by Jasmine Hill
She had to leave the following morning but where she would go she had no idea. She drew in a sharp, shuddering breath in an attempt to calm her shattered nerves. She’d appreciated that her decision to return to Australia was a risk but she hadn’t considered the possibility of being without shelter and financial stability so quickly.
Determined not to weep any longer, she took a few moments to collect herself before she stood and made her way back to the house. She’d come this far, so she wouldn’t crumble under pressure from the unknown. She’d survive as she always did and she would get by. She would speak to Mrs. Thompson when she returned from running the household errands. Perhaps the housekeeper could offer some advice regarding other possible positions.
As Lillian stepped into the hall of the house, William appeared in the doorway of the drawing room.
“Miss Hamilton, please may I speak with you a moment?”
Lillian paused, wondering what more he could possibly say to her. Curiosity overcame her wariness, however, and she followed as he led the way to his study. He stopped and sat behind a large mahogany desk. She stood facing him uncertainly.
William gestured for her to take a seat opposite him. “You’ve been crying. I’m sorry to have caused you so much distress. I apologize for my less than civil behavior earlier. Your appearance caught me off guard.”
She perched on the edge of her chair and gave him a curt nod in acceptance of his apology.
“I would like you to assume the governess position. I understand if—after my behavior—you wish to leave, but I would like you to listen to what I have to say.”
Lillian willed herself to meet his gaze and lifted her chin. “Go on.” She was amazed at the steadiness in her voice and gave herself a mental pat on the back.
He cleared his throat. “I think that if we can forget the past and focus on the future and maintain a professional relationship, then I don’t see any reason why this can’t work. I have two children—Edward, who is seven, and Clara, who is five. They are good children and need a governess to see to their education and, to a certain extent, their upbringing regarding etiquette and appropriate behavior. You will be satisfactorily paid and, of course, you will have room and board. I have set aside a small room upstairs to serve as a classroom. I think your instruction would be beneficial for them and I know that your education is more than sufficient for the role. I won’t ask anything about your life, since we knew each other before. Your past is your business and your business alone. I don’t know the circumstances that brought you here but I won’t see you put out if you require a position and shelter. I’m definitely not that vindictive.”
Lillian needed a moment to process his words. He was studying her intently, trying to read her features for a reaction.
She stood and paced to the window to think. While she was thankful that William had given her a chance to stay, his words—so devoid of emotion—left her feeling cold and desolate. But the inescapable fact was that she had no other options. She must stay and make the best of a bad situation. The children were the priority and should provide a much-needed diversion and keep her busy enough that she wouldn’t think too often about William and their past. And provided they kept out of each other’s way as much as possible, she might minimize any additional hurt that being so near to him again would surely bring.
She turned to face him and her breath caught as she was struck yet again by how handsome he was. He’d always been a good-looking young man and he’d grown into a strikingly attractive gentleman. But there was also a harder, more uncompromising quality about him that at once intrigued her and made her slightly nervous. She shrugged off this last thought and came to a decision.
“Thank you for your offer, Mr. Cartwright. The children, of course, must be the priority and as you believe me to be capable of performing the governess role then I will accept.”
He nodded and Lillian thought she detected a quick flash of relief cross his features before he rearranged his face once more into an impassive mask.
She felt that she had to offer her condolences and before her courage failed her, she resumed speaking. “I’m very sorry for the loss of your brother and your wife. It must have been a terrible time for you and the children.”
He gazed at her intently for a moment and Lillian felt her stomach bottom out at the intensity of his stare.
“Thank you,” he responded finally. “James’ death was a shock to us all. It was a freak accident that took us all by surprise. It happened just before I left for the war. It was some relief, however, that he didn’t leave a wife or children. My wife had been ill for some time and while her passing was extremely distressing, it was not wholly unexpected. We all miss her terribly, particularly the children.”
He turned away from her quickly and looked at his pocket watch. “Mrs. Thompson should be returning at any moment. She will show you to your room and assist you in getting settled. The children are currently with her in town. You will meet them tomorrow.”
He stood and moved toward the door then turned to look at her, a softness crossing his features. “I’m glad that you’ve decided to stay,” he said quietly then left the room.
Lillian sank onto the window seat and let out a deep breath as she reviewed their conversation. William had been cool and impersonal, but at least she had somewhere to live indefinitely. It would take some time to become accustomed to the formality of the situation, but she agreed with William that it was for the best for both of them to maintain a distance—professional and aloof.
Chapter Four
The evening was chilly and peaceful. Lillian had forgotten how solitary and quiet the nights were in the outback and how beautiful and clear the sky was—a vast, ebony blanket dotted with twinkling lights. She’d finished her unpacking and had come outside for a moment of quiet contemplation before she retired.
She reflected on her conversation with Mrs. Thompson when the housekeeper had returned to the property. Mrs. Thompson had said that she’d assumed, based on the letter from Lillian’s aunt, that Lillian knew to whom she’d been referring when she had written about Mr. Cartwright. She hadn’t intended to be deceitful. There had just been a miscommunication along the way.
