by Amy Miles
Her smile waned as she looked back towards her ma. “It’s weird. I’m standing here and yet lying over there.”
I nodded, clasping my hands in front of me, unsure of what else to do. My usual speech didn’t seem fitting for this moment.
“It can be a wee bit confusin’ at first, that’s for sure, but ya will get the hang of it soon enough.”
Alana looked away as her ma collapsed over her former body, clinging to it. Her da could no longer hold back his own sobs as he sank down beside her. “Are you like me?”
“Dead?” I shook my head. “No. I’m just from a different place.”
“From the place you spoke of?” she asked, following my lead as we moved towards the door.
Most of the spirits I ushered to the Netherworld began to lose their memories of their past life fairly quickly. It was like a fog that fell over the mind, numbing and all-consuming. New memories would soon replace the old once they arrived at their destination. Usually, by the time we reached the ferry, their human life was nothing more than a passing cloud. For others, it took a bit longer.
I used to find that rather sad. It must be awful to forget everything about yourself in a matter of moments, but I’d come to think of it as a blessing. I couldn’t imagine spending an eternity pining for a loved one or reliving past regrets. That would be true torture. That torment was only reserved for the Lorcan.
“No,” I said. “I’m from a different land. You will see it when we make the crossing. You are going on farther, to the city of Finals.”
“Is it safe?”
“Safe?” Her question confused me.
Her gaze was direct as she surveyed the scars on my face. It was not an unkind, direct gaze but more thoughtful.
“Aye,” I said with confidence. “Where you are going it will be safe.”
“But not where you live?”
I cleared my throat and pulled my hood up over my head and into place once more.
“Let’s not be talking about me. We have a schedule to keep and if we miss our ferry I’ll be buggered…again.”
Her brow furrowed as we stepped through the door and into the hall. “And my brother?”
I stopped walking to look back at her. “What about him?”
“Who will look after him?”
I wasn’t really sure how to answer that question. “Your ma and da will—”
“No, you don’t understand. He pretends to be all strong and macho, but he and I…we had a special bond.” She nibbled on her lower lip, contemplating. “I could be a ghost. You know, a spirit trapped between worlds to stay behind and watch over him.”
I bit back a laugh. “Ghosts aren’t real, lass. At least, not in the way you’re thinking. They pop up here and there in America, but that’s because their reapers are right lazy wankers.”
She didn’t laugh at my joke when she turned away from me to glance back, one last time, at her parents.
“No one will ever be able to understand him like I do. He’s going to fall apart. He’ll lose his way—I can’t let that happen to Devlin.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. It takes time, is all.”
I never liked talking about relatives. It was disturbing to know that someday, when this Devlin guy was old and gray, I might be waiting at his bedside, too.
Alana pressed back against the wall as two nurses raced past in a hurry to enter her room.
“What’s going on in here?” one of the nurses cried. “Who turned off her monitor?”
“Took them long enough,” Alana mused as we walked together down the hall. The late evening sunlight had nearly faded completely from the sky as darkness filtered in through the windows at our backs.
It would be fully dark by the time we reached the ferry. I stifled a shiver. I didn’t like passing through the veil at night. It was even creepier than in the day. I reached down and touched my knife buried under my dress for reassurance again.
Glancing into a room as we passed, I saw a physician and group of nurses working frantically on a patient. I dipped my head in greeting as a banshee passed us on the other side with a billow of her silver dress. Her golden hair fell elegantly over her shoulders. Alana turned to look back but quickly hurried to catch up.
“They usually notice sooner when people turn off the equipment like your da did, but they were workin’ on that guy over there,” I replied and steered her away.
“I’m glad Da did it.” She wrapped her arms around her waist as we turned the corner. Our footsteps uttered no sound as we wove past a food cart. The scent of mashed potatoes and gravy hung heavy in the air but didn’t smell the least bit appetizing.
We turned the corner and began walking down the final hallway. At the end of the hall was a waiting area. I took several steps before I realised Alana wasn’t following. “What’s wrong with ya?”
“It’s Devlin,” she whispered, frozen in the hall.
I followed her gaze to where she was looking. There was a guy slumped over in a row of chairs. His face was buried in his hands and he appeared to be crying by the shuddering movements of his shoulders.
I looked over and recognized the intense agony in Alana’s eyes. “You really love him, don’t ya?”
She nodded. “He’s not just my brother. He’s my twin; the other half of my heart. We did everything together. Finished each other’s sentences, knew what each other was feeling, loved the same music…how can a person really live once that part of them is taken?”
Clearly, I needed to get her mind off her brother so she could transition with me smoothly. “I have twin sisters. Though I wouldn’t miss them at all if they were gone.”
Alana turned to look at me and gave me a smile that I wasn’t expecting. “You say that now, but you would.”
I nodded. “Aye, maybe someday I would.”
It was an odd feeling, seeing this girl mourn for her brother. It’s not as though I hadn’t heard countless souls wailing about leaving behind loved ones, but this was somehow different. I felt her pain inside myself. Sorrow wasn’t something I was used to associating with humans. Remaining detached was how I got through my days. I swallowed hard and worried that nothing would ever be the same again. Not after today. Not after this human became real to me in a very raw and emotional way.
