by Leigh Bale
“You must have had Chrissy pretty young. Is she why you stayed?” he asked.
“Um, yeah,” Katie said.
The road climbed steadily in elevation, the terrain becoming rocky, the piñons and junipers giving way to tall evergreens.
“Why couldn’t you take her with you?”
When she didn’t answer, he looked at her. A flush of anger heated her skin. She didn’t owe this man any explanations. Not without blurting the entire story of how he’d left her pregnant at the tender age of seventeen, and she’d been completely dependent upon her parents for financial and emotional support. Barely out of high school. No job. No way to support herself and her unborn child.
She had to tell him. Her faith in God had sustained her through the long, lonely years, but she wasn’t feeling too generous toward Reese at the moment. She doubted this wound would ever heal.
“I noticed your mom’s not around anymore. Did something happen to her?” Reese asked in a kind tone.
A deep sadness swept over her. “Cancer. She died early last year.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. She was a nice lady.”
She glanced at Reese, his comment taking her off guard. She wasn’t used to this gentle side of him and wondered if he really meant it. His profile looked strong and handsome, yet forlorn in a remote sort of way. His beautiful green eyes no longer sparkled with a zest for life, but his words seemed genuine enough.
“I’ll bet she loved Chrissy,” he said.
Katie tightened her hands around the steering wheel. “Yes, she did.”
“She’s a nice kid. Really cute,” he said.
Tell him. Tell him now.
“She should be. She’s yours.” Katie blurted the words before she could take them back. She wondered if she’d regret it, but then she felt a modicum of peace.
Finally. Finally, she’d told him the truth and unloaded the burden from her heart. For good or bad, the secret was out now, and the prospects both relieved and terrified her.
He jerked his head toward her, his eyebrows drawn together in a quizzical frown. “What did you say?”
Katie’s heart pounded and she breathed fast through her mouth as she pulled up in front of the log cabin. Charlie had built it with his own hands before Katie was even born. It wasn’t large, just three rooms, but it was tidy and comfortable. A sparkling creek ran parallel to the property. The lake was three miles farther down the road. Her family had frequently spent weekends up here, fishing, hiking, sharing sweet memories. But lately, Chrissy kept mentioning that she wished her dad would go fishing with her.
Katie pulled into the graveled driveway and shut off the engine. Clenching her hands together in her lap, she stared straight ahead. “You heard me correctly. You are Chrissy’s father.”
“When? How?” he asked, his razor-sharp gaze narrowed on her face.
“You know when. You know how,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t accuse her of lying. She’d never been with anyone else. Since the night they’d graduated from high school, she’d gone out on a couple dates, but no one was interested in getting tied up with her excess baggage—an adorable little girl named Chrissy.
“How...how old is your daughter?” he asked.
Your daughter.
Funny how he refused to claim Chrissy as his own. That could be good or bad, depending on what happened next. A wave of fear washed over Katie. What if he tried to take Chrissy away from her? Or what if he wanted nothing to do with the child, just like he’d wanted nothing to do with her? She would never let Reese hurt Chrissy. Not if she could help it.
“She’s just over six years old. You do the math.” Katie tried desperately to speak in an even tone.
“What’s her birthday?” he asked.
“March 4. I delivered a week late, which is normal for a first-time mother,” she responded without hesitation.
She could almost see his mental calculations clicking away. They’d graduated from high school on June 6. According to Reese’s mother, he’d left town on June 7. Chrissy was born almost exactly nine months later.
“I’m her father?” He blinked, as though he couldn’t believe it.
“Yes. Your name is on her birth certificate.”
Katie could imagine how he was feeling. Shocked. Confused. The same way she’d felt when she’d found out she was pregnant out of wedlock. In a larger community, no one would care. But in sleepy Minoa, many people didn’t approve. She told herself that she didn’t care what Reese or anyone else thought. Her child was all that mattered. And yet Katie knew that wasn’t true. She’d cared deeply about Reese all those years ago. Her heart had wrenched when she’d thought about him being killed two weeks earlier, in the wildfire that had engulfed his hotshot crew. But that didn’t mean she still loved him. She was just concerned for his welfare, nothing more.
He paused for a few moments, as if he were thinking this through. “Why didn’t you tell me I had a daughter?”
She snorted and whirled on him. “How could I? By the time I found out I was pregnant, you were long gone. No one knew where you went. Not even your mom.”
He raked his fingers through his short, dark hair and blew out a harsh breath. “Did my folks know about Chrissy?”
“They knew I had her, but they never knew you were her father. I’ve never told anyone, except my mom and dad. But I saw your parents around town from time to time and they always doted on Chrissy. Even your father. He thought she was the cutest baby he’d ever seen, next to you.”
Reese jerked his head up. “He actually said that?”
Katie nodded.
He scoffed with disbelief. “I doubt my dad was sober enough to understand even if you had told him the truth.”
She agreed. The man was always drunk. And from the gossip she’d heard, he was a mean drunk. Living with such a man couldn’t have been easy on Reese or his mother. And yet the few times Hank Hartnett had seen Chrissy, when they were downtown in the grocery store, he’d smiled and played with the baby so sweetly. Obviously he had a good side, but maybe Reese had never seen that part of him.
