by Bree Wolf
Holding his gaze, Charlaine moved closer. “You don’t truly believe that, do you?”
Nathanial frowned. “Why wouldn’t I? It’s true.”
“Everybody worries,” Charlaine objected. “As soon as you love, you worry. You said he is married?” Nathanial nodded. “And he loves his wife?” Again, he nodded. “I dare you to ask him. But I guarantee that he worries for her and no doubt for you as well.” Her gaze narrowed as she chose her words carefully. “Is that why you’re here tonight? Was it your brother who urged you to attend?”
Running a hand over his face, Nathanial stared at her. “How do you do this? How do you know exactly…?” He shook his head. “Yes, a friend of his invited me here tonight. He convinced me that…” His lips thinned, and Charlaine could see that leaving behind his worries was a constant struggle for him.
“Do you wish you were more like him?”
The look that came to his face belied that the thought was not foreign to him. “It seems an easier way to live.”
Charlaine shrugged. “Easier isn’t always better.”
“I’m confused,” Nathanial replied with a frown. “Earlier, it sounded as though you were in favor of…of being more daring, of taking chances, of—”
“Yes, if that is what you want!” she exclaimed. “If you feel the temptation, then by all means give in and see what happens. But don’t be someone you’re not.” She shook her head for emphasis. “Don’t ever be someone you’re not.”
His gaze narrowed as he watched her. “Now, you tell me something about yourself.”
Charlaine laughed at the daring gleam in his eyes. “Well, if you insist. I—”
A man stepped through the French doors and onto the terrace in that moment, his simple attire instantly revealing him as a servant. “Pardon me,” he said, and Charlaine tensed as she recognized him. “Miss—?”
“Yes, can we help you?” Charlaine interrupted before Jacob could foolishly blurt out her name. She hurried toward him. “Are you looking for someone?” It would seem something had happened that required Pierce’s attention or Albert would not have sent the young footman to retrieve him. She dropped her voice as she reached his side. “Lord Markham disappeared down that corridor over there,” she whispered, nodding her head in the general direction. She had glimpsed Pierce and Caroline in her rather revealing red gown slip away a while past.
“Thank you,” Jacob mumbled with a quick nod and then equally quickly disappeared.
Relieved, Charlaine turned back to Nathanial. She ought not lie to him, but she had the distinct feeling that knowing who she was would destroy the fragile bond that had formed between them. How she was to continue being his friend after tonight had her puzzled though. Perhaps with time a solution would reveal itself.
“Is everything all right?” Nathanial asked before he glanced over her shoulder. “Do you have to leave?”
“Not quite yet,” Charlaine replied as she returned to his side. She had noted a touch of regret in his voice at the suggestion that she might have to leave and was surprised to experience a gentle warmth at the thought that he enjoyed her company.
Especially after the way he had brushed her off the other day.
Even if everything would come crumbling down soon enough, Charlaine knew that coming here tonight had been the right thing to do. Not only was she enjoying herself, but now she also knew that she had been right about Nathanial. He would be a wonderful friend, and they felt good together.
Hopefully, he would come to see that as well.
After tonight.
Chapter Thirteen
An Adorable Man
Leisurely, the lady in gold leaned against the balustrade, her dark eyes distant as she thought. “Well, I had a sister,” she told him. “She was quite a few years older than me and her life always seemed a true wonderment to me.” A small smile played over her lips. “I used to watch her do ordinary things and marvel at how precious the moment seemed.” She sighed, and the smile upon her face deepened as her dark eyes settled on Nathanial’s. “And then I watched her fall in love. It happened in an instant. It was something she hadn’t planned, something she hadn’t seen coming. If she hadn’t gone to the market that day, at that time, she would never have met him.”
Drawn to her, Nathanial stepped closer, eager to hear more.
“But she did.” Utter joy stood in her eyes. “She did go and she met the love of her life and, from one moment to the next, life was different. It was powerful. I still remember that day as clearly as though it had happened yesterday. It was one of those moments you can never forget.”
