by Love Belvin
“I guess so.” I sighed. “The money is funny, but it’s my profession, I guess.”
“It’s enough for you to pay for food.”
The room was silent. I noticed Trent didn’t bounce his ball to distract from my presence. He was better at opening up to me. That realization thrilled me more than what was wise, and I didn’t care.
“But not enough to have my life together.”
Silence swelled the air.
“I figure since you can’t find nothing better to do than clean around here; I’ll pay you a few bucks for it.”
I sucked in a breath, my eyes popped from my skull. “Really?”
“Yeah!” He laughed, chords vibrating with amusement. “I may be a cheap S.O.B., but I place my money where my needs are. I plan on getting this place furnished one day. I suppose it should be cleaned first. We can come up with a price we can agree on, I hope.”
“We could! I wouldn’t charge much, even though scrubbing a castle can be laborious.” The mansion mainly had a coating of dust from neglect. The structure wasn’t old, just not tended to. I could do it and use the money to make it more home-like, outside of paying for groceries. My pay from the salons covered everything else.
Except for rent…somewhere else!
I quickly decided to ignore that ‘shoulder influence’. I didn’t know if it came from my angel or devil.
“How’s the apartment hunt coming along?” his baritone vibrated authoritatively.
“Horribly. The places I’ve seen are either too small, or too small and in a dangerous area, or in crowded quarters.”
Trent broke into laughter. It was so unexpected and…embarrassing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Your bourgeois showing?”
“It is not!” I found myself whining petulantly.
“It is. Jade, you’re a South Orange debutante. You are bourgeois!” He couldn’t stop his hearty laughter. “Public assistance doesn’t suit you, is all I’m saying.”
That stirred my anger and fueled my shame. It was difficult to admit my fall from grace. My mother had taught me better than this, but so bitter and determined in my need to prove her wrong, I’d finally fallen on my face. My stomach churned with regret and humiliation that Trent here had somewhat figured it out. It was so bad, I couldn’t speak to give rebuttal.
“You need to have Ky transferred to the local school district,” he requested with the same manner of authority as before and my heart swelled right along with my clitoris. “It’s crazy…you having to drop him off over thirty minutes away. Taxing in gas, I’m sure.”
That. Instantly.
What is this?
It was pathetic to equate acceptance, generosity, and goodwill to attractiveness, but I couldn’t help it with Trent. There was something about his odd persona and story that propelled my heart and libido. I knew I should slow down and think before laying my heart and desire at his feet, but I didn’t. There was something about Trent that mysteriously made me feel safe, even now as I lay in bed in one of his oversized Connecticut Kings t-shirts and nothing else.
“Okay. I’ll look into it tomorrow,” I shrieked pathetically.
And I did the following day.
~Six
“So, who is she? Tell me about her,” Ezra asked calmly over the phone.
I exhaled, readjusting myself in my seat as I rode the highway, crossing the Connecticut state line. After hanging out with my JJ, I was en route home to face another night with my house guests.
“She’s… Jade. I ain’t never met a chick like her.”
“I think we’ve established that a few minutes ago when you called saying you think you like her.” He chuckled quietly into the line.
I rolled my eyes and brushed the back of my head. I didn’t exactly say that, but he and I both knew it was what I meant.
I growled, frustrated. This morning, I’d awakened in sweat dreaming again about eating her out. It was so bad that I actually had a taste of her in my mouth because after all these late night visits with her wearing practically panties and one of my Connecticut Kings tees that she ‘found’ in my laundry room, I’d become familiar with the scent of her feminine musk.
Damn! She had me going crazy! Jade was real trouble.
“She’s bad, man. Just a dope chick…inside and out—and not just to me. When she comes to RSfALC, you should see how people react to her energy. Everybody gives a double-take and she doesn’t even have to speak!”