“Your mom gave me a beautiful baby afghan she knitted when Chrissy was born. It’s made of soft yellow yarn. I’ve kept it safe so it wouldn’t get bedraggled. I thought Chrissy might like to have it when she’s old enough to understand who her other grandma was. I asked your mom where you had gone, but she said she didn’t know. I could see in her eyes that she was heartbroken that you’d left like that.”
He clenched his eyes shut, his mouth tight. Katie could tell that her words pained him, but he needed to hear the truth. He needed to understand what he’d left behind for all of them to cope with.
“I didn’t feel like there was anything for me here in Minoa.” His voice sounded soft and hoarse.
His words hurt so much. She’d been nothing more than a one-night stand. A fling. Certainly nothing lasting. And she’d been left to pick up the pieces without him.
“What about your mom?” Katie asked, wondering how he could just abandon the woman to his father’s drunken rages.
“I pleaded with her to go with me, but she refused. She wouldn’t leave my dad. About a year after I got settled on a fire crew, I called her a couple of times and told her where I was, but she just cried and asked me to come home. I knew that would never work, so I stopped calling.”
A long, swelling silence filled the air. His words caused a shudder to sweep down Katie’s spine. She’d asked his mother about him only a couple of times. After the first year, she’d stopped asking. She could only wonder how bad his home life must have been. But he hesitated, as if there was something else he wanted to say. Something important. But he must have changed his mind, because he shrugged it off.
“So, you named her Chrissy?” he asked.
Katie nodded, wiping her damp eyes. “Yes. Christine Joy.”
He jerked his head up. “Joy is her middle name?”
“Yes.”
A half smile curved his handsome lips. “That was my mother’s name.”
“That’s right. And Christine was my mom’s name.”
“You named our child after our two mothers.” It was a statement, not a question.
Our child.
The words left Katie trembling. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to share Chrissy with him. She’d been raising her daughter on her own for so long that she didn’t know if she wanted to include him in the mix. But now it was too late. Whether she liked it or not, she’d told Reese the truth.
“Yes. I thought it was fitting that she be named after her two grandmothers. Joy seemed appropriate, since Chrissy brought me so much happiness,” she said.
He made a small sound of approval. “Mom would have liked that.”
If the quick way he blinked his eyes was any indication, he liked it, too. And for some reason, that pleased Katie enormously.
“I just wish you had told me sooner,” he finally said, his gaze burning into hers until she felt as though he could see deep inside her tattered heart.
Katie swallowed hard. “Quite frankly, I didn’t plan to ever tell you. I figured you wouldn’t want anything to do with us. But this year Chrissy started asking questions about her daddy. Why all of her friends had a father, but she didn’t. Why her dad never visited or sent her birthday gifts. I thought perhaps I’d tell her the truth after she graduated from high school, when she was old enough to understand better. But then I saw you on the national news and I thought... I thought...” Her words trickled off on a sigh of frustration.
He finished the sentence for her. “You thought I might die and Chrissy wouldn’t get the chance to know her father, is that it?”
She nodded, unwilling to tell a lie. “You work in a very dangerous profession.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
She wondered again if this was a mistake. Her deep, abiding faith in God had brought her to speak the truth. One day, Chrissy would grow into a woman, and Katie didn’t want her to be tormented by the unknown. Always wondering who her father was and what he was like. Katie had read once that kids who lost a parent when they were young frequently deified that parent. Thought their life would be better if only their lost mom or dad were around. It was natural for a kid to wonder about a missing parent. But this situation still wasn’t easy for Katie.
“I almost can’t believe this news. It’s a bit much to take in,” Reese said. Anger and cynicism filled his expressive eyes. He locked his jaw, hard as granite.
It served him right. She tried to forget all the hurt and resentment she felt toward this man, but she couldn’t seem to let it go.
“You abandoned me. Remember?” She bit out the words, trying to contain her own anger.
“I never abandoned you,” he said with incredulity. “We were kids. We never made any promises to each other. I didn’t even know you were pregnant, Katie.”
True. And she was just as guilty over what had happened between them. She could have told him no. She could have walked away and protected herself. But she hadn’t. She’d loved him and given herself to him. Her most precious gift. She’d disappointed herself and her parents. But most of all, she’d disappointed the Lord. And now it was water under the bridge. She had to let it go and move on. But it hurt to know that Reese had never wanted her. Not then and not now.
“You deserted everyone in this town and you never looked back,” she said. “You took off without caring who you might hurt. I think you made the mistake of thinking that no one in this town cared about you, and that wasn’t true. You never came home to check on your mom. You didn’t even return for your parents’ funerals. And frankly, you have no right to be angry with me.”
He raked a hand through his hair, showing his frustration. “Wait a minute, Katie. My father never called or wrote to tell me my mom had died. By the time I found out, she was already gone. I called three weeks after her funeral. I only spoke to my dad for a few minutes. He was drunk, as usual. A few months later, I received a package and a letter from Grace Chantry, telling me that my father had died, too.”
