by Hunter Blain
Taken aback, I said, “Well, I don’t know what to say to that.”
“That’s a first,” Da said. “Shouldn’t you be out, feeding?” Then he looked at me intensely, “On those who would do evil, correct John?”
“That’s the plan,” I said as I turned to Depweg. “Up for some hunting? There’s been a lot of armed robberies downtown.
“I don’t know…” Depweg said, as he laid down the grocery bags, unconvinced.
“An old lady and her husband were both hospitalized this week and they never found their attackers…” I prodded, letting the last syllable hang in the air, temptingly
“Oh, alright.”
Slapping my hands together, I dropped Locke on the ground. “Oops, shit! Sorry ‘bout that,” I said as I picked up the now angry head and wiped at the dirt that clung to his wet hair
“Da, why don’t you make yourself useful and vacuum while we are gone?” I said while securing Locke’s head on the travel pillow.
“Why? I already did the dishes,” he said with a smile.
Chapter 9
D epweg and I walked the few blocks to the storage park where I kept my white Kia Optima.
“Hello, Mortis,” I said as the storage door rolled up. The air had a chill to it that cooled my skin, reminding me how hungry I was. My Predatory Self was also beginning to whine inside my mind. [I know, I know. We’re going.] I said inwardly, feeling his frustration.
Depweg went to his side and reached for the door handle that still rested in the cup holder.
“Oh, right,” I said as I got in and opened his door for him. Depweg got in and we headed off towards downtown Houston.
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Depweg said, breaking the silence, “why do you call him Da?”
I chuckled before I said, “It’s short for Devil’s Advocate because the little dude won’t shut up about every decision I make. I don’t actually know his real name. The only one he ever gave me was of angelic origin, so I refused to call him that. I’m not supporting his delusions.”
“What delusion is that, exactly?” Depweg asked.
“That he’s a five-inch angel and clearly not a faerie. Have you ever met an angel that can shift planes?”
“I’ve never met an angel until tonight,” Depweg said.
“Fair enough; but trust me on this, I’ve met plenty of demons and none of them could shift. Safe to say that angels follow the same rules.”
Depweg pondered this by stroking his square chin, then made a pointing gesture, “But faeries can’t lie, right?”
“There are all kinds of faeries, my friend. From what I have gathered, the Fae of the courts cannot lie. I personally think it was so they could conduct business with each other and know the truths. Otherwise, they might still be at a useless war with one another.”
“Peace for the sake of progress,” Depweg mused.
“What is that, a quote?” I asked.
“You can quote me if you like,” Depweg said. “But just so I understand, you are saying there are faeries that can lie? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Can you shift during the day? Can I walk into a church full of crucifixes while chewing garlic flavored gum?”
“They make those?” Depweg asked jokingly.
“I don’t know, probably. I’m sure hipsters would be all over them. But back to the point— don’t believe the lies we convinced the humans to believe.”
“I was human, once, stands to reason I would be susceptible,” Depweg said with placation evident.
“Right, which is why you believed these falsehoods just as you once believed in a fat man in a red suit shimmying down your chimney to give you presents if you didn’t drive your parents crazy all year.”
“Krampus is what kept kids in line. I used to lay awake at night reliving the events of the day to make damn sure I didn’t do anything wrong.”
With a terrible German accent, I said, “You Germans are weird, man.”
“Wasn’t just us, you damn scot.”
“I’m Irish and you know it!” I barked out. Depweg chuckled as the bait was taken.
As we drove, the streetlights were hypnotic as they raced towards the car and then away from us. The city had just switched to LEDs, which really illuminated the road. I turned on the radio and set the volume low, just to fill the background with rhythmic ambiance.
“So, what did he say his real name is?” Depweg asked.
“Raziel,” I spit out, as if the words were bitter in my mouth. I had my own quarks and internal demons I battled, but at least I was honest with myself about them.
“Raziel, huh?” Depweg said, letting the words linger over his tongue as if it were a fine wine he was savoring.
