“I am so sorry, Renee,” Keithon’s mother claimed.
“Me too,” his father said, following his wife’s probable lie.
With these words being said, I forgot about anything they had done because I knew at this moment they actually cared. They were Keithon’s parents. And I knew he loved them so much, so how could I honestly stay mad at them for what they did, no matter how dirty it was, when I loved Keithon so much?
“I forgive you guys!” As I told them this, I meant every word. I could see tears falling down his mother’s face. I was far from blind. I knew she had felt the pain of how she basically threw her own son in jail with the aid of her husband.
Chapter Twenty-seven
An entire day passed since Keithon was sentenced. Today I felt even worse than yesterday. I had not gotten any sleep. It was 4:00 a.m. and Ms. Taylor wouldn’t unlock my door until 5:00 a.m. for my early shower. I started going through all the stuff I wrote in my notebook. I thought about all these times: my mother dying, my dad leaving me, Ms. Sims talking about me behind my back, meeting Keithon, talking to Shondra, seeing Keithon getting taken away from me, and so much more. They were mostly bad memories, but when I had a good memory, it was an amazing part of my life. But why did every time something good happen for me, something even worse came behind it? I asked myself this question, but I did not have the answer. No one had it. I usually heard people say, “God gives His biggest battles to His strongest soldiers,” but all my strength was gone right now. I was weak. I could tell the truth. I was weak. I’d never said these words before, and I was pretty sure everyone in my life knew this already, but at this point, it was at a different level.
I knew I would not be in this place right now if I actually felt bad about killing Tyrone, but I didn’t. Looking back, I wished I just acted like I felt bad. But then again, I would have never met Keithon. But no matter what, I didn’t feel bad about killing Tyrone. To this day I still felt this rush going through my heart. If I had to go through it all again, I would still kill. If someone killed your mom and tried to rape you, tell me what you would do.
* * *
Almost an hour passed. I started to think about Keithon again, and I knew I didn’t want to live without him. I just couldn’t! With my mom and my beloved out of my life, there was no point in living. Sure, I was reconnecting with my dad, and he was supposed to see me today, but I did not care. I forgave him and loved him, but he would never mean anything to me like my mom or Keithon. I could never forget him walking out on us.
I spent this hour writing. I wrote a note to Shondra, telling her how much I loved her. I wrote a note to my father, telling him how much I forgive him. I even wrote a note to Ms. Taylor, telling her how much I thanked her for being here for me these last few months.
Finally, I got to the note I wrote to Keithon.
At first, I thought I was evil, but now I know I have the biggest heart. And that is my biggest problem. I’m too young to know any better and running from my pain is probably not right. My mom was killed, and I felt like nothing was worth living for. That’s why I killed him. But, Keithon James, you came around and gave me life. I love you so much, and I just can’t live without you. No one will ever understand, but just know that after tonight the one thing that won’t die is our love!
It was finally 5:00 a.m. and the light on the door turned green. I left all the notes on my bed. I went to the showers. I thought about hanging myself, but I noticed a piece of broken glass from the mirror was on the shower floor. I turned on the shower so everything could seem normal. I sat on the ground and picked up the sharp piece of glass that was on the ground. I started to cut my wrist. It hurt so badly, and I secretly wanted someone to stop me, but I knew I did not want to live without Keithon. I started to cut deeper, and my vision started to blur. In the distance, I heard footsteps coming in the bathroom. Within moments, I saw a girl with red hair staring at me, screaming. Everything went dark.
* * *
Next thing I knew I saw a doctor. I thought I was in the hospital, but I wasn’t really sure. My vision was still blurry, and it was getting harder for me to breathe. Was this a dream?
“Wait a damn minute! This girl is pregnant, and full term at that!” I heard the doctor yell out to the trauma team. This was the last thing I heard before I died that morning in the hospital.
Later Ms. Taylor found the notes in my room when the cops came. Ms. Taylor told Shondra, and they cried. But once Ms. Taylor got herself together she called my dad and told him to meet her at the prison where Keithon was located. She introduced them first. She knew this would be the way I wanted it, and this was the first time Keithon met my father, since I never really told him that he was actually alive. She gave the notes to both of them at the same time.
“Wait. Before you open them I have to tell you something!” she said.
Both of their faces changed like they knew something serious was up.
“Renee died today, a couple hours ago, but the baby is alive and healthy, thank God,” she told them. They both started to cry.
“Baby?” Keithon was confused as tears rolled down his face. “I have a baby?” His sad voice turned angry. Keithon repeated louder and louder, “Where is my baby? Where is my baby?” My dad was in tears, barely even able to read his note, but he still tried. Keithon was a different story. He held the note in his hand but did not read it, at least not that day. Keithon was more concerned about his child and just kept asking Ms. Taylor, “Where is my baby?”
I never meant to cause so much pain. I was just so far gone. He and I both were. And if I were still alive and I knew that I was pregnant, I would have never thought about killing myself in a million years. And when I thought back to that note I wrote Keithon, now I knew there was more than one thing that did not die that day in the emergency room, and it was bigger than our love.
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