Ezra let off another chuckle. That annoyed me, too. I felt like a kid, running to his father on advice about girls. Deep down inside I knew this was different, but it was still frustrating to feel needy about guidance. But I was willing to do it, to stay on the right side of things. My life had turned into this delicate balance since Ezra shared his dream with me.
“I’ll tell you this, Trent. There seems to be this inexplicably intrinsic divine draw to women that men have been slaves to since the beginning of time. But to a man of your former lifestyle, I don’t have to explain how on occasion, there’s always that one that propels the testosterone that calibrates our balls to her at a speed that makes us delusional. If your head follows your testes, you’re in trouble because it means there’s a dimensional draw to her and one that is aligned.
“I’m sure you’re not telling me all that has been exchanged intimately between you two, nor do I need to know. However, know this: when you cross that line, there is no turning back. With this one, you’re going to have to face the decision of making her your wife or figuring out how she will pack up her son and leave your house with the least incident. Be prepared to make that pivotal call.”
My mouth dropped. My chest tightened at the visual of Jade and Kyree leaving. The reaction to that visual was unrecognizable to me. I’d never been emotionally clingy. I couldn’t as a child. My mother never responded to that. So, why was I feeling some kind of way about the prospect of my unintended guests leaving? Them being at the crib this long was never the plan.
“Gotchu, E.” I nodded in the pickup. “Gotchu.”
Jade kept with her late night visits to my room. One night, it was time for me to turn the tables.
“Why do you keep your hair and makeup done twenty-four/seven? I mean… You’re really pretty and I’m sure you don’t need to be turned up all the time to feel that way.”
“I used to feel like I had to keep it all done to be pretty. I didn’t always feel pretty—”
“Bullshit!” I blurted, unable to believe there’d ever been a day Jade wasn’t pretty.
“No!” She spoke over me, trying to fight her smile. “I never exactly thought I was ugly, but I used to always want to go over and beyond to be sure people knew.”
“Used to?”
“Yeah. I’m not as mental as I used to be about it. Now it’s just a habit.” She pouted and smacked her lips. “I gotta keep my weave tight. Now that’s my religion. Can’t have a busted wig.”
So she worships her weave.
“I’d like to see you without it.” I fingered the end of the long black silk mane.
“Depending on how long we’re here, you will.” She stretched over the mattress, sounding sexy as hell. “But it wouldn’t be for long. I don’t wear my hair out. What you see is what you get.”
Jade yawned and things got real quiet for a moment. My dick swelled in my pants at the thought of seeing her strutting around here carefree, not needing to be made up or weaved up.
“Jade…”
“Huhn?” she hummed, turning toward me on her side into a fetal position.
“You’re really pretty…naturally pretty. You don’t need hair and makeup for anyone to see, including you. You’re just…” I exhaled. “Real pretty inside and out.”
I heard her gasp and lifted from the bed quickly. I needed to walk off my erection or I’d be dishonoring Ky’s moms.
I felt a small tap on my arm. I tried turning over, but felt something to my left, prevented me from moving further. Then
I felt a nudge.
“TB…” More taps on my arm. “Trent!” I recognized that whispery voice.
My eyes fluttered open then ballooned in a panic. I licked my dry lips in the darkness of the room.
“Whaddup, Ky?”
“I can’t find my mommy!” he whispered directly in my face, panicking. “And I think I had an accident.”
“Think?”
I wasn’t all the way with it to understand.
“Yeah. I woke up wet everywhere. It was in the bed, my legs…on my back. But I don’t remember peeing the bed!” he whispered defensively. “I need help. She’s gonna get me, though.”
I brushed my hands over my face, now getting the picture. Ky pee’d the bed and was in need of his mother and help from his mother. The moment I got the revelation, I felt a warm body being pressed into me. I heard a hard exhale from underneath the comforter, too. Damn! It was Jade. She must have fallen asleep in my bed tonight. But how did she get underneath the comforter?
