by Glynna Kaye
“But you no longer do.”
“I’ve run into financial problems this past year, too,” he continued, barely hearing her. “And while I haven’t advertised that any more than I did my gambling past, this is a small town, so there’s probably not much of anything that is secret. The Selbys would laugh right in my face.”
If only there was a way to show his little brothers’ grandparents that he’d be a good role model. That he’d bring the twins up to honor God, respect others, be good citizens. If only...
And then, as he stared in anguish at Tori, it hit him.
Hadn’t his mind been filled with the possibility yesterday when he’d held Tori so tenderly in his arms? When he’d lain awake in the night imagining what a lifetime with her would be like? Wondering how soon he could afford a ring?
He’d long heard talk of how God worked behind the scenes to put people in the right place at the right time. Bible stories he’d grown up on emphasized that over and over. Would Tori see the amazing grace of the timing of their relationship, too? His spirits lifting, he again moved in closer and reached for her hand, thankfulness overflowing his heart that she was in his life at this time of crisis.
God did answer prayers.
“Alone, I’m sunk, Tori. But together, we might stand a chance.” He tilted his head, his eyes searching hers. “So what do you think? Would you be willing to partner with me to make this happen?”
“What are you talking about, Sawyer?”
“Us. A couple. Mr. and Mrs.”
Her eyes widened.
Impulsively dropping to one knee, he was flooded with joy as he smiled confidently up at her. “Will you do me the honor of marrying me, Miss Janner?”
Chapter Eighteen
Tori’s breath caught as she gazed down at him.
How many times in the past few weeks had she, like a starry-eyed adolescent, daydreamed about this very moment? About where they’d be. What he’d say. How she’d respond.
Too often her imagination had leaped ahead to visions of sewing her wedding dress. Decorating their cabin. Planning a life together. But she’d reined in those racing thoughts as premature. It hadn’t been long ago that another man told her he loved her. Had given her a ring.
No, this time, she’d decided after Therese expressed concerns, she’d take it slow. She and Sawyer would build on the foundation it appeared God might be laying and, who knew, maybe by year’s end they’d be engaged.
But Sawyer wasn’t taking his time. In fact, he was off and running. Why?
She laughed uneasily. “I’m afraid you’ve left me speechless.”
He grinned. “Only takes one word.”
One word. She was one word away from walking down the aisle on the arm of the man she loved. Mrs. Sawyer Banks.
An unexpected knot tightened in her chest. What if...? She pressed her hand to her mouth, tears pricking her eyes.
Sawyer sobered. “What’s wrong?”
Barely able to breathe, her words came out a broken whisper. “Why are you doing this, Sawyer?”
“Why?” He laughed. “Because I want to marry you.”
“When?”
Puzzlement momentarily lit his eyes. “As soon as we can, I guess.”
This sickish feeling in the pit of her stomach was nothing like her dreams of a proposal. Please, God, I don’t want to mess this up. But I have to be sure.
She wet her lips. Forced herself to speak in a normal, if somewhat shaky voice. “Do you want to marry me because as your wife I’ll lend you that coveted family-man status? Because being married might convince the Selbys that the boys will be in good hands with the two of us in parental roles rather than you alone? Because you think that if you have me by your side they won’t be so inclined to fight you in court?”
His smile faded as he slowly rose to his feet.
“That’s not where I’m coming from. Sure, Therese and Ray think the world of you. So do the boys. They might be willing to see the advantages of us—together—taking the boys in. But—”
“You’re saying you’re not scrambling to find a way to keep the boys from going to LA?”
“Don’t you trust me?” he said softly as a muscle in his jaw tightened. “Surely you believe Cubby and Landon would be happiest in my—our—care?”
A sense of foreboding washed over her at his expressionless tone. At the hurt so clearly evident in his eyes.
“It’s just that this is so sudden. And the timing—”
He stared at her as if not believing what he was hearing. “You think they’d be better off living in a big city with aunts and uncles they don’t know rather than living with me?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Her tone was sharper than intended. She was shaking now, deep down inside. God, how can I be sure?
Despite his denials, how could she be certain this sudden rush to matrimony had nothing to do with bolstering his image with the Selbys and in court? That he hadn’t, as she’d originally suspected months ago, planned all along for her to aid him in taking the boys from their grandparents?
Please, God, I love him. But I can’t marry a man who isn’t marrying me for the right reasons, can I? A man who hasn’t so much as uttered a single word about loving me.
Trembling, she moved to the office door, her back to him. She had to get out of here. Far from the wounded look in Sawyer’s beautiful blue eyes. “I can’t marry you, Sawyer. Not under the current circumstances.”
Maybe not under any circumstances.
“Tori, wait. Can’t we—”
“No,” she said as she jerked the door open. Not daring to look at him, knowing how she was letting him down, she fled the room.
He didn’t follow.
* * *
He’d jumped the gun and blown it.
Convinced God had amazingly brought her into his life when he needed her support most, he’d thought she’d recognize it, too. She cared for him. He knew she did, just as he cared for her. He’d thought she’d be excited to see, with God’s involvement, that there was no such thing as a coincidence. That theirs was a love match He’d ideally timed. That she’d be on the same page with him. But how could she be?
