by Amy Gregory
The door knob twisted in his hand as he let it go. He took two steps before he had to stop, backing up against the wall, he rested his head against it, looking to the ceiling and beyond for answers. Dallas didn’t want to leave her, he didn’t want to leave her room, let alone the property. But the thought of leaving and going across the country, leaving Pennsylvania behind completely, was enough to make him want to throw up. His shoulders carried a heavy burden, not only was he expected to race, he was expected to win. He had a list of people longer than his arm counting on him. Obligations that had his signature promising they’d be met rolled through his mind.
She had been so stoic, almost catatonic. Numb and almost lifeless, not the Alex he’d known for two decades. She was a hollow shell of the vibrant woman he loved more than life itself. The whole mess with Heather only compounded the guilt churning in his stomach. Pulling the roll of antacids from his front pocket, he unwrapped two, then added a third. For days he’d been chewing them up like candy, with little relief. Shoving the half-eaten roll of medicine back in his jeans, he felt his phone vibrate in the other pocket. He couldn’t stall any longer, but he vowed he’d be on the red-eye as soon as the race was over. Dallas had bought the ticket already and that was the one thing he held onto, he’d be back soon, just as he’d promised.
Dallas heard voices as he reached the bottom of the stairs. Pausing with his palm on the railing, he listened closer.
Damn it.
A fire lit within him and Dallas couldn’t help the jealously that flared. It was that Levi guy. Dallas had been on the road more than he’d been home since he turned pro at sixteen, but he knew the mechanic who worked at the academy. What he didn’t understand was why Levi had been the one to walk in after business hours to save Alex. But more than that why in the hell was he in her parent‘s kitchen now?
He shut his eyes and gripped the railing, listening as Molly and Carter both gushed. Their appreciation he understood, and even felt that way himself.
Anyone that rescued his girl would have his undying gratitude. However, Dallas felt the draw this Levi guy had toward Alex. For the first time he felt the pangs of hatred, jealousy and frustration—all of which he now understood firsthand. All of which he knew he had caused Alex to feel by being a stupid coward. He was so ashamed. He should never have brought home his friend Heather. He wasn’t thinking at the time, but Heather was truly just a friend. His knuckles turned white as they gripped the railing, the flashing sign in neon colors lit up his mind, he got it—he was now in Alex’s shoes. And it fucking sucked.
Knowing it was wrong he continued to eavesdrop, his jaw grinding to the point he had a sharp pain stab at his temple. Pulling in a deep and unsteady breath, he forced his feet to move. Alex’s visitor didn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon, something her mother confirmed. Dallas watched her place a full cup of steaming hot coffee in front of Levi while he sat comfortably at their kitchen table. In the same chair Dallas had always gravitated toward.
“Hey, son.”
Reaching the last step, he glanced at Carter. The man he’d admired for too many years to count, the same man he had considered his uncle in relation to Jack, but with a weird and unexplained twist in Dallas’s tie to Alex. For the first time, Carter didn’t look like the same man Dallas grew up around. His normally ever-present smile had faded and in its place were the marks of a stressed father. The deep lines etched across his forehead aged him in just a matter of days, and the deep purple under his eyes matched that of his wife’s—and his daughter’s.
Dallas knew what he felt, the guilt, the anger and the hatred boiled up, churning with the what-ifs that ran through his brain at every turn, but even with the deep and unexplained love he had for Alex—he wasn’t her father. It was plain to see this horrific event had spread its effects, touching them all.
Swallowing hard, Dallas stared at him. The tears stung before he had a chance to blink them back gasping for a breath and words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Molly’s arms were around his waist instantly. Dallas accepted the comfort she offered, even though it only compounded the guilt he felt. It would be easier if someone was mad at him, if he could fight, scream, yell—at anyone, just to relieve the anger he had toward himself.
“Dallas, you couldn’t have helped this, honey.” Molly said soothingly as she rubbed his back.
