Helga smacks her forehead, uttering, “Of all the—”
Both witches look at the clock above the coffee pots and see that they have a little less than twelve minutes before the health inspector shows up. Helga hustles into the kitchen and returns with a few buckets. She tosses one to Agnes, who asks, “Why can’t we use magic to clean everything up?”
Helga snatches a rather fat toad from the floor and replies, “Because with toad flu nearby any magic that is cast will cause more of these critters to show up.”
“Oh, makes sense,” Agnes says then begins to pick up the toads.
“URSA!” they yell, “GET IN HERE!”
“WHAT?” Ursa calls back.
“URSA! Just get in here,” Helga yells again.
“Ugh, fine,” Ursa whines.
“Bring Jay too,” Helga adds.
Ursa shouts from somewhere in the kitchen, “Jay! C’mon, my sisters need us.”
“What for?” he asks.
“I don’t know.”
Jay and Ursa emerge from the kitchen. Higgins stares them down as they both start to help collect the toads. Jay pays Higgins no attention, and Ursa is too grossed out by the toads to even notice that Higgins is there.
“Ewwww,” Ursa squirms, “these creatures are so gross—”
“Shut it,” Helga replies, “just throw them in the bucket.”
Ursa winces, trying to grab a slimy toad, whining, “Ewwww. Can’t we just use magic?”
Jay sneers as he picks up a frog by the leg, “Yeah, can we use magic?”
Helga shakes her head, “No.”
“Why not?” Ursa and Jay complain.
Grabbing ahold of a rather fat toad, Helga tosses it into the bucket while answering, “Can’t. With toad flu close by, any magic that is cast causes more toads and frogs to show up.”
“I don’t see the problem,” Jay chews the side of his cheek, “There aren’t that many—”
“When you have a health inspector in,” Helga looks at the clock, “like three minutes, then, yeah, it’s a problem.”
“But we’re almost done picking them up,” Ursa says, prodding a toad on the floor with her foot, “Can’t we poof them out?”
“Look, we can’t use magic for everything . . . especially for this.” Helga places the bucket on the floor to cross her arms, adding, “Besides ANY magic can cause more of these guys to show up. We don’t have the time to deal with more of them.”
On cue, the bell above the door to the shop tinkles a short ring as it opens. In enters a rather tall man in dark grey slacks, blazer, and bowler with slicked-back black hair and a thin, limp mustache. His face is all pinched up like he’s smelling something bad all the time. In his hands he carries a clipboard with a pen at the ready.
While sweeping his gaze about the room and then tsk-ing several times, he mutters in a weasel-like voice, “Oh dear, this will not do, this will not do at all.” The cafe door then shuts, ringing the bell again.
The girls, Jay, and Higgins look up to see the inspector standing and making marks on his clipboard. The sound of his pencil scratching on paper fills the silent cafe along with a few tsks, hmms, and ahs accompanying each mark.
A toad hops across the floor towards the inspector. He arches his eyebrow and sneers at it in disgust. The inspector then shakes his head as he violently scratches at the paper pad along with his non-verbal remarks.
Helga, tired of waiting for this man to introduce himself, readjusts her skirt and marches up to him.
“Excuse me,” she begins.
The inspector’s pencil pauses in mid-stroke as he twitches his nose and pulls the clipboard close to his chest. He then looks down at Helga, for he is a very tall man, arches one eyebrow, and says in a weasel-like tone, “Yes?”
“Who are you?” Helga asks.
The inspector coughs in disbelief and then responds, “Who am I? Who AM I?”
“Yes.” Helga crosses her arms as she nods her head.
He squints his eyes at Helga, bending down to her level while baring his teeth to then announce, “I, I am THE health inspector.”
Helga only gives him a stare.
The inspector straightens up and readjusts his tie as he continues, “For those who do not know me yet . . . my name is Maximilliaus Klean. You may call me Max. I am one of the top health inspectors for this city.”
Pursing her lips, Helga remarks, “Oh, for a minute there I thought you were an OCD customer who didn’t like toads.”
