by Khloe Wren
As soon as I entered her room, I didn’t even try to hold back my grin. Now this was what I expected from my girl. The room wasn’t messy so much as it was cluttered with more stuff than really fit. There were little knick-knack and trinket filled shelves against the walls and a small desk with a closed laptop and more retro looking trinkets covering its surface. The bed was made up with what looked like a handmade patchwork quilt. Maybe something her grandma had made?
She cleared her throat. “Sorry about the mess. Renee is a clean freak so I’ve learned to be careful in the rest of the house, but in here I like things more, ah, artfully arranged.”
Her cheeks flushed and I couldn’t resist. With a chuckle I stepped up close to her and wrapped one palm around the back of her neck while I used the other one to tilt her chin up.
“Out there isn’t you at all, but in here? This is you, it feels and smells like you and I love it.”
Before she could say a word, I took her mouth in a deep, passionate kiss. It took all my control to pull back, to stop before we ended up naked on her bed with me balls deep inside her. Didn’t mean I was happy about having to stop, and I may have growled a little.
“Hurry up and change, babe. Not sure how long I can resist the urge to strip you down and fuck you hard, like I’m dying to do.”
She blinked up at me in shock for a moment, then seemed to shake herself back to reality and with a little gasp, dashed toward her closet where she started pulling out clothing. Realizing if I watched her strip to get changed, I really would throw her on the bed, I turned my back toward her and began to examine some of her little trinkets as I tried to not listen to the rustle of clothing as she changed.
Cindy
Having Johnny with me as I went through my everyday routine had me on cloud nine. He’d seemed a little uncomfortable in the car on the way to the warehouse, but I figured that was probably just a biker thing. Once at practice, I’d had a job and a half to keep the other girls focused on derby. I think they all would have preferred to spend the session grilling Johnny about our past rather than doing laps or any of the other things we were supposed to be focusing on at the moment.
Johnny had been the perfect spectator. He silently stood to the side of the track and watched. I knew he’d had eyes only for me because I’d been able to feel them on me, burning into my skin the entire time I’d skated. I somehow managed to not crash out, but it had been a close call more than once.
Now I was freshly showered, changed and heading out of the warehouse holding his hand, I couldn’t help but smile. This was such a nice, normal thing to do but something I hadn’t done in a very long time.
“You girls really get into it, huh?”
“Yep, we practice as we compete. I love it.”
He chuckled. “I can tell. Guess it’s a great way to blow off steam too.”
“Sure is, but it’s more than that. I found a family when I joined the Hellions. I wouldn’t have survived so long without them.”
“That I get. I feel the same way about the Charons. After you left, well, I kinda went off the rails. It was a couple of the older brothers who pulled me aside and made sure I didn’t blow my chance with the Navy, or with life in general. I have no idea where I’d be if they hadn’t done what they did for me back then, or the hundreds of times since.”
My stomach twisted into knots at the reminder that my actions, or rather the actions forced on me by my stalker, hadn’t just affected my own life, but Nitro’s too.
“I really am sorry, Nitro. I didn’t want to leave you but I didn’t want you hurt either, so I did the only thing I thought I could.”
Had I made a mistake all those years ago in running away? Maybe I should have told him then what was going on. Although, since then he’d been through the SEALs and was now part of a dangerous MC. He had all sorts of skills and back-up now that he hadn’t had back then.
I was pulled from my thoughts when he stopped and crushed me against him in a tight embrace.
“Let it all go, babe. It was a long time ago, and there’s nothing we can do about the past. Just promise me you won’t keep secrets from me going forward. Whatever happens from here on out, we’ll handle it together. Okay?”
Tears pricked my eyes but I blinked them away, refusing to let any of them fall. “That sounds wonderful.” I paused to clear my throat. “So, where are we off to for dinner?”
“Hand over the keys, and you’ll soon find out.”