“Come on then,” I said, tugging her elbow. “We have a ferry to catch.”
“Oh...I see Seamus coming to talk to him!” She gasped. “Can we get closer? Just let me see them one last time? Then, I promise, I’ll leave quietly.”
Her big green eyes looked up at me with so much hope and passion that I couldn’t resist. I sighed. “Fine. One look.”
Alana’s eyes grew wide, then she leaned forward to hug me. Every muscle in my body flinched in surprise. No human had ever done that before. Gratitude was usually the farthest sentiment from their lips when I was preparing them for their crossing. Her touch felt oddly similar to the hugs my da used to give me as a child.
Maybe our worlds weren’t so different after all.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
DEVLIN
I KNEW IT THE second she passed away. Even though I was yards away from her...I sensed it. The piece of her that lived inside of me vanished. It was as though my lungs were robbed of air. I felt my body slip off the chair I had been sitting in as I sank to the ground.
“Devlin?” I could hear someone saying my name, but my brain refused to acknowledge the voice. Refused to acknowledge any of this.
“Devlin, mate? Are you alright? What is it? What happened?”
I forced my eyes open long enough to find Seamus’ broad frame kneeling down in front of me. I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“You stayed?” My voice was hoarse…spent.
“I wasn’t planning on it.” His dark eyes went to the floor. “I took a walk outside. Stood at the bus stop for a while, but then came back.”
I nodded. Alana would have liked that. Liked. I was already thinking about her in the past tense. My fac
e fell.
“What’s wrong? Alana—is she…?” Seamus couldn’t finish the word.
In answer, I cradled my head in my hands and let out a guttural sound of anguish.
“No,” he whispered.
I heard the pain in his voice as he stumbled backwards against the wall.
I lifted my head from my hands and saw Seamus’ intertwine his fingers behind his neck. His muscles flexed with caged anger as his nostrils flared. I knew this gesture too. He was about to lose his shit, and when he lost his cool, things got broken.
“Seamus, I know you’re angry,” I said, getting up and walking over to him. “I am too, but punching a hole in the wall isn’t going to bring her back.”
His eyes found mine. There was a rage there like I’ve never seen. Blood pooled in his cheeks and his eyes went bloodshot. “No, but it sure as hell would make me feel better.”
Seamus wound his hand up to throw a punch at the wall beside him, but I had anticipated the move. My hand encircled his wrist before he gained forward momentum, enabling me to twist his hand around his back, slamming his body against the wall instead of his fist. I held his wrist firm against his back as he thrashed and cursed my name. I widened my stance to cage in his rage. He was stronger than I remembered. Even though he was a few inches shorter than me, he had compensated for his height by working out. He was more muscle than brain sometimes, though. He couldn’t see the bigger picture...the hell he’d catch from the hospital about the damage to their property. Even on what little sleep I had, I knew this temper tantrum would solve nothing.
“Get off me!” Seamus shouted, jostling so hard, he almost broke free.
He left me no choice. I hoisted his arm up higher, causing my friend more pain than I wanted. “This isn’t going to solve anything, you big oaf. You’re not the only one who loved her, you know!” I shouted.
At that, the tension in his body vanished. I loosened my grip but didn’t release him yet. He pressed his forehead against the wall.
“How long have you known?” he asked.
I released my hold on him and took a step back as he turned around to look at me.
“Not for sure until just now, but I sensed there might have been something between you when I saw you with her today,” I admitted.
Seamus rubbed absently at his wrist for a moment before he lowered his eyes.
“There wasn’t anything between us. I never had the guts to let her know how I felt…and now…now it’s too late.”
I braced myself for his refueled anger, but it never came. His jaw clenched a few times but then it slowly relaxed.
“Screw it. I’m out of here.”
He pushed past me harder than he needed to and stormed down the hall.
For moment, I stood there, staring down the hall that Seamus had walked. I wanted to be able to leave too. Escape from the pain that was coming, but I was her surviving brother. I had to stay and clean up the broken bits of what remained of my family.
I took one last look at the door Seamus had left through before I turned around to face reality. That was when I nearly crashed into her. My eyes widened and my voice caught in my throat.
“You?” I whispered.
It was her, the bloodied girl I’d seen dying on the floor last week. She was barely recognizable, but her eyes were a dead giveaway. Gone was the blood and swelling from her face. It its place were the most stunning markings I’d ever laid eyes on. My eyes widened as I realised the black marks weren’t tattoos, but rather the exact shape of where her flesh had been torn apart before.
Confused, I looked down at the rest of her but there was no evidence of a cast on a leg that had to have been broken from what I had seen. There wasn’t a bandage in sight. The look in her eyes confirmed that she knew who I was.
“How—” I muttered, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.
Her mouth opened, but it was her eyes that held me transfixed. Wide sea-blue orbs stared back at me.
“You’re him. The bloke I saw...” she whispered, taking a step back.