“Sounds fancy, doesn’t it?” I said before pulling down a not so well lit road. Used tire stores and body shops littered the surroundings. “Here we are.” I continued down the road where city officials didn’t see the need to fix the numerous potholes or lighting. I parked Mortis in a mom-and-pop chicken shop parking lot (say that five times fast), and we got out. I stretched dramatically like an Olympic athlete about to break a world record while saying to myself, “Mom and pop chicken shop parking lot. Mom and pop chicken shop parking lot.” It was my mantra at the moment.
“What?” Depweg asked, clearly confused.
“Hmm? Oh, nothing. You wouldn’t understand. Anyway, ready to eat?” I gestured at his clothing.
“Not shifting yet. Don’t want to scare them away.”
“Oh, right!” I said while palming my forehead. “Forgot these.” As I finished my thought, I opened the trunk and handed Depweg a cane.
“What’s this for?” He asked, hefting it like a weapon.
“Predators are attracted to weak and dying prey, right?”
“Got ya,” Depweg said while letting the cane slip through his grasp from a battering stance, to a battered old man stance.
We began walking down the street. I, pretending to have a gimp leg while Depweg walked normally with just a cane added to every other step.
“Come on, Mr. Clooney. Put some of those acting chops into it,” I motioned at my superb method acting. Rolling his eyes, Depweg leaned into the cane with his alternate steps.
“There we go!” I said.
We walked for a half mile, which took forever, before Depweg asked, “How long does this normally take?”
“If it’s just me, not long at all,” I said as I thought. “Maybe I’ve cleared all the riff raft out of Houston?” As if I had said, ‘can things get any worse?’ to which the universe always says ‘oh yes it can’ before dumping on you, that’s when two gentlemen wearing pantyhose on their heads leaped out from behind a large bush that overlapped the sidewalk. Each meal wielded comically large knives that rivaled Depweg’s epic silver kukri.
Turning to Depweg I said, “See, this is what happens when we let a law pass letting anyone carry as big a knife, or even a sword, as they want.” I turned my gaze at the two men who were twitching slightly. “Great,” I said to Depweg, “They’re druggies. This meal is going to be the equivalent to eating 3 am fast food.”
“Yeah,” Depweg said, “I’m not eating that.” At that, he straightened his posture and turned to walk back towards the car.
“Hey! Where the fuck do you think you’re going, man? Give us the cash!” One of the tweakers said as his friend lunged at Depweg’s back. I shot my hand out, palm open, and a rope snaked out and wrapped around his neck before he got to Depweg. He gurgled and fought as I lifted him off the ground, turning my head back to see his companions wide-eyed expression, which was hilarious through the pantyhose headwear. As he looked at me in frozen terror, I started to will spikes down the length of the rope. Just as they were about to pierce the neck of the first tweaker, his buddy said to me, “Please don’t. We weren’t going to hurt you. We just need some money for another fix. I…I won’t ever touch the stuff again, I swear to God!”
Putting on my best Christian Bale Batman voice, I
yelled, “Swear to me!” as I made my eyes turn from purple to a glowing red. I could audibly hear the man shit his pants over his gasps of terror.
I stopped the spikes and relaxed the rope, letting the first man drop to the ground, clutching his throat while coughing up a fit.
“This isn’t any fun,” I sighed to myself, barely above a whisper.
“We’re sorry! Don’t hurt us!”
“Pathetic,” I said as I let my red eyes fade out. “Get clean, mortal. You only get one life, don’t waste it because you never know when you’ll take your last breath.”
“Than…thank you!” Said the man with shit in his pants as he picked up his friend, whom I noticed was actually a woman. I was proud of myself that I couldn’t see gender right then. Equal rights and all, never mind the fact that the pantyhose skewed their faces and plastered their hair down flat.
“Come on, baby. Let’s get out of here,” He said as they stumbled down the road and to some assumingly abandoned garage that had a loan, dirty mattress as their only furniture. It was only a guess but one I would bet on.
I turned towards Depweg who had already made it a few blocks, and bounded after him. After a few leaps, I was standing beside him.