Nathanial swallowed. After all, his mind clung to one of these moments as well, replaying it again and again, unable to forget, unable to let go. His moment, however, was not one he wished to remember. Unfortunately, it seemed he did not have a choice. “Do you believe they were fated to meet that day?”
Her shoulders shrugged. “I do, and I don’t.” A slow breath lifted her chest, and she licked her lips. “Perhaps some things are meant to be and others are not. Perhaps all that happens is merely a coincidence and people simply like to see more than there is. Does it matter? In the end, my sister did go to the market that day and so they did meet and,” her eyes met his, “they took a chance.”
Nathanial nodded. “They took a chance.”
“They did,” she said, and her hand came to rest upon his arm, soft and gentle, but whispering of a hidden strength Nathanial could not help but wish he himself possessed as well. “I think I believe in taking chances, in seizing the moment, in looking at the good instead of the bad.” She smiled up at him. “I think it’s the only way to ever truly be happy.”
Nathanial watched her in awe for he not only saw the joy that stood in her eyes, but also the sadness that clung to every word she had spoken. “Your sister is no longer among us, is she?”
The lady swallowed hard, and he could see a slight tremor grip her jaw. “She died a few years ago, but because of her, because of what happened that day, I had a brother to lean on when it happened. There is always good with the bad. Always. Only sometimes it’s hard to see.”
“I’m sorry,” Nathanial whispered, feeling the need to offer comfort, but uncertain how to do so.
Blinking back the tears that lingered in her eyes, the lady lifted her chin and returned to the center of the terrace. “Today, you took a chance as well.” A mischievous twinkle lit up her eyes as she once more spread her arms. “You did something you’d never done before, isn’t that true?”
Nathanial smiled. “Very true.”
“And how did it feel?”
Holding her gaze, Nathanial inhaled a slow, deep breath and, in that moment, he remembered all the shallow breaths that had come before. Air to sustain his body, but not to make him feel. He had been going through the motions, done what had been expected of him, but he had not…lived, for lack of a better word.
But tonight he had.
For a short, precious moment, he had done something solely because he had wanted to and it had felt wonderful. Had he been wrong all this time? Was her way of looking at tragedy the only way to overcome it? Could he ever truly see the world through her eyes?
“Thank you,” Nathanial told her, regret suddenly claiming his heart when he realized that he would not see her again after tonight. How could he when he did not even know her name? And yet, although she was a stranger, she had somehow found the very words he had needed to hear. She had given him a moment of peace, of joy. Still, Nathanial wondered if he would manage to hold on to it without her.
With a smile upon her face, she held out her hand to him. “Do you want to dance? Here? Under the stars?”
Glancing upward, Nathanial saw the thousands of small lights dotting the night sky. Never had he and Abigail danced under the stars. Never had they done anything silly. Perhaps this was the way to banish her memory once and for all. “I would love to,” Nathanial replied and then stepped forward to take her hand.
T
he lady chuckled. “You just surprised yourself, did you not?”
“Was it that obvious?”
She nodded as they began to move to the soft echo of the orchestra’s tune. “You have such an adorable way of looking utterly shocked, scandalized even.”
Nathanial frowned. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“How can adorable ever not be a compliment?” she asked with a laugh.
The ease and openness of her character was strangely intoxicating. “Men generally dislike being called adorable,” he pointed out with little to no vehemence. “They prefer more manly adjectives.”
“Then they’re fools!” the lady exclaimed. “For being called adorable is the greatest of compliments. It means one managed to endear oneself to another, to gain another’s affection. Is there anything more precious in the world?”
Nathanial did not dare reply. His eyes searched hers as he wondered about her words, wondered if she had truly meant to say what he had heard. Had she meant to say that he had endeared himself to her? That she, too, felt this strange ease that seemed to exist between them? After all, she had called him adorable.
