by Liz Schulte
I glanced at my watch. There was one person I needed to see before I looked for Cheney: Sebastian. After questioning a few guards, I found him sitting in the gardens alone staring at a spot on the ground like it meant something to him. I sat next to him on the bench, setting the book on the other side of me, but didn’t say anything. His peaceful meditation seemed wrong to disrupt. He finally looked over at me.
“You need a favor.”
“Do you read minds now?” I asked.
He gave me a level look. “The only time you are considerate of other people is when you need something from them.”
I was mildly insulted. Generally I thought of myself as a considerate person, but maybe Sebastian had a point. “I’m sorry if I’ve treated you like that, Sebastian.”
His eyes narrowed. “It must be bad.”
I shook my head. “No—well yes. The favor is bad, but my apology has nothing to do with that. I’m simply apologizing. In purgatory I learned some things about myself that I don’t really like. If I get the chance, I would like to work on changing them. Manipulating you and others is one of those things I would like to stop doing.” Even if it makes me feel in control and powerful, I thought.
His silver eyes softened. “That wasn’t how I meant it. I apologize too. I am weary.” He stared at the spot again.
I hooked my arm through his and laid my head on his shoulder. He seemed to need a friend right now. “What happened there?” I asked, looking at the same spot.
“I got to talk to Bella last night. Really talk to her in a way I never could when she was alive , but it didn’t make a difference. She is still gone today. Emotions are strange, useless things, aren’t they?”
I squeezed his arm tighter, but didn’t say anything for quite a while. “You loved her.”
He cleared his throat. “It hardly matters now. Life can be cruel and short, even for an elf. Perhaps we waste too much time hiding from our emotions. Perhaps we would all be better off if we lived life a little more like you.”
I shook my head. “Oh, don’t wish that on people. I never manage to do anything right.”
“Is it more important to do things right or experience life at its fullest?”
Apparently we were all feeling a tad philosophical today. “Surely there’s a happy medium.”
After a few moments he ventured on. “I take it Cheney is unaware of this favor you are going to ask when you build your courage to do so? Our friendship will not survive another betrayal. It barely survived the last.”
I really didn’t want to ask him to do this, but we didn’t have a lot of options and time wasn’t exactly on our side. “I wish things were different.”
“Then don’t ask me. Find another way.” He sounded so tired and worn down. “I have never been able to say no to you, Selene. If we were ever friends, you will not ask another favor of me today.”
Tears caught in my throat, making it burn. I tried to think of anyone else I could count on to do what needed to be done, but all my other friends would be sentimental. Sebastian was pragmatic. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, “but I have to.”
He sighed. “Isn’t that always the case? Your lot in life is to have nothing but bad decisions before you. What is it this time? Do you want to become a changeling again? Run away with a dwarf? The baby isn’t Cheney’s? What matter of betrayal do you expect from me this time?”
I repressed the hurt I felt at his words. Obviously Sebastian wasn’t in a good place at the moment, and what I was going to say wasn’t going to make it better. “I want you to kill me.”
Sebastian went completely still and turned to me slowly. “Could you repeat that?”
“To find the Pole I have to use dark magic. Using dark magic even once could possibly corrode my soul into something unrecognizable as me. If that happens, we both know that Cheney will not be able to take the necessary steps. He won’t be able to kill me, and neither will Sy. I need to know someone will do it.” I swallowed against the tightness in my throat. “I need you to be my failsafe.”
“I can’t,” Sebastian whispered. “I don’t want to.”
“Please, Sebastian. I know what it will do to Cheney and to your friendship with him, but it’s better than letting me wreak havoc on the Abyss—we both know what sort of damage I could do. I would rather be dead than a monster. It would destroy Sy. I’d ask him, but I honestly don’t think he could go through with it.”
He pulled away from me, his eyes flashing. “What it will do to Cheney? What it will do to Sy? What about what it will do to me? You’re my friend, Selene. I have risked everything for you time and time again. Why is it never enough? Why am I always the one who’s alone? Always the one left to clean up?” He stood up abruptly. “You fell in love with Cheney and Jaron, though you couldn’t tell either of them the truth. I was the only one who knew everything, but you never loved me enough not to put me in one bad situation after another. Everything is always about other people. What about my feelings?”
“You’re in love with me?”
“ARE YOU REALLY GOING to step down as Erlking?”
Lily and I had sifted through most of the debris and saved another jinni. They were both good workers, but kept to themselves. They undoubtedly were listening to our conversations and filing away information that could be used later. It was the nature of the jinn.
“I’ll do whatever I need to do to make my relationship with Selene work. Being Erlking and starting a family are impossible to do well at the same time.”
“You guys are thinking about having kids?”
I smiled. “We’re having a child. A daughter.”
Lily blinked a couple times, giving me a look. “That’s fast considering the condition she was in yesterday.”
“She was the same yesterday as she is today. The situation didn’t change anything.”
Lily nodded. “So I’m going to be an aunt?”
“If you want to be.”
She squatted down to lift a table up. “And what if the people elect someone who isn’t going to embrace other races like you and Selene do?”