“You did the right thing, John,” Depweg said. “I could smell the fear on them before they even jumped from their bush. They were scared. Their addiction forcing them to act with the simplest of goals; get money. I don’t think they had it in them to do anything except try and scare us.”
“Yeah,” I said, “Maybe we did a good thing tonight. But I’m still hungry.” My metaphorical stomach rumbled in agitation at the tease of a meal.
“I might have an idea,” Depweg said as we approached Mortis. He put the cane back in the trunk and climbed into the passenger seat.
“You mean a plan?” I joked as I sat down. Depweg punched my arm, but with a smile on his face. It actually hurt even though he had pulled the playful punch. I sometimes forgot how strong he was, even in his man suit.
“Head downtown,” he said as I pulled out of the mom and pop chicken shop parking lot and onto the service road.
As we drove in silence, I had time to reflect on what had just happened.
“I could have drained them and never thought twice about it. They matched my criteria. We were walking, they jumped out with weapons, what more could I ask for?”
“You’re growing, John,” Depweg said; pride evident in his voice. “I believe the more that your soul is cleaned, the easier it will be to make the right decisions and the clearer those decisions will be.”
His words sat heavy on my mind, like a cold piece of ice cream had been plopped on my brain and was slowly melting, filling in the cracks. I wasn’t sure if I liked the change. Seemed exhausting to be good all the time.
[What do you think?] I asked PS. He crossed his arms and turned away, exposing his back to me. After a few moments, his head dropped downward and he shrugged in placation.
“So…” I began before being rudely interrupted by a giant blur slamming into Mortis, violently throwing us off the road and over the guardrail. We tumbled down an embankment, rolling toes over teeth, repeatedly. I braced my hands against the roof and was vaguely aware of Depweg doing the same. As we came to a rocking stop on all four tires, I let my hands drop as I leaned forward, head resting on the steering wheel. The airbag deployed and punched me squarely in my beautiful face before deflating.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked the universe as I cupped my nose. “Could this possibly get any wor…?”
“Dude, get out, now!” Depweg commanded as he hastily unfastened his seatbelt and pulled on the door handle. Nothing happened. After a few more pulls, Depweg threw his shoulder into the door, forcing it open with a shrill protest of steel on steel. Glass from the sunroof fell from his shoulders and onto the leather seat.
I was still tired from being hungry, but a vampire’s energy becomes permanent after feeding enough times. Much like how protein turns to muscle after being eaten, it takes more than one missed meal to lose all the muscle you have gained but you still need constant sustenance to maintain and build. Enough missed meals meant your body would break down that muscle for fuel. For blood energy, it was similar. I had energy in reserves, but I hated using that unless it is absolutely necessary.
From the corner of my eye, I saw the rhinoceros charging down the embankment to where we were. Wait, Rhino? I shook my head and did a double take. The rhino had black scales on it, like an alligator, and three massive, jagged horns that grew in length from back to front. The foremost was nearly half its body length while the middle one was half of that. The one closest to its eyes was half the length of the middle, reminding me of a bar graph of doubling sales over three years for some reason. Each curved up and backward slightly with what looked like horrifically sharp tips. Along the full lengths, I noticed a haze that sizzled the air around them. I could see flames erupting out like tiny geysers. Great, hellfire infused. Totally awesome! Fuck.
Following the curve of the horns down, I saw two fierce red eyes glowing from their sockets. It was as if someone had thrown a red glow stick into a bucket in a dark room. Along it’s scaled body, there were three sets of legs propelling the huge monstrosity like a locomotive. As if on cue, pitch-black smoke shot out of its nostrils, billowing outwards before its body created a perfect split, leaving behind chemtrails like a 747. “Heh, chemtrails,” I thought before Depweg yelled out, “John! Little Help!” as he removed his clothing.
My heavy hand reached for the handle and as before, nothing happened. I threw my shoulder into the door and then grabbed my shoulder whining, “Owwy!”
“JOHN!” Depweg screamed with urgency as he fell on all fours, the change beginning.
