Pagan Heaven

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by Ruth Rouff


  dead, you’re dead.

  You can wait

  for the earth to

  turn. You are

  earth, almost

  then they finally

  dig you out.

  You explode into

  headlines like

  dancing skeletons.

  All flash and

  drama. All

  mystery and

  romance.

  “Romantic

  Romanovs” . . .

  deadly to Lenin.

  “Stupid girls,” he

  must have

  thought.

  Well, he thought

  too much

  And imagined

  too little.

  Grand Tour

  The Hoyt Corporation

  build a huge multiplex

  near here, that

  went out of

  business soon after

  it opened.

  I’d like to tour

  it: wander down

  the main concourse

  and pop my

  head in each

  single theater

  and stare at

  where each screen

  would have been,

  should have been.

  I’d like to observe

  the spaces for the

  audience, too, those

  popcorn munching

  multitudes, those

  laughing, sobbing

  hordes who now

  get their fair

  share of entertainment

  elsewhere.

  There’s a ghostly

  silence in

  Hoyt’s Multiplex

  now. Maybe a

  few mice, a

  few rats, some

  bugs.

  Nothing, really,

  to disturb the

  eerie dream-

  world without

  lights, camera,

  action.

  Close

  I asked a friend to

  meet me at a diner.

  She said, “Is that

  the body diner?’ She

  thrilled to think it

  was the one the

  mafia corpse was

  discovered at.

  “No.” I felt bad

  telling her no.

  It wasn’t the body

  diner, it was only

  the one on the White

  Horse Pike. The

  body diner was

  off at the circle

  end of 130, near

  the Delaware River

  and so-o-o con-

  venient to Phila-

  delphia.

  Today I passed

  the real, the

  genuine body diner.

  I thrilled to think

  a corpse, open-

  mouthed, had been

  discovered there.

  I speculated about

  the state of the

  world and the

  Mafia wars. I

  felt proud to

  live so

  close.

  On Mickle Street

  I met a man

  who knew a

  woman, an old

  woman, who,

  as a little child,

  knew Walt

  Whitman in

  Camden.

  Wonder what

  that was like?

  Sitting on the

  stoop with

  Walt Whitman.

  Having some

  vague, childish

  notion that

  this gray-maned

  old man was

  different, special,

  one for the

  ages.

  Perhaps you

  showed him

  your favorite

  marble or

  demonstrated

  your knowledge

  of a top?

  Maybe you

  came to

  him with

  a dirty face or

  mud-pie hands?

  It gets humid

  in Camden. The

  river gives off

  a pungent river

  smell. Various

  merchants hawk

  their wares

  up and down

  Mickle Street.

  Fishmongers, milk-

  men, bread-

  men, and he

  man who

  delivers ice.

  Walt Whitman

  never seems to

  do much of

  anything except

  sit and look

  and listen.

  That’s why

  you like him . . .

  he does

  listen.

  Jersey Girl

  (in memory of P.M.)

  Our friendship was

  like the night I

  had to work late

  at the Kmart

  and walking

  out to my

  car, I looked

  down and spotted

  an elegant

  serpentine

  necklace:

  gold and

  entirely

  unexpected.

  Now you have

  slipped your

  mortal coil,

  removed your

  physicality like

  a bracelet or

  necklace or

  ring.

  But driving

  down the street

  to the convenience

  store, I

  think of

  what a Jersey

  girl you were

  and, in my

  mind’s eye,

  will always

  be.

  Renaissance

  The best room I

  never lived in

  was the one

  in Florence that

  was lined

  with Botticellis.

  It was like

  being inside

  some sweet

  genius’s

  brain.

  Beautiful

  women who

  weren’t

  cow-like but

  refined. Soft

  pinks and

  blues and

  that coolly

  resigned

  tilt of the

  head as if to

  say, “I

  deign to be

  born.”

  Don’t ya just

  love it?

  Wouldn’t ya

  like to stay there

  forever? They

  nearly had

  to

  kick me

  out of

  the place.

  Penance

  Peg Albertine

  has been dead

  a long time. She

  was the leathery

  faced, gray

  haired dyke

  who worked in

  the customer service

  department at

  W.B. Saunders

  Publishing Company

  and who scandalized

  all the girls/women/

  chicks on the

  seventh floor

  with her

  demonstration

  of the menstrual

  sponge.

  Everybody thought:

  “This homely

  old dyke must

  be out of her

  cotton-picking

  mind, with all

  these women’s

  lib ideas

  of hers.”