Grace was a kind, elderly woman, one of the few people Katie had seen visiting Joy Hartnett, and likely Joy’s only real friend. Katie didn’t ask what was in the package Grace had sent to Reese. She told herself she didn’t care. After Chrissy was born, she’d stopped asking Joy if she knew where Reese was. She was too afraid that her interest might draw questions about Chrissy’s paternity. But right now, she was furious. She wanted him out of this truck. Wanted to dump him off at the cabin. To leave and never see him again.
The blood drained from his face and he sat very still. “You’re right, though. I hurt my mom. I know that now. And I can’t tell you how deeply I regret it. I wish I could have gotten my dad some help, but I was barely eighteen. I had no job or skills. No money. I didn’t know how to help him, or how to get him into a rehabilitation program. And I didn’t know that I’d hurt you, too. I never knew about Chrissy. That one night we had together, I...I thought it was just for fun. I had no idea we had created a child. I was young and thoughtless. I never considered the consequences of our actions, not even once. And all I can do now is ask for your forgiveness.”
Whoa! She wasn’t expecting this. Was his apology genuine? Katie narrowed her eyes, studying him, wondering if his look of contrition was real or fake. She didn’t believe him. Except for her father, she didn’t trust any man, especially Reese. She remembered the anxiety of finding herself pregnant, wondering what to do. Her panic had mingled with the joy of feeling her baby growing inside her, and then giving birth to Chrissy.
Alone.
Now something hardened inside Katie. Something cold and unforgiving. Reese had been the one to leave, not her. And she didn’t love him anymore. Which was probably for the best. If he had stayed, she would have told him that she was pregnant. For the sake of their child, he might have asked her to marry him. And Katie was so in love with him back in those days that she would have done it. But it never would have worked. She didn’t want to be trapped in a loveless marriage. Unwanted. A millstone around Reese’s neck. They would have probably ended up divorced. And what kind of life would that have been for them and their child? They would have all been miserable.
“It’s in the past now,” she said.
“Not for me,” he stated. “It’s like it barely happened. I just found out that I’m a father. That I have a six-year-old daughter. I’m afraid it’ll take a bit of time for me to adjust to the news.”
Katie almost groaned out loud. She didn’t want him to adjust to the idea, and yet she did. Right now, she didn’t know what the future held for any of them. She didn’t want trouble with this man, but now that seemed unavoidable.
* * *
“So, what do you want from me?” Reese asked.
“I don’t want anything. Not one single thing,” Katie said, sounding a bit outraged.
She sat in the driver’s seat of her father’s old truck and stared out the windshield. Reese got the impression she loathed him. His mind was buzzing. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He’d come here to Minoa to recover from losing his hotshot crew, and now he’d gotten hit with this news. He couldn’t absorb it fast enough.
“I’m finding all of this a bit difficult to swallow,” he admitted.
She lifted her chin, looking proud and defiant. A wall stood between them. He’d felt it the moment she met him at the airport, but he hadn’t understood it at the time. Now he knew. All those years ago, when he’d left town without telling her goodbye, he must have devastated her. And then, when she’d discovered she was pregnant, she must have been frantic, wondering what to do. How to handle the situation. Suddenly, her dreams of going to college and having a career had shriveled into nothing. Because of him. He’d let so many peopl
e down.
Reese took a deep breath, thinking about asking for a paternity test, just to make sure Chrissy was really his. But the dates lined up like clockwork. It hadn’t been much, but he’d spent enough time with Chrissy to see the family resemblance. The familiarity he’d felt toward the child when they had first met finally made sense now. The clench of her jaw and the angle of her head were just like his father’s. The curve of her mouth when she smiled reminded him of his mother. And every time he looked at her sweet face, he felt as though he were peering into his own eyes. The exact same shape and color as his. No wonder she looked so familiar to him. She was his. No doubt about it.
He turned to face Katie. Their gazes clashed, then locked. She glared right back, not looking friendly at all. Certainly not like a woman who loved him. And he didn’t love her. There was no use pretending. Besides, he wasn’t father material. And yet they had a child. It changed everything and nothing.
“So, when you found out I was returning to town, you decided it was time to tell me the truth?” he asked.
She nodded. “I just don’t want you to hurt her.”
Reese quirked his eyebrows. “You think I would do that?”
“I don’t know. Would you?” Katie fired the question back, her voice thick with animosity.
He thought about all the years he’d missed of his child’s life. He’d never seen Chrissy as a newborn baby. Never rocked her in his arms, fed her a bottle or heard her call him Daddy. And he had no one to blame but himself. Now, he didn’t have a clue how to be a father to a six-year-old, but he realized he’d better learn fast. Because he’d been thrust into this situation whether he liked it or not.
“I have no intention of hurting anyone. I didn’t come here to interrupt your lives,” he said.
“Why did you come here?” she asked.
He hesitated, not wanting to tell her about visiting his mom’s grave. It was a bit too personal. He wanted a quiet place to hide out until the news of what had happened died down and the media stopped hunting him. He just wanted to go home, but he didn’t know where that was anymore.