Odd, how such a small word could suddenly occupy his thoughts!
“Here you are!” Lord Markham’s voice cut through the quiet stillness on the terrace, and Nathanial almost flinched, his head swiveling sideways. The man had opened one of the French doors and was now striding toward them, his gaze unreadable in the dim light. The tone in his voice, however, betrayed a certain urgency.
“I was surprised to hear that you were also in attendance tonight,” Lord Markham said with a bit of reproach in his voice.
Nathanial frowned, confused by the strange comment. After all, they had arrived together. Could it be that Lord Markham was too deep in his cups and no longer recalled the details of the evening? His speech nor his walk, however, suggested inebriation. “Pardon me, but…” And then Nathanial realized that Lord Markham’s comment had not been directed at him. Indeed, his brother’s closest friend was looking at the golden lady in Nathanial’s arms.
Even with the mask covering her face, Nathanial detected a hint of contrition upon her lovely face as she turned to Lord Markham, stepping out of Nathanial’s embrace. “Then Caroline found you?” she asked, a joyous smile coming to her lips. “She looks stunning in that dress, does she not?”
Lord Markham frowned. “The dress was your idea?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t like it.”
The man’s jaw tensed. “Still, you should not have—”
“Yes, I should have!” the lady insisted as she stepped toward Lord Markham, jabbing an angry finger at his chest. “I hope you haven’t been a bore and ruined this evening for her.”
Lord Markham’s head lowered as he tried to hide a smile.
“Ah!” the lady exclaimed, triumph in her voice. “I suppose the dress did not miss its mark after all. Is it still in one piece?”
Lord Markham shook his head, laughing. “You’re unbelievable, Charlaine.”
Nathanial cringed at the sound of her name for it sent a jolt of recognition through his being. It sounded familiar, so very familiar. He had heard it before…recently. Again, the sound of music drifted to his ears, mingling with children’s laughter as they had chased one another across green lawns.
And then, at last, the penny dropped!
Jerking back, Nathanial stared at her wide-eyed, cursing himself for being the greatest fool the world had ever seen. “You!” he gasped. “It is you!” How had he not seen it before? How had he not been able to put two and two together? Her black hair, those dark, soulful eyes, her…her accent? “You deceived me,” he snarled as a sharp pain pierced his heart in a most familiar way. “You knew, did you not? You knew who I was.”
Her eyes met his. “I’m sorry. I…”
Nathanial’s jaw clenched, and he shook his head, taking a step away from her. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
Dimly, he noticed Lord Markham looking back and forth between two of them. “I’m afraid we need to leave. There is a pressing matter requiring my attention. Caswell, if you wish to remain—”
“No,” Nathanial grumbled. “I’ve had enough.” Then he turned his back on yet another woman who had lied to him and strode back inside, unable to look at her a moment longer.
Oh, what an utter fool he had been!
Chapter Fourteen
A Precious Moment
Never would Charlaine forget the hurt that had stood in Nathanial’s eyes when he had realized that she had intentionally concealed her identity, that she had lied to him. The realization had wounded him in a way Charlaine had not expected.
She ought to have known better.
“You seem distracted,” Charlaine remarked as she walked into the Hawthorne ball on Pierce’s arm the following night. Lights sparkled everywhere, and the ton danced and laughed as it was wont to do, glaring at her on the quiet…as they were also wont to do.
Ignoring them, Charlaine focused her attention on Pierce. His face looked tense as he kept looking about, no doubt hoping that Caroline would make an appearance at tonight’s ball. What had happened at the masquerade?
When they had ridden home in the carriage the night before, Caroline had blushed in a most telling way when Charlaine had inquired after her night. Had they finally confessed their love to one another? Charlaine could only hope it was so for they simply belonged together. A shared life would bring them both happiness…if only they dared reach for it.
“Now you look worried,” Charlaine observed as she handed him a glass of lemonade. “I do believe it wise you keep a clear head tonight.”
