by Meryl Sawyer
“Oh, Kyle. I’m so sorry. If only Mother had known where you were. You could have lived with us.”
“Like I told you, Dad and I tried to call, but the line was always busy. After he left, I had to use a pay phone because I didn’t want to run up the Felders’ bill. I finally got through, but they said you were gone.”
“You tried to reach me?” she asked, utter disbelief coloring every word.
“Damn right. I promised, didn’t I?” Before the words passed his lips, he realized what she’d been thinking all these years. “You thought I blew you off, right?”
She nodded, her full lower lip trembling as she met his gaze. “What else could I think?”
“I thought you trusted me enough to know I would contact you unless something bad had happened. If you had called Bud, he would have told you where I was.”
She covered her face with trembling hands, and he had to steel himself from pulling her closer, but he was as mad as hell at her. Hadn’t he meant anything to her?
It was pitch dark now, and one by one the yard lights came on, thanks to the automatic timer. A small wall lantern on the verandah flicked on at the same time, giving off a dim glow.
Finally, she dropped her hands, but she didn’t look at him. Her eyelashes cast forlorn shadows across her cheeks. She slowly turned to him.
“I would have called except Mother kept harping on how terrible your father was and I … didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing. I never dreamed your father had been killed. I always thought you two could find us if you wished. Then Mother remarried and we moved so far away. I …”
He could have let her off the hook, but her distrust was a blow to his pride. All those years ago, he’d fallen in love with Jennifer. Time and life had moved on, but his feelings remained the same. He’d never considered committing himself to anyone else. Never.
“Is there anything else you want to know?” he asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep sarcasm out of his voice.
She measured him with sad, wary eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. All I can say was it was a terribly difficult time for me. Losing you, then my mother …”
In her gaze he saw something he intuitively recognized because he’d experienced it so often himself. Loneliness. He looked down at Sadie recalling Jennifer saying this dog was her only friend.
It was no way to live life, he decided, remembering something Jen had said earlier. When you look at something beautiful like a sunset and realize someone you love is dead and will never have the chance to see nature’s beauty, you appreciate it all the more. He’d missed so much. Nature’s beauty and the companionship of a special person.
Being angry about something that happened years ago, when they were hardly more than kids, was infantile. Fate had given him a second chance with Jennifer, and he wasn’t going to blow it.
He rocked the swing with his foot as he pulled her closer. The dark sky was spangled with pinpricks of stars and a magnolia moon, he noticed, proud of himself.
“What happened in Libya?” she asked out of the blue.
He sucked in a stabilizing breath and held it a second. “What did Chad tell you?”
“Not much. Just that you fell for some woman when you were supposed to be on a mission, and that’s how your leg was injured.”
“The sonofabitch! Know what he does? He takes a kernel of the truth and twists it to suit his purposes.”
“Yes. I learned the hard way, but I still want to know what happened to you.”
It had been a defining moment in his life, and it had ended the career he loved. Many times he’d replayed the incident, changing what he’d done. But now he could admit the truth. He would never have done anything differently.
“Posing as a Russian bomb expert, I went to Libya to crush a terrorist cell. While I was there, I noticed a woman being treated worse than a dog by her husband and his family.
“You have no idea what life is like for women in that part of the world. Over there, you marry into a family and become a slave to your mother-in-law and nothing more than a baby machine for your husband.”
“I know how good we have it,” she said. “I’m a member of Amnesty International. I always read their reports. Rape isn’t even a crime in many countries. It’s disgusting.”
Kyle nodded, then continued. “My mission was going great. I had them fooled, so I tried to ignore what was happening to Shalah, telling myself there were hundreds of thousands of women in the same predicament and I couldn’t save them all. Then one night, I found her outside the village, wandering, her clothes covered with dried blood.”
“What had happened to her?”
“Her husband and his family wanted another son, but the woman had delivered a daughter that morning. They stoned the baby to death, then beat Shalah with rakes and hoes. There was nowhere to go, no one to help her. I had to do something.”
“I’m so proud of you,” Jennifer said softly.
He shrugged off the compliment, silently acknowledging he’d done the right thing. He couldn’t say he was proud, but he knew he could never have lived with himself if he’d turned his back on that woman. It would have haunted him for the rest of his life.
“I hid Shalah in a granary and told her I would take her out of Libya when I left. Over the next few days, I brought her food, and she seemed much better.”
“Did she know who you really were?”
Kyle shook his head. “But I made the mistake of asking if she could swim, and she couldn’t, which didn’t come as a surprise. Women aren’t allowed to do much of anything except household tasks.”
“Swim? Why was that important?”
“SEALs come and go by sea.”
“You’re telling me you swam into Libya. From where?”
He chuckled at the incredulous inflection in her voice. His arm was still around her, and he gave her a hug before answering. “Remember the inflatable we used to get out of the mangroves? I left on a helicopter off a Navy ship. They dropped us into the ocean. We inflated the boat and motored as close to shore as we dared. I swam the rest of the way alone while the team went back to the ship. SOP.”
“Standard Operating Procedure. I had no idea.”