The corners of Max’s lips threaten to quirk upwards at Helga’s joke, but he shakes he head. He grimaces and points down at the toads, his lips curling upward crinkling his nose. “Speaking of these toads, have you had an infestation of this sort for a while?”
Ursa pipes up, “No.”
Agnes adds in, “Nope, they just arrived today. We’re trying it out for the atmosphere to be more . . . err . . . umm . . . ah . . . witchy.”
Agnes winks at Helga. Helga drops her face into her palm not wanting to believe what Agnes just said to the inspector.
“Hmmm,” Max remarks and scribbles more notes onto his clipboard. He taps the pencil on the board and looks back up at Helga to ask, “Will you be the one who will be showing me around?”
Wanting to be sure that her sisters would not have a chance to ruin this inspection, for she suspects that one of them was responsible for the mixed-up potions, Helga immediately responds, “Of course.” She bends down at the waist and gestures towards the kitchen. “Shall we go to the kitchen first then?”
“Indeed,” affirms Max.
Jay jumps up, “Wait! Helga! Wait!”
Helga and Max pause. Helga turns to Jay to question, “What?”
“Um, I don’t think you should go back there,” Jay says while he fidgets his fingers together.
Leaning close into Jay, Helga asks, “Why should we not go back there? What’s wrong?”
“Ruby, for starters, and . . .” He pauses unsure of what to say next but swallows a hard lump before he continues, “. . . and there’s a rather angry ghost back there.”
“Pfft, is that all?” Helga replies, rolling her eyes and laughing.
Jay clenches his jaw, staring hard at her. He insists, “That ghost is no laughing matter.”
Helga shakes her head, urging Max towards the kitchen. “I think we’ll be fine, Jay. Don’t worry about us. We ain’t afraid of no pantry ghosts.”
Jay tries to follow after Helga but stops as he hears rushing footsteps clatter on the ground. He turns to see Agnes push Helga out of the way, declaring, “I think I should be the one that shows the inspector around the kitchen.”
Helga steps back, giving Agnes the eye as she places her hands on her hips to ask, “Is that so?”
Agnes starts guiding Max into the kitchen as she answers over her shoulder back at Helga, “Yes . . . It’s my kitchen.” Agnes sticks her tongue out at Helga as she motions Max to hurry up with his steps.
They both rush out of site as Helga presses her lips firmly together, glaring after Agnes. Jay looks between the sisters and then wisely steps back out of the way in case any magic happens to be fired by either one.
Higgins coughs, stands up from his chair, and walks around the room pretending to check out the coffee bar as he slowly creeps closer to the kitchen.
Helga turns her gaze over towards him and marches over, getting in his way. She asks, “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Coffee, Miss Helga. I’d like some, and since we cannot use magic—” he explains, gesturing about the room strewn with toads.
Helga huffs, “Go sit back down. I’ll get you coffee.”
He smiles, bending to one side to look into the kitchen. “As you wish.”
Helga matches his bend to block his view. “Any sugar? Cream?”
Straightening his stance Higgins replies, “Two sugars and one cream.”
Higgins turns away from Helga, folding his hand under his arm. Helga catches his fingers wiggling as she hear
s him mumble something under his breath.
Sounds of outcries come from Max in the kitchen, “MY WORD! More TOADS! UGH! I will have to mark you down for this—”
Agnes counters in a soothing voice, “Oh dear, do you have to? It’s just a few toads. They won’t hurt you—”
“That is where you are wrong!” Max coughs and sneezes violently. “I’m—I’m— ALLERGIC!”
Agnes whimpers, “OH ME! OH MY!”
Overhearing the cries from the kitchen, Helga stops pouring the coffee. She steals a glance at Higgins as he waddles back to the table, slowly moving his hand out from under his arm.
She grinds her teeth and spits in his coffee while his back is turned. “Why you—” she mumbles.
Agnes and Max burst from the kitchen as Ursa and Jay are quick to help the ailing health inspector. The inspector limps along, all the while sniffling. With his arms folded over his forehead, he implores, “Ah, why does it have to be TOADS?”
