James watched Crystals animated features. Her sparkling eyes had lost their red rims and her lips looked soft and inviting. He breathed deeply and caught himself before he leaned forwards and did something stupid, like kiss them. He swallowed back the errant thought and concentrated hard for a few moments before answering her.
“I suppose when you look at it like that, it’s a win, win situation. It’s certainly worth considering.”
She nodded.
“But we can leave all that consideration until another day. You should go to bed and rest some more. I’ll call for someone to come and collect our crockery.” She stood up and stifled a yawn as she made her way to the phone.
James watched as she swivelled past his chair and around the end of his bed. Her skin skimming jeans left nothing to his imagination and visions of the pale blue nightdress lifting in a waft of steamy air flooded his mind again. He cleared his throat as well as his head.
“It’s only my leg that’s sore, plus the usual aches and pains. I’m not really that tired. Twenty-three hours sleep and a decent meal seem to have revived me, but you look bushed. You’re the one who needs to get to their bed. I’ve been really selfish and delayed you enough as it is. I expect you need to be up early to go to the centre again in the morning.” He tried to keep the irritation out of his voice as he thought of the three men at the centre enjoying her ministrations, but wasn’t sure that he succeeded.
Crystal didn’t appear to notice. She shook her head.
“I’ve already spoken to Gemma and cancelled, but it didn’t matter anyway. The men have been finding it intense too. They said that they need a break from it. I’m not scheduled to go back until next week and by that time we hope to be able to see some kind of initial results, be them good, bad or indifferent. It’s such a great opportunity and I actually feel as though I’m doing something to help. I’m really hoping for good news.” She hid another yawn behind her hand before carrying on. “But we won’t have any true results for a while and as I’m not going there again for a few days, it’s fine for me to stay here and watch over you.”
James shook his head.
“I’ll be fine. I’ve had more sleep these last two days than I normally get in a week. I have some emailing and stuff to do anyway. Alex will have been sending me reports on the business. I really need to catch up on some of that. Go on back to your own room. You’re only next door, I can call you if I need to.”
Crystal gazed at him stubbornly.
“No. The doctor said someone should be with you and I volunteered. I can’t go back on that. What if something comes on quickly like it did with dad? I’d never forgive myself if anything happened.” She began twisting her hands together in distress.
He smiled gently.
“Nothing’s going to happen to me, Crystal. Your dad’s situation was entirely different. He had a chest infection that no one spotted in time. All I had was a nightmare brought on by the odd sensations I suffer.”
She shook her head again, her eyes filling with tears.
“It wasn’t just a nightmare. You were awake when it happened and it was awful to see you in that kind of anguish. I can’t leave you when I said that I’d stay.” Her voice trembled with emotion.
James let out a breath. She looked terrified and he could see why. The memory of her father’s passing would still be fresh in her mind. Would it hurt to let her stay? His emotions and his body warred with his head. He barely knew what he was thinking. She was so young, so trusting, so beautiful and he was a red-blooded male who hadn’t had sex in years. He wanted her like a drowning man fighting for his next breath, but he knew that it could never happen. He was too old, too damaged and he was her father’s friend. What kind of man would he be if he tried to take advantage of her concerns and worries?
She stared at him, her lovely eyes begging him to let her stay and although he had just convinced himself that he would make her go back to her own room, his heart wouldn’t let him. She looked too fragile to turn away. He had to be the strong one for both of them. It would be tough knowing that she was in the room with him all night, but he’d done more difficult things in his life before. He had just had nearly a full twenty-four hour sleep. He could take a night with her delicate perfume wafting about him. He felt himself give up the fight and loose the battle within him. His voice was husky when he replied.
“Okay, but you’re the tired one. You take the bed. I’ll sit over here by the window and catch up with my work.” He only hoped it would be enough to keep his imagination and his libido in check.
He didn’t know what time it was when he heard her tossing from side to side while she uttered unintelligible words. It took him a moment to realize that he had begun to doze off in his chair by the window, but it took less than a second to wake fully and wheel himself to the side of the bed.
Crystal shivered and shook and then cried out in her sleep, her words suddenly clear.
“Dad! Don’t go! James! Come back! Please don’t leave me, please!”
He grabbed a flailing hand and clasped it tightly.
“I’m not going anywhere, Crystal. I’m right here.” His words came out softly as he tried to soothe her.
A confused crease marked her forehead and then disappeared as she curled onto her side facing him, shudders racking her body as she clawed at his arm, pulling him closer.
“Stay with me. I can’t be without you...” Her voice drifted and quietened as he shushed her, smoothing her sweat dampened hair from her face. He was about to lean back and tuck her in again when his world tilted as she added three breathy words. “I love you.”
Chapter Eight
It was only a dream. She didn’t mean a thing by it. It was only a dream. He repeated to himself over the next two days. She’s too young to know what love is. It’s not as if she’s been out with many men before. “And I’m too old anyway.” He said aloud to the stone wall he happened to have just uncovered.