He stared glumly into his bathroom mirror early that evening as, the electric razor buzzing annoyingly, he shaved away his five-o’clock shadow to make himself presentable to meet with Therese and Ray. Stupidly, he hadn’t given it a single thought that Tori hadn’t been privy to his inner musings in recent days. His prayers. She hadn’t listened in on his contemplations through the night when he’d wished his folks could meet her. When he pondered the timing of confessing his feelings and popping the question. Speculated on how long she’d make him wait before they tied the knot.
How could he have so majorly bungled everything? With Tori having shared with him the situation in the Selby household, comforting him after his confession about the fire and listening to his rant about being willing to do anything to keep his brothers in Hunter Ridge, was it any wonder she’d taken his out-of-the-blue proposal the wrong way?
How could he have left out the most important part of it?
That he loved her?
He’d even been about to tell her that yesterday when Diego interrupted, then had gotten cold feet. But today? He’d never been especially good at expressing his emotions. But he’d been thinking it. Feeling it. Why hadn’t his mouth said it?
“Yeah, Louie,” he said, glancing at the dog patiently watching in the bathroom’s open doorway, “your human is an idiot.”
The pooch thumped his tail in sympathy.
Now he’d hurt Tori. Given her the impression he wasn’t serious about marrying her for love. Right from the get-go when he’d interviewed her, she’d been suspicious of his motives for wanting her to apply for the position.
Now, as far as she was concerned, the pieces to the puzzle were fitting together.
Except that wasn’t the way it was at all.
With a groan that startled Louie, he headed downstairs and passed by the kitchen, where Blackie joined them. Was it only this morning that he was scrambling eggs and thinking about what it might be like to prepare breakfast for her? To serve it on a tray with a fresh rose from the garden when she awakened? To shower her with kisses?
Now, though, she wasn’t even speaking to him. He’d tried to call her several times, but his calls went straight to voice mail. And to add to his anguish, he had no idea what had been going on at the Selbys’ today. Had they already drawn straws to see who took which twin?
For a fleeting moment this morning when Tori had stormed from his office, he’d been tempted to lash out in anger at God for getting his hopes up that he’d finally found someone to love—who loved him back—only to have those hopes dashed again. But it was his own fault. Not God’s. And right now he needed the God of the universe on his side to keep Ray and Therese from taking Landon and Cubby to California. To win Tori back.
He stepped out onto the front porch and lifted his gaze skyward. “Lord, I’m undeserving. I know You won’t argue with that. But I’m choosing faith in You this time. Choosing to give You a chance to work this all out. To heal the mess I’ve made of everything.”
The first step, though, in hopes of avoiding all but minimal involvement with the court system, was meeting with the Selbys. He’d called ahead. They were expecting him, no doubt curious as to what he wanted to see them about. And once they gave him an answer—either way—God willing, he’d make things right with Tori.
* * *
Still shaken from that morning’s aborted proposal, it had been all Tori could do to stay focused on caring for the boys throughout the day. Sawyer had called several times, but didn’t leave a message. She’d have to talk to him eventually. She hadn’t intended to hurt him by her refusal to be a part of his plan to keep the boys, but she knew she had. Deeply. She needed time to think, though. To pray. Unfortunately, she got precious little of either once she arrived back at the house.
The twins seemed abnormally anxious and whiny, which wasn’t surprising considering six strangers had been in the house for a couple of days. Routines had been upset. For the first time in quite a while, she’d caught Landon blatantly lying about something, and Cubby had gotten teary over the silliest of things. But children were sensitive, and they’d undoubtedly picked up on the undercurrent of tension among the adults.
After cleaning up from the evening meal, she went upstairs to check on the twins, arriving just short of the open doorway to the bedroom when she heard a feminine voice. One of the daughters-in-law, no doubt, making an effort to get to know Cubby and Landon. Tori started to turn away, not wanting to interrupt, when she caught the unexpected words.
“Which one of you wants to come live with me?”
Shocked, knowing that all had agreed not to say anything to the boys about their possible relocation, she moved to the open door.
Over by the window Paul’s wife, Amber, hands on her ample hips, smiled down at the boys. She was a fun, merry sort who probably had most kids eating out of her hand.
Landon’s face took on the dark dimensions of a thundercloud. “I don’t want to live with you.”
Cubby shook his head. “Me neither.”
Amber leaned over and put her arm around Cubby. Pulled him in close. “There’s a swimming pool. I hear you like to swim.”
Cubby jerked away. “I don’t like your swimming pool.”
“You haven’t even seen it.” Amber sounded somewhat irritated and, catching a glimpse of Tori in the doorway, gave her a laughingly exasperated “oh, brother” look.
Cubby’s lower lip protruded. “I want to live with G’ma and G’pa.”
Just then Landon spied Tori and moved in close to take her hand. “Or with Tori and Sawyer.”