“My question about swimming must have panicked Shalah. The next night when I went to take her food, she was gone. I didn’t suspect she’d turned on me until the following morning, when the men I was supposedly teaching how to make bombs ambushed me. All of a sudden I was facing two dozen men with Uzi’s. They damn near killed me.”
She went stock-still. “Oh, my God. What did you do?”
He threw back his head and looked at the ceiling festooned with lacy wooden scrollwork. He still couldn’t quite believe he’d gotten out alive.
“Training kicked in. I threw a flash-bang. You know, it makes a helluva lot of noise and has a blinding light. Then I started firing. They fired back, but I’m a better shot.”
“They hit your leg.”
“And my arm and my shoulder, but I still managed to make it to the wharf. I radioed the ship, but they couldn’t send a team for me until dark. Then the inflatable hovered off shore until I could reach it.”
The wispy lashes shadowing her cheeks flew up, and she looked at him with wide, astonished eyes. “You’re not making this up, are you?”
“No, Jen, I’m not.” If anything, he was glossing over the worst parts, sparing her from knowing he’d looked death in the teeth several times during the longest day of his life.
“You had three bullet wounds and yet you still managed to swim out to the boat?”
Even now, he could feel the wine-dark sea, pulling at him, dragging him down with every stroke he took. He’d managed—by sheer strength of will—to swim the two miles out to where the SEAL team was waiting. He’d refused to allow himself to die like his father.
Alone in a foreign land.
“I made it,” he responded, downplaying the inner strength it had taken. “But I couldn’t climb into the inf
latable. The guys had to haul me in like a big fish.”
“I can’t imagine surviving an ordeal like that. Where did you find the courage?” She sagged against him, shaking her head. “I could never—”
“No one knows what they’re capable of until the situation faces them. We rise to the occasion. I had been highly trained, and I fell back on what I learned. It kept me alive. That’s why I’ve told you to improve your shooting skills. In an antiterrorist unit, you never know when—”
“Hul-low!” called a voice out of the darkness.
Plotzy. He was dressed in Day-glo orange Bermudas, sandals with black socks, and a Margaritaville T-shirt. If Jimmy Buffet saw Plotzy, he would shoot him on sight, and there wasn’t a jury on the planet who would convict Buffet.
“Have you all seen Thelma Mae?” Plotzy asked.
“No, we haven’t,” Kyle answered.
Plotzy pointed at Jennifer. “She said I was an alien in disguise.”
“It’s a pretty good disguise,” Kyle said. “Had me fooled.”
Plotzy smiled. “Right-o. I’m off to Clive’s party.”
Lucky Clive.
From inside the dark house, Thelma Mae had been listening to Kyle and Jennifer. She had to admit Kyle was a very impressive man. A straight-shooter, she thought, then tamped down the feelings that brought to the surface.
It wasn’t that Chad was a liar … exactly. Her son had suffered tremendously during his youth. Because of her. A wellspring of guilt made her sigh. Chad couldn’t be blamed for stretching the truth occasionally.
She’d asked Kyle about his family when she’d first interviewed him for a place at Thunder Island. He’d had his father to guide him until he was nearly grown. It had made all the difference in his personality.
Had she been able to raise Chad, things would have been different, she assured herself. But life hadn’t been easy on Chad. He’d been adopted by cruel parents who had molded him in strange ways.
Chad could have invited her tonight, she thought wistfully, but it hadn’t occurred to him because he automatically avoided parents after his terrible experience. She didn’t blame him, but still, she hated being here in this dark, empty house with nothing to do but eavesdrop on Jennifer and Kyle.
Chapter 26
Jennifer tuned out Plotzy as he rambled on and on and on to Kyle about the party at Clive’s. Her mind was what Kyle had told her.
He had tried to find her.
She had assumed his father was alive and would find a way of locating them, if he’d wished to do so. But Kyle’s father had died, and his circumstances had been nearly as terrible as her own. Maybe things had been worse for him, she decided. Kyle had a way of downplaying risky situations.
Just like his father.
And she was exactly like her mother. As much as she had loved her mother and mourned her death, Jennifer had to concede that her mother had been very self-centered. She had been so obsessed with Vince Parker that she couldn’t accept the love of a decent, caring man, Hiram Whitmore. Even more upsetting, Jennifer’s mother had killed herself just when Jennifer had needed her the most.
In many ways, she had the same failings as her mother. Jennifer had never seriously stopped to consider that something terrible might have befallen Kyle. True, she had been in a traumatic situation herself, but she should have known Kyle wouldn’t abandon her.
The warmth of his arm encircling her, his hand resting casually on her shoulder had been comforting a few moments ago. But now, taking a close look at herself, Jennifer felt ashamed and unworthy of his attention.
“Catch you later,” Kyle said as Plotzy trotted off.
“Right-o.”
“Let’s take a minute to enjoy the beautiful moon and the stars.” He gently rocked the swing back and forth. “Then let’s talk about us and the future.”
The future.