Pierce frowned at the glass, then took a careful sip and grimace at the sweet taste. “What makes you say that?”
“I cannot help but wonder if…” Her words trailed off, however, the smile that tugged on her lips told Pierce all he needed to know. “Will you finally ask her to marry you?” she pressed when he failed to answer.
Pierce laughed. “I assume you would not object to such an endeavor?”
Smiling, Charlaine squeezed his hand. “I want to see you happy, and she is perfect for you.” Indeed, Pierce and Caroline reminded her of Amancia and Peter; a most heartwarming thought.
“How would you know?” Pierce demanded. “You hardly know her.” Still, the look on his face suggested that he agreed with her assessment.
“I’m a good judge of character, or have you forgotten?” Sighing, Charlaine glanced over her shoulder, only to spot a familiar frown glaring back at her.
Fortunately for her, Nathanial had agreed to attend the Hawthorne ball upon Pierce’s urgings earlier in the week and was not the kind of man to go back on his word. Thus, he was in attendance, no matter how much he would have preferred to stay away. Indeed, the dark look in his eyes told her that, at present, she was his least favorite person in the world.
“He looks furious,” Pierce commented, concern in his dark gaze. “I assume you did not introduce yourself last night.” As though he didn’t know!
“Of course not, it was a masquerade.” Still, she ought to have, especially knowing how Nathanial had been hurt before. In the moment, though, Charlaine, too, had felt liberated of the shackles of her past. She had lived and breathed with ease, enjoying the first tentative moments of meeting another who had the potential of becoming very dear to her.
And she wanted him as…her friend, a companion with whom to share life’s challenges. Someone she could trust. Someone who would not hesitate to place his trust in her.
“And yet, he holds it against you,” Pierce remarked, pointing out how Charlaine’s failure to reveal her identity had messed up all she had hoped for. Not that he needed to!
Charlaine nodded. “It would seem he does,” she stated, a feeling of dread settling in her stomach. Still, the world was never simply dark. There was always a silver lining! Always! One only needed to look hard enough.
Yes, she had messed up the moment they had share
d. Now, she needed to fix it!
And she would.
Pierce frowned as he watched a slow smile spread over her face. “What, exactly, happened between you two?”
Remembering the way they had spun across the terrace, her hands resting in Nathanial’s, the way they had laughed and talked, the way they had danced, Charlaine merely batted her lashes at Pierce in that innocent way debutantes often used and refrained from saying a single word.
The memory was hers—hers alone—and she would not share it!
“Do I need to be worried?” Pierce asked before a somewhat teasing note tinged his voice. “Do I need to call him out?”
Charlaine laughed, deeply touched by Pierce’s devotion to her. “You’re sweet to worry about me, but you need not. Mr. Caswell is a truly honorable man.” Indeed, she had been the one to kiss him. “And I assure you, it took all of my ingenuity to breach those defenses of his and see him forget his troubled past.” She sighed. “If only for a moment.”
Now, on to the next.
Pierce’s gaze swept over her face, a hint of suspicion in his dark eyes. “I assume you have plans of your own for the evening as well as the weeks beyond tonight, am I right?”
Once again, Charlaine merely smiled in reply.
“He doesn’t know yet, does he?” Pierce inquired.
Charlaine laughed. “Oh, dear goodness, of course not. The poor man would no doubt have an apoplexy.” Indeed, she would need to tread carefully. After all, she had foolishly risked his trust and lost it. Now, she would have to fight even harder to regain it, to prove herself his friend.
“And yet, you’re undeterred.” Pierce chuckled as he shook his head at her.
Charlaine sighed, remembering the moment her sister had met Peter at the market. It had been abrupt and unexpected, but if they had not acted on the surge of emotions they had felt, they would have missed out on a beautiful life together. No, Charlaine had always trusted her instincts, and they had never led her astray. “We must always fight for what we believe in,” she told him imploringly, knowing he, too, was standing at a fork in the road.