hunter scooped her up before she could fall and grabbed a towel to wrap her in it.
"Come see Mama, baby doll," Eva cooed at Sienna. Hunter set her down. As pissed as he was at Eva, the last thing he wanted to do was keep his daughter from her. Sienna bolted and hugged Eva's legs. "I'd still like to know who that woman is."
Becca climbed out of the pool and hesitated. She stood at the edge. For a second, he let go of his frustrations about her ratting him out and gestured for her to come on over. This was going to be pretty damn uncomfortable, not only for him, but for Becca. "That's Becca," he informed Eva.
"Didn't waste much time, did you?" Eva fumed. "We're a few months out of our divorce and you bring her to my parents house and into the life of our daughter?" So, she did know more about Becca than he'd realized.
"Me, waste time? Look at you, Eva! You immediately turned on me and shut me completely out the moment you see fit," Hunter snapped. A loud ringing began in his ears. He ignored it, trying to hold back the anger he felt surging through his veins. With a pounding heart, he stopped to breathe in an attempt to keep calm. Too bad it wasn't working. "You blame me for things that I can't control. Hey, I get it. I blame myself!" He threw his hands up in the air. "You go and tell everyone that I was a terrible husband, and what hurts the most is you make me out to be a bad guy when it comes to Sienna. I'm not a terrible father, Eva, nor was I a bad husband. I tried! I gave it all I had, and you only want more. You want to take everything away from me to satisfy your own pain. I get your grief, okay? I've been there. And some days, I'm still there!" He swayed, overcome with such rage it made him dizzy. "You lost your brother. I know that hurts. He was your twin. I lost a good friend when Jeff died. I wanted to save him! And long before that, I lost my family- both of my parents. I was twelve, Eva. Twelve! I watched everyone on that plane die, except Becca. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it! Oh, and let's not forget the fact that my twelve year old self had to tell an eight year old that her family was dead. How's that for grief? Here's one more for you. There's a chance there might have been another survivor from that crash and I never found them! I can't even remember! They were out there, alone, for who knows how long. It never stops! I always seem to be the bad guy, the one that either can't save everyone or the one delivering a ton of bad news. I take your grief and raise you by a few more!"
He'd said a mouthful, an agonizing, painful mouthful that he probably should have left unspoken. Regret churned in his gut. He dared not to look at Becca right now. Damn, the pain he must have just dredged up for her. What the fuck did he just do?
Everyone stared at the two of them, stuck where they were, no one sure what to do. Becca wrapped a towel around herself, keeping a safe distance from Hunter and Eva. Todd stood in front of the table, his mouth ajar. From inside the house, Beverly stood in the dining room right by the door.
The silence tore at him.
Then Sienna started to cry. Loud, sharp wails.
Fuck, he'd been so pissed off he scared his daughter and made her cry.
Beverly made her move then, coming outside to take Sienna from her daughter. "I think you and I will go inside and have some quiet time," she comforted. Shooting one last look at Eva and Hunter, she hurried back inside. Eva stared in the direction her mother had just come from.
"Excuse me, I should probably-" Becca broke the silence, but didn't finish her sentence. She held the bag of clothes and her purse against her chest. Her wet hair hung in her face and she avoided looking at anyone.
Damn it, he shouldn't have yelled like that first of all. And he damn well shouldn't have yelled painful reminders in front of Becca. He hadn't been thinking.
"Bec, wait. Please," Hunter said weakly, wanting to reach for her, but his body felt like it was weighed down with concrete.
She leveled her gaze on him, eyes full of pain. "Not now, Hunter. You should probably..." She gestured at Eva. Hunter understood. Becca had a point. He and Eva needed to get things out right then and there.
Eva didn't budge from her spot. Becca squeezed through the door, not looking back.
"I'm going to check on Beverly," Todd stuttered. Yeah, Hunter didn't blame everyone for bolting. He wanted to bolt himself.
When Todd went inside, it left Hunter alone with his ex-wife. She finally glared at him again. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes.