Those words brought forth a dull ache that she knew was her conscience scolding her. A part of her did want a future with this man, but how could she expect a future unless she was totally honest about the past?
She opened her mouth to tell him everything, but a twinge in her chest reminded her of the past. Of the pain.
The words did not want to come out. She sat there, lulled by the rhythmic movement of the swing and the softness of the balmy air and the comforting sturdiness of Kyle’s warm body next to hers. She should have been happy, yet she wasn’t and never would be until she told him the entire story.
“Jen, is something wrong?” His eyes probed to her very soul. “Is it Chad?”
Oh, Lordy. He actually thought she gave two hoots about that jerk. “No, I don’t care about him. I don’t know how I could have thought he was actually going to marry me. Even if he had, I never would be happy with him.”
His whole face spread into a smile that made her feel even more disgusted with herself. Tell him! Open up your mouth and say the words.
Looking into his eyes, she tried to gather strength, but it didn’t work. If anything, she was less inclined to dig up a past full of hurtful memories still capable of tormenting.
“Something’s wrong, Jen. I can feel it.”
“I like the way you call me Jen,” she hedged. “It’s not babyish like Jenny or as serious as Jennifer.” She leaned slightly into him, tilting her face up for a kiss.
He pressed his lips to hers, caressing her mouth more than kissing it. She curled her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back, letting him know how much she was enjoying this.
He pulled away, his expression darkening with some unreadable emotion. “Jen, level with me. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I can’t bring myself to talk about it, she wanted to scream. Just thinking about it hurt too much. She found herself standing up, saying, “I need to be alone for awhile. I’ve made too many mistakes in my life to rush into …”
“Into what?”
She realized he hadn’t actually asked her to do anything. He hadn’t declared his intentions, or even said how he felt about her. She was leaping to conclusions by thinking he was committing himself. It was the same type of thinking that led to her disastrous relationship with Chad Roberts.
“I don’t want to be involved in anything but my career right now. It’s all that’s important to me.”
“Bullshit!” He shot to his feet and towered over her. “I’m the one, the only one for you. Sooner or later, you’re going to admit it.”
She ducked around him. “Come on, Sadie. Let’s do your business and go to bed.”
“Take your time, Jen. You know we belong together. We always have.”
His bittersweet words echoing in her ears, she walked Sadie into the sea grass. They did belong together. She’d known it from the very first time he’d kissed her all those long years ago.
She had tried to hate him, but even then in some little corner of her heart she never had stopped loving him. How did he feel? He hadn’t come right out and said he loved her. No. He’d insisted he was “the one” for her.
What did he mean?
All she had to do was turn around and call to him, but she couldn’t. If he rejected her, Jennifer wasn’t sure what she would do. If he actually came out and said he loved her, how would she respond?
Like phoenix rising from the ashes of the past, an unbidden memory returned. She saw her stepfather’s two best bloodhounds at the edge of the pond. She’d raced up—and looked—before Hiram could shield her. The little girl was floating face down.
In her head she heard herself scream. “Dear God, no! Why didn’t they call us sooner?”
She was still screaming half an hour later when old Doc Golden arrived and gave her an injection. Did she really want to risk another emotional upheaval by discussing something that still had the power to destroy her emotional equilibrium?
Almost as important, could she trust herself? She had been positive she loved Chad and wanted to marry him. Be cautious, warned an inner voice. Go slow.
When she returned t
o the porch, Kyle was still there, leaning one shoulder against a post, watching her. She climbed the two steps, then waited for Sadie to limp up. She braved a quick look at Kyle.
“I’ll carry Sadie to your room.” The emerging bristle on his jaw was as stiff as his voice.
“I’d appreciate it.”
They went into the empty house and took the back stairs to Jennifer’s room. She rushed ahead, unlocked the door, and turned on the light. Kyle wasn’t far behind, and he deposited Sadie on her rug.
Kyle gazed at Jennifer for a long moment. The air in the room was fraught with tension and the undercurrent of something she couldn’t name. He seemed to be on the verge of saying something, but instead he turned and left.
“You did the right thing,” she mumbled to herself as she locked the door. “Think carefully before you do anything you may regret.”
Kyle all but kicked open the door to his room. What in hell was wrong with Jennifer? Just when he thought he was on solid ground, she yanked the rug out from under him.
He pulled off his shoes, asking himself, “If she isn’t upset about Chad, what in hell is bothering her?”
One shoe hit the wall that he shared with Jennifer, but he didn’t give a damn. Let her wonder. She had him upside down. Wondering.
He threw himself across the bed, rolled over and stared at the wide blades of the ceiling fan rotating over his head. Jennifer had asked him about those years when they’d been separated, and he had been candid. He’d told her the truth.
Okay, okay. It was the bare outline of what had happened. He hadn’t confessed what a gut-wrenching experience Libya had been because he hadn’t wanted to worry her.
He’d tried to spare her and succeeded in alienating her instead. What did he expect? He’d never had anything more than a sexual relationship with a woman.
Jennifer was different and she always had been. When he saw himself with her, he imagined a world he had never known, a place where a happy family lived together. A happy family, he thought.