Lillian had no idea how her aunt had come across the information about the death of William’s wife and his subsequent requirement of a governess but it mattered little. She was at Mulga Creek now and she had to make the best of her situation.
She took a deep breath and inhaled the unique scents she had only ever experienced in the outback. The aroma of eucalyptus and campfire smoke that drifted to her on the evening breeze brought back fond memories from childhood and she smiled wistfully as she recalled a time full of laughter and carefree days. She drew her gown closer around her and leaned against the side of the house, taking comfort in the solitude and the familiar.
She was studying the stars and re-familiarizing herself with the southern hemisphere constellations when she heard the sound of running water from the other side of the house. She tiptoed to the end of the deck and, conscious of her stark white nightgown, stayed in the shadows peering over the railing to investigate the noise.
Her breath caught in appreciation as she spied William. Naked from the waist up, he stood by the yard water pump. She had thought he looked good with his shirt on, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of his bare torso. She studied his physique with fascination, enjoying the way his hard, spectacular chest muscles rippled in the moonlight as he bent to scoop water over his head. His dusty bush hat and equally dusty work shirt lay next to his booted feet, indicating that he’d just come in from working the paddocks. Water drops clung to the fine sprinkling of dark chest hair that followed the lean trail of his washboard stomach. Her gaze lingered over the defined V of his abdomen then dropped lower, following the V as it disappeared beneath the waistband of his trousers. His overly long, wavy hair glistened wetly in the moonlight and dripped water over his back and shoulders.
Sh
e knew she shouldn’t be watching him. It wasn’t proper, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his muscular form. She wondered what it would feel like to have that hard body pressed against hers, to have his strong arms enveloping her and offering her comfort and protection. A warm glow flared low in her belly and a clenching beat started between her thighs.
She drew her breath in sharply and in doing so, drew William’s attention to her.
He spun around quickly, narrowing his eyes as his gaze alighted on her shadowed form.
“What are you doing hiding there in the dark, Miss Hamilton? Come out where I can see you.”
Lillian took a tentative step forward, then another, until she was no longer shrouded in darkness. As she drew closer to William, she saw his mouth curve in amusement.
“Enjoying the show?” he asked, his tone low and mocking.
Lillian’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. She was mortified that she’d been caught spying on him and was unable to invent a reasonable explanation.
“I’m sorry. I’ll let you have some privacy.”
She turned to go, but he stepped toward her and grasped her wrist.
“Not so fast, Lilly.”
She jumped at the unfamiliar use of his pet name for her and swung around to face him. He was so close that his body heat permeated the soft fabric of her nightgown and sent warmth radiating through her limbs. He tugged her closer, pressing her breasts against his damp chest, then slipped her dressing gown from her shoulders and tossed it aside.
Her breath caught at the feel of his damp skin through the filmy fabric of her nightdress.
“Do you like what you see?” he whispered in her ear. His warm breath sent shivers through her, hardening her nipples to taut points.
“I think you do,” he continued. “I feel your arousal.”
Lillian struggled against his hold, appalled at her body’s embarrassing reaction to him.
“Turn around,” he rumbled in her ear, spinning her so that his front was snug against her back. He splayed one large hand over her throat and tilted her head back, resting it on his shoulder. Her heart beat a frantic tattoo against her ribcage and a tightness coiled heavily in her loins. She knew that her reaction to William was wrong, but she couldn’t help her primal response to him. Only in her dreams had she ever imagined their two bodies being so close again.
Keeping his left hand at her throat, he ran his right down her shoulder and arm until he reached her breast. “Let me touch you.”
She shivered at his illicit caress and a soft moan escaped her. When she made no move to pull away, he cupped her right breast and ran his thumb over her erect nipple then rolled it between thumb and forefinger. She gasped and wriggled against him.
“Shh, my sweet,” he murmured at her ear, eliciting another shiver from her traitorous body.
He palmed her right breast before moving to her left, running his palm across that nipple softly, testing its stretch. “So responsive. So ripe.” His voice vibrated hoarse and hot against her flesh.
She groaned and arched her back to press her breast harder into his hand.
“Feel how heavy your breasts are? It’s your desire that makes them so full and weighty.” He ran his left hand down to join his right and cupped heavy mounds, weighing them and using his thumb and forefinger to tug on each of her nipples.
The sensations were so unfamiliar, so intense. Her insides quivered and a liquid heat suffused her limbs, turning her weak and pliable. She slumped against William in total supplication as he continued to work her nipples into impossibly hard points. A whimper left her throat and she rubbed against him, gripping his strong forearms to steady herself. She could feel the hard length of his arousal against her lower back. It should have shocked her but it only inflamed her further and made the deep ache in her belly throb more insistently.
“Please.” She was unsure what she was begging for but understood that she needed some relief from the sensations that were swamping her.
“Please what, Lilly? What do you want?”
“I… I don’t know,” she stammered.