I gave her a helpless gesture. “That’s their choice.”
“So you would let your daughter grow up in a world that believes that she will never be good enough for the society in which you were raised? She will always be an outsider.”
“Is it that bad?” I asked.
She shrugged and gave me a grim look. “It isn’t always fun, but I didn’t have grand dreams of balls and parties. That was never my life. But having a father who was the Erlking and a mother who was queen of the fae, I don’t really see how your daughter will fit in anywhere. Not with the children of people you grew up with and not with the lesser half-elves, either. She will be in a class to herself.”
“I can’t force change. They obviously don’t want it, Lily. They’re threatening Selene’s life daily. I don’t want to become a tyrant to my people any more than I want my daughter to be an outcast.”
“Then give them a choice. Rather than walking away completely, put yourself on the ballot. If the majority of the fae want you and Selene, you owe it to your daughter—hell, you owe it to me and to your wife to stay and fight for us. That’s just my opinion. What do I know?”
Lily didn’t understand. We would never have a life that was simple or our own if we stayed. This was our way out. A chance for Selene and me to be together and happy. The problems of the world did not have to be mine to solve.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I glanced out the window. The day was going by too fast. I still hadn’t told Sebastian or Sy about stepping down. As my advisors, I needed to inform them before word spread too far.
She laughed despite my tone. “Thanks for the help, bro. You don’t have to stay if you have other things to do. I’ll see you tonight.”
I waved as I headed out to see Sy first. I went into the bar he ran, The Office. It was a bit more crowded and louder than the other times I had been there—no stools were left around the ba
r. Sy tilted his chin up at me as I walked through the door then nodded toward the last free table. I took a seat and waited for him. The inside of the bar was dark and shabby. Everything looked old and scarred, including most of the patrons. They were a strange assortment—not too many fae races, but there was the occasional half-elf. Other than that, the bar’s crowd was mostly made up of races without strong leadership—people who didn’t have a lot of direction or sense of community.
“What happened?” Sy asked, setting a drink that was such a dark green it was nearly black down in front of me.
“Why do you think something happened?”
“You came here rather than calling me. You don’t come here unless Selene is here or there’s a problem. And Selene isn’t here.”
“There’s no problem. I just needed to talk to you about a few things and I thought I should do it in person.”
“Like you stepping down from the throne.” Damnit. I allowed myself a mental eye-roll at how fast news traveled around here.
“You heard about that?”
“Word gets around.” His silver eyes scanned the room. “Considering the circumstances, I think it’s the right choice.”
I hadn’t seen that coming. I figured Sy would want a more open-minded fae as much as Lily or Selene. “Why?”
He glanced at me with a frown. “Revolution is great and all, but not when it involves my cousin or her child. Take them out of the line of fire and let the damn fae sort out their own problems.”
“So you don’t care if there’s change.”
“I’ve seen dolls meant to look like Selene, who is like a sister to me, hanging from a noose. No offense, but they can rot in hell for all I care. I wouldn’t spit on them if they were on fire. I was done with all of your kind a long time ago. The rest of the races would be better off breaking away from the elves and starting their own government. We don’t need their bullshit.”
“I doubt the elves will let go without a fight.”
He gave some girl across the room a half smile and a wink. “Who cares? It won’t be your problem, Selene’s problem, or my problem as soon as you leave. When you walk away, Cheney, walk far enough they can’t pull you back. Selene has always cared too much or she wouldn’t have gotten involved with Jaron—or you for that matter. Being rejected by her father hurt her. It isn’t going to be easy getting her to walk away.”
“She said she will.”
Sy laughed. “How long have you known her? When has what she said ever affected what she did?” He looked back at me, still smiling but his eyes completely serious. “I was going to wait to tell you this until I verified it, but I’ve heard something else.”
“Just tell me.”
“I heard Frost is back.” My heart skipped a beat. He nudged my drink forward. “Take a drink or you’ll look suspicious.”
I took a sip of the liquor. It was sweet, almost syrupy, with an aftertaste that reminded me of gasoline. “Where? Where is she? What does she know?”
Sy shook his head, but tried to maintain a happy, somewhat disinterested front. “This isn’t the place to talk about it. All I have right now is unsubstantiated bar talk. I’ve made some subtle inquiries and I’ll let you know as soon as I know something. We don’t want anyone catching wind of this or more people than the elves will be trying to kill Selene for bringing Frost back here.”
“Like who?”
“That isn’t your concern right now. I’ll deal with them. You get in front of this mess and get Selene out of the line of fire.” He laughed and slapped me on the shoulder. “Say hi to my cousin for me,” he said in a louder voice before heading back for the bar where the girl he was flirting with earlier was waiting for him.
I took another couple sips of my drink and considered the road before us. The number-one priority was finding the Pole, and Frost was our first real clue as to where it might be. We had to find her and question her, which meant I needed to get everything else out of the way first. I would find Sebastian and make sure he was aware of my intentions to step down. We could arrange an assembly as early as tomorrow to announce it to the kingdom, which would hopefully deflate some of the protesting. After that we only had the wedding.