“Too old for what?” Joe asked from the thicket of brambles beside him. They were clearing the area around the old barn to gain a better perspective of the work that might be involved in renovating the building.
James could have kicked himself for speaking aloud, but it was too late to cover his mistake now.
“Too old for doing this. Ouch!” He yelled as a thick, twining bramble caught his shirtsleeve and clawed through the fabric to his skin. “Don’t you have a strimmer or something that can get through this rather than us risking life and limb?” Irritation sounded thick in his tones. He pulled up his sleeve to inspect the damage. There were several new scratches but also three older ones from where Crystal had caught hold of his arm in the night.
Joe followed James’ gaze and frowned slightly before he laughed.
“You scared of a little shrubbery? You really are getting old. Besides, if we use a strimmer, every bit of this blasted thing that gets chopped and left on the ground will root itself by the end of the week. We’ll be looking at a forest of thorns by this time next year. I’d rather do it like this and burn the lot in the incinerator. Maybe if you were concentrating a little harder on the task in hand rather than your love life you wouldn’t become so entangled.”
James snorted.
“Maybe if you knew what you were talking about or minded your own business you wouldn’t get a punch on the jaw!” He dropped his secateurs and leapt towards his friend.
Joe threw up his hands in surrender and tried very hard not to laugh as James came to a sudden stop in front of him. His raised fists fell to his sides and he let out a heartfelt sigh.
“Gawd, am I that obvious?”
Joe grinned.
“Absolutely. It’s positively nauseating, actually. Thought I was going to vomit over my dinner last night the way you sat there staring at your plate while looking like a whipped puppy dog.”
James walked a couple of paces, slumped down on a fallen tree trunk that they had uncovered a few minutes earlier and held his head in his hands as he
rested his elbows on his knees. He raised his eyes a few inches and looked up at Joe, about to deny everything, but seeing his friend’s knowing and sympathetic smile, he found that he couldn’t hide his feelings any longer. He lifted his eyes to the sky and sighed in defeat.
“A whipped puppy dog, eh? That bad?”
Joe sniggered.
“Yup, a whole litter of them, actually. It’s sickening.”
James groaned in embarrassment.
“Hell, I didn’t mean for this to happen and I have no idea what to do. She’s all I ever think about. I never suspected anything until I was well and truly caught, and now I can’t do a damned thing about it. My stomach’s all churned up and I feel like I can’t breathe when I see her. I swear that I’m going insane.” He wiped his hand over his sweating face.
Joe took pity on his friend and sat down beside him. Silence surrounded them for a few moments before it was interrupted by a blackbird sending out its warning call. Joe watched the bird as it flew off to hide in the remaining brambles.
“If it’s any conciliation I was pretty floored when it happened to me too. I’d never seen Lucy before and she had me in knots instantly. And then, even when I knew that she loved me I really messed it up. Still, you know how that all ended.” His heavy lidded eyes turned soft and dreamy for a few seconds before he spoke again. “Look, all I can say is that we all know that she really likes you. You should give it a chance at the very least.”
James shook his head resolutely.
“I can’t. I’m nearly ten years older than her, almost an old man, and I have to live with Emily for the next few years to fulfil the guardianship and trust thing. What if it doesn’t work out? It would become excruciatingly awkward. And more to the point, what would Adam think?” He pulled a thorn from his exposed forearm and wiped away the bead of blood that oozed out after it.
His eyes locked on the three older scratches. She had sounded so desperate when she had asked him to stay. Far more desperate than if you just liked someone. But she had called for her father too. Maybe she’d been thinking about her father and not himself. Misery swept over him as realization of the truth hit him. She hadn’t been thinking about him at all. It was Adam who she loved. Her father, the man who had died so suddenly. Crystal was clearly still grieving, and who could blame her. It had only been a few weeks since her father had passed away.
The nervous blackbird shot out of the brambles again and startled James out of his reverie. He tugged his sleeve back down over the scratches on his arm and was about to get up and back to work when Joe spoke again.
“I’m pretty sure that Adam’s not thinking anything as he’s dead, but if he was, I’m positive that it would only be good stuff. He really liked you, James. He wouldn’t have trusted you with his girls if he didn’t respect and admire you. Look, you went to his place for Christmas dinners and the like. He wouldn’t have invited you if he didn’t like you.”
James ran his fingers through his hair and picked out a couple of stray leaves.
“Okay, so the guy liked me. Doesn’t mean he wants to see me, a flipping old man, in bed with his eldest daughter. Knowing how protective Adam was about his girls, I’m likely to be shot from beyond the grave. I know that I’ve fallen for Crystal big time, but with our current living arrangements and Emily’s trust, it will be a disaster if I try and complicate things with a relationship.”
Joe slapped his friend on the back.
