by Love Belvin
I didn’t register ending the call. All that rang in my mind as I reached for my laptop was Conviction! and Prison Sentence!
I yawned as the truck pulled up to the side of the house near the garage. I was beat tired.
“You good, yo?” StentRo laughed with tight eyes next to me.
It had been a long day of working out, then Pop Warner’s last game—where I saw Kyree and Jade and she wouldn’t even look at me—and then hanging out with Stenton and JJ, who just so happened to be in Brooklyn this weekend. They wanted to celebrate my contract, no matter how weak it was, so we hit up a party a D.J. we all knew in common was working. We broke out after one in the morning, splitting with JJ, who headed home to Connecticut.
“Too much damn Mauve, thinking I was on some low key, grown man shit,” I groaned, my head rolling to the side against the headrest.
“As the current face of the brand, I have to inform you, Mauve is a grown man’s drink,” he laughed through low lids, telling of his tipsiness.
I forgot StentRo was in the last season of his career and was still signing endorsement deals. He signed with Mauve this summer and was deserving of it. He was a good dude.
“Nah, they only luh you for multi-colored bawdy,” I teased, unable to hide my humor. “Nigga, if you ain’t have all them tats the ladies love, Divine wouldn’t be checkin’ for you!”
We laughed together.
“Yeah, a’ight!” he responded, cracking the hell up. “My brand is tight. The swag flows.” He popped his imaginary collar.
We sputtered in laughter again, feet stomping in the backseat of his G63, curled over while laughing. We were a little twisted and it felt good, but I had to stop delaying the inevitable.
“Look, man,” I tried breathing. “Lemme get outta here. I got service in the morning.”
“We may see you. Zo mentioned wanting to spend more time at Redeeming Souls since we’ll be moving in full time soon.”
“A’ight.” I offered him dap. “It’s a bet. Peace and blessings.”
“Peace and blessings, my dude.”
After he reciprocated, I made my way to the side door and fished for my keys to let myself in. It was mad late when I trekked down the long hall to the kitchen, so I was shocked as hell to see Jade in there, hovered over her laptop.
I exhaled, widening my slanted lids.
Not this shit again…
Jade really messed my head up last night with the trap she tried to pull. It had been the one thing I drank to forget tonight. At this point in my life, I was tired of conniving women, and here I was, letting one live in my crib. I was a damn glutton for punishment. Pretty and sexy as sin or not, I couldn’t get caught up with this dangerous woman.
I decided to quietly creep out of the kitchen through the other doorway the moment I strolled in, finding her petite frame with hunched shoulders over the countertop.
“You were going to let me continue to stay here with my son and not tell me you’re a convicted criminal?”
That weighted my feet, cementing them in place. My throat dropped to my damn stomach. I turned to glance at her over my shoulder.
“Pardon?”
I saw her bloodshot eyes and tightened lips around her teeth as she basically growled, “You are a convicted criminal who served time for aiding and abetting someone who shot a federal officer?”
I turned, anger stirring in my belly. “At least that was a question and not an assumed fact because it’s damn sure false.”
“So, I didn’t spend the last two hours googling details of your arrest, conviction, and imprisonment?”
“Another question, but this one you can answer. I wasn’t here for that.” I stood in the middle of the kitchen feeling like a damn kid being found out by a parent.
“Don’t shit me, Trent! I don’t deserve that!” she screamed.
“I don’t deserve coming home at this hour and being confronted about some shit that’s personal, old, and don’t have shit to do with the person doing bootleg research.” I didn’t match her volume, but my fury seethed to the same degree.
She turned completely from the island to face me. “What’s bootleg about it, Trent? Please tell me.”
I didn’t feel like getting into it, but saw no way out at this point. “None of my charges had to do with aiding and abetting. That’s not even an actual crime, but I bet your research didn’t yield that. The bloggers had you believe that. You shouldn’t include them in your research, I’m sure your professors would tell you the same.” I felt violated in my own damn house, so yeah, I would talk my shit. “Credible sources would cite I was convicted of three counts of perjury and one of conspiracy.”