Gritting his teeth, he looked up to the ceiling. “I should have been here. Hell, I shouldn’t have left.” He hadn’t meant to spill his guts, but the words tumbled from his mouth one after the other, the need to have someone blame him and justify his hatred for himself was almost a necessity. There wasn’t any way to explain it. He needed them all to hate him. It seemed the only way he could survive. He was to blame for her being upset, for her being in the restaurant that night, and inevitably, for her coming face-to-face with the devil himself.
“Dallas—”
“I hurt her…don’t you understand? Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Shh, honey. Don’t do this to yourself.” Molly hugged him tighter as his eyes closed, the tear escaping down his cheek. “Dallas, she needs you now more than ever, you can’t break down. She needs you to be the strong one.” There was a determination in her that was building. Everyone in the family always joked about her size—the little bit of nothing, barely over five foot woman. But she had a fire to her larger than any ten foot man.
He tried to interrupt the woman who he’d loved and called aunt. “But—”
“No, Dallas. Listen to me.”
He screwed his eyes shut, afraid to open them and shook his head until he felt Carter’s hand clasp his shoulder. Out of respect for them both, he begrudgingly opened his eyes. The pain he saw in both pairs staring back at him mirrored the agony churning within him.
“Son, we know you’re confused and upset, but it’s always been you—you know that, right?” Carter asked, his head tipped in sincerity.
Over the course of several breaths, Dallas’s mouth fell open. He was stunned silent, his own father’s words replaying through his mind. Questions raced from his head, all vying for answers, “But how can you be alright with that?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?” Molly’s eyes were scrunched in question, and he realized his words had slipped out.
“Because of the age difference, or the crooked family tree we claim as our own? Is that why you ran?” Carter’s words cut to the heart of the problem. But hearing they knew he’d run, instead of accepting things, made his stomach recoil.
“Look, Dallas, we always joked over the years the two of you would wind up together. It was obvious from the start. Then, as you both grew older, you grew closer. We were so grateful you never took advantage of the situation, and you always put her feelings and needs first. I know in this family we’ve always been close. You kids called us all aunt and uncle, or grandma and grandpa, but in truth, you are not blood related. There is nothing wrong with your feelings for Alex, and we’d be honored to have you as our son-in-law. You’ve always taken care of her over the years. I guess we assumed it would always be that way.” Molly’s mouth tipped, the first time he’d seen anything close to a smile in days.
All he could do was stare, dumbfounded. Jack’s words haunted him, because the girl he loved more than life itself, was upstairs, black and blue, stitched and traumatized—all because he hadn’t trusted the very family that raised him.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Over the last couple of years, Levi had been mistaken several times for Jake Owen. He’d always just laughed it off, but now he was grateful for the longer hair that afforded him coverage as he sneaked glances at the three people standing on the other side of the large marble kitchen island. Their heartfelt conversation was an insight to Dallas’s place in Alex’s life.
Levi thought the world of her as a person once he’d gotten to know her. Listening to the conviction of the tortured man her parents were consoling, Levi knew the love Alex had written about was most definitely
two-sided.
Out of protection for her, he considered her heart first. Levi had developed a deep friendship for Alex based on admiration and love on a different level, but she and Dallas were linked together more dramatically—by their souls.
Hearing her parent‘s acceptance of their relationship on a deeper more intimate level, Levi swallowed down the last drops of the coffee her mother had insisted on him having. He had come to see if he could coax Alex out of her self-imposed fortress, instead he studied Dallas. The man Alex loved was falling apart. Chewing the inside of his cheek, Levi reached out, for Alex’s sake. “Dallas, I don’t mean to interrupt, but…well, if you have a few minutes, do you want to come with me? I’d like to show you something.”
The glassy stare he received back was haunting. Much like the prison Alex had locked herself into, Dallas’s hell was just as painful to watch. The lines of his face twisted in agony, the marks of many sleepless nights taking a toll. The man’s guilt was working him into an early grave.
