“Think about what you really want, son, who you really are. Your mates and family, they’ll be with you till the day you breathe your last as well. Trust me, that’s not such a terrible fate.”
“Yeah, ya gonna tell me yer not happy bein’ who ya are?” Bryan flicked a bit of ash onto the floor.
This time Gillean’s smile was genuine, reflecting all he had experienced in the last few months. “I think I can be. Ya see, I just found out who I am tonight.”
Bryan’s puzzled expression made the moment even sweeter for Gillean.
“I tell ya what, I’ll come back here next month and let you know how it’s going.” Gillean crushed out his cigarette in a dirty tea saucer sitting next to the register, and dug into his wallet. He nonchalantly placed the contents in front of the man. “Meantime, you take this and treat your mates to a good time, eh?”
The cashier’s eyes widened as he noted there were at least one hundred Euros sitting between them. “Ah, no, now, Mr. Faraday, sir, I wasn’t after anythin’.”
“We all are, Bryan, just be careful what you wish for.”
Gillean left the young man staring in astonishment at the pile of notes, and headed for home. He switched on the local music station as he edged closer to his affluent community. The song on the car radio was a traditional piece, sung by a group of native Celtic musicians. Their joy was palpable throughout the performance. The men stomped their feet in time with the fiddle, yelped, and called out to one another with the camaraderie of brothers sharing in a long standing family tradition. The band played for the sheer joy of the experience. They would probably never tour any further than Germany. If they were lucky they might make it to America once or twice in a lifetime, as a featured ’import act‘ for curious Irish-American patrons of ‘the homeland’. But, it wouldn’t matter to these boys. They’d make do on what they got. And if they had to work extra jobs to support their families, so be it. They were doing what they loved most, and were able to be with whom they loved most.
Gillean remembered the fantastic feelings Adara evoked the first time he saw her dancing to the music of Bob Dylan. He had loved her because she was the first person to show him what his music could bring to people. Back then, it didn’t matter to him how many people he reached, or how much he could earn. He was sure that if even one starry-eyed girl, one overworked farmer, or one lonely child, could find release—find some jubilance and meaning in his songs—then he would have success far greater than any riches real or imagined. He would have made a difference, touched another’s life.
The sanguine girl had been his wife, and the lonely child, Sully. They had both suffered, both given the best parts of their lives for him, to further his achievement and happiness. He had taken what was offered like the chocolate, never appreciating the sacrifice and devotion.
The universe did have order, Gillean reckoned, as he peered out the windshield hearing his grandfather speaking about the eternal power of the stars. Kindred spirits, keepers of the light, would always find one another.
~~~
“Ya dirty old bird.” Sully sat at the table where Charlie was half-asleep over a cup of tea.
“Come now.” Charlie cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. “What are ya on about?”
Sully rocked back in his chair, casting his gaze on the man as if for the first time. “I’m deeply offended ya know.”
“Hum?” Charlie yawned.
“Ya spill to Faraday about yerself and not me, after all we’ve meant to each other?”
Charlie pushed his cup away stifling another yawn. “And yerself havin’ once been where I am, ya ought to have known better than to give me such a hard time. I wonder if angels can retire. You and Faraday are welcome to each other, pair of damn obstinate mules. Ya wore me out.”
Sully let his chair rest on the floor and endeavored to help his tired friend up from the table. “Come on, Charlie, darlin’. Yer job isn’t finished yet. You’ll need a good night’s sleep and then, it’s off to Bantry Bay for ya in the mornin’.”
“Bantry?” Charlie was waking up with a start. “What for?”
“Yer goin’ to the Faraday estate, and yer gonna make sure they are safe and sound, angel.”
“Hold yer horses.” Charlie stopped Sully as he attempted to whisk him away to his room. “I can’t get to Bantry. Faraday has me car.”
“Nice try.” Sully’s grin extended to his luminous eyes. “Yer a resourceful being. I’m sure you’ll find a way.” He resumed the procession to Charlie’s bed.