“For what? My son is upstairs sleeping in your home,” she reminded with wide nostrils while goading me, snarling with her teeth.
“For not snitching on my uncle’s—”
“Who apparently shot a federal agent in a deal gone bad.”
“A deal I had no knowledge of until after I told him it was cool to stay at my boarded house in Camden. When I found out about the shooting, I talked him into turning himself in.”
“Yeah, after lying to the agents about not knowing where he was.”
“I wasn’t a snitch, Jade. I thought you could understand that with all the hood niggas you worship.”
She sucked in a breath and flinched like she’d been punched in the face. And she had, intentionally, with that blow.
“Fuck you!”
“You want to.”
Her face fell at that. I stood stock still, enduring the heat of her glower.
“I know what you’re doing, Trent. You’re trying to end this conversation by firing off insults. That’s not going to happen.”
I pushed my hands into my jean pockets and exhaled. “Yeah, about that. I ain’t ‘bout to keep with this back and forth. What more do you want?”
“I want to know what happened. I want to know who you are and if who I thought you were was an illusion.” Her lips trembled, she was fighting back a cry and that cut me.
“Look, man.” I rubbed my face. “I wouldn’t say I knew anything about the shooting because that was the God’s honest truth. And in saying that, I wouldn’t say I knew where the dude, Glock, was staying. I was in the middle of a season and wasn’t even in touch with him. He was just someone I knew from CMD and used to run with my uncle, Trick. They called, asking if they could lay low at my boarded up house there and I said it was cool.” I had no idea there was a shooting involved until weeks later when federal agents approached me at Kings headquarters in the middle of practice.”
“But after you testified before a federal grand jury that you didn’t know, they played a tape where Glock’s name was mentioned and you said it was cool, stay at your house down there. You seem to let every needy being stay in your homes,” she shot back and that shit slapped me.
“I don’t see how it’s your business,” I explained quietly and firmly with one brow in the air. “You complaining when you get free boarding in a mansion. Glock got a boarded unheated two-family in Camden. What you trippin’ off of?” I gestured toward the house with my eyes scanning the room. “That was his speed. This is yours, right?”
“Son of a bitch!” Jade slammed the countertop and stormed toward the door.
“How do you figure I had to tell you?” I called behind her, stopping her in her tracks. “I don’t owe you anything!”
She turned back to me with a face full of tears that quickly.
That hurt. Badly.
“Yeah, but it was okay to let me shove your dick in my mouth.”
Then I was pissed all over again. “You been wanting my dick in more than your mouth! How much fighting can I do to keep it from happening?”
“You should have just told me the truth, Trent. You had ample opportunity to tell me this! When you gave me the terms of my stay after that first night here, you could have given me the option to go.”
“Go where? You didn’t have anywhere to go or means to g
et there, Jade.”
“I’m a mother. I’ve been wearing that S on my chest for six years now. It’s in my job description to make things happen.”
Crazy thing is, although I was there when her eviction and car dying went down, I believe Jade would have made something happen so Kyree had a safe place to stay. Jade may have been introduced to me at a low point in her life, but over the past month since she’d been in my crib, I’d seen a lioness with the way she hustled to make sure Kyree was good and his care was seamless during their period of homelessness. She worked hard, tended to school at night, fed her son hot meals, talked to him every night, spoiled him with love every chance she got, and even though she’d been trying to get into my bed, she never compromised her dignity in front of her son. Jade was a supermom and a hero to Kyree. And me. She was far more of a nurturer than I’d ever had or known. She had been a great listener and encourager. I’d fought this revelation as long as I could, but facts were facts. When you live with someone it is hard to hide character. Like Ezra said in his sermon, character is who you are when no one is watching. Only I’d been helpless watching Jade, low key admiring her hustle.
My eyes fell. “I’m sorry.”
“What?”
