“I can barely use me hands to hold a tea cup!” Sully objected. “I don’t feel quite the champion at the moment.”
“Yeah, well, open up der champ!” Charlie commanded, as he held the tiny pill and cup in front of Sully’s mouth.
“I don’t—”
No sooner had Sully parted his lips to speak than Charlie delivered the pill and water in one fell swoop.
Sully gulped helplessly. “Ah! God! Ya should have been an Army commander,” he choked out.
The stout man laughed, turning back to the groceries he brought from town. “We all have our mission in this life, don’t we?” Charlie put to him.
Sully didn’t wish to continue the conversation, or his thoughts that perpetually drifted back to Gillean and Adara.
His host approached him in stockinged feet kneeling in front of the chair taking hold of the sides. “I asked after ya in town. Seems no one will lay claim to ya. Yer clan must be in another county is it?”
“Another world it feels like.”
“I know all about that feelin’, son. Why do ya think I live here in this shanty of a home all by meself?”
It was true enough that Sully felt like an alien, and yet the man kneeling in front of him gave the impression that he did understand.
“Ya have no family either?” Sully inquired in a hushed tone. “None to share a roof with?”
Charlie stood with a grunt. “What is family, but those we hold dear in our hearts? In this way, I have many relations.” His eyes rested on Sully’s face. “And I know of at least one person ya hold in yer heart.”
Sully did not respond. He could not speak his name—to do so would give his muddled feelings order. He preferred the chaos. It felt safer.
Charlie planted himself directly above the chair. “Why don’t ya tell me who Gillean is so I can find her for ya? I know she wasn’t just some feverish dream, lad. And I’ll bet a whole month’s wages that she desperately wants to know where ya are.”
“I think I’d like to lie down now, please.”
“Ya don’t mean her to suffer with worry do ya?” Charlie prodded.
“Now look, ya forced that damned pill on me, and I’d thank ya kindly if I can get the sleep that it’s bringin’,” Sully retorted.
Charlie nodded, helping Sully to his feet and lending support as he shuffled unsteadily back into bed.
“Yeah, okay, yer right, son. Sleep on it all some more. Lord knows the spirits come to us in our dreams. Maybe that will help to loosen yer tongue and yer heart.”
Shadows and Light
“And so I think this would be the best way to handle the situation for the time being.” Gillean concluded his well-rehearsed speech. He went over it dozens of times, alone, pacing an empty room. He practiced it more than any song he had ever performed.
He had cautiously told Adara about Ciar, hesitantly laying out the words, feeling as if he’d set a landmine between himself and his wife. He admitted he didn’t know what the future held. For now he would get a flat of his own in Dublin, remaining in Ireland for the sake of their children until he was able to clear his head. This was the time of year when he did not tour, but rather allotted the few months of inactivity to remain sequestered and develop new musical material.
“You mean this would be best for your career,” Adara objected. “You don’t give a damn about what this is doing to your children. You just want to make sure you don’t end up splashed all over the tabloids, and your spit-shined reputation flushed down the loo. I suppose you wouldn’t seem half as attractive to your lover then.”
Gillean should have known that Adara would be able to read him so well. He was like one of her dog-eared books that rested on the nightstand by their bed. The truth was that Ciar had implored him to divorcee his wife as soon as possible. Then he and his new lover could go anywhere they wished.
“The world will be ours for the taking,” Ciar whispered to him in bed one gray morning. “You will shine even brighter than before. I will be your muse, and you will write the most visionary music of your life.”
He hadn’t written a single piece of new material in weeks. When he sat with his guitar, he heard nothing. The music that filled his head ever since he was a child had fallen silent. His fingers scuffled over the strings as if they weren’t part of his body. He hopelessly groped for some point of contact with the gift he had taken for granted. It seemed that whoever had bequeathed it to him had decided it was time to renege. Perhaps he had upset the spirits at the Teach na si`, and this was his sentence. He wasn’t proud of what he was doing to his wife and family, but he could see no other way. He was not a true partner to Adara, and he feared for how that would reflect on him as a father.
“And so you have chosen to run away,” Adara was saying.
He left his thoughts to retaliate. “Given what I have just said, would you prefer me to stay here with you?”
“Do whatever you want, Gillean. You always have. Just remember you do have four children who would like to see their father from time to time.”
She was already in the doorway, her back to him.
For one brief moment he saw her as she was at seventeen, full of vim and intrigue. She had walked away from him then, dismissing him as a rover and a player. He had wanted to run after her, prove that she misjudged him. But he kept moving, relentlessly searching for an unspecified paragon. Unlike his father Milo, Gillean embarked on an emotional expedition. When the urging of family and friends for him to settle down and ‘do the right thing’ became too much, he asked Adara to marry him and forgo the trip to America and her dancing.
The resentment rose up inside him. After all, if he had to give up his search; she should have to make some sacrifice as well. He would not accept the blame for what was happening to them now. Sometimes things just fall apart and can’t be mended. It happened to the best of people, even to some of their dearest friends.
But something nagged at him, told him this wasn’t the full truth. There was no music to drown out the uncomfortable thoughts, so Gillean simply went about packing up more of his things, then kissed each of his sleeping children.
