by Bianca D'Arc
He opened the juice bottle, busying his hands while she worked. She bathed the area in a liquid that tingled and then began snipping and tugging at the neat stitches she had put in him just an hour before. By tonight, if precedent held, he would be good as new, with not a scar in sight. Freak that he now was.
“This may hurt a little. Let me know if you want some more anesthetic.”
“Just do it, baby. I’ve had worse.”
Damn, his voice sounded rough. He needed to get a grip here. Her nearness was wreaking havoc with his libido…and his control. He hadn’t bedded a woman since her. None since the attack that had made him what he was now.
A zombie hunter. A damned zombie magnet. The only thing that stood between the real world and the world of nightmares.
“I’d rather not hurt you if I can help it.” She sounded more than a little annoyed. “No matter how much of a tough guy you are. You have nothing to prove here, Simon.”
Oh yeah, she was annoyed. He’d always thought she was cute when she got uptight about something, which only annoyed her more, of course. Simon wisely kept silent but damn if she wasn’t still the most complex, engaging, and attractive woman he had ever known. Even when she was pissed off at him.
“How does that feel?” She’d finished with one row of stitches and was on to the next.
“Fine, doc. Just keep going. I’ll let you know if there’s a problem.”
She shot him a disgusted look. Still, he could see the worry that tightened the tiny lines around her eyes. It touched him that even after the way he had left her, without even saying goodbye, she still cared. At least a little. At least enough not to want to cause him unnecessary pain.
Of course, she was a doctor. It might have something to do with her Hippocratic oath. She would probably do the same for anyone. Even her worst enemy. Even the man who’d left her without a word of farewell.
Simon tried to live his life without regrets but the way he had dealt with Mariana was one of his biggest. He felt guilty about what he’d done—or rather what he hadn’t done. Not saying goodbye was a cowardly move and he wasn’t proud of his past actions.
Maybe this was his chance to finally make it right. When he’d first been hired to do this job, he had scoped out what he would do if he was hurt. The base hospital was out of the question. Once a military doctor saw what his body could do now, Simon would never be free of them. He wouldn’t go down that road if he could help it.
When he’d learned of Mariana’s field clinic he knew that was his only option. One he wouldn’t take unless there was no other alternative. Last night, his choice had been taken away and now he had to make the best of it.
That he could trust her went without question. He knew her to be a woman of deep integrity. Even after what he’d done, she wouldn’t betray him. He was glad he finally had a chance to apologize for his cowardly actions and maybe help her heal from the injury he’d dealt.
As she finished with the last of the stitches, he captured her hand. “How have you been, Mari?”
She seemed surprised by his question, but less annoyed than she had been a moment ago. “Better than you, from what I’ve seen today.”
He had to laugh at her wry humor. The tightness around her eyes eased some more.
“You’ve got me there.” He let go of her hand. “I meant what I said before. I’m sorry for the way I left without a word. It was wrong.”
“It was,” she agreed readily as she collected her things back into that curved pan. “I think I understand why you did it a little better now. I just wish…”
“What?” He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know, but had to ask.
“I wish you’d trusted me. I don’t know. Maybe I could have helped. I’m a pretty good researcher. Maybe I could have found something to help you.”
Her words surprised him, though on reflection, they shouldn’t have. She had been part of a military research study when they’d met. She had a brilliant mind and a stellar reputation as a medical professional. She probably would have done all she could to help him, had he told her the true nature of his condition.
The military didn’t even know everything about the changes to his body, and he was careful to keep it that way. As far as they knew, he’d gained immunity to the contagion only. They didn’t know about the other side effect of his run-in with the monsters they had created. He’d been lucky up to this point. He hadn’t learned of the super fast healing until after he was out of the service and being treated by a civilian doctor.
“I’m okay, Mari. Really. I have a doctor I trust and he says I’m stable for the moment.”
“For the moment?” She sounded suspicious and a little annoyed. He could tell she didn’t like that last part at all.
“It’s the best he could do given what happened to me. We’re breaking new ground here, Mari. For what it’s worth, I prefer to do it on my own, without being a lab rat.”
“Si, you know I would never—” She looked so affronted it was actually cute. He cut her off by placing one finger over her luscious lips.
“I trust you with my life, Mari. That’s why I came here when I got hurt and didn’t trek over to the base hospital. I figured if I could trust anyone on this base, it was you, even after what I’d done. I’m gratified to know I was right, but I can’t say I’m surprised.” For once, he hoped his expression conveyed what he was feeling. “You’ve always had my utmost respect.”
She tilted her head, considering him for a long moment. “And you will always have mine, Simon.” Her low voice sent shivers down his spine all out of proportion with the conversation, but then all Mariana had to do was breathe to turn him on. She stood and gathered her supplies. “Get some rest. I’ll check on you in a few hours and bring you some food. How does roast beef on rye sound?”