“Go with Levi, son. I know your dad said he and your mom were going to follow you to the airport. Both of them are concerned about you. Luckily as far as the race goes, you’re on the west coast, so you’ll have the time change in your favor.” Carter said as he grabbed Dallas in what appeared to Levi as a very practiced and fatherly hug.
“Dallas, you promise me something, sweetheart”—Molly laid her palm against his cheek—“please don’t get on a bike until you’re in a safer state to race. I’m worried sick about the thought of you on a bike right now—like this. I mean it. No race is worth what could happen. I just…God, Dallas.”
“I promise, Aunt Mol.” He said, hugging her tight and dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “That—” Levi watched the lines deepen across Dallas’s face as he paused mid-sentence, the words stuck. “Huh…it sort of sounds weird to…to call you that now.” His voice drifted off.
“It’ll all work out, trust me. In the meantime, you go with Levi and call me the minute you land, okay?”
Dallas only nodded.
~~~
Dallas followed the mechanic out to his car while trying to shake off the embarrassment of breaking down in front of him. It was bad enough he’d lost it in front of Carter and Molly, but he’d forgotten all about the other man being in the room. That was then, now his jealousy was starting to bubble back up again. Stopping at Levi’s car, they both stood on opposite sides, staring at each other across the roof. Levi spoke first.
“Look, I get it now. I’ll admit I didn’t before—but I do now.”
Dallas’s mind halted, with no clue as to what Levi was talking about. “What?”
Levi took his time, swallowing and pulling in a deep breath, but Dallas waited him out. “From the moment I met Alex, I’d heard from the other guys she was madly in love with another man. I can respect that, she’s a sweet girl, a hell of a trainer, and I really enjoy her company.
But—that’s where I’ve left it—until a couple of weeks ago.”
His heart dropped to his stomach and Dallas’s jaw worked overtime, his teeth grinding away as he tried to keep a lid on his anger. “Uh-huh?” He asked, leading the other man on.
“You hurt her”—Levi’s chin jerked—“badly. She didn’t ever speak negatively of you. She never threatened any of your body parts, or anything else like some women do. But she was devastated. I get it now. I get why you did what you did, and that you thought you were doing the right thing. She loves you. And in there”—he waved a hand toward the house—“well…you love her too.”
With that he pulled open his car door and Dallas had no choice but to follow suit as he processed the admission. He’d never been good with feelings, unless it pertained to winning, but he’d been so preoccupied with hiding what he felt for Alex it left him unable to let down his guard. Yet Levi had laid it out cold. With his legs stretched out as best as he could in the sports car, from the corner of his eye, he watched the smooth movement as Levi shifted the manual car into reverse. Once he was turned around in the driveway and headed toward the road, Dallas let out a breath. “Why? I don’t get…I mean, how can you understand this…and know what I feel?” Okay, that couldn’t have sounded more stupid if he had tried. So many questions were on the tip of his tongue, and his confusion was only adding to the growing pile of anxiety. His new habit had him shifting in his seat, allowing him to pull out the familiar roll of medicine from the front pocket of his jeans.
Levi slowed to a stop in front of the academy, shifting into first he turned the car off and pulled the emergency brake up. It took him several minutes, but he finally looked up at Dallas with his brow tightly knitted in obvious pain.
“I’m sorry—I didn’t mean it like that.” Dallas rushed out.
Shaking his head, Levi glanced back at the building they were parked in front of. “It’s a fair question. It’s because she’s hurting, and I’ll do whatever I can to help make that stop.”
“You really like her don’t you?” Dallas didn’t want to hear the answer, but the need to know was voiced before he had a chance to think it through. The list of dumb things he’d done and said was accumulating rapidly, something he desperately needed to get a handle on.
“Yeah…but not like you think. I love her like a sister. You love her—right?” Levi asked with a narrowed eye.
For the first time, Dallas was put to a test, maybe not on purpose, but Alex deserved honesty. “Yes.”
“Come on then. You need to do something for her.”