  If she had

  been young and

  beautiful and

  said exactly

  the same

  thing, she

  would have

  been loved.

  You know,

  it’s shitty

  the way they

  shunned

  that poor

  woman. She

  had no

  fr
iends at all

  there, in

  customer service,

  on the

  seventh floor.

  But she was

  homely and

  I feared her

  like a

  disease.

  Extremes

  I read a biography that said

  that the father of the

  famed photographer of

  sadomasochist scenes,

  Robert Mapplethorpe,

  used to inspect toasters for a living.

  No wonder his son felt so

  compelled to

  go to

  extremes.

  Balancing Act

  Remember Ed

  Sullivan, when he

  used to have

  on those jugglers,

  only they didn’t

  really juggle

  they just

  balanced spinning

  plates on sticks

  with one

  leg raised,

  spinning a

  hoop and

  keeping hoops

  spinning, too,

  about their

  forearms

  while way up

  high,

  balanced on

  the plates

  beneath the

  spotlight was

  a lone,

  jittery coffee

  cup? And

  how the

  performer

  would sweat

  as he,

  like Atlas,

  balanced all

  this crap?

  For some strange

  reason this

  activity has

  fallen out

  of fashion.

  That’s a shame.

  Maybe some day

  I’ll take

  it

  up.

  Spoken Word

  I’m worried about the

  land filling up. I’m

  wondering where all

  the dryer lint goes.

  It’s all the same:

  shit in, shit out.

  So much matter

  is what’s the

  matter.

  Exploit, expend.

  Do it again.

  Even computers, those

  brainchildren of misfit

  mathematicians, get

  tossed in the trash,

  sooner or later. Certain

  of their elements

  leach into the

  soil and only

  make things

  worse.

  Or maybe it’s

  just me I’m

  worried about.

  Me, the victim

  of my own

  mortality.

  The only thing

  that makes things

  better is knowing

  great poetry has

  been written of

  dust to dust.

  From the fall of

  Troy to the

  Battle of Stalin-

  grad. From

  Sappho to

  Frost.

  You don’t see

  landfills filling

  up with

  alliteration or

  metaphor.

  Yes, we is

  pretty.

  Hermitage

  I was sitting with my niece Melanie in the living room of her home in Nashville. We were talking about visiting President Andrew Jackson’s house, The Hermitage. In front of us, Melanie’s six-year-old daughter Sarah sat playing with a doll that was nearly as big as she was. The doll had pink skin, blue eyes, and blond hair made out of some coarse synthetic fiber. Sarah had brown skin, brown eyes, and springy soft black hair. Strangely enough, her African American grandmother had sent her the Caucasian doll. Melanie said that she had found it on sale somewhere. Hard for doting grandmothers to resist a sale.

  “I don’t think Sarah is ready for that conversation,” Melanie was telling me. She was referring to the fact that The Hermitage had been a slave-worked plantation. If Melanie and Sarah went with my brother Bob and me to the Hermitage, Sarah would inevitably raise certain questions. Sarah was a bright child, alert to nuances and evasions. She was also very sensitive.

  “I understand,” I told Melanie. I was disappointed that she and Sarah wouldn’t be joining us, but I could understand why. However, I was determined to enjoy myself. This was my first trip to Nashville. I wanted to see all the sights . . . politically dicey or no. I had been happy when Melanie and her musician husband Ken had decided to move there from Los Angeles a year earlier. Nashville is much closer to New Jersey than is Los Angeles, and I had always been curious about the “flavor” of Southern life.

  The next morning Bob and I set out in our rental Pontiac, heading onto 155 East. One of the things I like best about Bob is that he never criticizes my driving. He’s developmentally disabled—but he can read and loves to do so. He also loves to see sightsee. I thought he’d get a kick out of a trip to Nashville—that’s why I took him along. After a few minutes on Old Hickory Boulevard, we made a right onto Rachel’s Lane, so named after Andrew Jackson’s beloved wife.

  You can’t see The Hermitage mansion from the road. You first enter the one-story visitor’s center. Inside, we picked up our audio headphones and began looking around. As we did, any thought that Melanie could have avoided telling Sarah about slavery during a visit was quickly dispelled. Interspersed between exhibits of Jackson’s personal belongings were placards telling about the various house slaves who had catered to him and his family. One showed Hannah Jackson, a thin, unsmiling woman who was head of the house servants. Hannah was wearing a white apron over homespun and held a walking stick in her right hand. The bottom section of her face was sunken in, as if she had no teeth. Another photograph was of Betty, the family cook, and her great-grandchildren, circa 1867. She looked grim-faced, clad in a coarse jacket and dress; the children were ragged and unsmiling.

