by Beth Ehemann
My heart started pounding. On one hand, I was relieved that I didn’t say something way more fucking stupid, but on the other, I had no idea why I’d even texted her in the first place. Or how I remembered her phone number after all this time.
I flopped back on my bed and started thinking about what Brody said as he’d stormed out of my garage. Maybe calling Dr. Shawn wasn’t such a bad idea after all . . . not that I would ever tell him that.
On my way to the kitchen, I stopped in my bathroom and downed four Advil, praying to everything that was holy that my head would feel better fast.
I didn’t know how Gam drank that shit everyday.
I looked around my kitchen for Dr. Shawn’s business card—it wasn’t on any of the counters, on the front or side of the fridge, or on the cork board I had in the hallway to the laundry room.
Then it hit me.
I hurried over to the kitchen drawer I used to keep all the random women’s phone numbers in and pulled it open so hard I practically pulled it out. Sitting right there in the middle of the drawer was her business card.
My hands shook as I dialed her cell number. I had no idea if things had changed in the year since I saw her last, but she’d never had an assistant. Her clients called her directly to schedule an appointment. The phone rang once and I thought about hanging up. I had no idea what I was going to say when she answered, but I didn’t even have time to think about it because she picked up on the second ring.
“Viper?” her familiar, friendly voice said.
“Hey, Dr. Shawn. Long time no talk.”
“Yeah! Really long time no talk. I’m surprised to hear from you. Is everything okay?”
“Not really. I mean . . . I don’t know. My life has kinda gone into a shit spiral lately and a friend suggested I call you.” The vulnerability of saying those words out loud weighed more than ten Zambonis. I didn’t like letting my guard down, and I hated asking for help, but I didn’t know what else to do.
“Well, I’m glad you called me, Viper, but—”
“So do you have any appointments open today? Maybe tomorrow?”
“Unfortunately, I don’t.” Her voice was soft and she sounded just as disappointed as I felt. “I’m guessing you don’t know this, but I had a baby a couple of weeks ago. I’m actually going to be out on maternity leave for about four months.”
I couldn’t believe what she’d just said. “Baby? You had a baby? Oh, the fucking irony!” I was so annoyed that I started laughing like a maniac.
“Irony?”
“Never mind.” I let out a heavy sigh, no longer in the mood to let my guard down. My walls went back up faster than they’d ever been built before.
“I have an associate who’s seeing some of my clients while I’m out. Would you like his number?”
“No, thanks. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it.” Talking to Brody wouldn’t fix me. Talking to Dr. Shawn’s associate wouldn’t fix me. Nothing would fix me.
“I’m so sorry about the timing, Viper,” she said sincerely.
“You have no idea how laughable the timing is,” I mumbled into the phone. “I gotta go.”
Viper’s text confused and infuriated me at the same time. What did “I need to figure some shit out” even mean?
Were we together?
Were we not together?
Did I even want to be with him after the way he’d acted?
I didn’t even see the text until I woke up in the morning, but when I did, I took a deep breath and put my phone away. I was too hormonal and too angry to reply, and what I wanted to say wouldn’t have been good. While I was happy that he finally made contact, after all we’d been through together and a year of him practically living with me, he owed me more than some lame apology by text.
A lot more.
Gam had called earlier that week and asked me to come by to see her. I had no clue what Viper had or hadn’t told her, but I was relieved that she obviously wasn’t cutting off communication with me like I’d feared.
I dropped Matthew off at school and headed to Gam’s with Maura.
She was waiting on her porch for me when we pulled up, and before I even had Maura out of the car seat, she was standing next to me with open arms.
“How are my favorite girls?” She hugged me and Maura together, so tight that I wanted to cry. Other than kisses and hugs from the kids, I’d had no affection for a few weeks and I was desperate for it. I squeezed her back and blinked away tears that had started to sting my eyes.
She pulled back and studied my face with a grin on her own. “God, I’ve missed you. Where have you been?”
“Well . . . busy,” I said nonchalantly, still trying to gauge how much she knew.
“You’re all busy. You’re busy. Viper’s busy. Everyone’s busy. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here getting older by the minute, waiting for company.” She let out a quick laugh as we walked up the steps of her porch.
“You’re moving around really well,” I said, looking down toward her hip.
“Thanks. The therapy is helping a lot, and of course, some days are better than others. But when I saw you pull up, it was like a jolt of energy shot through me. I practically ran across the yard.” She sat down on the couch and held her arms out for Maura, who leaped right into them.
“Well that’s good to hear.” I sat down on the chair next to her and closed my eyes, taking a deep, cleansing breath. Gam’s big ole covered porch was one of my favorite places in the whole world. It was full of brightly painted birdhouses and comfy wicker furniture that was just begging to be napped in. Bushes along the front and side provided privacy for you to see out but not many to see in. It was heaven.
“You look tired, honey.”
I lifted my head and opened my eyes. “I am tired. Life has turned into a caveman and he’s dragging me around by the hair.”