I’d known he would say that―even as a teenager he’d liked to be in control. He really was like the Doms at Titanium. As we got settled in my car and he revved the engine, I got lost in thought, thinking about how Nitro would react to the club. I figured it could go one of two ways. He’d either accept it and the fact I worked there, or he’d reject it completely and lose his shit that I worked in such a place. Fuck, I hoped he accepted it. Who was I kidding? I was hoping for more than just acceptance, I wanted him to be willing to try it with me. How would it feel to have Johnny, or rather Nitro, spanking me? A hot flash of arousal blasted through my body and brought me out of my daydream. Licking my lips, I slipped a glance at Nitro, relief coursing through me when it looked like he hadn’t noticed I was sitting here getting horny as hell from my little daydream about him.
He was looking straight ahead and had his full attention focused on the road. That was something he used to do too, always taking such care when he was driving. While he was busy, I took the time to really look at him. He’d certainly filled out over the years―his muscles were bigger, his shoulders broader. His square jawline was the same hard line that I’d loved to press kisses over, but the scruff over it was new. He’d always been clean shaven back in school. There was a slight touch of gray in the scruff and at his temples, too. His hair looked like it was as soft as it had always been and my fingers twitched with my desire to feel it again. As I took in his muscular frame, I wondered if he had any ink. Surely he would. Between the Navy and the MC, he’d have to have at least some, right?
“I can feel you staring at me, babe. What’s on your mind?”
“Just wondering if you have any ink.”
His lips ticked up into a sexy grin. “Yeah, I got ink, babe. How about I show you later, and then you can show me all of yours?”
I barked out a laugh at his antics. “Ah, yes, the old ‘You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.’ I see your lines haven’t changed much.”
He’d said that to me when I’d gotten nervous the first time we’d been together. It was stupid and corny, but it had made me laugh and smoothed the way for the rest of the evening. The car slowed as he pulled into a parking space, he shut the engine off then turned his full attention to me.
“I wasn’t sure you’d remember. And I promise you, you are the only one I’ve ever said that to.”
Like I’d ever forget anything about the night I gave him my virginity. Unable to resist any longer, I lifted my hand and scraped my nails over his jaw, through his scruff. The short hairs tickled against my skin. With a low growl, he leaned in to me, I took his hint, and threading my fingers through his silky soft hair, lifted my face to his to accept another of his delicious kisses.
His lips slid over mine, gentle for a moment before he pressed closer and deepened the kiss. Feeling like a flower in the sun after the rain, I opened up for him, dancing my tongue with his. He tasted the same as he always had, and as my senses filled with it my mind spun back to when we’d first gotten together. To the first time he’d kissed me. It had been at school during lunch, he’d pulled me behind a couple of trees so we were out of sight, then he’d wrapped his palm around the back of my neck, tilted my face up with the other hand and took my mouth. It was a memory that I’d dreamed of often over the years, and it was a dream that always left me craving him once I woke.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
He’d pulled back from the kiss and I blinked up at him, wondering what he meant, until he ran his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away tears I hadn’
t realized I’d been shedding. My sudden issues with leaking all the time were becoming annoying. I wasn’t a crier normally, and I didn’t like being one now. Not that I could do much about it in this moment, not with him sitting there looking all worried and being so damn sweet.
“I missed you. So much.”
His hold on my face tightened for a moment.
“Fuck, babe. All these years, there hasn’t been a single fucking day I haven’t thought of you, dreamed of you.”
“It’s been the same for me.”
With a growl, he gave me a fast, hard kiss that left me stunned silent for a moment when he tore himself away.
“Tell me we can skip dinner―tell me we can go back to your place and order something in. I need you, Cin.”
Warmth flooded my system as my mouth went dry. Holding his gaze, I nodded as I couldn’t seem to get any words out.
After flashing me with a broad grin filled with promise, he turned back to face the dash and started the car. He pulled out of the parking lot, the tires squealing as he sped off down the road.