“Delicious. You remembered.” He still remembered all her favorite things, too. Like her favorite positions for making love, her favorite places to be touched, and her favorite techniques for making him absolutely crazy with need. But those were better left alone for now. He didn’t deserve her. He had never deserved her. All he had now were memories and he would have to be content with them.
“I remember a lot of things, Simon.” The heat that flared in her dark eyes told him her agile mind might be tracking along the same path as his.
That was a danger zone, fraught with trouble for them both. He backed off, yawning to break the sudden sexual tension that lay thick in the air. He was drained both physically and emotionally after the physical rigors of the night before and the confrontation with Mari he had put off too long. He wasn’t really faking the yawn. His body needed to recharge in a big way.
She let it slide, backing away and heading for the door. “Sleep well, Simon. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
Knowing he would see her again, Simon followed orders and sank into a dreamless sleep on the almost-comfortable cot.
CHAPTER THREE
As it turned out, the clinic was a madhouse for the rest of the day. Mariana was able to sneak in back a few times to peek in and make sure Simon was okay, but that was all she had time for. When one of the nurses went out to get food, she asked her to bring back the roast beef on rye with all the works, plus a salad.
The sandwich was for Simon, the salad for herself. She took a half hour to go in back around two o’clock in the afternoon to find Simon dozing. He woke as soon as she entered and sat up. They ate together, talking about commonplace things and old times. It was light conversation. With the noise from the clinic in the distance, she was just as glad not to get into anything too heavy with him while they ate.
She looked at his wounds once more, shocked by the clear flesh that met her inspection. Not even a scratch marred his skin. Chills went down her spine as she realized how radically his body chemistry must have been altered by whatever had happened to him. He was right to stay clear of any doctor who might not have his best interests at heart.
Simon could all too easily b
ecome some selfish doctor’s lab rat. If the changes in his body could be studied—if the healing power he possessed could be harnessed—well, it would make someone very rich indeed. It could also be something the military establishment could use to make their soldiers nearly invulnerable. It could be something truly huge. And something very dangerous for Simon, since he was the only one in the world to possess such abilities at the moment.
He was much better off keeping it a secret for now. For all she knew, it could be a temporary condition. It might dissipate on its own. Or it might morph yet again into something that could kill him.
She wished he had come to her in the beginning. She wished he would let her help him more than by just patching up his cuts. But it was his life. His decision. She wouldn’t pressure him. She just wanted him to know she would be there if he ever needed her help.
“I’m going to call Commander Sykes and make my report. I’m going to tell him you’re much improved and will be on your way back to his command after the clinic closes for the day.”
“That sounds about right. After this most excellent lunch, I’ll probably sleep a few more hours. If Matt Sykes sends over one of his guys with my stuff, I can duck out of here right after your staff leaves for the night.”
She wished he’d stay, but knew her reasons were purely selfish. “I’ll let him know.”
“Mari,” his tone grew serious as he drew her attention. “Matt doesn’t know about the healing. If you could avoid telling him everything…”
“Never fear. I, of all people, can see the potential problems for you if news of your condition got out. I’ll tell the commander that you’re good to go and that’s all he needs to know.”
“You’re a peach, Mari.” The grin her sent her reminded her of their dating days. It was too close to flirting for her comfort.
Mariana stood, gathering up the trash. “I’ll let you rest. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
“Thanks, Mari. For everything.” The moment stretched and felt just a little too serious. Then he grinned again. “And especially for remembering my favorite sandwich. I’ve been living off field rations for a few weeks. That roast beef tasted like a little slice of heaven.”
He rubbed his stomach with a silly expression on his face and she knew he’d done it to make her laugh. She couldn’t help herself. Simon was his most charming when he didn’t take himself too seriously. It hadn’t happened often, but once in a while he’d unbent enough to act the clown. Just for her.
She left him, still chuckling, and headed for her office to make the promised call to Commander Sykes. She was careful to give the commander the bare facts, not delving into the details of Simon’s physical condition, only assuring Sykes that he was fit for duty and would be leaving the clinic that night after closing time. Sykes seemed satisfied with that and Mariana breathed a sigh of relief.
Sykes reminded her there were to be no records of Simon’s treatment or even his presence on base. For once, Mariana was grateful for the clandestine nature of Simon’s work. No one would hear of his healing abilities from her—or even know he’d been in her clinic. She trusted her nurses not to say anything, so Simon was in the clear for this incident. She only hoped he would be as lucky the next time he got hurt.
He slept the afternoon away while Mariana finished up her day in the clinic. It had been a busier day than usual and Simon’s presence upset her emotional equilibrium. She locked the clinic door behind the last nurse to leave and went back to see how he was doing. A young officer had come over a half hour earlier to drop off a big black duffel full of stuff for Simon’s eyes only. She’d directed the man to the back and he had come and gone without much more ado.
Mariana tapped on the doorframe, hearing movement from within. “Simon?”