“Ya ’ tossin’ me out of me own house? I’ve got work orders to see to. I can’t up and leave.”
“Right, I’ll take care of all that. I may be only a human now, but I think I can handle things here for a while.”
“I’ve got you to look after, lad. I, I’d like to stay here. Ya shouldn’t be alone now.” The caring was obvious enough in his hushed voice.
“Now don’t forget how pissed ya are at me for givin’ ya such a run for yer money. No worries, I’ll manage.” Sully patted the man’s arm. “’Tis the Faradays who need some extra assistance right now. Please, will ya do this one very important thing for me, Charlie, please?”
“Ah!” The large man sat on the edge of his bed grumbling. “Yer like a wee, lost cat with those great, green eyes of yours.”
“Good.” Sully turned down the lamp by the bed. “It’s all set. I’ll wake ya in the mornin’. Hell, I’ll even cook ya breakfast.”
“Sully.”
“Yeah?”
“Yer a good man, willful as I’ve ever laid eyes on, but a fine man indeed.”
“I love ya too, Charlie.”
Homecoming
It was after midnight when Gillean crossed the front foyer of his house. He hesitated outside the main double doors, feeling as if he should use the intercom system to ask permission to enter rather than his key. Not wanting to wake his children, he opted to enter unannounced.
It seemed as if he was in a public library or museum, rather than a place he had called home for the past ten years. Sophie, one of the three homeless dogs Arlen had rescued was the first to greet Gillean. His son’s heart was as generous as it was passionate. Once he became aware of the plight of so many of Ireland’s forgotten ones, Arlen made it his personal crusade to educate not only himself, but the members of his family, friends, anyone who would listen. Gillean’s eldest even convinced the musician to donate a tidy sum for the construction of a no-kill animal shelter in the nearby town. The public had showered Gillean with praise and attention, leaving Arlen once again to fade into the shadows of his father’s fame.
Bending down to give the faithful Greyhound a pat, Gillean longed to see his son and tell him how sorry he was that he had not listened to Arlen for far too long. He wanted to promise his boy that, no matter what changes may come to their family, he would make every effort to be the devoted and attentive father his children deserved. Holding the dog close, Gillean cringed at the possibility that perhaps Arlen wished for a different father the way Gillean had once wished for the Brazilian street musician.
“So the circle always comes back to the beginning, doesn’t it, Sophie, girl?” Gillean looked into the dog’s docile eyes, seeing there the simple qualities of love and trust that were so conspicuously absent from his fellow humans.
“Gillean?” Adara switched on the hallway lamp. “What are you doing here at this hour?”
Hair spilled over her shoulders in russet waves. Standing to greet her, he noted the haunted look that had been hanging about her like a burdensome cross was absent, as was her wedding ring. She was a stranger to him now—a beautiful, distant stranger.
“Am I not welcome?” he asked, awkwardly standing with his jacket still on. He didn’t blame her. The last time they were together, he was leaving to be with Ciar. It was like an awful dream, one he was glad to wake from. But the residue of a restless sleep would not wash away so easily.
“Weren’t you the one who chose not to be here anym
ore?” She confronted him with her words and eyes. He saw no trace of malice in her stare.
“I did.”
“I got your message earlier.” Her voice was laced with tiredness. “You said you would be home this afternoon before the concert, but Noel rang me a little while ago. He was worried. He said you couldn’t go on, and then you disappeared. He tried to get you on your mobile.”
“There was someone I had to see,” he quietly said.
She sighed. “I know.”
The physical distance between them was minimal. He searched for a connection, a way to bridge the emotional divide.
“But, we’re both here now,” he observed simply.
“Your solicitor dropped by with your divorcee petition today. Is that why you’ve come?” She glanced at a stack of scattered mail containing a legal sized envelope sitting on a side table.
He lifted his bleary head. “Perfect timing.”
“Would you like some tea?” she proposed half-heartedly.
