“It was after that proposal that Wonder Boy got his promotion, right?”
“I think so.”
“No, Nikki, you know so. You are the reason he got that job. You and the ready-made family you provided him. He was passed over the last time they were looking to promote someone.”
My stomach sank. My chest ached.
The waitress returned and set Jason’s new beer on the table and collected his empty bottle, then left.
“My darling wife, who wasn’t my wife at the time, went by her lover’s house because she couldn’t believe he would stoop so low. But he did. He stooped to an all-time low, even for him.” I was stunned.
“You were the ‘stable and secure’ he needed to get the job he desperately wanted. He wanted it so bad, he married you.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around what I had just heard. My mouth went completely dry, and I gulped at the air to refill my lungs.
“But ...” I didn’t know what I even wanted to say or ask. I was flabbergasted by what Jason was saying.
“I know, sweetheart, but he said he loves you. Do you really think he loves you, loves you? Or does he love you because he needed you and, well, now he just has to find the right way to get rid of you?” He took a couple swallows of his beer. “I have to hand it to you, you threw him a game-changing curve ball with the baby.”
I ran my fingers into my hair. This couldn’t be true. There was no way Jason was telling me the truth. But why would he lie?
He ran his hand over my hand that was lying limply on the table. I grabbed his hand and shoved it off me.
“Bottom line, darling, if Wonder Boy had his way, he’d still be pounding Blake. But she’s my wife now.” I raised my eyes and looked at him. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. Jason gave me a smug smile and a wink.
“But with all these trips they take together, I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t still sleeping together. And why not? It’s not like we’d ever find out, right? Not unless one of them was stupid enough to tell.” He was a douchebag like Jack said.
“Remember the picnic at our house?”
I nodded my head. I couldn’t forget about that day, no matter how hard I tried.
“Well, your husband cornered my wife. In our bedroom of all places. And that fuckwad actually had the nerve to disrespect my house and my marriage by making suggestive comments to Blake.”
The tears tumbled down my cheeks. My worst fear was true; he did still desire her.
“I need to go,” I said softly. My heart felt like it had exploded into tiny bits in my chest. The blood was rushing through my veins, causing my body and head to thump with each heartbeat. I picked up my purse. My vision was clouded by the heartache, and I could barely hear Jack call my name over the thuds in my ears.
I looked at Jack, but was unable to force words out.
“Are you going to be okay?” His hand touched my arm. I could hear that asshole Jason still blathering in the background. I slid across the seat until I found myself standing. I nodded my head before turning and walking toward the door.
I could hear Jack and Jason hollering obscenities, but I had to leave.
I was digging in my purse to find my keys. My sight was so muddled by the tears that were falling uncontrollably.
“Nikki.” I looked up and saw Jason walking toward me. I swiped the tears away as best I could.
“Hey, look, Nikki, sorry I dumped all of that on you. I thought you had a right to know the truth, and clearly, he wasn’t going to be the one who would tell you.”
I just stood and stared at him. The words I wanted to say wouldn’t come out. Fuck off, Jason!
He laughed. “Maybe we should ditch those two and let them have each other. They deserve each other anyway. You and I, we’re runners up. We are nothing better than second place to them. As nice-looking as you are, you can’t top her on your best day. You have to admit, she is fucking absolutely beautiful.”
Was he seriously continuing to rub this in my face?
“Maybe you and I could give it a go, see what happens. It can’t be any worse than what we have now.”
I resumed the search for my keys. I had to get away from him. Once I had the keys in my hand, I unlocked the car. Before I could open the door to get in, Jason wrapped his arms around me and forced me into a kiss. I held my lips tight together. I pushed and hit him to get him to let me go. With one of my hits, I jabbed the key into him.
“Fucking bitch.” He shoved me back against the car and walked away.
I opened the door, dropped into the seat, shut it, and dropped my head onto the steering wheel, and cried.
What did my life mean?
Chapter 31
I don’t even know how I got home. My vision was blurred by the tears that never stopped. Everything had been perfect yesterday. It was perfect before I went to unhappy hour. I couldn’t believe that filthy bastard had the nerve to suggest we ‘give it a go’ and then kissed me. After everything he had said. Then that?
I unlocked the door and crept into the house, hoping not to alert Jessica that I was home. I wanted to go give Abby a kiss, then go hold Alexander -- the game-changer as Jason referred to him.
I retreated to the master suite to shower and wash my hair, but instead, saw Jessica sitting in the chaise giving Alexander a bottle.
“Hi,” I gasped out. My voice was shaky and cracked.
“Nikki, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve been crying.”
My legs felt like they were going to give out. I sat on the chaise beside her while running my fingers through Alexander’s hair. I sniffled and fought back tears.
I shook my head and just told her someone from the bar had said some really hurtful, shitty things to me. She pried gently, but I avoided giving her any details. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but the last thing I had wanted was to retell the horribleness I had just heard. I told her I just wanted to shower, then I’d take Alexander from her.