  We then left the visitors’ center and walked up a path to the white-brick mansion, which was nested between tall trees. From a cheerful lady docent dressed in period costume, we learned that the original mansion had burned in 1834 and been rebuilt in Greek Revival style. It had Doric columns and a white picket balcony. Inside the large center hall, French neo-classical wallpaper depicted a scene from the Odyssey: the visit of Telemachus to the island of Calypso in search of his father. I had already known that the Southern aristocracy fancied itself heir to the ancient Greeks. Here was more proof.

  Up the elegant, elliptical stairway, there were several bedrooms. Inside each one was a canopied four poster bed, so high you needed steps to climb into it. Adjacent to the bedroom Andrew Jackson died in was his library, containing over six hundred volumes. The docent told us that the Ladies’ Hermitage Association had had to buy back most of the original furniture after Andrew Jackson’s adopted son sold it to pay off his debts. Evidently Andrew Jr. had let the family fortune slide through his hands. So much for inherited wealth.

  At the foot of the back stairs was a huge dining room with Venetian blinds, elaborate place settings, and a wall-to-wall cloth floor covering, the height of fashion circa 1836. Out the back door, the kitchen stood in its own small building. We were told that it had been separated from the rest of the mansion to prevent fires and to keep odors and heat from entering the house.

  Outside another docent pointed out a bell on a pillar that was used to call the slaves. The docent told us that there were wires connecting rooms in the mansion to other, various-sized bells. Depending on the tone of the bell, a slave could tell in which room his or her services were requested. Then the slave would have to drop whatever he or she was doing and go to attend that person.

  “What if the person was a pain in the ass?” I wondered.

  Bob was content to take pictures.

  Next we walked around the side of the mansion to the Jacksons’ tomb. It stood within a lovely English garden. It was a Greek Revival cupola made of
Tennessee limestone and coated with copper. It stood over two stone slabs . . . Andrew’s and Rachel’s. A few paces to the right sat another grave. This grave belonged to Betty’s son, Alfred. After a lifetime spent at The Hermitage, Alfred had requested (demanded?) to be buried within spitting distance of his dead master. Since Alfred chose to stay on the property even after emancipation, the powers that be acceded to his request. It couldn’t have been that Alfred particularly enjoyed servitude. Our audio tour noted that when Alfred heard a white visitor say that slavery wasn’t so bad, he asked the man, “Would you like to be a slave?”

  I speculated about Alfred. Perhaps he had asked to be buried close to Jackson because he knew that millions of people would visit the place. Perhaps he wanted those visitors to know that slaves had built it. However, we’ll never know for sure, since the slaves at the Hermitage, as elsewhere, were prevented from learning to write.

  Bob and I then walked over to a slave cabin. It had a plank floor, a window, and a fireplace. There was no French wallpaper depicting Telemachus’s journey. There were no oil paintings or canopied bed. We had the option of taking a walk to see more of the cabins, but since the temperature was over one hundred degrees, we decided to go to lunch instead. I doubted if the other cabins would have differed much from this one. Uniformity was kind of the point of slave habitations.

  As Bob and I sat eating our lunch in the cafeteria, I realized that there was no way that Melanie could have taken Sarah to see The Hermitage. This was sad, because in one respect, Andrew Jackson was a great man. He had expanded American democracy to include the average man . . . average white man, that is. But he kicked the Cherokee Indians out of Tennessee and lived in luxury while blacks lived in abject servitude. He thought that was the natural order of things. I could imagine little Sarah asking, “Mommy, what’s a slave? Why were only black people slaves? Why did they have to live in little houses while the white people lived in big houses? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?”

  When Bob and I returned to my niece’s house, I told Melanie that she had made the right decision.

  “There’s no way,” I said, “you could have avoided the subject.” A little while later, Melanie’s husband Ken walked upstairs to get a soda. He had a studio downstairs where he produced music. Ken’s family had been landowners who had been run out of Mississippi decades earlier by the Ku Klux Klan and who had eventually made their way to California. Although I didn’t ask Ken, something told me that he was in no hurry to visit The Hermitage. I wondered too about him bringing his family to Tennessee. But Nashville is more liberal than other parts of the South.

 

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