“Tea?” he sputtered, laughing spontaneously.
How utterly outlandish this all was, conversing in the hallway with his wife, their divorce looming, he now committed to Sully. And she was suggesting a cup of tea.
“What is it you want,” she snapped. “My blessing?”
He could think of no legitimate reason why she shouldn’t hate him. Here stood the lovely woman who had grown up right before his eyes, reaching eagerly towards the sky with the brightness of a sunflower. But he had never bothered to truly see her once he had claimed her. Gillean shivered. He was expecting the impossible.
“I’ve come from the Vale. Imagine, Dara-Day,” he shared his surprise. “You were right. The one place I never wanted to explore held the answer.”
“That being Sully.” She gathered her bathrobe closer.
He wanted to extend himself to her, offer comfort, instead he held his place and spoke what he knew was the truth of their lives.
“You gave up your dreams for me. You wanted to be a dancer. Oh, Adara, you were a brilliant ballerina. You should have gone to America—traveled the world, but I convinced you of what was meant to be. I became your prison. I held you captive with my own self-interest all those years. I was blind; I never saw what I was doing. I’m not blind any more. Sully saw the whole thing all along. He saw your light. You must know that he desperately wanted you to reclaim it for yourself.”
“Gillean, I walked into your life of my own free will. If you were my prison, I didn’t try to escape. I don’t know what I feel, felt for Sully. All that matters is what he showed me. I was ready to bind myself up with another man and call it freedom. I was wrong, but Sully knew the truth. I can’t be anything but grateful to him I suppose.”
He could see the tiny fragments of a smile forming in the corners her eyes.
“As for you and I,” she exhaled as if releasing all the turbulent years between them. “We have four magnificent children. I could never regret what our bond created.”
Looking at his wife, he understood that he would come to love her in a far better, authentic way. He would come to know her as an individual, a friend, if she gave him the chance.
“May we have that tea now? I’d like to talk—really talk with you, Adara.”
She motioned for him to follow her to the kitchen, but stopped mid-way to turn and look at him, her eyes intently studied his face as if this was the first time she’d ever saw it. “I didn’t think I could believe, but now I see for myself so clearly. It’s there in your eyes. I saw the exact same look earlier. You and Sully love one another, don’t you?”
“I didn’t think I could believe it either.” He smiled through his tears.
“Does that scare you?” She sounded more concerned than contrary.
“No.” A peaceful expression slowly spread across his face like an arrested sunrise. “It feels like the most right thing in the world. But, I am frightened that I will lose you. I don’t want you to walk out of my life, out of our children’s lives. Forgive me for being so selfish. I can’t ask you to accept Sully and me, and still want you to be a part of my life.”
She tucked her hair behind her ears as if preparing to undertake a laborious task. “What happened between us wasn’t entirely your fault. I started the chain of events years ago. I pushed as hard for your success as you did. I didn’t have the wisdom then to see what I was doing.” She took a deep breath. “I was always so angry with you that I couldn’t tell you what I needed. I didn’t know how to, and—”
He didn’t hesitate. He simply embraced her with the full force of his sincerity.
“You tried to tell me, but you were screaming into the wind. I was always running away. Sully was meant to teach me something. He is connected to my soul because he forced me to explore the darkness of my heart. Both of you have given me such a precious gift. I want the chance to give back to you, if you’ll let me.”
“I want to be happy for you. I understand that you and Sully can’t help the way you feel for one another. Love will appear like the moon, because it is meant to be, not because a person demands it to be. But, I’m not such a perfect being. I need time.”
“I will always be here, for all of you.”
These were the first true words he had spoken to his wife in decades.
“Why don’t you start by making me a cup of tea?”
~~~
After looking in on his three sleeping children, Gillean walked through the tranquil halls of his home. He needed to speak with Arlen.