I stood like a zombie in the shower as the warm water washed over me. My mind was replaying the events from the time I met Jeff. The first meeting in the restaurant had left me with a feeling that he wasn’t interested in me. And that card, the business card given to me by Connor – he was in on this the whole time. Why didn’t I just leave him alone? Why didn’t I throw his card in the trash like I had done so many before him? Why did I chase after him? I broke every one of my own rules. And I had ignored every single red-flag.
I remembered us dating, if you want to call it that. The memories flooded back into my brain -- the day I told him about Abby, his reaction to kids, when he asked me to move in, how he proposed at that party with only his work friends in attendance. Connor the con-man, pretending to like me, and flattering me. The voice in my head had one word for me – fool! My hands trembled. Oh.my.god! Jason was right.
I wanted to believe everything was perfect. Our wedding day was perfect, wasn’t it? Maybe I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.
I was seriously questioning Jeff’s feelings. I thought back to my pregnancy and how upset Jeff had been when he found out. When I caught Jeff in that room talking to Blake in secret, and him wanting to put me out on the side of the road because I questioned him. The devastation when I found out from my mom that Blake was the person he had cheated on Gretchen with. And all the trips he took with Blake. And now this? What was I thinking? I couldn’t believe I had thrown myself at him. That I let him treat me the way he did. When had I become so desperate?
And then tonight, without warning, the rug was just ripped from beneath my feet, dumping me on my ass into a puddle of reality shit. I couldn’t believe I allowed myself to love him so much. My heart hurt.
I could hear my phone ringing. I knew who it was, and he was the last person I wanted to talk to.
When I exited the bathroom, Jessica had the baby in his crib, fast asleep, but was sitting on the chaise with her legs crossed at the ankle, staring at me. I looked in her direction, but didn’t rea
lly see her clearly.
“Did something else happen, Nikki? You don’t seem to be the type of person who would let a few inconsiderate words upset you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.”
“When you need to, or want to, let me know. I’m here for you.” She stood from the chaise. “Alexander is asleep, and so is Abby.”
“Thank you, for everything.”
She left my room and pulled the door shut behind her. I flopped on my bed and sobbed.
My phone rang again. I lifted my head, and for a moment, actually thought about answering his call. No matter how much I wanted to hear him tell me this was all a lie, I knew he couldn’t do that. I let his call go to voicemail, like the earlier call had done.
I had to talk to someone, and the only person I wanted to talk to was Jackie. I called her and left a vague, yet urgent, voicemail. If she called me back at three in the morning, I’d answer.
Since I had my phone, I listened to the voicemails Jeff had left. Baby this and baby that. “Call me. I want to hear your voice. I love you.” Fuck you, Jeff. Fuck you and all your lies.
****
I woke up to the alarm clock blaring, Alexander crying, and Abby trying to beat down my bedroom door. When it rains, it pours. I turned off the alarm, scooped up Alexander onto my hip, and turned the handle to let Abby in.
“Are you going to come eat breakfast with me, Mommy?”
“I’ll be right down, baby.”
I looked at my phone. Two more voicemails from him, but nothing from Jackie. Seeing his name in my list of recent callers made me take in a deep breath. I was fighting every urge to call him. But I wasn’t ready to talk to him.
I bounded down the stairs into the kitchen with Alexander’s plump little body on my hip, grasping my arm tight. If our relationship had meant nothing else, at least I had a beautiful son. He was mine forever.
I set him in his high-chair and took my seat next to Abby. A plate of waffles had been set there for me, while she and Jessica had already begun eating theirs.
“Feeling any better today?” Jessica asked.
“No, not really.” I shoveled a fork-full of waffles into my mouth. They were so good.
“Are you sick, Mommy?”
“No, baby, just a little headache.”
I turned to face Jessica. “Sky or Hope will be picking Abby up today,” I said in a matter-of-fact way after I swallowed my bite of food.
“I remembered.”
I broke off a small piece and fed it to Alexander. He loved the taste and began banging on the tray and making little grunting noises for more. I jammed another small piece in his mouth just as my phone rang. I glanced down and saw it was Jackie. Just the person I needed to talk to.
We talked briefly and in code. She had the day off and was going to come over. I wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t. I couldn’t take the thought of Jack trying to explain away his brother’s actions and words.
When Jackie arrived, Jessica was gone taking Abby to day care, and she was going to go to the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner. I spilled it all to Jackie. Every single bit of information Jason had shared. By the time I finished, my body was shaking, and I was sobbing hard into my hands. I felt the same as I had the night before, when Jason told me. Worse. I was reliving it all over again.
I asked Jackie, “Could it really all have been a lie? How could someone be so cruel? Why? All for a job promotion?” I sobbed for several more minutes into Jackie’s shoulder as she rubbed my back. “What kind of heartless person does that?” I screeched out through my tight throat.
Jackie tried to comfort me. “You’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Why don’t you talk to him tonight?”
“I can’t.”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My chest was so tight. Tighter than it had ever felt before. I was gasping for my next breath, and if I didn’t have Abby and Alexander, I wouldn’t have cared if my next breath came or not.
“I’m going to get you a drink of water, then we can keep talking. Okay?”
I nodded my head. My mouth was dry, and my throat hurt from all the tears and gulping. When Jackie left me, I laid my head down.
