Finding Nora

by Ripley Proserpina

  “Sam,” she argued. “You know I’m a hard worker. I’m healed. I won’t miss work again.”

  He shook his head, gesturing to the old orange vinyl chair he kept in his office for guests. “Nora. You are bad for business. I won’t hire you.”

  Trying to look fierce in a non-threatening way, she crossed her arms. “You hire actual criminals, Sam. People with records.”

  “They are cheap.” He shrugged. “And I have video.” He gestured to the surveillance cameras he had set up around the store, one on the register, another on the merchandise, and a third by the gas pumps.

  “I’m cheap.” She blushed, but the idiom went right over Sam’s head.

  He got a gleam in his eyes the way he always did when he thought about saving money, but then he shook his head. “No, Nora. Not even at less than what I paid you. I can’t risk losing business. I’m sorry.”

  To his credit, he did look sorry. He wasn’t a bad guy; he was a cheap-skate, but he wasn’t cruel. Every moment he had was spent at his mini-marts, if not this one, than the second he’d owned with his brother. The business was their life, they wouldn't risk it. She was fighting a losing battle.

  “Please, Sam,” she asked, begged.

  He reached across his desk, patting her on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, Nora. You are a good worker. The best I had. Not like this lazy whale.” He gestured to the video camera showing the new employee, who happened to be the thinnest women Nora’d ever seen, tapping at her phone. “Victoria! Get off your phone before I take it!”

  The woman flipped him her middle finger and he shook his head. “Never hire family, Nora. That is some advice I give you for free.”

  She smiled despite herself. “Thanks, Sam.”

  Patting his dark hair into place, he sighed. “Come back to me in a year, Nora. Maybe if nobody remembers you, I will hire you.”

  It was actually a pretty generous offer for Sam, so she smiled, holding out her hand. “Okay. Thanks.”

  He stood, shaking her hand and patting her again, this time on the cheek. “Good luck to you, Nora.”

  As she walked out, she happened to glance toward the register. The woman held up her phone, following her path across the store. Staring at the floor, she quickly left.

  One interview down, one to go.

  She’d gotten an insta-interview at a call center, and was hopeful it was something she could do. No customers would see her, and there wasn’t even a question on the application about whether she had been arrested for a crime.

  The call center was in the heart of downtown Brownington. The store fronts eventually became cleaner, and fancier. They displayed items she could never hope to afford. For having lived most of the last decade in this town, she hadn’t ventured into the stores. Ever. She assumed they’d watch her to make sure she didn’t shoplift, or ignore her completely.

  The call center was located in the basement of one of the fancy stores, through the beautiful antique door, and then down a rickety set of stairs. A hand lettered sign indicated the call center’s vague name, Consumer Human Resource. She stared at it in confusion, wondering what the hell it meant, but shrugged. She didn’t really care, as long as they hired her.

  What she found was a line of cubicles, each of them occupied by someone on the phone. The office was loud enough she didn’t hear the door close behind her. There was no reception, and nobody seemed to care she was there. Trying to find someone who looked like they were in charge, she started walking up and down the aisles of cubicles. Toward the back of the office, she saw a smaller office. A man stared at the computer, but looked up when she knocked on the door.

  “Yeah?” He wore a dull yellow button-down shirt which probably hadn’t fit in years. Tired and bored, it was apparent he didn’t give a shit who she was.

  “I applied online,” she told him. “I’m here for an interview.”

  “Oh yeah,” he said, rustling through some papers on his desk. “Tina Higgins?”

  She shook her head.

  “Linda O’Neil?”

  She shook her head again and the man rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you just tell me who you are.”

  Here goes. “Nora Leslie.”

  The man’s eyes opened wider, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.. “Oh. Yeah.” His hands trembled as he shuffled the papers. “I remember. I saw that. Ummm. Thanks for coming in, but the position has been filled.”

  Her stomach cramped. She didn’t want to work here. It looked like a place where souls went to die, or an earthly purgatory where sins were worked off at $7.25 an hour.

  But she needed to work.

  “Are you sure? There’s nothing?” She swallowed her pride. “I’m desperate.”

  A sheen of sweat broke out on his brow and before her eyes, rings of sweat appeared near his arms.“No.” Though his voice trembled, he had the air of someone who would not be swayed. “I’m sure. Thanks for stopping by. There’s nothing. You can go. Now.”

  He reached a hand to his forehead, wiping off the sweat with the back of his hand. She hitched her bag up higher on her shoulder, and the man flinched, startling her.

  He was terrified. Of her.

  It was one thing for her to plead her case, market herself, but another to stand here terrifying a pathetic middle-manager.

  So she gave up.

  She walked out. Out of the beige underworld and up the stairs to the carefully quaint downtown. She walked by stores, some with help wanted signs. If she couldn’t get a job at an anonymous call center, she definitely wasn’t going to be hired as a barista making $7 coffees.

  Now that the stress of the job search was over, and she was vindicated in her belief she couldn’t get hired, a different depressing-as-hell thought took its place: she was messing up the guys’ life. Ryan had come right out with it, and she could see the beginnings of resentment forming. The tendrils of a feeling which would reach out and strangle the relationship they were attempting.