He ran his hands lower to her hips and started to draw her nightgown up slowly until she felt the cool evening breeze against her fevered flesh. She was aware of the dampness seeping between her thighs and she pressed her legs together, trying to give herself some relief from the feelings roiling low in her belly.
“I know what you need. Let me feel you,” he said, his voice low and husky. “Let me feel that hot, wet pussy of yours.”
Lillian gasped in shock at his crude words but spread her legs wide, not able to stop her body operating automatically to seek alleviation from the needy, throbbing sensations that were overwhelming her.
“That’s it, my sweet,” he coaxed. “Open wide for me.”
He swept his hand from her hip to curl in the soft hair between her thighs. “So wet and ready.” He slipped a finger inside her. “So hot and tight.”
She groaned loudly and thrust against his hand as he caressed her. Never had she felt such pleasure—the internal quivering of her muscles was almost too much to bear and she tried to close her legs, but he was ready for her. He made a soft tsking sound in her ear and gripped one of her thighs, widening her stance and preventing her from closing her legs. He caressed across her folds, finding her clitoris. He pressed down, thrusting two fingers into her channel and stroking her inner wall.
“Just here,” he murmured.
She cried out, her body convulsing against his. Sudden waves of pleasure pulsed through her, her vision blurred and she seemed to float outside of her body. She’d never felt such a sweet euphoria like had just surged through her from head to toe, leaving her weak and lightheaded.
She slumped against William in confusion and lethargy as he continued to caress her most intimate place.
“Christ, you’re responsive,” he groaned, his voice full of reverent wonder. “Just one touch and you’re coming apart in my arms.”
He banded a muscular arm tightly around her waist while with the other he thrust one, then two fingers roughly inside her, pushing deeply.
Pain shot through her at the cruel invasion and she cried out and struggled in his grasp.
William froze. “Fuck, Lillian—you’re a virgin?” He pushed her away and turned her to face him.
Lillian didn’t want to admit that she was. William thought that she was married—or at least had assumed that she’d been married. And she wanted that shield—needed that protection. The fact that she’d been married meant that she hadn’t been pining away for ten years thinking about William with his wife. It was proof that she hadn’t turned away every man because of the unrequited love that she harbored for another.
She thought quickly, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse.
“No, I’m not a virgin,” she proclaimed, using her best indignant voice. “I’ve been married.”
William narrowed his eyes and cocked his head to one side studying her.
“I don’t believe you,” he said eventually. “I’m quite experienced where women are concerned and I know a virgin when I come across one.”
“Of all the insolent, arrogant things to say,” she hissed. “I don’t care what you believe, Mr. Cartwright. I don’t have to explain anything to you.”
“You’re correct. You owe me no explanations. I’m just glad that things didn’t go any further. I can’t believe that I’ve already broken the rules that I laid out so carefully this morning. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again,” he promised.
He stooped to collect his shirt and hat and with a quick bow in her direction, he turned abruptly and stalked toward the house.
Lillian breathed out a sigh of frustration. She’d forgotten how good he could make her feel. She’d never felt as alive as she had just now in his arms. Her skin still tingled deliciously from their connection, as though her every nerve ending was a charged wire.
She bent to pick up her dressing gown and slippe
d it on, pulling it tightly around her body as she walked slowly to the house. She hated the sense of remorse and sadness that swept over her. A cold, heavy feeling settled in her chest at the thought that she would never again feel the delicious pleasure that he had elicited so easily with his touch.
Chapter Five
William strode into his study and poured himself a hefty slug of whiskey from a decanter on a sideboard. He swallowed the liquor in one gulp before pouring himself a second, less generous serving. He shoved a hand through his hair in anger and sank into a wingback chair. He couldn’t believe what he’d done with Lillian. What had possessed him? He supposed it was the fact that she’d been watching him with obvious desire that had spurred him to his impulsive and careless behavior.
He groaned aloud with pent-up longing and frustration. Fuck. Never had a woman felt so good in his arms. Those lush curves and her silky skin had made him heady with lust.
Thinking about her breasts, so heavy with desire, and her tight little nipples made his cock throb with insatiable need. To make matters worse, her scent was all over him, the proof of her pleasure and lust enveloping him in a sweet, aromatic cloud that was doing nothing to abate his relentless hard-on.
“Christ,” he muttered in agony. Staring into the crackling fire, he took another swallow of whiskey.
The feel of Lillian’s hot, tight little notch clenching around his fingers had nearly unmanned him. Never had he wanted a woman as he’d wanted her at that moment. He thought about her assertion that she’d been married and was sure that his initial impression had been correct and that she was, in fact, untouched. But if that was the case, why the hell had her marriage been unconsummated? No man he could imagine would be resistant to her charms and beauty, particularly not if they belonged to him.
He was unprepared for the fierce anger that swept through him at the possibility that she might not be a virgin. His body shook with the sheer vehemence of his emotions as he thought about another man touching her. No, he would not contemplate the image of her being intimate with another. Of course, for years he’d assumed she was married and had tormented himself with thoughts about her in the arms of her husband, but after what had just transpired between them, he wasn’t so sure about anything.