Jackie walked back in with two glasses of water at the same time my phone rang. I refused to answer Jeff’s call, again.
“I don’t want to be here when he gets home. I can’t be, Jackie.” I was rocking back and forth and wringing my hands.
“You aren’t thinking straight. What are you going to do? Where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know, but I won’t be here. Sky and Hope have Abby for the weekend.”
“What are you thinking? You have a devious look in your eyes.”
“I have to get away from here. I need to go somewhere far away so I can think.”
Jessica walked in and saw us sitting on the couch. I looked over at her and blurted out my question. “Hey, Jessica, you ever been to Vegas?”
“You have got to be kidding, Nik. No way,” Jackie said.
“What’s going on?” Jessica asked.
“Why not? Fuck it. I’ll be gone all weekend and come back in the middle of next week.”
“What about your job? Did you forget about that?” Jackie was being the voice of reason. She didn’t realize, I was broken and beyond reasonable.
“They survived without me for three months, another few days won’t hurt.” I took a drink of my water. “Besides, it will give me some time to figure out what to do.”
“What’s going on?” Jessica asked again.
“Go pack up; we’re going to Vegas tonight, and we’ll be back on Wednesday. I’ll get my laptop and find us some tickets.”
“Nikki, seriously? I don’t think this is a good idea. I think you should just stay here and talk to him.”
“No, I don’t want to talk to him. Not yet.” The tears welled up in my eyes. “I can’t yet, Jackie. It just hurts too much right now.” I sniffed and fought to stop the tears.
“Come with us. You can help me. You’re strong and will be able to help me.”
“I have to work. I can’t leave.”
“Well, please do me a favor. Whatever you do, no matter how much he begs, please, please, please, don’t tell him where I am.”
“I won’t. I need to go home, but call me and tell me what you find for flights. I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“The only way to make sure I’m fine is to come with me.”
“Yeah.” Jackie stood and looked at me. I stood to walk her out. When we reached the door, she wrapped me in an embrace. “Nikki, please don’t do anything crazy, and make sure to call me.”
“I promise, I will.” I pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “I just can’t bear the thought of facing him, or losing him. I can’t even begin to imagine living without him. I love him so much.” I choked out through my tears.
“I know.” Jackie rubbed down my hair, down my arm, then left.
I went to retrieve my laptop. I sat at the breakfast bar and began my flight search. I picked up the phone and called Sky. I left him a voicemail asking if he could keep Abby until Wednesday evening. If he could keep her, I just needed to know. I’d found low-priced flights for Jessica, Alexander, and myself. If he couldn’t, I’d need to get her on the flight with us and he’d have to get her on another weekend.
It took him a few minutes to return my call. He was going to keep Abby. He kept asking me what was going on, but I couldn’t involve him. I had shared far more information with him than I should have. I was learning, keep Sky out of our relationship. I thanked him for his concern, but assured him I would be fine. The words came out of my mouth, but I wasn’t positive I was speaking the truth.
When I hung up the call with him, Jackie called me.
“Hey, Jackie.”
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay, I’m going to go with you. I kind of stretched the truth to my job and told them I had a family emerg
ency and had to be out of town until Thursday.”
“Thank you. Please don’t tell a soul where we’re going. I don’t want him to know. By the time I get back, I’ll be ready to deal with him.”
****
We landed and took a cab to our hotel. We were in a hotel just off the strip and I had booked two adjoining rooms.
The hope that I would feel better once I got away was short-lived. I didn’t feel better. I felt terrible. I felt like I was running from the inevitable. But even more so, my heart broke for Jeff. I shouldn’t have given a damn about his feelings, but I did.
He was going to come home to an empty house and have only a note from me. I was gone, and his son was gone. A part of me wanted to feel him in my arms. I wanted him to tell me none of what Jason had said was true.
There were too many unresolved feelings and thoughts. Maybe in a couple days things would make more sense. Hopefully.
Having Alexander with me helped to keep me focused, but looking at his face made me think about Jeff. Jessica was filled in on everything as she listened to Jackie and me talk. She didn’t offer her opinion. I could see in her eyes that she felt like she was caught in the middle of a bad situation. But she really wasn’t. She didn’t have to pick sides or decide who was right or wrong. All I wanted her to do was listen, and help me with Alexander if I needed a break. I certainly couldn’t leave her in our house while I was gone. I was already wondering if Jeff was having sex with that wretched Blake. The thought of that made me sick and brought so many bad thoughts into my mind.
A couple days after we had been in Las Vegas, Jackie and I were lying poolside at the resort. Jessica had stayed in the room with Alexander. It was far too hot for him, and she wasn’t fond of the excessive heat either.
Jackie tapped at my arm. “Listen to this song. This is Me’Shell Ndegeocello.”
The music coming through the iPod summed up exactly how I felt and exacerbated my pain. You made a fool of me, tell me why.
A tear slid from my closed eyes as I laid back in the lounge chair.
“I’m going to get a drink. Do you want anything, Nikki?”
Jaded By Desire (Lust, Desire, and Love Trilogy Book 2) Page 20