And because, if she were brutally honest with herself, she really didn’t like being alone, and she'd felt alone since Luke had left her.
She couldn't remember her mother at all, at least not on a conscious level, but in some strange way, she'd really felt her mother's absence when Luke left. Although Papa had always been there and was the cornerstone of her life, nevertheless, she'd felt as if a piece of her soul had been missing.
She'd replaced that piece on her own and she never intended to entrust it to anybody again.
When she married Spencer, she would have companionship without endangering that part of herself.
And if he should leave you, it wouldn't hurt the way losing your mother and Luke hurt.
Where were these thoughts coming from?
This was not the time for her to let her emotions get out of control. She needed to forget about Luke and focus on Papa. She needed to figure out how she could help him. Maybe she ought to talk to his doctor in Briar Creek, see if he'd noticed any mental problems, if he could suggest any drugs to help.
Papa's plight only emphasized the need to keep her feet on the ground. Papa had lost Mama, the love of his life, and now he missed her so badly, he imagined that she'd come back to him. How terrible that must be, to go through life wanting someone so badly his own life wasn't complete without that person, needing someone so badly it destroyed his mind.
Thank goodness she'd learned her lesson when she was young and could now proceed with her life in a safe, sane manner.
She walked down the dark hall to her bedroom.
Now if only she could forget the way her soul had connected with Luke's as they'd stood on the balcony talking, the way his lips had felt on hers, the extraordinary, soaring way he'd made her feel, the bonding she'd almost let herself fall into with him just before he yanked it away from her...for the second time.
Chapter Thirteen
Shortly after eleven the next morning Luke pulled in behind the jail with the requested legal documents and all the computer stuff. He'd dropped Katie off at her house. She'd promised to come by that afternoon and get everything set up, but she'd been blatantly anxious to get away from him.
The ride back to Briar Creek that morning had seemed twice as long as the ride to Dallas. From the time they had first got up, Katie had been courteous, polite and distant. In fact, she'd managed to take distant to new heights. All the way home, she'd again hugged the door handle as they drove, and he didn't protest this time.
He'd ruined their relationship again. He'd put an end to their friendship before it ever had the chance to get back on its feet.
He couldn't believe he'd done that...kissed Katie as if he wanted to possess her—which he did—as if he wanted to make wild, passionate love to her—which he did.
Didn't he have any sense of decency at all? Katie was his friend, for crying out loud, Sheriff's daughter, and he'd treated her like...well, like a woman. A woman he wanted to make love to.
That was bad enough, but hadn't he learned anything from his experience with Cindy? A friend was a friend and a lover was a lover. Friends were forever, but when the elements of sex and passion came into the picture, it was like a bad chemistry experiment. The compound was unstable and could blow at any minute. And he'd blown it with Katie last night. Big time.
He got out of his car and decided to leave all the computer stuff there. It would be safe in Briar Creek, behind the sheriff's office.
When Katie arrived, they could take it in. He picked up the brown envelope containing a copy of Seth Flanders' divorce papers to take inside with him.
He didn't really understand why this document had been so important to Sheriff or why he'd needed it immediately rather than waiting for it to arrive in the mail. But he wouldn't ask, wouldn't question Sheriff's authority...not when he'd just spent the evening trying to seduce Sheriff's daughter.
"Hey, Luke!" Sheriff greeted him when he entered the older man's office. "Glad you got back safely. I really appreciate your doing this."
"No problem." Luke handed Sheriff the envelope while avoiding his gaze. He didn't want his mentor and friend to see in his eyes the guilt of what he'd tried to do—wanted to do—to that man's daughter.
"Katie called to say she'd be over here after lunch to get this computer contraption set up."
"Yeah, that's what she told me."
"I tried to talk her into coming over here right now so we could all go to lunch, but she wouldn't do it. You kids have a good time last night?"
Luke's head snapped up at that question, his guilty conscience wondering exactly what Sheriff meant. "We watched a little television then went to bed." Did that sound as suggestive to Sheriff as it did to him? "In separate bedrooms, of course." That probably made it sound worse.
Sheriff arched an eyebrow. "Luke, I reckon you and Katie are both adults. I'm not worried about what you do when you're alone together."
"We didn't do anything."
Sheriff's gaze was steady and unwavering.
Luke tried to smile, backed up and slapped the door facing. "Well, I guess I'd better get to work. I need to get caught up on whatever I missed yesterday."
"Not much happened to catch up on. I just hope yours and Katie's day wasn't as dull as it was here."
"Dull. Yeah, it was pretty dull. Running around, looking for computer stuff, going by the courthouse...dull."
Luke went into his office, sank into his chair and took a deep breath, trying to stop his guts from clenching.