  As if it isn’t challenging enough, working out a relationship between the six of us.

  She brought nothing but added stress. She stressed them emotionally, and now she stressed them financially.

  What Ryan needed to do was concentrate on himself. He should be worrying about law school, not her. None of them should be putting her before their careers, or dreams.

  But they were.

  After Saturday, each and every one of the guys had rearranged their plans around her.

  Cai went after Tyler. Ryan tried to get her out of the contract. Apollo had been her emotional safety. He literally shoved aside his homework to take her in his arms. Matisse skipped classes today to go to the business office with her. And Seok. Seok risked an assault charge to what? Avenge her? She was the idiot who got in the car.

  And was what happened so bad, really? Dr. Murray was offering her a hell of a lot. So he scared her. He told her why. He was a psychologist, and it made sense, even if it was an asshole way to get the information.

  If she didn’t do this, she’d be saddled with debt she had no hope of paying off.

  There was state assistance.

  No. Every impulse inside her fought against the idea. She’d make her own way, even if she had to compromise herself to do it.

  It’s only my mind. I’m strong. I can do this. On the heels of her thought came a question: should I lie?

  No. She wouldn’t lie. She’d explain to the guys. They had to understand. There was no other choice.

  tweleve

  Honesty

  WHEN SHE CLOSED the door quietly behind her, Nora realized she was trying to sneak into the house. If no one noticed her, she wouldn’t have to tell them what happened. She wouldn’t have to explain how she’d failed to find a job, and how she was going to stay in Dr. Murray’s study.

  “Any luck?” Cai came down the stairs, his strong, golden hands gripping the bannister. The muscles in his arms flexed and contracted as he moved.

 
She shook her head. “Cai. It’s not going to happen.”

  He reached for her and she went into his arms. He stood a step above her, holding her close and making her feel perfectly safe. His heart beat steadily, and his voice vibrated through his body. “How many interviews have you had?”

  “Three.” She swallowed. “Four if you count going back to the deli and begging for my old job back. They all have the same answer.”

  “The shooting.”

  “I can’t be around families, children. It doesn’t matter what the papers say, what the police say. The idea is out there. It’s the only thing people think when they see me.”

  He squeezed her harder and she pulled her arms between them, wrapping her fists in his shirt. Wiping angry tears against the back of her hands, she took a shuddering breath. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.” His voice was fierce. “It’s unnecessary.”

  “No go?” Apollo asked quietly.

  Nora shook her head, turning around. Apollo reached for her, but then clenched his hands, letting them fall to his sides. Cai gave her a small push toward him and he caught her up. “You don’t need a job, baby. I’ll take care of you. I promise.”

  She tilted her head back, craning her neck so she could see him. “I don’t want you to take care of me, Apollo. Not this way.”

  “But it’s the way it needs to be right now.”

  Afraid the next thing she said would send him spinning away from her, she held him tight. “I could go back. I wonder if I should go back to the study, Apollo. I… I really think I should.”

  Like she expected, he stepped away from her, but she pulled him back. Pressing his lips together tightly, he gave a quick shake of his head. “Not safe. Nora. It’s not safe.”

  Cai stepped down the stairs, putting his hand on Apollo’s shoulder, not to keep him in place, but to offer support.

  “Let me go, Nora.” His body trembled.

  She did immediately, stepping back. His hand went to the back of his head, rubbing the short hair back and forth and then he dropped it, clenching it into a fist next to his leg.

  Then he moved fast, wrapping a large hand around her waist, and squeezing. Not hard enough to bruise, but enough to zing the new injury and nearly healed wounds on her side. She sucked in a breath, body turning automatically, trying to get away from him.

  His eyes stayed fixed on hers. “You want to go back to that. Knowing he’ll hurt you. What is the saying, ‘it is easier to seek forgiveness than permission?’”

  Slowly, his grip loosened and he stroked the place he squeezed, easing the ache. “How can I let you go each day, knowing he could do this again?”

  “I would worry about you, too,” she countered. “If I knew you were doing something dangerous, something that could hurt you. I don’t know how I’d deal with it, but if it was what you had to do, what you wanted to do, I would.”

  His pupils flared and he glanced at Cai. There was some emotion on his face she didn’t understand, and when she glanced back at Apollo, it was in time to see him give a small shake of his head.

  I guess I’m not the only one hiding something. Whatever it was, Apollo wasn't ready to share it with her.

  But Cai knew; he was in on the secret.

  There was still so much the guys hadn't revealed. Her life was splashed across headlines. She didn’t have the option of hiding and letting her true self emerge over time.

  Their relationship formed fast. They hadn’t gone on dates. She’d never worn make-up, and made sure she’d shaved her legs. She never had the option of making a spectacular first impression. The guys saw her at her most vulnerable, her ugliest, her lowest. And somehow decided they wanted her.

  So this was her. This was her being lost and angry and with zero options. The question was, would they still want her this way?

  “Do you still want me?” She asked it, even though she was afraid of the answer, not knowing what she’d do if they said no. “Do you want me even though I’m going to do this?”