I scrolled through my phone until I found the name I was looking for. I stepped outside and called her number. Alana Devers was an elf I had known for a long time, but recently she left the fae to be with a human. She had always been sweet, understanding, and exceptionally organized. Selene would probably like her and we could trust her to be discreet. If she was willing to work with fae again, I had the perfect job for her.
SEBASTIAN’S EYEBROWS PULLED TOGETHER, and for an instant he looked as confused as I felt.
“What? No. I mean, yes I love you, but not like that.” He shook his head at me. “You are my friend and I have feelings for you as a friend. Making friends has never been as easy for me as it is for you and Cheney. I have few people I am close with. Out of everyone you are the one who sees me most clearly. You treat me like a friend and not like an employee.” He closed his eyes. “You cannot ask me to kill you. Even if Cheney doesn’t kill me—which he will—I will not recover from it.”
I stared at him. We all had the habit of treating Sebastian like an emotionless robot. It wasn’t fair. Asking him to kill me wasn’t fair, but then again neither was dying when my life was finally starting to come together. Based on my experience, nothing about life promised to be fair. I nodded. “Okay.” I stood up, grabbed the book, and started toward the castle. I needed another plan. The coven wouldn’t do it, Grandma might, but I would hate to lay that at her feet. If Frost hadn’t disappeared I could have asked her—
“Wait,” he said and I turned back. “What are you going to do?”
I felt like crying, but I pushed it back. “Find someone else.” I shifted the book to the other hand. “You’ve always been a good friend to me, Sebastian. One of my best friends. I’m truly sorry that I haven’t considered your feelings more.”
He rubbed a hand over his short hair. “Who will you ask?”
I gave him a half smile. “There’s a whole crowd of protesters out there just waiting to take a crack at me, right? Maybe I will recruit one of them.”
He shook his head and glanced in the direction of the gates. “They’re all gone.” He looked back at me. “Cheney won’t do it. Evil or not, he will never give up on you.”
I nodded. “Then again, before yesterday I would’ve said he would never let his father be killed either, but he did.”
“Killing you and that baby…he might as well kill himself. Time will not heal that wound.”
I sighed. “What am I supposed to do, Sebastian? I have to find the Pole. The entire Abyss depends on that. In doing so, though, I might have to die. If it comes to that, I have to find someone I can trust to carry it out.” Then it occurred to me. I knew someone who I could trust, but wouldn’t get sentimental on me. It probably wouldn’t even keep him awake at night. Why hadn’t I thought of it sooner? I smiled. “I know who to ask.”
“Who?”
“Holden. He’s a jinni. He isn’t the sentimental type, he’s helped us in the past, and I’d hardly be the first person he’s killed.”
Sebastian walked toward me slowly. “The jinni is a good choice.”
I nodded and before I knew it, Sebastian’s arms were around me. He hugged me tight. It took a surprised second, but I hugged him back just as hard.
“I’m sorry I can’t do it,” he said softly into my hair, making my eyes fill with tears again.
“I’m sorry if I have to leave you all. I’ll miss each and every one of you and be cheering you on from wherever I end up.” I squeezed him a little tighter.
He broke away, his eyes glistening. “It isn’t going to come to that. You are scrappy, Selene. It’s one of your better qualities. You’ve made it through every challenge that you have faced so far. You will make it through this, too.”
“Make it through what?” Cheney asked.
&nbs
p; I wiped a few tears from my eyes. Sebastian inclined his head at me, and I knew that he was silently telling me that I should explain things to Cheney. However much I didn’t want to, I knew he was right.
“I spoke with Grandma today about dark magic. She gave me this book.” I held it out to him. “She says that for some people even using it only once is enough to corrupt their soul and turn them evil.”
Even from ten feet away, I could see his eye twitch.
“It shouldn’t affect you through the bond or the baby.”
Cheney pinched the bridge of his nose. “I was the last person on my mind.”
He was far too good for me. I cleared my throat. “We needed a contingency plan.”
He moved in a little closer. “And that’s why you came to Sebastian, instead of me? What sort of contingency?”
“If I turn evil, I want someone to kill me. I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to be a killer.”
I kept my gaze steady on him. His jaw stiffened. The only sound in the garden was the light breeze through the plants. His eyes spoke volumes. He couldn’t do it and he knew it. He looked over at Sebastian. “You would make an excellent Erlking, Sebastian.”
Sebastian looked stunned, then angry. He turned around and stormed off in the other direction. Cheney watched him go with his eyebrows pulled together.
“He said no, Cheney,” I explained. “He can’t kill me. He said he couldn’t live with it any more than you or Sy could.”
Cheney closed the distance between us and pulled me in close. “You asked Sy?”
I shook my head. “I know he can’t.”
“What about the vampire?”
I laughed into his chest, though it wasn’t funny. No, Corbin wouldn’t kill me either. In fact, my going dark might suit him a little too well. “I don’t think we want to put our eggs in that basket.”
“Then who?”
“I’m going to ask Holden.”
“You can try, but I have a feeling he has something big going on right now.”
“He’s my only other option.”