A stream of snot oozes out of his nose, clinging to his thin, limp mustache. His face becomes puffier by the minute. Helga leaves Higgins’s coffee on the counter as she rushes to help the two with a broom in hand to knock any toads from their path.
Agnes holds onto the inspector’s right arm while biting her lower lip. The inspector’s head droops even farther down while he lets out a feeble groan, “Ugh, I don’t feel too well—”
Helga steals another glance at Higgins. He sits at the table grinning a cheesy grin. He mumbles a few words wiggling his fingers at the sisters’ path to make more toads appear. Helga is the only one who throws him a knowing look as they assist the inspector to a chair close to the front door.
Once the inspector is seated, Helga moves over to Higgins and hisses, “Will you stop casting spells?”
“Make me,” Higgins dares, pursing his lips, sitting back, and then folding his hands over his enormous belly.
“You are making that poor man over there VERY ill.” Helga throws her arm in the general direction of the health inspector.
“Remove the curse,” Higgins demands.
“What curse?” Helga snaps back.
“You know very well of what curse I am talking about.” He gestures at the toads around the room, continuing, “Some toad flu curse that you—not your sister—put in my drink this morning, I suspect.”
“You’re mad!” she shouts.
Jay saunters over to the two, offering, “Hey, I dunno what’s going on here, but we . . . uh . . . need to do something for the . . . uh . . . health inspector.” Jay tilts his head to one side, asking, “Helga, do you want to call an ambulance?”
“No,” Helga states, not removing her eyes from Higgins, “Crack the door open to get some fresh air flowing into the shop. I can give him some tea to help with the allergies while you and my sisters finish picking up these dang toads.”
Higgins watches the two and merely smiles. He says nothing.
Helga snaps a few words his way, “Stop with the spells. We’ll deal with you in a few.”
Higgins’s beady eyes twinkle as he twitches his bushy walrus-like mustache. “Of course. Young man, would you get me my coffee?”
Jay glances at Helga who nods an okay back at him. “Sure thing, sir.”
Helga follows Jay back to the coffee bar but never lets her gaze leave Higgins. Ursa pushes Helga aside as she grabs a cloth from the cabinet at the coffee bar and then runs it under the cold water in the sink. She rushes off to place it on the inspector’s head while Agnes fans him with a piece of folded paper.
Jay delivers the coffee to Higgins as Helga takes the tea to the inspector.
The inspector starts to come around and takes the cup from Helga’s hand to finish it off. The sisters, including Jay, all sigh with relief.
Helga hears Higgins whisper something but cannot make it out. She stares him down as his fingers stop wiggling. He smiles back at her from his spot two tables down from the front door of the cafe.
“My word,” Max exclaims, “I have NEVER had that much of a bad reaction be—be—fore—ACHOO!” Max continues to sneeze for a good minute.
Using the napkin set out by one of the sisters, he wipes his nose. “Good lord, am I imagining things? Or are there more of these vile creatures?”
The sisters all take notice that there are more toads hopping about the cafe floors. Higgins stifles a giggle with an abrupt cough and then sips his coffee quickly to hide his grin.
“Where’s my clipboard?” inquires Max, sitting up and looking around the room.
Jay hands the clipboard to the inspector. “Here you go, sir.”
“Thank you, young man.” Max takes the clipboard and peruses his notes, dabbing his leaky nose with a napkin at each sniffle.
“Hmm,” Max mumbles, making more scratches from his pencil onto the board.
Helga pours him more tea. Helga hears Higgins again with his hushed words, “Higgity-pigidity.”
Max looks up at Helga, remarking, “Thank you, my dear.”
He puts the clipboard down, picks up the cup, and takes a small swig with his pinky finger pointing up in the air. He finishes his few sips and places the cup back down on the table. Helga hears Higgins snicker.
Standing up, Max then turns to the sisters, readjusts his coat, and grabs his board. He walks over to the coat tree to retrieve his bowler. He places it on his head, looking back at the crew. Snot continues to dribble down his long mustache. His hands tighten their grip on the clipboard.