Dull? That was sure the last word he'd use to describe yesterday.
True, he and Katie didn't do anything last night, at least not in the strictest sense of the term. They hadn't made love.
But in a different sense, he had done more yesterday than the other days of his life all put together. He'd kissed Katie, the most soul-searing, mind-blowing kiss he'd ever experienced in his entire life. Kissed her, held her body against his, wanted to make love to her, and then lost her.
If he'd been trying to screw up, he couldn't have done a better job of it.
***
Her purse clutched tightly in both hands, Kate sat stiffly erect in the plastic-covered chair in Dr. Stanley Kramer's waiting room. She'd called as soon as she got back to Briar Creek that morning and requested an appointment. She had to know if anything was physically wrong with Papa.
The waiting room was too warm, and the room deodorizer didn't quite cover the stale smell. A remnant of every illness that had come through the door over the years still seemed to linger.
She kept telling herself to relax, but to no avail. She hadn't slept much last night, had endured a tense drive back to Briar Creek with Luke this morning and now she was waiting to talk to Papa's doctor about his condition. Not one relaxing element in the lot.
Across the room Frank Jasper, clad in overalls and minus his teeth, sat singing to himself and keeping time with one muddy, work boot clad foot. Where the heck had he found mud in the middle of June in Texas?
Two chairs down from him Heather Richmond entertained her baby with a variety of toys and books.
Heather was a few years younger than Kate, but they knew each other by sight and family, well enough for Heather to fill their waiting time with tales of everything about her eight-month old daughter, Lydia, including details of Lydia's birth that Kate really hadn't wanted to hear. Not that she would ever go through that process, but she still didn't need to know the details.
Kate checked her watch. The nurse had said she could probably see Dr. Kramer around noon, and it was thirty-five minutes past. But that was life in Briar Creek. Around noon could mean anywhere between eleven and one and nobody got too excited about the lack of preciseness.
Lydia climbed down from Heather's lap and started crawling around the room. Kate tensed at the child came closer to her. Lydia looked up with a toothless grin, gurgled and, clutching the hem of Kate's skirt with one chubby hand while balancing with the other on Kate's leg, began to pull herself onto her unstead
y feet.
"She's going to be walking any day now!" Heather said proudly.
Kate froze, uncertain what to do with the small creature with big eyes, incredibly smooth skin and a smile that reached right inside her heart. Her arms strained with wanting to pick up the adorable baby, but her mind screamed at her not to. What if Lydia cried? What if Kate dropped her? What if she hurt her?
It was, she knew, illogical to be frightened of babies. But they were so tiny, so soft and fragile, that the thought of holding one terrified her. If she hadn't rushed down to Briar Creek to check on Papa, she would be going in for her tubal ligation this week and wouldn't have to be concerned about ever bringing a child into the world, a child she knew she couldn't possibly care for.
"Kate, the doctor's ready to see you."
"I have to go." Kate dared to touch the smooth soft cheek. Lydia made a noise of some sort, Kate jerked back and then Lydia started to cry.
Kate cast a frantic look across the room to Heather. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset her."
Heather laughed. "You didn't do anything. She startled you and you startled her, that's all." She came over and retrieved her child. Lydia immediately ceased crying.
Kate stood, feeling a little shaky. "Whatever I did, you undid it."
"I didn't do anything, either. They're bonded to mommy at this age. You'll get the hang of it when you have one of your own."
Kate smiled weakly as she followed the nurse into Dr. Kramer's office.
She would not be having any of her own. The thought of failing someone so dependent and helpless was too scary, and she had not one shred of doubt that she would fail.
Dr. Kramer, who must be as old if not older than Papa, leaned back in his high-backed, creaky chair and ran a hand over his bald head. "Have a seat, Katie. What brings you here today? I haven't seen you in years. I figured you probably went to those big city doctors for what ails you."
Kate sat on the edge of another chair identical to the ones in the waiting room. In fact, she realized, her posture was identical to the one she'd maintained in the waiting room. This area, however, was cooler and smelled more of old paper and leather instead of illnesses. She ought to be able to relax a little more.
She licked her dry lips and tried to sit back. "It's not me I want to talk to you about. It's Papa."
Kramer's bushy white brows knit over his large nose. "Sheriff? Is he sick?"
"That's what I want you to tell me. He's been acting...strange."
"Strange in what way?"
"Anything I say to you is confidential, right? Doctor-patient privilege. Right?"
Kramer looked confused. "I reckon so. But if that's the way of it, I can't tell you anything about Sheriff."
"Oh." They stared at each for a moment, at an impasse. "I just want to know if he's all right," she said finally.
"Sheriff's in great shape. I gave him a complete physical before he ran for reelection last year. He's got the constitution of a man half his age."