“Well, why don’t you fill me in since no one seems to want to.” Gam reached under the couch and pulled out a small container of Maura’s favorite toys. Her eyes lit up and she squirmed to get down, quickly spreading all of the little Disney figurines out on the coffee table.
“What do you mean?” I played dumb.
Gam shook her head. “I’m not dumb.”
Busted.
She continued, “Viper has been weird and avoiding me. You haven’t been around as much. Something is going on and I want to know what it is.”
“I thought he would have told you by now.”
“Told me what?” Her voice lowered and her eyes grew big.
“Well, I don’t really know. I’m not sure what to tell. After his surgery he started acting really weird, pulling away from me and not talking to me. I knew that the injury was a lot for him to handle, so I just kinda dealt with it.”
Gam’s eyes softened in sadness and I had to look down at Maura as I told her the rest of the story.
When I was finished, she licked her lips and pinched them together, but she didn’t say anything for at least a whole minute. That minute felt more like a year. She stared down at the coffee table and let her eyes drift over to Maura, but they never lifted to mine. I sat quietly, listening to the sound of blood rushing through my ears, and waited. Eventually, she swallowed and lifted her gaze to me.
She placed her hands over Maura’s ears and shook her head. “I’m so mad at that fucking boy right now I could kick the shit out of him.” Letting go of Maura, she patted the couch next to her for me to come over. Without saying anything, I slid next to her. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and squeezed me tight as she pulled me close and kissed my temple. “Sweetheart, I’m so, so sorry he’s done this to you.”
Somewhere between the kiss on the head and her comforting words, tears filled my eyes and began to drip onto my pants.
She didn’t let go of my shoulders, but she continued talking. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this alone for as long as you have. Please promise me you won’t deal with it alone anymore.”
I nodded and
sniffed back more tears. “I promise, I’ve been okay. I talk to Kacie a lot, and she’s going to go to all of my doctor appointments with me. I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will. Michelle,”—she turned to face me and took my hand in hers, looking me straight in the eye—“I’m not lying when I say this. I can’t think of one woman on this planet who is stronger than you. You have been through so much already, and I know you can handle whatever life throws at you.”
I pressed my lips into a tight smile and dropped my eyes. “Thanks. That means a lot coming from you.”
“And I’m also going to add that even if that brat doesn’t want to be part of this baby’s life, his or her great-grandma sure does. I love my grandson like he’s my own, but that doesn’t mean I have to like his behavior.”
Letting out a heavy sigh, I shook my head. “I don’t want that, Gam. I don’t want you guys to fight or not have a relationship because of this. I’m glad you want to be part of the baby’s life and I’ll gladly accept, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have Viper in yours.”
“We’ll see about that,” she said. It sounded more like a warning than a statement. “But I just want to say this one last thing—If you never want to speak to him again, I support that, but if there’s even a teeny, tiny part of you that still loves him, give it a little more time. There are few human beings on this planet more stubborn than that boy, but when he loves, he loves hard. And he loves you. He loves you in a way that I’ve never seen him love anyone before. Love like that doesn’t just go away in a couple of weeks.”
Gam’s words filled me with hope. She knew Viper better than anyone, and if she believed there might still be a chance, I owed it to myself, Viper, Matthew, Maura, and the bean in my belly to hang on just a little longer, too.
Maura swung her head up to Gam. “Juice box?”
“You want a juice box, Little Mo?”
Her head nodded excitedly and her eyes sparkled.
“Well, all right then. Let’s get Maura a juice box and her momma some food.” Gam smiled at me and took mine and Maura’s hands in each of her own as we walked into the house.
Kat was in the kitchen sweeping the floor when we walked in. When she looked up and noticed us, her dark red lips spread into a wide, tight smile.
“Hi,” I said cheerfully.
“Hi. Can I get you guys anything?” She looked back and forth from me to Gam.
“Nah, that’s okay. I just want to make this sweet girl here some food. She’s eating for two now,” Gam said proudly as she pointed at me and made her way over to the fridge.
Kat’s dark eyes opened wide and traveled down to my belly. “You’re pregnant?”
I nodded. “I am.”
“Wow, congratulations!” Kat said warmly.
“Thanks.” It felt nice to be congratulated without having to explain to someone where Viper was or what was going on with us.
“Okay, what are you in the mood for? I have just about everything, literally.” Gam turned from the fridge to face me.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged as I sat down in a kitchen chair and pulled Maura up onto my lap. “Anything. I’m starving.”
Gam started pulling containers out of the fridge and dumping things on plates as I dropped my head toward Maura, who was babbling and chewing on my necklace. I brushed her thin little baby hairs off of her forehead and pressed my lips against it. She still smelled like her strawberry soap from the night before, and I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. My mind wandered to the thought of her being a big sister. Matthew was such an amazing big brother from day one and never jealous, but Maura was definitely a little more of a spitfire. It was still months away, but I couldn’t wait to see her face when she saw the baby for the first time.