Nerves weaved through my arousal as we got closer to my apartment. I hadn’t had sex with anyone since Johnny. It had been a long damn time since anyone had seen me naked, touched me. I had a good collection of toys but that wasn’t the same. And while I’d stayed celibate, I was quite certain he had not. I knew most MCs had women at their clubhouses who were there for the sole purpose of fucking the men. Had he used women like that? Would he want someone as inexperienced as me? My arousal cooled off as more questions and worries swirled around my mind. Was this a mistake? Maybe we should have stuck with eating out somewhere.
Chapter 5
Nitro
I had no fucking idea what had changed between leaving the restaurant parking lot and arriving at Cin’s place, but something had. She’d been as hot as I’d been before we left, but now she’d gone cold. She sat staring out the windshield, chewing on her bottom lip like she was trying to solve the world’s problems by herself tonight.
“C’mon, babe. Let’s go up and order some food.”
I wanted her more than my next breath, but I wasn’t going to force things. It’d been a long time since we were last together. I knew we needed to take a little time to reconnect, that it would be better holding off until we did talk a bit more. Hopefully sharing a meal in the comfort of her apartment would be enough for her to accept me. Or at least tell me what the fuck had happened on the drive over.
I got out and went around to open her door for her, but she’d beat me to it. She’d just swung her legs out but hadn’t stood up yet. I looked down into her eyes and my gut clenched at the pain in her eyes. Crouching down in front of her, I took her hands in mine.
“Cindy, nothing has to happen tonight you don’t want. We’ll head up, order in a pizza or something, chat and catch up. If things get heated again, that’s great—if not, that’s fine too. Okay?”
Although, it wouldn’t be easy to be in her house, her bedroom, surrounded by her things with her scent in the air and not be naked with her, to be able to touch her all over. Fuck, I’d give just about anything to be able to make love to my Cin again.
Slowly, I stood and pulled her up out of the seat. Once her door was shut, I locked the car up, and not releasing my hold on her hand, I led her over to the elevator. As soon as the doors slid shut, closing us inside, she cleared her throat.
“So, ah, are there women at the Charon MC clubhouse?”
I frowned as I tried to work out what she was really asking.
“Sure. Some of the brothers are married and their old ladies come around sometimes.”
“Old ladies?”
Why did so many women have such an issue with that damn title?
“It’s not a derogatory term, Cin. An old lady is a brother’s wife, or partner. They also wear their man’s property patch. Again, it’s not a derogatory thing. Quite the opposite. It’s a sign of respect, to be the old lady of a brother and to wear his property patch means you’re part of the club. That the entire club has accepted you into its ranks and every one of them will have your back if anything happens. Makes you family, protected and cherished.”
She shook her head and stayed quiet as we moved from the elevator, down the hall and into her apartment. I let her lead the way and followed her as she moved into the living area and sat on a couch. My ass had barely hit the seat beside her when she started up the conversation again.
“But I’m not your old lady and the club is helping me. What does that make me?”
Fuck it all. How do I explain this in a way she won’t kick me out for pushing her too hard, too fast?
I turned so I was facing her, and took her hand between both of mine as I looked her directly in the eye.
“You grew up in Bridgewater, Cin, you know the stories that float around about the club and what they’ve done in the past. Most of that is based on truth. Doesn’t matter who you are, old lady, club whore, even if you were a complete stranger to the club—if the Charon MC got word of what you’d been living through, that the cops were ignoring the whole thing, they’d have stepped up to deal with it.”
Her eyes hardened and I tried not to squirm under her intense stare.
“I’ve never heard of the club taking care of a perfect stranger, and I’m not sure I like the sounds of the other option. What the fuck is a club whore?”
Yeah, I should have known I’d fuck up that explanation where I tried to leave out the important shit. But since there was no way in hell I was going to stand for her thinking she was a fucking club whore, looked like I was going to have to lay it all out and hope like fuck she didn’t boot me out the door at the end.