"What about—" She swallowed hard, lifted her hands then dropped them to her purse in her lap.
Kramer leaned forward expectantly. "What about what?"
She cleared her throat. "Early senility." A long pause, then the dreaded word. "Alzheimer's."
Kramer frowned, his shaggy brows knitting again. "What in the world would make you think of something like that? Sheriff's mind's probably clearer than yours or mine."
Kate shifted uncomfortably in the chair and realized she was perched on the edge again. "He, uh, talks to Mama."
"Uh huh."
"He dances with her."
"Uh huh."
"She answers questions about cooking for him."
Kramer laughed and leaned back. "Well, that's a new one." He sobered. "Katie, you're young. You don't know what it's like to lose somebody you love with all your heart and all your soul. Well, I guess that's not quite true. You did lose your mama, but you were too little then to remember much about it. My wife died four years ago, and I still talk to her, dance with her, ask her advice, and, yes, sometimes she answers."
Kate fidgeted. "He put her on the phone to talk to me."
"Did she say anything to you?"
"No, of course not. Doctor Kramer, do you think Papa ought to be on Prozac or something?"
"Sheriff? Lord, no! Katie, trust me. There's nothing wrong with your daddy. You know that old expression, joined at the hip? Well, your mama and daddy were joined at the heart. She was a part of him, and he'll never lose that. Her body may not be here, but her spirit is. Don't you worry if he talks to her. He always has and he always will. Now tell me about you. When are you gonna get married and give Sheriff a grandbaby to spoil? I've got four myself and one great-grandson."
The discussion was over. Kramer wasn't going to tell her anything else about Papa, and she wasn't going to tell him anything about her plans not to have grandchildren.
Kate rose and extended her hand. "Thank you so much for talking to me, Doctor Kramer. You've taken a real load off my mind." He hadn't, but he had lightened it a little.
"Come by any time, Katie."
Kate left the doctor's office, got in her car and drove aimlessly around town, her mind replaying what Kramer had said, what Papa had said, what she and Luke had talked about, trying to make it fit into something coherent. She wanted to believe Papa was all right, that talking to Mama was normal. Maybe she had overreacted. Maybe what Papa was doing was normal for any man whose wife had died.
She could kind of accept the dancing but putting Mama on the phone and getting culinary advice from her just did not seem normal.
Even so, his delusion didn't seem to be causing Papa or anyone else any harm.
Kate blinked away the fog from her brain, looked around and found herself down at the creek bank, a place she hadn't been in years. It was a spot where lovers used to park, but she and Luke had claimed the cave below as theirs. It was in the floor of that cave that they had buried the thorn with which they'd pricked their fingers and declared their eternal friendship. The thorn had undoubtedly decomposed by now, just as their friendship had.
What on earth had possessed her to drive down here?
She got out of the car, walked to the edge of the bank and looked down. When Luke had first left town, she'd gone to that cave often to feel closer to him...to talk to him the way Papa talked to Mama.
But Luke had never answered her.
She'd quit going to the cave when it became obvious that Luke was really gone. In fact, she hadn't been near it in years and had only come here today accidentally, a series of random turns while her mind was occupied with thoughts of Papa.
And Luke.
Not really, she told herself. Only as her conversation with Luke the previous evening related to Papa.
Yes, really.
That little voice inside her head was getting annoying. Last night it had made her question her engagement to Spencer and now it was arguing with her about Luke. Must be stress.
Okay, she told the little voice, so maybe she did have an irrational urge to talk to Luke about everything, including what Doc Kramer had said. In the past, Luke had a way of helping her sort things out, put things in their proper order and perspective, just as he had last night with his comment about a thirsty man hallucinating water and about the movie and how sad it would have been for Elwood P. Dowd to stop seeing Harvey.
She gazed down at the creek below. Was it true what Luke had said, that she'd chosen her condo in Dallas because the view reminded her of this one? Had she been trying to recapture something that was lost forever? Surely not. She knew better than that. As she'd told Luke, a creek is a creek and a tree is a tree. Coincidence.
Just like the coincidence that you came to this place in your confusion, looking for answers.
She turned and went back to the car.
Whatever games her subconscious mind might be playing with her, she was still in control. She didn't have to listen to it.
She was no longer el
even years old, and she didn't need Luke's friendship. That was over and done, and if she'd required any further proof, she certainly got it last night and this morning. Luke had kissed her, something she knew they had both wanted, and then he'd run from her and remained as distant as possible the next morning.
She got back in her car and started the engine. She had promised Papa she'd get that computer equipment installed and running.
Her hand hesitated on the steering wheel as she backed out onto the road. Luke would be there. She was still faced with training Luke on the computer.
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