I shook my head, swiping my palms over my face again. As I shifted to the end of the mattress, I knew exactly how something like that could happen. I knew Jade by now. She’d meant to fall asleep in my bed. It was a deliberate act that said so much and delivered the ultimate revelation: Jade had grown comfortable enough to sleep in my bed. I wasn’t exactly happy about that. It was an aggressive move and one I hadn’t been prepared for. But that was Jade. Ready or not, here she was with whatever agenda she chose.
“C’mon,” I whispered while standing to my feet. I took him at his tiny shoulder. “Let’s get you right before she finds it, lil’ man.”
We crept out of my room and began getting rid of the evidence of his accident.
“You good now?” I asked Kyree as he wiggled into his freshly made bed to find comfort.
His eyes were slanted from exhaustion. I had him shower while I changed the bedding. Thank God his mother had a spare set in the laundry room downstairs. Kyree nodded his head.
“Thanks for helping me,” his voice was sincere, tender.
It struck something in my chest.
“It’s all gravy, man. You can hit me up if you find yourself in a jam.” That offering made me think of how I met him when he’d start a fight with a teammate just to stay late as a result to delay his going home to a dark and scary apartment. “You know that, right?”
I patted his head as he snuggled into the pillow, nodding again.
“All you gotta do is ask for help when you need it. No need to be afraid, my dude.”
“Sometimes I don’t want anybody to know.”
I found myself nodding. “I can dig it, but the Bible says a man’s pride comes before a hard fall. That means keeping things from people you can help or who can help you is no good for you.”
“Sometimes it’s scary.”
I exhaled. “I understand.”
“You do?” His head leaped from the pillow. “For real.”
My brow-line tightened. “Yeah!”
“Like when?”
“Like…” I paid a moment to think of a time when I was afraid to share something or do something. I wouldn’t spill my guts to a kid, but respected Ky enough to be real. That’s when it hit me. “Like…I like this girl and it scares me. But I didn’t keep it inside. I told my boy, who’s good at helping me figure things out, you know?”
Ky shook his head, staring into the distance. Hell no, he didn’t know what I was talking about, totally, but he still rocked with me. Proof of that was his next question.
“Why does it scare you?”
“Because you never want to like somebody and they not like you back.” Or in my case, like you for the wrong reasons.
“Dude,” Kyree yawned then stretched his little arms underneath the pillow. “You can’t be no punk. You just gotta tell her.”
His eyes fluttered closed, informing me of the benediction. Kyree was out. I thumbed my bottom lip as I chuckled quietly to myself then stood from the bed to leave.
It had taken a few weeks of back and forth countering between the Kings and my legal team, but we finally came to an agreement both parties could live with the last week of October. Not only did they acquiesce to the unheard of sign-on for $1.2 million, the million-dollar, eight-month term of the futures contract had been adjusted, too. It was morsels compared to what I used to earn, but was enough to keep me out of the red in terms of my dwindling finances. One of the small details was the team providing housing in the event I didn’t want to travel back to Jersey at the end of practice, though I lived less than two hours away. Chesney snuck that one in as a jab, and they sent the keys to one of the Kings luxury condos. I used to rent a townhouse in Connecticut that I gave up after my conviction, but I didn’t want to take on a lease with the weak commitment my employers were offering.
Stated in the contract was the one adamant clause I’d had. I would not travel with the Kings for games, neither would I attend the ones at home. I wouldn’t participate in the Kings’ off-the-field activities either. There was no way I’d humiliate myself by warming the bench for the cameras while my team played the field. So, we arranged for a personal trainer and scheduled practices with some of the quarterback coaches to keep me in the loop with them. For the most part, I would be in solitary confinement from the team. It was a balm and a curse to the ego-bruiser of not playing with them. I would, however, have to meet a specified number of training hours a week to fulfill my contractual obligations. The idea was the Kings were investing in me for the “possibility” of a future seat on their roster, one that was notably unnamed.