He bows his head, shaking it, and announces, “It grieves me to tell you this, ladies—”
The sisters all suck in their breaths as they wait to hear Max’s verdict. Muffled chuckles from Higgins echo throughout the cafe followed by a chorus of croaks. Max lifts his head, glaring back at Higgins, who is holding his hands over his mouth.
Max continues, “But due to your toad infestation . . . I have no choice but to— to—”
His face goes pale as his eyes roll up into his head. He faints.
Higgins busts out laughing unable to hold it all in. The sisters and Jay, looking between the two men, don’t know their next move. Then suddenly everyone starts to take action on instinct. Ursa and Agnes rush to help the inspector while Helga looks inside the teapot to find a big fat toad.
Fuming and gritting her teeth, she rushes over to Higgins to give him a good smack. As her arm winds back, Jay grabs ahold of it. Higgins stops laughing. Then they all freeze in their tracks as loud wailing, banging, and canine barks sound out from the kitchen.
Agnes jumps up, running towards the kitchen. “THE GHOST!” she hollers.
Jay shouts, “RUBY!” He lets go of Helga to follow Agnes.
The three remaining, the ones who are still conscious, all look at one another. More loud banging rings out followed by shrieks, wails, and canine yips.
Helga plants her feet on the ground ignoring the calls from the toads she almost squishes, readying herself for whatever comes next. Higgins rises, but Helga throws her arm out in front of him. She shakes her head no as the noises in the kitchen get louder and more violent.
The lights start to swing and flicker.
Turning an even paler shade of green, Helga whispers, “Oh crap.”
9
Fox on the Run
As the lights flicker, more loud shrieks and canine barks come from the kitchen. The sound of wood banging and straining echoes from it as well. Everyone in the cafe can feel the pressure building—when an explosion happens.
The swinging doors to the kitchen detonate into a shower of splintering wood as Agnes and Jay bring their arms up to shield themselves. In a cloud of dust the fox sprints out between the two. The ghost of the little girl rushes after the fox while giggling and then stops in the cafe to look at everyone.
She sees Helga and zooms in closer to her. She floats in front of Helga, narrowing her eyes to stare at her. Finally, she declares, “I remember you.”
“Go away,” Helga sneers.
“You’re mean,” th
e little girl comments.
“You want to get banished for good?”
The girl turns a shade of red, reasserting, “Meanie, I don’t like you at all. You’re just like those other meanies that you meet with when you sneak out at night . . .”
“Buzz off,” Helga commands, leaning in to add, “You’re not wanted, liar.”
The little girl opens her pert little mouth emitting a banshee-like scream throughout the cafe.
The pale green color in Helga’s face drains as the little girl ghost gets closer and closer to her. Soon Helga is nose to nose with the ghost before the little girl fades out along with the scream.
Helga shudders and stands there, shivering while rubbing her arms.
Everyone stares at Helga before their attention is brought back to the sound of nails scattering about on the tiles as tables and chairs get knocked over onto the floor.
Ruby, in fox form, continues to scamper around the cafe, searching for an escape. Then she sees the open door.
Agnes reaches out, shouting, “CLOSE THE DOOR!”
Ursa darts for the door hoping to get to it before the fox does. She trips over one of the toads and falls face first, sliding across the floor. She stops short of reaching the door.
Jay hurries forward and leaps, trying to capture Ruby, but misses. He lands hard on the floor, and a few toads go squish under his landing. Toad goo clings to his shirt and pants. Higgins watches as the fox continues its mad dash to the open front door.
Agnes picks up toads and starts lobbing them at the fox trying to stop her. Helga stomps and screams at Agnes to stop throwing the toads.
The fox weaves in and out of the tables and chairs to dodge the toads thrown at her. Jay does another mad dive at Ruby to try and grab ahold of her, only to crash into an overturned chair, which he slams into a nearby table. The dishes on top of the table crash down on top of him.
“Stop-pis moment-tis!” Higgins shouts.
Everything stops. All things in the shop slowly start to float up about a foot off of the floor. The fox continues to run her feet in the air but gains no traction. She starts to whimper. She slowly turns in midair in an attempt to run for the opened door of the cafe.
Potion of the Hound Page 11