Adara entered the garage as her husband was opening the trunk of his SUV. He turned in her direction as she came through the door. His face offered a glimmer of hope. Maybe she wanted to leave things on a peaceful note after all. But seeing the look of resolve on her strained face, and the purpose in her step, he realized she was not going to offer an olive branch.
“Adara, are you alright?” The words sounded utterly useless.
“Why should you suddenly care about my well being?” she snapped.
The concern vanished from his face as he disabled the car alarm. The two quick beeps bounced off the concrete walls. He opened the door. “Why did you follow me out here? Haven’t we said all there is to say?”
She rushed at him, grabbing at his arms and preventing him from getting into the vehicle. “Where is Sully?”
Unsettled by her forcefulness, he regarded her with eyes that registered no knowledge of the name. “Who?”
She pressed herself against him, as if the slight weight of her body could pry the information from him. “You know exactly who I mean! Now you get this, husband.” Her eyes were like gray blocks of ice. “You have lied to me, cheated on me, disregarded all the promises you made to me and this family.”
He flinched at the biting truth in her words.
“Don’t you lie to me now when an innocent’s life may be in danger.” She swallowed hard. “And someone I happen to care about.”
His lips formed a straight line of silent anger until he was able to speak. “How dare you have the audacity to ask me about your own lover?” He shouted at her.
“You have grown accustomed to, and good at I might add, hiding the truth when it suits you.” She was unmoving in his face. “Don’t stand there and tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. I can’t believe you have become so cold as to not care about the life of another. You know fu
ll well Sully is not my lover, but he was your good mate. How can you not care what has become of him? I know you’ve seen him, he told me as much.”
He massaged his stinging eyes. He didn’t want to fight with her. He just wanted to take his leave with whatever dignity he still possessed. “I know you may not believe a word I say. I understand that. And I am truly sorry that things are in the muddled state they are right now. I never meant for any of this to happen. But as to this Sully person, you have to believe me when I say I have no idea who you’re talking about. I simply don’t.”
She backed away from him. “You’re a liar. And now I know just how far you will go to maintain your double life. You would bring down every innocent person around you just for a young bit of skirt.” She went towards the door. “You go back to your mistress. You can both have a good laugh at my expense. But you tell her something for me will you?”
Underneath his leather jacket his heart was pounding in anticipation of her words.
“You tell her she is welcome to you and your life of deceit. I’ll find Sully on my own. The Lord help you both if something has happened to him.” She exited the garage, not giving him another word or glance.
Gillean dug for his keys and climbed into the front seat. His mind was on auto-pilot. He was shocked that Adara had come to care so much for another man as to threaten her own husband with such contempt. His mind searched through names, faces and memories.
Sully? No, he simply had nothing to go with the name. Yet Adara had said this man had been a good friend. How was that possible? What was she trying to do to him? If this was some sort of game she had set about in order to throw him off balance, she had succeeded with flying colors.
“I won’t let you do this to me.” He wiped at the tears in his eyes. “I’m not a complete monster after all.”
He pushed a button opening the door to the garage and shifted into drive. As he stepped on the accelerator his mind caught something—something too sheer and fragile to be certain it was a memory. It was like a mother standing on a back porch, calling to her child to come in from playing. So familiar was the sound, and yet, like the evening breeze, the words which floated through his mind dissipated into the night.
He wanted so much to latch on to the sound. He was certain that maybe then he would know what Adara was talking about. But he could hear nothing more than a faraway cry down a blind tunnel. He pulled the car onto the street, watching his house fade into the blackness of his even darker heart.
~~~
“I’ve listened to what you’ve had to say, but I still don’t understand why you have to leave the children now. What with your stellar husband doing his predictable disappearing act, those darlings need you.”
Maggie, Joseph’s wife and Adara’s sister-in-law for two decades, took a sip of her tea, washing down the sorrowful tale Adara had just spun.
“I know it’s a lot to ask of you and Jos to stay here, but I’d prefer not to upset the children’s routine as much as possible. I especially do not wish to involve Ena right now. You know how she can be. I’m sure Gillean hasn’t said anything to his mother about his new situation.” Adara absentmindedly pulled at some stray threads on the tablecloth. “And if it’s too much for you—”
“Gillean is a rat.” Maggie placed her cup on the table. “Don’t you worry about the children. Joseph and I are only too happy to stay with them. You take care of what you need to. But I don’t understand why you’re leaving.” The raven-haired woman leaned in, speaking in a conspiratorial tone. “Does it have to do with this Sully bloke Gillean grilled Joseph about?”
“You mean to say, Gillean actually asked Joseph about Sully?”
Maggie grinned in her knowing way.
“Whatever age your husband may be, and despite all the fun he pokes at his older brother, Joseph has always been, and will always be, the first one Gillean runs to when he has gotten himself into a spot.”
“I suppose Gillean informed Joseph about his lover?” Adara didn’t mean the question to sound as derisive as it was delivered.
Maggie’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry, love. This must be absolutely dreadful for you. I could throttle that little imbecile Gillean Faraday!”