Once again, Levi left Dallas with no choice but to follow. This time though, he knew where they were going, and his stomach was on fire, the pain real and gut-wrenching. Hell couldn’t be any scarier of a place than walking into the scene in which Alex had been so brutally attacked. Dallas had mental pictures, but he hadn’t been able to force himself to see it firsthand. Levi’s words played through his head with every step closer to the door. This was for Alex...he could do it for her.
Levi pulled open the glass door and the familiar smells came back to Dallas. Cleaners and exhaust fumes mixed with the scent of a cinnamon candle, it never failed to remind him that this was home, equal to the homes spread out on the Noland property, but it was this building, the bike shop and most of all the track that it faced that saved his life, this was his home. Normally he’d say it with a smile, especially since his dad and he had spent many a night in sleeping bags on the dirt tabletop under the stars when he was younger. Looking back, he wished he’d never asked that of his father, but back then, he didn’t realize just how much it hurt his dad’s back, even after the second surgery. And knowing Eli like he did, the man wouldn’t have ever complained in a million years nor would he have ever turned down anything Dallas asked of him.
However, being in the building today—shook him to the core.
The police tape was gone, as was all the furniture except for her desk. Years ago Molly had framed signed posters and hung them on the wall when the office was hers. Seeing the missing one, Dallas’s heart pounded. He knew one had fallen, and it was the glass that had shattered and left a gash in Alex’s head…but he hadn’t known that it was his poster, the fifth one Molly had added to her collection had been the one to cut her. Below the empty space on the wall were spatters of blood, and more on the carpet from where she fell into the glass.
“James is gutting the room, wants it completely redone and redecorated differently before Alex steps foot back in here. I think it’s his way of trying to do something—anything. He…he saw her, that night I mean, before I got her covered up. He’s taking this all very hard. You know how close they are, and he was just feet away. He feels responsible.”
Dallas could barely process the words Levi was saying, the pulse rushing through his body was deafening as he scanned the office, taking in every inch of it. “Grandpa isn’t responsible. Not in any way.”
“He heard her. She’d managed to dial his number and…and he had to listen to her cries for him as he was running down here.”
James Noland was the rock, the heart and the soul of the family. He was a well-respected business man, and his designs had made him famous, but it was his honesty and willingness to do everything in his power to protect his family that made him a force unlike any other. Every employee involved with the academy was extended that same loyalty, and they returned it—whole-heartedly. It was easy to see the sickened glaze come over Levi as he told pieces of the story Dallas hadn’t heard yet—statements that had his stomach rolling. He placed a hand over his mouth just in case, and although Dallas hadn’t eaten the total of a full meal in days, that didn’t stop his system from trying to reject what little was in it. “Oh my God.”
Being in her office, made the nightmare he pictured real, especially after seeing the evidence for himself. The blood of the woman he loved made her tragedy visible.
“We won’t be here long. I just need to grab something before they pull out her desk and I can’t get to it.”
Dallas watched Levi go straight to the drawers on the right side of the desk. Even though from where he was standing Dallas couldn’t see which drawer, it was plain to see Levi knew her well. Forcing a deep breath, he tried to remind himself they’d already aired their comments.
“I put this in here that night. I knew she wouldn’t want it out for anyone to read. I meant to come back the next day, but we weren’t allowed in by the police, yet. Then, well…” Levi pulled in a deep breath, his shoulders rising. “To be honest, I didn’t want to come here alone. I guess…I don’t know. I can’t sleep and I keep having nightmares, but I knew I needed to get this.” Levi held up an aged leather notebook, the brown cover was marked, scratched, and well-loved.
Dallas had seen it thrown in her purse a thousand times over the years, but he’d never guessed it was anything other than a planner of sorts. Looking back, she always kept her calendar on her phone. A pang of jealousy struck again as he realized Levi knew Alex in a way he didn’t. Suddenly, he felt another layer of guilt form on the already growing walls around him. Levi brushed his finger over the cover with his eyes closed.