Making his way through the house, Gillean paused in the doorway of an ample sitting room. The grand piano, which dominated the room with its classical elegance, caught Gillean’s attention. This expensive instrument had been one of his immediate purchases once he had secured his first recording contract. Back then Gillean was in awe of his ability to compose songs on such a fine piece of craftsmanship. Now the piano was nothing more than a resting-place for family photos and the souvenirs from his years of travel.
Gillean picked up a black and white photo encased in a silver frame, carrying it to the window to study the picture by moonlight. The moment captured on film was as rare as any relic his father could have unearthed. A little boy stood flanked by his father and grandfather. The puckish Gillean was missing a few front teeth, but his smile all the wider to make up for the loss. His grandfather’s eyes charmed the camera with their warmth. Gillean raised the frame closer to his face and retrieved his glasses from his pocket.
When he examined the picture again, he paid particular attention to his father. Milo Faraday was not facing front as his son and father in-law were, but instead was turning to look at his boy. The vivacious child had his father’s full attention. The man’s arm reached around his son’s waist. Milo’s eyes peered down on the lad with a mixture of pride and sorrow. Gillean’s heart swelled. Setting his glasses on the instrument, he considered how many times must he have looked at his own son with the same eyes, the eyes of his mysterious and misunderstood father? Sitting at his piano gazing not at the distant stars but the faces of his family, Gillean understood.
The tears fell easy, dropping onto the image of the two men he had loved during his life, one without question, and one with a fierceness borne of defiance. His hand traced over the faces of his father and granddad.
“Why didn’t I ever see before, Da? Why didn’t I know?”
Gillean placed the picture back onto the piano and laid his head on the smooth lacquer surface, the doleful sobs shaking his body.
“I loved you, Da. I was forever trying to prove myself worthy of you. Why couldn’t we say the words?” He wiped at his eyes, choking back an ironic laugh. “What would you think of Sully? He is the most fearless person in the face of love I have ever met. Now I’ll hear those cherished words until the day I die. And I won’t be afraid to speak them often either.”
“Da?” Arlen called out quietly.
Gillean lifted his head, saying nothing as his son approached and took a seat next to hi
m on the bench. “Da, why are ya cryin’?”
“Why aren’t you?”
“Why should I be?” Arlen asked in total innocence.
“Because I have been of no use to you as a father. Because I’ve let too much time go by, so much so that you wonder whether I love you, don’t you?” Gillean’s tearful eyes searched his son’s.
Arlen shook his head. “No, Da, no.”
“Come on now. Tell me the truth, eh?”
Arlen took a moment before speaking. “Alright.” He tapped his fingers on the piano. “First, ya see how we’re sitting here? This is your domain, your world. Come outside with me. Let me show ya mine.”
Gillean agreed.
They left the house together, Gillean occasionally stumbling over a toy left behind in the wet grass by one of his other children.
“Dolan and Isabella. Mam’s always after them to bring their stuff inside.”
Arlen chuckled as Gillean tried to make his way in what seemed like a foreign land.
“I don’t even know how my own children spend their days,” he commented to himself, stepping over the tiny bodies of colorfully clad action figures.
The remorse of knowing he had simply provided the means for the activities, but was rarely a participant, stared him down with the intensity of the unusually bright yellow moon. The orb’s blue-gray craters could easily be seen with the naked eye.
“Here we are.” Arlen stopped short on the east side of the grand house where a sleek, black telescope faced the cosmos. “This is a perfect time. Now if ya look to the west, ya can easily see Orion and Gemini. Ya don’t even need the telescope.”
Gillean looked to where his son was pointing, and indeed he could make out the blazing images of the hunter and the twins.
“But, this is most cool.” Arlen peered down the small lens and made some adjustments. “If ya look right between Gemini and Leo, you can see Cancer.” He stepped away from the scope and offered Gillean a view.
Gillean placed his right eye close to the lens.
“Look right above ya.” His son’s hands were on his back. “Do ya see the five stars of Cancer?”
Blackthorns of the Forgotten Page 25