“Mags, did Gillean ask Joseph about Sully?” Adara pressed.
“Da’s seen Sully too?” The staggering query came from Arlen who stood in the doorway, drumsticks in hand, his fathers’ smile stretching across his full lips.
Without prompting, Arlen continued. “I thought I was the only one who could see him. He was fun to have around. I miss him.”
“Arlen…” Adara tried to speak. “What do you know of Sully?”
“Well, he’s a ghost or an angel or something like that, right? Jeez, Mam! Ya ought to know! Da talked enough about seeing ghosts at the Teach na si` when he was young.”
“Is that where you saw Sully, at the castle?”
“Sometimes.” The boy casually opened the refrigerator to evaluate the contents. “He’s here too. At least he was. I haven’t seen him in a while.” He turned back to his mother and aunt, with a soda pop in hand. “I was wonderin’ if he must have gotten some new family to look after or somethin’.”
“Arlen Faraday, stop making up such ridiculous stories! Can’t you see your mam is upset? You should be in bed!”
“What? What did I say?”
“Hold on a moment.” Adara motioned for Arlen to come to her. “It’s alright dear, you haven’t upset me. I just want to ask you more about Sully.”
“Sure, okay.” Arlen approached his mother but not without turning to stick out his tongue at his Aunt Maggie.
“How…” Adara paused to collect her thoughts. “When did you first see him?”
“Oh, a while ago. Maybe a few months. I think he was surprised that I could see him too.”
“Why?”
“Well, one day I felt this kind of…I don’t know how to describe it really.” Arlen’s brows furrowed just as his father’s did when considering something significant.
“Presence?” Adara offered.
“Yeah, yeah, exactly.” The sunny expression returned. “I felt this presence in the upstairs hallway, and I just called out. To be honest, I was only kiddin’ when I said, ‘make thyself known!’ Ya know, like Da does when he’s acting gee-eyed. Then this man appeared out of nowhere. I can’t explain it other than one moment I felt him, and the next moment I saw him. Does that make any sense?”
“Perfect sense.” Adara gestured for him to continue.
“Well, he, this little man, ya see,” The boy paused, apparently to make sure Adara was truly following. “He almost jumped over the landing. He was like you are now, Mam, he couldn’t believe I’d called to him.”
“And what did he say to you?”
“He said somethin’ like, being an ‘innocent’? Let me think now, was that the word he used?” The lad passed a hand over his mouth, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. “Yes!” Adara’s son took up his account. “He said being an innocent, it made sense that I would know he was there, because children have the eyes to see things most grown-ups cannot or will not. I didn’t quite understand him, so I just asked his name. Oh, and I told him since I’m fourteen, I can hardly be considered a child like Isabella and Dolan.” He was referring to his nine-year-old twin siblings.
Adara could not help but laugh. Of course, if Sully were some otherworldly being, Arlen would be the one to sense it. He was the most child-like of her four. He still possessed all the curious wonderment of childhood. The boy didn’t have a dishonest or mean bone in his body.
“Think carefully.” Adara tried to impart the serious nature of the discussion without alarming her son. “Did he tell you anything more, like why he would have to leave?”
He sat quietly, mulling over his mother’s question. “No, he just told me he was here to help. I asked him how he meant to do that, and he said he wasn’t quite sure himself. That’s why he needed to hang around—to figure it out. He made me prom
ise not to tell anyone I could see him, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to help.”
“And did you promise?”
“Sure, I liked him. He said he’d be lookin’ after all of us. Sometimes we’d take walks together, and we would talk. Ya know, he’d ask me about school and stuff, how was I gettin’ on. And we would play a little football. He had a wicked shot on him too! Are ya going to bring him back, Mam? And Da, where is he?”
Adara stroked her son’s fair hair wishing that their lives were not in such a terrible fix.
“Yes, I’m going to see if I can find out what happened to Sully.”
“Do you suppose it was my fault that Sully had to go?” The smile was replaced with a look of apprehension. “I swear, I never told anyone about him. Well, not until now.”
“No, sweetheart. You aren’t the reason he had to go.”
“What about Da? Why did he leave without a word?”
“Your father and I need to spend some time apart right now.” She looked to Maggie, helpless to further explain why she was separating from Gillean.
“Come on, Arlen McFarlen.” Maggie rode to her sister-in-law’s rescue, playfully jabbing at her nephew. “You’ll be stuck here with me and Uncle Jos for a short time. Promise Mam you will mind me, so she won’t worry.”
Arlen’s face clouded. “You and Da will be apart? For how long?” He looked from his aunt to his mother. “I promise I’ll mind Aunt Mag Pie, if you promise you and Da will come back.”
“I promise. You will see your father and me soon. Just remember we both love you, very much.”
“That’s what Sully said.”
“What?”
“He said that no matter what, no matter how odd Da may seem, I should remember that adults can be a little batty sometimes, but Da would never stop loving me.”
Adara pulled him to her, thinking of how Sully had saved her son’s life with his own, and yet Arlen had not reclaimed the same memories she had. Perhaps Sully had spared him those horrible recollections.
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