“You’re over thinking this, especially the being too old bit. Yes, that might have made a difference a few years ago, but Crystal is twenty-four. She’s not a girl any more. She must know her own mind by now, but I agree that you don’t want to do this if it’s only a casual fling. She’s been talking to Lucy and Geraldine a lot. I think they’re up to something. Maybe something to convince you that you mean more to her than just being your friend’s daughter. Has she given you any hints? Did anything happen when you had that massage or afterwards when she was up in your suite?”
James shook his head and threw up his hands in exasperation.
“I fell asleep during the massage. Yeah, sure I was aroused when she first put her hands on me, what bloke wouldn’t be, but I wasn’t about to leap on her. She was being totally professional. And then it was suddenly different. It was so relaxing I couldn’t keep my bloody eyes open. I was probably snoring my head off five minutes into it. I drooled all over my arm! And nothing happened after the chicken debacle. We had dinner and a chat about the new units down here. She fell to sleep in my bed, but I didn’t join her. I sat up all night sending out emails and quotes for my business back at home.” He didn’t mention her dream. He wasn’t sure that she was dreaming about him.
Joe pursed his lips thoughtfully.
“So no real clues then?”
James shrugged.
“Not really, though I haven’t had that much experience of women recently. I probably wouldn’t get the hint if it came up and bit me. It’s obvious that she cares about me, but that might just be because we’ve known each other so long or because of Adam dying so recently. Neither of the girls are going to get over that very fast and I don’t want to look like I’m taking advantage of their sorrow.”
Joe picked up his own secateurs again and stood up.
“So you just need some real proof and then you’d go for it?”
James looked up at him and shrugged.
“Possibly. It would have to be pretty concrete though. You know that I’m not one for affairs. Jeez, I can’t believe I’m telling you all this, but I haven’t been with a woman since I had my legs amputated. Couldn’t stand the thought of them looking at me and seeing half a man.” He wiped his hand over the perspiration that clung to his face.
Joe nodded.
“Fair enough, I can see that. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone judging me either.” His fingertips touched the scarred skin of his face. “But you know Crystal doesn’t see you like that. She’s been around all of us for far too long to worry about a little thing like a couple of missing limbs. What you need to work out is exactly how you feel about where this might go, but I think you’re already pretty sure of yourself.” It was a statement rather than a question but James still answered.
“I haven’t looked at a woman in years. I’ve never felt a connection, but Crystal is something else. I knew she was the one the moment I held her in my arms the night after her father died. Something just shifted in me. I’d never been so close to her, never touched her like that. It felt too right to be wrong.” He stared into nothingness as he replayed the memory of the evening in his mind. Although the circumstances had been awful, she had been so close to him, her whole body aligned with his. His thighs had touched hers, her head had settled perfectly into the dip at the base of his throat. Her arms had slipped about his waist and his had cradled her for what felt like hours.
Joe smiled at James’ words and the mesmerized look on his face. He knew the feeling all too well. He clipped a few more of the brambles and then looked back at his friend.
“Come on. Enough of all this relationship stuff. We’re going to be pretty torn up by the time we finish this and although it’s only light work, as befitting the invalid you are, your hamstring is going to be killing you by tonight. You should ask Crystal to give you another one of those therapeutic massages.”
James dragged himself from the log and stood beside his friend. He rubbed the back of his thigh and groaned. It was stiffening up already.
“I think I’m going to do just that. Without anything else, it was very relaxing the last time. I don’t mind feeling like that again even if nothing else happens between us.”
“He’s avoiding me. I know he is. Something happened the other night and now he doesn’t want to see me.” Crystal picked a few more of the new rocket leaves and put them in her basket.
Ellen took them back out again.
“We’ll eat dandelions when we have run out of rocket, but Patrick will thank you for removing the weeds from hi
s garden anyway.”
Crystal let out a groan.
“Sorry, my mind keeps wandering.”
Ellen laughed.
“It’s not wandering at all. It’s completely fixed on the man walking towards us.” She waved as James came into the garden.
Crystal glanced about, desperately seeking cover despite it already being too late. She was still embarrassed about waking up in James’ bed only to discover herself alone in his room and that he had already gone downstairs for breakfast.
“Hey, just who I wanted to see.” James smiled at Crystal, who felt the heat rise in her cheeks.
“Me?” Her cheeks reddened further when her voice squeaked in surprise.
“Absolutely. My leg is killing me. Joe has been a complete tyrant and forced me to cut brambles all day. I wondered if you wouldn’t mind massaging the tension out of it. If I sleep on it like this I might not be able to walk by tomorrow.”
Crystal brightened immediately. She rubbed her hands down her jeans.
“Of course. Do you think you can last until after dinner or do you want to do this now?”
James shook his head.
“I need to shower first. It’s been hard work uncovering the barn and stables. I’m covered in bits of plant life and I stink like a pig. After dinner will be great.”
She nodded quickly.
“Brilliant! I’ll go down to the therapy room and get everything ready. I want to try something different,” she enthused as she put her basket on the ground and rushed towards the château.
Scarred Surrender (Scarred Series Book 6) Page 10