I opened my eyes and lifted them back to the room. Kat was standing with the broom still in her hand, staring right at me. My eyebrows shot up in surprise as our gazes connected, but she quickly lowered her head and went back to sweeping.
Gam turned from the counter and set a plate in front of me.
“How do you do this? You’re magical,” I said in awe, staring down at the chicken salad sandwich on a flaky croissant and the watermelon salad right next to it.
Gam laughed and sat down in the chair next to me. “I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I got up and used my leftover chicken to make chicken salad.”
I shook my head but didn’t respond. I was too busy trying to fit as much of the sandwich in my mouth as I could.
“Mermelon?” Maura asked, clapping her hands together.
“You want some watermelon of your own, Little Mo?” Gam got up from the table and scooped a small pile of watermelon, cucumbers, and feta cheese into a plastic bowl and set it in front of her. Just as I suspected, Maura scrunched up her face as she picked the pieces of cheese out of the bowl and set them on the table.
Gam gazed at Maura with a smile and shook her head as I continued stuffing my face. I hadn’t felt all that hungry when I got to Gam’s, but suddenly I was ravenous.
Gam told me all about her lunch date with Phil a few days before and how she needed to get bird seed from the store since winter was on the way and she wanted her cardinals to be fed. I listened to her happily as I ate. We talked about everything and nothing . . . and it was amazing.
After I’d finished eating and it seemed like we’d covered just about everything we could cover for one day, I glanced down at my phone.
“Crap!” I yelled as I jumped up, startling Maura. “I totally forgot about Matthew. He gets out of school in a little bit. I gotta run.” I carefully dropped my plate and Maura’s bowl in the sink and hurried toward the front door with Gam following along behind me as best as she could. I zipped Maura’s jacket as Gam let out a heavy sigh.
“What was that about?” I asked her as I stood and lifted Maura onto my hip.
She swallowed and stared at me for a second. “I’m just worried, that’s all.”
“I’m fine,” I reassured her.
“I know you are. You’re an amazing woman who will get through anything, but I’m worried for Viper, too. He’s making a huge mistake, and I’m scared he’s going to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”
Taking a deep breath, I gathered my thoughts. I was furious with Viper, but that didn’t mean I was done with him. I also didn’t want to give Gam false hope that everything would be fine, because I had no idea what the future held. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with us. Right now, things are definitely strained, but I’ll tell you this much . . . I haven’t given up yet.”
A tight smiled grew across Gam’s lips. “Good. Because as dumb as I think he is, I really think you two are meant to be together.” She wrapped her arms around me and Maura, squeezing us both at the same time again. “Every pot has a lid, just remember that.”
“Huh?” I said as she let go and pulled back.
“Every pot has a lid,” she repeated in a firmer tone.
Gam had many quirky phrases and sayings that I’d heard many times over the last year or so, but that one was new to me. “That’s a new one.”
“It’s one of my favorites,” she added as her eyes drifted out the front door and went somewhere deep in her mind. “My mom used to say it to me when I was younger, and when I met Don all those years ago, I just knew he was my lid.”
“Every pot has a lid, huh?” I said with a sigh. “Well, hopefully my lid gets his head out of the dishwasher before he warps his brain.” I lowered my head and planted a quick kiss on her cheek. “All right, off to get my little man. I’ll call you soon.”
“Please do!” she called out as she leaned against the door frame and waved.
I made it to Matthew’s school just in time and we went straight home. Nap time had never sounded more appealing. Matthew hopped out of the car and ran to the front door as I took Maura out of the car and walked to the mailbox. As I pulled the tiny stack of envelopes out, something caught my eye. A folded up p
iece of paper was lying on top. I frowned as I switched the mail to my other hand and unfolded the paper.
Just thought I’d give you my cell number in case you ever need help with anything, or a babysitter, or someone to come and drink your beer.
Joel
I blinked a couple times and stared down at the piece of paper, reading the words and phone number over again. It was just a silly note from a helpful new neighbor, and I knew that, but then why had a teeny, tiny little butterfly started floating around in my stomach?
“Lawrence Finkle. This is your grandmother. I would like to have a word with you. Be at my house tomorrow morning at nine o’clock. If you have something else going on, cancel it.”
Gam’s voicemail from the night before played over and over and over in my mind as I drove to her house. She was pissed. She was pissed, and she knew. Her tone was cold and hard, something I rarely heard from her, and she didn’t say good-bye. Gam always said good-bye. I pulled up to her house and my stomach twisted into the same knot I used to get as I made my way through the empty hallway toward the principal’s office, usually with a teacher glaring at me from behind.
The porch was empty when I pulled up, but that damn car was in the driveway. Worst case scenario. While I’d finally made peace with Kat helping Gam, I still didn’t want her hearing all the details of my personal life, and if I knew Gam, there was going to be nothing quiet about the next little while.
I crept quietly up the wooden steps of the porch, hoping to look through the door and see where she was before I went through . . . kind of like spotting my enemy before they could strike.
I held my hand up to the screen to shield my eyes as I peeked in and looked to the right.