I lifted my face and rubbed it with my hands and grunted sincerely, “I’m sorry for not being up front with you about my past. For your sake and Kyree’s. I just viewed it as a personal mistake that I’ve been trying to move on from. As you can see, it cost me my job and almost cleaned out my assets.”
Jade rolled her eyes, but her shoulders dropped in relief at my admission. She was right about me trying to deflect by taking jabs at her vulnerability.
God, what am I doing?
This wasn’t me at all. I’d been fighting so hard to work on myself. Jade made me crazy and stupid at the same damn time. I hadn’t used as many curse words in a month than I had with her in weeks. I needed to go upstairs and sleep this brandy off and get ready to dig into praise and worship in the morning.
This is not who I am…
“And you’re back on the team? Were you going to tell me?”
I slowly dropped my hands from my face. I straightened in stance and swallowed hard. Unable to answer that or look at her face torn with pain, I turned my head.
“That’s not an answer, Trent. I know you haven’t asked me for a dime and only paying for groceries and toiletries is one hell of a deal, but I’ve done it diligently thinking you had a cash flow issue. I thought all this time you could lose your home in the near future.”
Still nothing. Still couldn’t face her.
“You have to answer for this. I know I have my shit with admittedly being attracted to you and now actually liking you, but that doesn’t give you the right to leave me hanging like a groupie. I’ve opened to you in ways I’ve never wanted to with anyone else. I know I’ve thrown myself at you with little dignity here, but damn it, I’m no gold digger! I never once had financial motives.”
“How was I supposed to know that with how hard you’ve been coming at me?” I did look at her now. “I was just trying to do the right thing, helping out Ky’s moms when she hit hard times.”
“I’m madly attracted to you!” Her arms shot into the air. “Shoot me! Is it a crime to fall for a guy even when you hit hard times? Even now, feeling betrayed by you keeping this from me after I’ve puked my guts out to you, I can still see the good guy that let me stay in his home when I hit rock bottom.” Jade stopped for a moment, needing a breath. When I thought I was given a moment to think of a response, she stepped closer to me with narrowed eyes. “You could’ve told me this weeks ago and I would’ve felt the same way. How long were you going to keep this from me?” She shook her head, appearing fed up with the conversation. With me. “And look… If you don’t like me, it’s okay. I’ll just—”
“I do like it,” rushed from my lips. I had no idea those words were coming. I couldn’t believe I said it. Jade’s tear-stained face folded in confusion. “Like you,” I clarified. “I do like you. Like…a lot. Like…” I exhaled, my palms gripped my waist, and eyes fell again. “I don’t like that I like you, but every time I look for a reason not to, you do something sneaky or bold and make it hard.” I rolled my eyes at that bitch-ass confession.
“But you don’t trust me,” she hardly whispered.
“I trust very few.”
“But your distrust for me is so bad that you won’t even sleep with me. Gosh! This feels like the lyrics to Brielle’s song…” her eyes focused midair, hypnotized by that fact.
Not that fuckin’ Brielle!
I growled, scrubbing my face again. “It’s a spiritual thing, Jade. I made a pact when I was locked up to change my life and the moment I got out, I messed up and got burned. I got back on track and then you came, and now you’re like…messing everything up! I’m just trying to do the right thing by God, Jade. I got a lot on the table here. You don’t get it.”
“Oh, bullshit, Trent! You don’t get to throw God in this when you lie even by omission, hiding things from someone you know only has the best intentions for you! Your conviction and imprisonment, your job, and the fact that you like me. I didn’t know you were making money again—hell, I didn’t even know your stature before tonight and I was stuffing your dick down my throat! You don’t get to play helpless, secret millionaire victim here! I don’t deserve it and neither does Kyree.”
That mention of the little guy plucked at something deep inside. I cocked my head as I stepped near her. “You know what? You’re right. I did hide a lot. I got trust issues. It is what it is. For the first time in my life, I got two people who look for me to only be me. Not for money. Not for my celebrity. Maybe you for sex, but even that desire is totally disconnected from the machine people have viewed me as. And you think I was going to volunteer information that would end this sooner than our temporary agreement ended? Hell no!”