"I don't mean to brush off your pain, Eva," Hunter said calmly. "I know losing your twin brother is painful. I just- why do you have to blame me so much? It's bad enough I always think there's more I could have done. I wanted to help you, but all you did was push me away."
"Would it have mattered?" Eva muttered through a teary voice. "We were doomed from the start anyway. We both should have seen that. Your heart was never fully mine. We got married because my hormonal, pregnant self couldn't handle not being married. I knew it was wrong, but I hoped, you know?"
Though she was right, her accusation struck him right in the gut. Had he known what he wanted, how he felt before, he would have made different choices. People were hurt, including Eva.
"I loved you," he insisted. And he meant it. He'd loved her. "I wanted to make it work, too. I wanted our daughter to know a family's love. I missed out on that for years."
Eva nodded. "You did, but you weren't in love with me. The same goes for me. I loved you, but I wasn't in love with you. Our off and on unstable status for years should have been enough warning. I know you wanted a family, but we went about it the wrong way, and we both ended up miserable."
"The only regret I have was that I hurt you. We have Sienna, and I don't ever regret having her." He straightened, finally feeling the muscles in his body relax and lose their tension.
"So are we even? I hurt you, too. I think I took the childish way out. I knew long before Jeff's death that our marriage wouldn't survive. Instead of accepting half the blame, I threw it all on you for the wrong reasons. I'm a fucking wreck, Hunter. I don't sleep, I miss Jeff like crazy. There's a huge gaping hole in my life where my brother should be. I lash out on everyone. The night I left Sienna with Marilee, I needed to get away. It wasn't just for selfish need. I was so on edge I thought I would hurt somebody. I felt the best thing to do was leave her somewhere safe and regroup. I can't live like this anymore." Eva broke down, her entire body shaking from sobs. "Why did you marry me if you couldn't be in love with me?"
Hunter blanched. Didn't she just apologize for not taking some of the blame? Now she threw this at him? "That's not fair, Eva. It takes two for a marriage, you know."
"Didn't you always know you loved her?"
"I don't know, Eva. Maybe in the back of my mind, I did. Sometimes it takes so much more to realize the truth." He looked at the woman he had once been married to. They'd promised each other forever. That's what vows were. How could they have gone into that kind of commitment if neither of them were sure about their feelings? "I did want to do right by you, but I think we both know we could have been good parents to Sienna without being married. But the past is the past. You know that I always wanted the best for you, right? You know me at least that much, don't you?"
"Maybe I didn't. I never knew some of those details about your accident. I may not know you, but that's not all on me. You hold everyone at arm's length. You don't let anyone in."
He thought about it and realized how right she was. He didn't. People had to pry to get an insight into his life. Shara knew things only because she worked with him. Even Becca, who he thought he'd really been open with, he hadn't. He let everything build up until he couldn't take it anymore, then it all came out in a raging rush, usually in the wrong way.
"No, I don't let people in easily," he admitted.
"I came home with the intent to apologize to everyone. Then I saw how much fun everyone was having, saw your friend in the pool holding Sienna and my first thought was that I'd been replaced. I kinda flipped out." Eva finally moved, sinking into one of the nearby patio chairs. Hunter followed and sat beside her.
His legs stopped shaking once he sat down.
"No one's replacing you, Eva."
"I keep feeling guilty. If I laugh, I feel like I'm letting Jeff down!"
An invisible, icy hand squeezed Hunter's heart. "I know that feeling. I had that same thing after the crash. If I went to go play at the basketball court and had a good time, I thought I'd betrayed my parents. I didn't want to laugh. I hated the idea of having fun when they weren't there to have fun anymore. The thing I learned is life does go on. People might leave us way too early and it sucks, but we as survivors have to keep living. Think about Jeff and how crazy impulsive he was. What would he say to you right now?"
Eva sniffed. "That I'm a blubbering idiot and that I need to get over myself!" They shared a forced laugh. Hunter could picture Jeff saying those exact words. The tense silence came back.
He shifted in his seat, not sure what to say next. "Do you think we can get along like this more? I don't want Sienna to always see us fighting."