“Aye. How are you? How are you walking right now? Your leg was shredded.”
She shook her head very slowly. Her skin went pale as she took another step away.
“This canna be possible.”
She glanced to the side, her expression shifting from disbelief to fear when she looked back at me. She was scared. Of me? Did she think I had done that to her?
“What happened to you? Who attacked you?”
Her eyes blinked at me without an answer. Clearly I needed to change my approach.
“I’m so glad you’re okay. And that you’re real! I thought I was hallucinating you.” I smiled and stepped towards her. Whoever she was, I was captivated. Her eyes held me anchored to her. Alana used to joke that one day a bird would catch my eye and there would never be another who could hold a candle, but I always laughed off her romantic fantasies. I wasn’t laughing now.
She wore the same silver dress that she had before, but this one wasn’t covered in blood. A full-length dark gray cloak draped her from head to toe. She looked more like a character in a play than any schoolmate of Alana’s. Had she been getting visitors that I didn’t know about?
Her mouth was still parted as though equally shocked to discover me again. She glanced away just then as though she had heard someone calling her name. She swallowed once and then turned back to me. “I canna talk to ya.”
Her reply was short and to the point but did little to hide the slight tremor in her voice. I took a step forward and she tensed. I held out a hand. “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You canna hurt me,” came her curt reply. Gone was her trepidation from before. She looked on edge now. It was impossible not to notice her settling into a fighting stance. It was the same position my feet took before I threw a punch. Her fingers flinched at her side.
“Are you Devlin? Alana’s brother?” she asked.
“I—wait. How do you know my sister?” I took a closer look at her, trying to place where I might have seen her before, but came up with nothing. There was no way I would have forgotten her if she was friends with Alana. So how did she know her? Maybe she was a volunteer at the hospital.
She looked up at me again, her head cocked to the side. “I thought you were one of us.”
“One of who?” I asked. “And what’s with the cloak? Are you in a play or something?”
“It doesn’t matter. This shouldn’t be happenin’. I have to go.”
“Wait!” I called out as she turned to leave. She paused and looked back over her shoulder, but I knew from her stance she had no intention of staying long.
“The nurses told me that I was crazy. That you were my mind’s way of dealing with the pain—” My throat closed.
She didn’t answer me. She continued to look at me as though she couldn’t quite understand my rambling.
“Look, I just need to know. You were scared of something before. That much was clear to me. Are you still in danger?” My hands tightened at the thought of seeing her in pain. She stiffened under my surveillance, but I couldn’t look away. I felt the need to memorize every detail of her while she stood there in front of me, as though I knew she might vanish like the fog.
Her lips didn’t budge as she watched me with careful eyes.
I pressed for answers. “Who did this to you?” I took another tentative step towards her before she held up a hand to me.
“Stop asking questions that ya won’t be gettin’ answers to. After today, we will never see each other again. We canna be seen together. Ever. Forget you ever laid eyes on me.”
That was never gonna happen.
She took one final look at me before she turned and marched away. Her hand trailed behind her as though she were dragging something.
“Wait!” I ran to catch up to her. “Just tell me your name.” My hand grabbed her wrist like I had with Seamus, but I was sure to be gentle. Her skin was unbelievably soft. Unlike anything I had f
elt before…and her flesh was cool to the touch. She must have come in from outside recently. Her eyes found mine and we stood there, inches apart. Her breath was hot against my face as her chest rose and fell beside me. “Just a name, please,” I begged. “Something to prove, if only to myself, that I haven’t made you up.”
I saw her swallow. Her lips parted before she spoke. “My name is Taryn.”
“Taryn,” I repeated, locking it into my mind.
A second later, her hand escaped my grasp with an ease that told me she was never being held against her will. She was halfway down the hall before I could try and stop her again. She was fast.
It was probably just as well. As much as I wanted to find out more about her, it was not the time or place. I was needed elsewhere. I had a family to mourn with. A sister to bury. This girl could wait. I had her name. That would be a start. When there was time, I would find her and figure out what the hell had happened that night.
CHAPTER TWELVE
TARYN
W HEN THE BIRDS STARTED in on their damn cheerful song the following morning, I was less than eager to start my day. An entire night pacing in my bedroom, trying to figure what the heck I was going to do about Devlin and Alana, left me weary and stressed.
How could a human see me? That was the first question.
It was followed by many, many others. None of which I had a single answer to.
And then there was that nagging “he’s way hotter than I remembered” thought that kept slipping in when I least expected it. I was starting to feel like Tris and my sisters.
“He’s just a bloke,” I reminded myself and hurried to dress.
There was nothing I could do to figure this out right now, but I wasn’t going to let it slide either. I just needed a bit of distraction until I could dig up some answers. Eivin might know something, but I wasn’t sure he’d tell me.
Ma’s loud argument with my sister Iona in the kitchen masked the sound of my escape through the front door. My da had his nose buried so deep into the mystery novel I’d snuck back from the human realm that he never even noticed me walk by. My other sister Kyna was nowhere to be seen, so I was sure she was up to no good.