  “I want you,” Cai answered. Taking his hand in hers, she held it against her face. She kissed his palm while waiting for Apollo who’d closed his eyes.

  “You need to do this?”

  Apollo opened his eyes, looking past her. Ryan crossed his arms, green eyes flashing and jaw tight. Seok and Matisse were with him.

  Slowly, Seok pulled the kerchief off his head, running his fingers through his hair. Matisse’s face had none of the cheekiness it usually held; all of them were studies in unsmiling solemnity.

  “Do you?” Ryan stepped closer, pushing the words out. “Do you need to do this?”

  His words held a weight that demanded she think carefully answering. Did she need to work with Dr. Murray? What option did she have?

  Live off the guys? No. They have bills, tuition, jobs. They can’t support me.

  Get a job? No one will hire me, not now. Not here.

  Leave to find a job? Leave them. Her heart rejected the idea. They were the only bright spot in her life. Their relationship was new and fragile, but it was the realest, most important thing she’d ever experienced. She wouldn’t leave them, couldn’t leave them.

  Work with Dr. Murray? It only means more debt. But it also means more options down the road. The degree I need. The money we all need. Time with them. The ability to stay and love them.

  There’s my answer.

  Her body tensed as if readying for an injury, and she nodded. “I need to do this.”

  A muscle twitched in Ryan's jaw, reminding her of Cai. Matisse’s crossed arms dropped to his sides, and behind her, Apollo let out a breath. Seok’s hand dug back into his hair. All the while, Cai’s hand stayed steady on her waist.

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I need to do this.”

  Her brain suddenly played a reel of what she should expect. Ryan would point to the door and one by one, the guys would say goodbye to her.

  It didn’t happen.

  Ryan nodded, a mere dip of his chin which somehow strained every muscle in his body. “All right, Nora. If you need to do this, we’re with you.”

  The scene she’d expected was so clear in her mind his words took a moment to process. Her knees wobbled, and she had to lock them to stay upright.

  “You are?” Her voice caught and Cai’s hand wrapped around her waist, drawing her back against his strong chest, holding her upright.

  Each of them met her stare, and nodded. She turned, Cai maintaining his hold on her waist, until she could look up at Apollo.

  His face was pale, the skin drawn tight against the bones. His hands dragged down the sides of his face. “Okay, Nora,” he whispered. “Okay.”

  When she thought he might run away, he stepped toward her. Squeezing her once, Cai released her into his arms. He dropped his face into the crook of her neck, lips tracing her shoulder. “I’m with you.”

  thirteen

  Bliss

  NORA SPENT A quiet evening with the guys. She found herself passed from one to the other, often held tight until she was released directly into the arms of the next person.

  She’d expected them to want space from her, to be angry and annoyed. The decision she made was in direct opposition to their logical reasoning. It should have made them push her away, but instead they wanted her closer.

  How could they be so forgiving and supportive? Would she ever stop waiting for them to tell her, “You know what? This was crazy and not at all worth it.”

  Nora rested her head on Seok’s shoulder, blinking sleepily. She wasn’t going to enlighten them on the ways they could do better.

  “Your head feels heavy.”

  “Sorry.” She jerked away.

  “I think it’s because all your thoughts are weighing you down.”

  She snorted, leaning on him again.

  “Do you think you’re the first of us to do something the rest don’t like?”

  “Really?” she asked, having a hard time beli
eving they were anything but perfect.

  “Of course.” Matisse nodded from his seat across from her. “All the time. I don’t like what you’ve decided any more for understanding it, though.”

  “I know,” she answered, blushing.

  Seok kissed the side of her head and pulled her tighter against him. Closing her eyes, she let the boys’ voices drift in and out of her awareness. She picked up threads of conversation, and let them go. With her body lax and warm, and Seok’s scent surrounding her, it was easy to fall asleep.

  When she opened her eyes again, she was in her bedroom. The room was dark, but she was snug and comfortable, nestled beneath a comforter. A soft puff of air pushed her hair into her face and she turned.

  Seok slept next to her. He had a small pucker between his eyes, not unlike Ryan when he worried. She reached out, smoothing the lines away with her thumb. Letting out a huff of air, he turned onto his back. Propping herself on her elbow, she watched him sleep.

  Like a creeper, her mind supplied.

  Shut up, she told herself. It isn’t creeping when he’s your boyfriend.

  A smile split her face. It was the first time she really thought about him that way. Her boyfriend.

  She mouthed the words, “My boyfriend, Seok Jheon.” His last name made her lips tingle and she said it again, “Jheon.”

  As if he heard her, he opened his eyes, blinking up at her in confusion. Pushing his sleep mussed hair out of his eyes, he reached for her shoulders and pulled her into his body.

  “Sleep.” His voice was deep and rough.

  “Sorry,” she whispered against his chest. His naked chest.

  She kissed him gently, and his skin pebbled beneath her lips. Edging closer, she skimmed her hand across his skin, watching him shiver.

  His fingers played with her hair, threading through the strands. Her body hummed, but in the dim light, eyes half closed, he seemed to need sleep.

  “Aren’t you tired” she asked.

  In response, he fisted her hair at the nape of her neck, pulling gently against the back of her head.