Eva lowered her head. "Neither do I. I just- Hunter, I don't want to be replaced as Sienna's mother, either."
What was she- Oh. Becca and Sienna's immediate bond.
"Sienna will always know who her mother is. I won't deny that in a very short time, Sienna and Becca have become very attached, but it's not to replace you. I wanted full custody, not to shut you out, but because of safety. You weren't acting the best, but it was never to take your rights as a mother away."
"I wasn't the best, and I see that now. I can't say it's going to immediately get better, but that night I- I hit rock bottom. I realized I needed to shake myself out of this hole I've dug myself into."
"I'm not asking for immediate. Things take time. I want to be able to see Sienna more. I don't want to feel like the time I get with her will be my last."
Eva sighed, a long, drawn out sigh. "Yeah. About those threats. I can't believe I- I've been a real snit, haven't I?"
"Maybe so, but I've been a real jerk."
He couldn't get over the fact that for once in a very long time, he and Eva were having a decent conversation. The last time they'd had one like this... Well hell, he couldn't even recall.
"Are you going to marry Becca?"
Eva's question came out of left field. Hunter raised his head to meet her eyes. He pursed his lips.
"One day, I hope. You think you don't know me? Becca and I have known each other for twenty years and frankly, there's a lot we don't know about the other. You had a point earlier. I do keep people at arm's length. Everyone. I gotta learn to not do that before I jump into a commitment like marriage again." He wanted Becca as his bride, but sitting here talking with Eva like this made him realize he wasn't ready for marriage yet. That was okay. The last thing he wanted was another broken set of vows, especially with a woman who did have all of his heart, no question about that.
"I guess we all make mistakes in life. I have to say, you were one fine mistake. I may not have been in love with you, but I did love you, Hunter. A lot. You left me lonely sometimes, especially when you took off on your plane for work."
He had no response to that. She had another point. Damn, what a mess of things they made. And, really? One fine mistake? Okay, he got that she was attempting to lighten the mood, or at least he thought she was, but to say that? Well, Eva was Eva.
"I think I'm going to see if I cam move home for a while. I'm tired of living alone, and maybe if I'm here I won't be so overwhelmed."
"You know if you are overwhelmed when it comes to Sienna, I will always do what I can."
"I know. I was just being stupid and keeping her away from you. As pissed as I've been at you, I realize it's not fair to Sienna. You're her daddy and it's no secret she favors you, but that's because I've never let myself fully bond with her as I should have. I guess it's no wonder she attached herself to another woman so quickly. I think- I'm all talked out. I want to go inside, give Sienna a big hug and talk to my parents." Eva shot to her feet.
Hunter rose slowly. "I'm glad we had this talk. It won't fix everything at once, but we have an understanding at least." It almost seemed too good to be true, but time would tell.
"Yeah. Me too. Can I- I need to spend some time with Sienna. I know you've had her the past few days. I have to apologize to Marilee, too. Damn." Eva ran a hand through her hair and swallowed. "Is it okay if she stays here with Mom, Dad and I for a few days?"
That was a nice change. Eva was actually asking.
Hunter nodded. "Of course." He'd miss Sienna, but she did need to see Eva and spend time with her. Also, it would give him a chance to really work on things with Becca. They'd been so strained the past few days because of his constant moodiness, especially now. He wanted to find out why she felt the need to tell Todd, too. His anger had subsided over that slightly, but it still bothered him.
Eva looked like she wanted to hug him. After a few moments of staring at each other, she pivoted and hurried inside. Hunter followed, not really sure what to make of the entire situation.
Inside, Todd, Beverly and Sienna were in the living room with a cartoon on. Sienna sat between them. When he and Eva approached, her parents peered at them with worry filled gazes.
"Mom, Dad. I- I'm sorry," Eva started.
Where was Becca? He looked around, noticing she wasn't anywhere in sight.
"She's upstairs, Hunter," Beverly informed him, obviously noticing him looking.