“Come on in, Mari.” She heard rustling as she entered and realized he was stuffing his old clothing into the duffel. He had changed into fresh camo BDUs and managed a quick shave. Damn, the man looked good enough to eat.
She’d been down that road before. No matter how much she missed him, and though she knew now why he had left without a word, she wasn’t sure she was ready to risk her heart again. He’d broken it once already.
“I just locked up. Everyone’s gone for the night.”
“Then I’ll be going, too. There’s not much time before sunset.”
She wondered why that mattered. Then again, he’d been on night duty when he’d gotten hurt. Whatever he was doing out there in the woods, it was a nighttime thing. Maybe he had a squad he had to get back to, waiting for him in the trees. She wouldn’t ask, no matter how curious she was.
“I can drop you off wherever you want.” She thought she would at least make the offer, though he wasn’t likely to take her up on it.
“Are you heading right home? No errands to run or places to go tonight?”
She was puzzled by his question, though she saw no harm in answering him truthfully. “No place to go tonight. I’m heading home to do laundry actually.”
He lifted the bulging duffel bag as she watched him from near the door. “That’s good. Mari…” he stepped close to her, his expression intent, “…until my mission is complete, stay close to home at night. It’s safer.”
“Is there something I should worry about?”
“Just trust me. I can’t say more. Just stay inside while the sun’s down.”
Frankly, she was surprised he’d gone that far. Whatever he was doing in the woods at night, it was dangerous. Dangerous enough for him to warn her when he was probably sworn to secrecy. Now that gave her pause.
“All right, Simon. I’ll be more cautious after dark.”
He prowled over to her in that silent way of his. He moved into her personal space before she could say another word and one of his big hands touched her cheek. He towered over her and something in his eyes made her feel…odd. Not quite the way she used to feel in his presence—totally overwhelmed and as if he was her past, present and future—but protected…cherished…and regretted.
It was bittersweet.
He didn’t say a word as his head dipped and his mouth claimed hers in a poignant farewell. Tears started behind her eyes. She wasn’t sure if she would ever see him again after this and the kiss he gave her had a sense of heartbreaking finality to it.
Her hands went to the lapels of his shirt as she pressed herself against his muscular chest. He hadn’t changed much since she’d last seen him. Not in any outward way. It was the internal changes that gave her pause.
Simon drew back, holding her gaze. There was something indefinable in his gaze that touched her deeply. The silence stretched as he looked at her and she wondered what thoughts passed through that agile brain of his.
“Stay safe, Mari.”
The moment ended and she stepped back. “I’ll be fine, Simon. Watch yourself when you’re out there. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
“I need a lot of things, Mari.” His expression smoldered. “Most of which I can’t have.”
“Can’t you?”
“No.” The word hung between them for a timeless moment, then he moved, breaking the spell.
Simon opened the door and held it open for Mariana to precede him. They walked the short distance to the clinic entrance before they both paused once more while she unlocked the door.
“Will I see you again?” Damn, she hadn’t meant to ask. She cringed inwardly at how needy she sounded.
“It’s not a good idea.” His eyes clouded with an emotion she couldn’t interpret as the moment dragged.
“I understand.” It seemed the right thing to say.
“No you don’t.” His smile was almost her undoing. “And I can’t tell you any more than I already have. You’ll just have to trust me.”
“I do. I’ve always trusted your judgment as far as my safety goes, Simon. I think you’re wrong about other things. In particular, I think you’re wrong about us.”
Their eyes locked. “You do
n’t know how much I wish I were.”
He gave her one last, hard kiss, then left her standing in the empty doorway. She watched him walk off, into the setting sun. It was sort of poetic, in a way.
In all other ways, it just plain sucked.
Simon was gone within moments, disappearing into the tree line. She doubted she would ever see him again. Her breath caught in her throat as that realization struck home.
It had been an upsetting day all the way around. She’d discovered things about him—about what had happened to him—that made her want to cry. For him. For the things he’d been through. The uncertainty about his condition, the threat to his life. She hated that he’d had to go through that alone and longed to be let into his life so she could help in whatever way possible.
Simon was a tough guy though. He had rarely opened up to her during their brief affair and now wasn’t any different.
At the very least, she’d achieved some closure. Seeing him again and gaining insight into why he had disappeared before helped a little. It would take time to put everything in perspective but at least she wasn’t left wondering.
Not about his abandonment anyway. No, now she would wonder about his health, his safety, whether or not he was alive or dead. She would wonder and worry for him. The man she had never gotten over. The lover she missed every single day.
She sighed heavily and left the clinic, heading for her car. The sun was sinking behind the trees and she’d promised him she would stay in tonight. She didn’t understand why it was so important to him, but she had felt the urgency in his words, in his stare. So, she would go home and do this last thing for him. It was little enough. This one last thing and then she would do her best to put Simon Blackwell behind her. Forever.