“You will never be a club whore, Cindy. They are women who hang around the clubhouse for the sole purpose of meeting the brothers’ sexual needs. Those women choose to be there for that very purpose, they know what is expected of them before they come in.” I paused to take a deep breath as I hoped she took what I was about to tell her the right way. “Like I mentioned earlier, after you left, I went wild. Stopped caring about pretty much every damn thing. And it was a few of the Charons who took me aside and got me to calm my shit down enough that I didn’t blow my chances at the SEALs. That’s how I first got involved with the Charons.”
I paused to take another deep breath. Nerves were tearing up my gut. How was she going to react?
“Part of their offer to help me was that I needed to come clean about what was going on with my life. So Scout and Bulldog, they’re now the club’s president and vice president, know all about who you are to me. They know I ain’t ever letting you get away from me again. So, Cin, you see, as far as the club is concerned, you’re already my old lady. I just haven’t put a patch on your back yet.”
I was actually fairly certain Scout would have ordered her cut already. He seemed to do that whenever a brother started to get serious about a woman. Cindy had a sheen of tears over her eyes but she didn’t let them fall as she bit her lower lip and continued to hold my gaze.
“I’ve been alone so long now, it’s hard to wrap my head around all of this. To believe it.”
Leaning forward, I scooped her up and put her on my lap.
“I know, babe. I wish we could go back and fix this shit when it first started, but since that’s not possible, we’ll fix it now. Then we can focus on us and setting up our future together.”
She gave me a small nod before her gaze dropped to my mouth. When she licked her lips I was done for. Gently wrapping my palm around the back of her neck, I held her still as I took her mouth with mine. On a groan, she opened up for me and I took the invitation, allowing our tongues to dance and play as I slipped one palm down her body to cup her breast. With a groan of my own, I pinched the tip through her clothes and enjoyed the fuck out of the way she shuddered against me.
Disappointment crashed through me when she pulled away, but I didn’t try to stop her. I was desperately trying to not push her past her comfort zone. Ev
en if it was going to leave me with the worst case of blue balls I’d ever had, we would do this at her pace. With her gaze cast downward, she slipped off my lap and stood.
“Renee’ll be home soon. C’mon.”
Unsure whether she was kicking me out or inviting me to her room, I held my breath as I stood and followed her. Relief flooded me when she turned toward her room. By the time we made it to the doorway, my cock was as hard as steel, ready and hoping things were going to go the way it wanted them to. With a forced calm, I closed the door firmly, before turning to face her. She was so fucking adorable. Clearly, she was nervous as hell, but before I could say a word, she was on me, slamming herself against my front so fast she nearly bounced off, but I was quick to wrap my arms around her to hold her against me.
“Please, Johnny, make me feel again. Kiss me, touch me, fuck me—”
I cut off her words with a shake of my head. I couldn’t stand her thinking I would simply be fucking her. It would never be like that with Cin, it couldn’t be when I loved her as much as I did. “I’ll be loving you, Cindy. I’ll do all that and more, but it’ll be because I fucking love you, always have and always will.”
The way she’d spoken, it had sounded like she had an itch she needed scratched, and I wasn’t going to stand for that. Not from her. She was fucking mine, not some random chick I was banging because I was hard. So, she’d better be doing this because I was hers too. Not just because she was horny and I was handy.
Her expression softened and when a single tear slipped down her right cheek, I lifted my thumb to brush it away as my gut tightened in fear that I’d just done what I swore I wouldn’t and pushed her too much.
“Ever since I left, there’s been this hole in my world. It sounds so stupid, but I don’t know how else to explain it. I’ve tried to fill my life with work and roller derby, friends, Titanium. But nothing’s worked. I’m still lonely, I still miss you, Johnny. I miss what we had. I know it can’t be exactly like that now, we’re not teenagers anymore, but that bond we had? That can be the same, can’t it? Do you think we can find that again?”