Jade and I stood in the quieted room, both glaring, both heaving, both confused, and scared.
“I don’t want to leave…” she whispered. “At least not until I get proper housing for him.”
I swallowed hard, a pain striking my chest. “I’m not asking you to.” I licked my lips, rolling my eyes. “I don’t want you to. I never said you have to leave. I just can’t fuc—have sex with you. Not now. Not like this. You deserve better, I deserve better, and so does Ky.”
“And I won’t ask you to,” she shrieked, ashamed. Her eyelashes blinking.
“You never asked me to, Jade. You made it clear in other ways.”
“Okay.” She sighed. “I’ll try to keep it under control.” She shrugged with a pout.
Something blossomed in my chest, warming me all over about this concession. I stepped into Jade, wrapped my arms around her, pulling her small comforting frame against me. She shuddered in my arms, I was sure letting go of the tears she wanted to cry when I was trying to attack her, not wanting to cop to my own bullshit. From now on I’d try for her.
“And I’ll try to be more real about how I feel about you,” I whispered over her head.
“Okay,” she shrieked, crying in my arms.
~Seven
“What made you start attending church?”
I rolled over onto my side putting my back to Trent in his bed. He tossed the football into the air.
“To fill a void, I guess.”
“What void?”
“I don’t know… Feeling my life had to have a purpose. Football was good, but wasn’t it. I felt like…empty inside and lost, so I did the proverbial thing and sought out Jesus.” Humor sprinkled over his vocals. “A mentor of mine…uhhh…Jeremy Harris, was going to this church. He seemed to have his shit together. Laid low, unlike most of the franchise players I knew, so I followed him to Jesus and apparently He liked me back.” He continued to toss and catch the ball.
Trent was being silly, but I could tell there was some truth behind that story. I sensed pain, too. He didn’t open up to me like I did him when I’d come in h
ere at night with the agenda of getting to know him better. No matter how open I’d been with him over the weeks, he was still a mystery to me. Why was he such an island unto himself? Why did he mainly speak of his uncle when making warm mentions of his family? I didn’t believe he’d answer these questions tonight, but it didn’t stop me from probing.
“Why didn’t you feel whole? You seem to be really close to your family. Look how you revere Shank.” I swallowed and bit my lip, waiting with bated breath for his rejection.
“Shank isn’t a biological parent.”
“Where’s your father?”
The ball stopped. Trent considered answering my question.
“In south Jersey.”
“What’s his name?”
There was an abbreviated pause before he answered, “Trenton Jackson.”
“That’s where you got your name?”
“Kinda. My first name, at least.”
“Do you know him?”
“His identity, yes. Shank made that happen after I got signed.”
“Really?” I gasped silently, my eyes mushrooming in the dimness of the room. “How?”
“He knew it had been eating at me since I was like…sixteen. Shank knew that even though I was accomplishing something so big—as big as signing with the league—I was still fucked up inside. He thought meeting my dad formally was the solution.”
My heart twisted in my chest. Every limb in my body tensed with a protective emotion.
“Did it work?”
“Not really. When we met, it was a few months after my first season with the Kings. I broke a few of their records and was making a name for myself. But it had still taken Shank that long to convince him—I didn’t know until after it all went down. But when I did meet him at a hotel in Philly right after taking a W over the Eagles, he was like… All business with it. Like stiff with handshakes, neck bows, pleasant smiles, and formal praises for my accomplishments. He was familiar with my career, but only from a football fan’s perspective. He wore khakis and a white polo tucked in, brown leather belt and oxfords like he worked for Sports Authority or something. He spoke low with mild enthusiasm…different from the hundreds of followers I’d met in my career at that time. He was just cool with it. But he knew me. Knew my family. Knew names. Knew my schools and football camps. He was like…”