“Fuck!” I yelled, willing my reserve energy to flow through me, filling my body with immense, preternatural strength. I cut the seat belt with a blade I willed along the edge of my palms and then leaped straight through the already shattered sunroof of the car just as the rhino plowed into the side, ripping Mortis completely in half with a shower of sparks and flames. The two halves cascaded through the night’s air where they hit several yards away and began tumbling violently through the dirt and knee-high grass. My poor Mortis! I wonder if insurance covered demon attacks.
The moon glinted off the scales as the beast made a wide turn back to us.
“Depweg!” I cried out as I let my palm-blade grow into an 8-foot spear, “Turning radius!” I pointed with my free hand and Depweg’s freshly formed snout followed. He chuffed in understanding and prepared to pounce.
“Over here, you fat sack of demon shit!” I yelled out, waving my arms as I strode parallel to Depweg, widening the gap between us. The beast heard me and turned squarely in my direction. I notice Depweg drop his body low to the ground, blending in with the tall grass.
In my free hand, I willed a meat hook out and bent at my knees, lowering my center of gravity. As the beast charged close, I ran forward, preparing to use my spear as a pole and vault onto his ample back. He let out a torrent of flame from his gaping mouth that took me completely by surprise. Instinctively, I shoved the pole into the ground and hurled myself up and over. The hellfire caught the pole and incinerated my blood-energy, causing an electric sting to shoot up my arm and into my chest like grabbing an industrial grade cattle prod.
As I soared through the air, stunned and ragdoll, the foremost horn lashed up and struck home, carving the Grand Canyon down the left side of my back starting at my hip. Pain erupted and enveloped my every cell as he progressed up my torso and caught my shoulder blade, the bone stopping the advancement of the horn. With my momentum no longer pulling me horizontally, gravity took over and I started to slide down the horn. The hellfire infused obsidian weapon widened in circumference as I slide downward. I screamed in agony as my life force was burned away at the merest touch of the flames. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly take anymore; another lighting of searing anguish pierced my back just below
the first. The two holes through my body fought to meet as I continued to slide down on the horns as their girth grew.
“Heh,” I spat through blood-clenched teeth, “girth…” My vision blackened at the edges. I didn’t even feel the third horn press against my back through my coat. “Ah man, my trench!” I said weakly, exhaustion seeping into my words.
My head bobbed with each gallop of the hell rhino. I lifted my face to try and focus on a way out of this sticky situation and saw the two horns protruding through my chest; my blood sizzling off like a fajita plate at Chili’s. I pulled on my right sleeve with my left hand until my fingers and palm were covered with my leather coat. Reaching up, I grabbed the first horn and squeezed, halting my descent. I let my head drop backward towards the ground, looking for Depweg. He must have seen me searching desperately for him as he whined just audible enough for me to hear. Rhino monster heard too and turned his charge towards the sound. I let my left hand, which was still holding the hook, fall over my shoulder and towards the beast’s mouth. Like catching a fish, I tried to insert the hook and pull to secure it in the ferocious creature’s mouth, or nose, or eye. I wasn’t very good at fishing and was willing to hook it anywhere I could.
After I felt the tip of the hook hit something, I pulled up, but to no avail. My hand just shot up towards the night sky. I noticed that the wind was becoming cool again even after tapping into my reserves. This bitch was killing me by the second.
I let my hand drop again just as we approached Depweg, felt it click against my teeth, and then pulled with everything I had. I must have found purchase because the beasts head tilted upwards with a roar, raising me like one of those adjustable beds until I was almost vertical with the ground. The beast fought to pull back down, so I let go of the horn that was preventing me from sliding further down, and grabbed my other hand at the wrist. I pulled with so much force I thought my teeth were going to shatter from being clenched so hard. The third horn pierce my flesh as I pulled, giving it all it needed to violate my insides. The world became a pinprick in my vision as blackness swallowed everything I saw. Sound muffled and then disappeared completely. I couldn’t even feel the wind anymore. I just pulled with all my borrowed might, trusting Depweg to do what I could not.