“Yeah.” Cubby hurried over as well, and grasped her other hand. “Tori and Sawyer.”
For a moment Amber looked mystified.
“Who’s—oh, yeah, right. He’s your big brother.” She eyed Tori curiously. “So you and their—”
“No.” She looked down at the boys, who were gazing up at her. She didn’t want to talk about Sawyer in front of them. She slipped her hands from theirs and patted them on their backs. “Why don’t you two put your toys away while your aunt Amber and I visit a bit? Then I’ll be back to help you get cleaned up for bedtime.”
Reluctantly, but remembering their grandpa’s rules about dragging their feet at bedtime, they scurried off to pick up the toys littering the floor, effectively ignoring their aunt.
Amber joined her, and Tori pulled the door shut, then they moved farther down the hallway.
“Cute kids. But it’s kind of like trying to pick out a puppy, isn’t it?”
Tori knew she was attempting to be funny, but somehow she couldn’t join in this aunt’s amusement. The boys weren’t puppies and she hated the idea of them being separated.
“I’m sure you’ve gotten attached to them,” Amber ventured again as they continued down the hall. “Clearly they’re attached to you. You’re going to be a hard act to follow.”
“They’re very loving. It just takes a while for them to warm up to new people.” Tori offered a conciliatory smile. “They’re tired tonight, too.”
“I think they’d like the pool.”
“I’m sure they would.” Tori drew to a halt. “I know you meant well, trying to get to know them, but everyone agreed not to talk to the boys about a possible move for fear of upsetting them. There’s been no final decision on relocation one way or another.”
Amber sighed. “You know, though, what it’s going to come down to. Either now or in the very near future. I mean this MS thing...”
“I know you’re all doing what you can to deal with a difficult situation.” Tori had done her best to stay out of the family dispute, but maybe Amber needed to be enlightened. “You may not be aware, though, that MS isn’t one-size-fits-all. The progression of it varies from person to person. Therese may not have any further deterioration. She’s done very well for quite some time. It’s my understanding they’re making great strides in medications.”
“But we can’t risk it, can we? That something like the fall would happen again and no one would be here.”
“Anyone can fall.”
“Amber?” Paul peered into the hallway from the guest room, raising a cell phone in his hand. “Our eldest wants to talk to you.”
When Amber hurried off, Tori’s heart ached for all involved. But it troubled her that if it turned out the boys and their grandparents had to move to California, she couldn’t deny the role she’d played in the outcome. Did Sawyer feel she’d betrayed him by not speaking up earlier? By not standing at his side now?
Although she’d been careful not to divulge confidences shared with her by Therese and Ray, had she waited too long? Put Sawyer in a position where there wasn’t time to take legal action should it be necessary? Left him between a rock and a hard place where his sole option was to marry the very woman who’d let him down?
Would marrying her lend him credibility in the eyes of the Selbys? A judge?
She loved him. Loved the boys. But was that a strong enough basis for marrying a man who wanted her to be his wife for all the wrong reasons, no matter how well-intentioned? Would God bless such a marriage? Or did He, in His great wisdom, already have good plans for the future of the twins in a new home with their mother’s family?
Regardless, though, she needed to let Ray and Therese know that despite her promise, Amber had been talking to the twins about a possible move.
Heading down the stairs, she glimpsed Ray quietly motioning Therese into the library, then closing the
double doors. Disappointed that she’d missed them, but unwilling to interrupt, Tori had just made it to the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell chimed. With a sigh, she moved to open it.
Sawyer. As handsome and determined-looking as ever. Was he here to argue his case again? To try to change her mind?
“Sawyer, I—”
“I’m here to see Ray and Therese.” His words were low. Clipped and impersonal. “They’re expecting me.”
He wasn’t here to see her. He’d decided to appeal to the boys’ grandparents on his own. Did he stand a chance as a single man who’d long had a rocky relationship with his brothers’ grandparents? Or was it a lost cause?
She stepped back. “They’re in the library.”
He nodded and moved down the hall to the door off the entryway.
Starting up the staircase again to see to the boys, she couldn’t help pausing to look down at him. Still standing outside the library doors. Shoulders squared. Head down.
In prayer?
Admiration swelled within her. He was a brave man. A good man. A man who’d grown up without his mom and carried a heavy burden for the loss of his father. Seeing him standing there, alone, ready to step out in faith although the likelihood of success was slim, touched a place deep within her heart.
I love him, Father God. And I love his little brothers. As she stood gazing down at the man silently waiting outside the door, an unexpected peace settled into her heart. A startling sense of direction. Assurance. She loved Sawyer. She’d make him a good wife. A good mother to Cubby and Landon.
And one day, might he come to love her as much as she loved him, regardless of his motivation for wanting to marry her?
She swallowed, curiously aware of the beat of her own heart—and the presence of the man she loved. Quietly she descended the steps and approached him, his head still bowed. She reached for his hand.
Startled, he looked up, his gaze searching hers.
“In answer to this morning’s question, Sawyer—” She offered a smile, praying she was making the right decision. “I love you. And yes, I will marry you.”