Nate Richardson, Eli’s son, was assigned to me as Assistant Director of Player Success, a unique role management developed to keep players connected to the Kings brand. As much as I wanted to gripe about him being my baby-sitter, I knew it was Kings’ practice and policy to assign each player an A.D.P.S. and I’d have to suck it up and keep in touch with Nate. It wouldn’t be a big deal anyways. Nate was also assigned to Wayne Mayfair, the Kings’ current first string quarterback. He was the star player and the priority now. His presence was a reminder of my fuck up.
Mayfair, an Irish QB from Tennessee and ten-year vet, and I shared a moment in NFL history. The second time our teams went up against each other on the field, I’d won again. Mayfair couldn’t take a second L and on his turf, no less. So, in the post-game press conference when he was asked about the game, he expressed his grievances, using terms some considered racist and ”unsportsman-like”, per the media who ran sound bites for weeks. Within twenty-four hours, Mayfair released an apology for his “perceived ethnical insensitivity and poor manner of handling defeat against one of the greatest quarterbacks of our time.” It honestly didn’t faze me one bit because of two reasons. One, Mayfair wasn’t a known racist and two, I was the better QB and that was proven. So, when I learned about the Kings absorbing him from the Dolphins while I was locked up, it stung badly.
Now, I was back at work and it was on Mayfair’s turf. While he wasn’t a franchise player like I’d been for the Kings before getting fired, he was definitely the man they pandered to, and I had to eat that painful fact. Divine was right when he told me to take responsibility for my actions. The world kept spinning while I was a resident of barbwire and metal gates. The first Monday in November, I woke up with gratitude for being one step closer to regaining my life, or something of what it used to be. This meant I started working at the Kings’ facilities, wearing a humble hat. The first week was brutal. I now had a trainer who specialized in quarterback fitness, and he reminded me of why Eli believed I wasn’t NFL field ready. By Friday night, driving from Connecticut at the end of a long week, I started to believe it.
I trekked into the house from the garage and realized how quiet the kitchen was before I reached it. Usually, Kyree was down there waiting on me to get in. Since returning to Connecticut on Monday, his parting words to me included asking what time I’d be home so we could battle in PlayStation. When I entered the kitchen, I saw it was oc
cupied, but by his mother.
Jade sat lonesome at the island, fingering through a deck of cards.
“You play?” I asked en route to the fridge for a bottle of the punch she made and I couldn’t get enough of.
Jade threw down in the kitchen, and more than her culinary skills, were her provisionary measures. She kept healthy snacks and fresh juices on deck. As much as my good senses told me it was primarily for her son, she made very clear it was for my benefit, too. I didn’t share with Jade my arrangement with the Kings, didn’t even tell her about the impending contract. I didn’t trust her, and didn’t see the need in sharing something that didn’t affect her anyway. Plus, I still had a feeling there was some ignorance on Jade’s behalf when it came to my profession, celebrity, accomplishments, and conviction. Something about hiding in the comfort of that omission felt desirable.
“Solitaire,” she answered less spirited than I was used to hearing of her.
I stared at her while swallowing the mouthful of juice. “You good?”
Her eyes shot up to me, seemingly in surprise. “Oh, yeah.” She shrugged with one shoulder. “Bummed about my gig being canceled. I was really counting on that money, but such is life.”
I put the pitcher back in the fridge and stepped toward the island. “Ky sleep?”
“No,” she answered with lifted lids, but her gaze remained on the cards in front of her as she fanned them in her hands. “My mother asked for him on the night I needed a sitter. So he’s there until tomorrow night.”
That’s what it is…
Jade still had hang ups about her moms. She shared over the past month how the consequences of her rebellious teen years had begun to enclose on her. First it was just the revelation alone of being a premature parent and not securing a future by going to college. Then came relying on Kyree’s father to help so much with the bills considering they were no longer together and he was a drug dealer with no means of sustaining her household. Her decisions had been a sore spot for her, and I could relate to that with returning to the Kings this week. I was faced with the reminder of my error.