He nodded. "I'll let you guys talk." He bent to hug Sienna. "Sorry I scared you, Princess." She looked up at him with a grin and gave him a comforting hug before returning to what she was doing. As fast as he could, he took the stairs two at a time. Becca's voice drifted through the hall. He listened carefully. In the bathroom? Who was she talking to?
"I don't know, Rissi. It's all so complicated right now. It's intense."
Sure enough, she was in the bathroom on the phone. And she sounded upset.
He hesitated at first, then decided to just knock on the door and get it over with, let her know he was there. "Becca?" His heart pounded. Where did he even begin? He was still pretty upset over her ratting him out, but he also longed to hold her and make everything all right.
"I'll call you back. Yeah, he just knocked. Thank you. I needed a voice of reason right now."
*****
Becca dropped her phone in her purse and reached for another tissue to clean her face. She'd let out a few tears, even though she wasn't sure why. With a pounding head and heart, she reached for the doorknob, unsure of what would happen with the man standing on the other side.
Okay. Deep breaths. One, two, three. She yanked the door open, ready for anything.
A million thoughts ran through her mind, making it a jumbled mess. She opened her mouth, hoping to find the right words to say. Apologize? Beg for forgiveness? Tell him it needed to be said even though she hadn't meant to spill? Then, it wasn't even just about that anymore. The whole thing with Eva, the way he blew up and said some of the most painful things possible. Even though they were true, the sting of the words had shot straight through her body.
Hunter stood there, staring at her with such an intensity, she thought something would catch fire from the blazing heat radiating between them.
The guilt tore her up from the inside out. Maybe Todd did need to know, but dang it, she wished she hadn't been the one to tell him. Hunter didn't want to talk to someone about his nightmares and while she didn't agree with his decision, it was his choice and she had no right to intervene.
Hunter's lower lip disappeared underneath the top one, then he heaved a sigh. "I don't even know what to say."
"I-" she squeaked. The rest of her words died in her throat. Becca took a step back.
"Why, Becca? Why did you tell him?"
"I had no idea you didn't!" She folded her arms across her chest, tired of being stared at as if she were the enemy. She made a mistake, and yes, maybe Hunter had a right to be pissed, but was this even the problem anymore? "Todd teased me, asking if I was the distraction ca
using you to not want to go back to work. I said something seriously and he had no idea what I was talking about. He's worried about you. We all are."
"It was a small, stupid incident. Now, unless I go talk to someone, I don't get to go back to flying." His tone went neutral, dull. "Was that your way of pushing me to do it, since you couldn't convince me the other night?"
Becca shook her head, unsure of what to make of his accusations. How could he think that? "I wouldn't 'rat you out' like that." She made air quotes. "Yeah, I do think you should talk to someone, but that's your choice to make, not mine. I simply replied to a comment, not thinking. He asked what I meant and I wasn't about to lie after that. I'm sorry if that makes you mad. I'm sorry if that makes you think I betrayed you. Look around you, Hunter. Everyone in your life is concerned. You don't sleep. You have nightmares, even during the day. You pull away from everyone. You don't want to fly, you said so to me the other night. You yell and get so mad at everyone around you. It's getting out of hand and damn it, you scare me!" This time, she didn't even bat an eye at the fact that she'd cursed. "You come in here and I was all about to apologize and beg for forgiveness, but I'm not going to do that. Maybe what I did wasn't the right thing, but what's done is done. Something is off with you and I wish you'd consider the possibility that it's so far out of your control that maybe dealing with it would be better."
"Dealing with it? You think I haven't been?" Hunter narrowed his eyes.
She had to be honest. She loved him enough to be.
"No." The word seemed to ricochet off the bathroom walls, coming out loud and clear.
"I see."
"Hunter-" Becca reached for him. His hands were sweaty, and he jerked away from her. "You're under a lot of stress. I've never seen you like this. One minute you're happy and smiling, the next you're quiet, reserved and it makes me nervous. I know there's so much going on. The past few nights, we go from tension to comforting each other. It's a rollercoaster."
A Masterpiece Of Our Love (The Masterpiece Trilogy Book 1) Page 26