by Alina Man
“Very well. Come see me when you’re done.”
With that, she’s gone. She walks into her office and closes the door, without another glace in my direction. Eh, who cares? I HAVE A JOB, I scream in my head. The next two hours fly by as I try to fill out the forms. My new office is pretty small with a tall window covering half the wall. I instantly love everything about it. There’s an L-shape cherry wood desk, a tall bookcase facing the desk, and a credenza under the window. A fake plant, but very real-looking (I actually touched it to make sure it was fake,) completes the room. One of the walls has a large whiteboard and there are several dates written on it, none of which make any sense to me. A beautiful painting covers the wall behind the desk. Although I know nothing about art, I can tell it is an original and is probably very expensive.
The last PA had been very organized, making it easy to get a better idea of what it was expected of me. I already knew that every morning I had to have the coffee ready in Amanda’s office (cream, no sugar,) that I was to have lunch between one and two (not at twelve like the other employees,) and pick up her dry cleaning each Friday afternoon on my way back from lunch.
I gather all the forms and place them back in the small folder they came in, grab my handbag, and go to say goodbye to my new boss. She’s on the phone with her back facing the door. I knock twice and she waves me in, without turning. I try not to pay attention to her conversation, which is obviously personal judging by the warm tone of her voice. This gives me a chance to look around.
The first thing I notice is the very rich burgundy rug that covers most of the office. Unlike the rest of the building which has wall-to-wall grey carpet, her office has beautiful hardwood floors. More expensive paintings adorn the walls.
“Ah you’re done,” Amanda’s voice snaps me from my thoughts. “Let’s see what we have here,” she says as she puts her hand out to grab the paper-filled folder. “Are you just going to stand? Take a seat for goodness sake, Sofia.” I hand her the folder then sit on one of the available chairs.
As she reviews the forms, I look around the room for a second time. Everything about this space is intimidating yet it gives you the feel of accomplishment. I wonder what it would be like to be in her shoes for even a day; to have everyone at your beck and call. I’m not stupid and do know that the bigger the office, the bigger responsibilities. And as my mother always said, I am too small for big dreams. At the time she said that to me I didn’t really understand the meaning. I do now.
I push the memory away and concentrate on Amanda. She looks pleased with everything as she closes the folder.
“Ok dear, I will give the forms to our HR department, and Silvia will give you the keys to the building and office tomorrow. Someone is always here before eight so you don’t need a key for tomorrow. Welcome aboard.”
We shake hands as she dismisses me. Once I’m out of her office, I let myself fully bask in the awesome feeling. I pretty much dance my way to my car, a huge smile plastered across my face. I had the same happy feeling when I got my first job and did a happy crazy dance around our living room as Mona watched me with wondering eyes. She never understood what the big deal was. I guess that’s the difference between the rich and the poor. I loved Mona with all my heart, but the girl didn’t have a clue what the real world was all about. The world of paying bills and trying to survive from paycheck to paycheck; my kind of world.
I drive as fast as I can without breaking the law, singing along to Kings of Leon, worry free for the first time in a long while. It’s amazing what job security can do to one’s mood. When I get home, Mark’s car is parked out front and excitement is rushing through my veins. I almost skip across the driveway, already thinking about ways to celebrate my great news. I call his name from the foyer and am greeted by a very busty blonde wearing nothing but his shirt.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t know Mark was having company.”
“Who are you?” she asks giving me one of those dirty boring looks.
The simple fact that she’s in our place has me fuming. For a second I have one of those out of body experiences where the time stands still and I’m jumping on top of this bitch, beating the crap out of her. And it feels awesome, even though it’s all in my head and there’s no way I would ever fight anyone; that’s just not my style.
“I’m the roommate that’s who. I take it you’re this week’s special?” Just as I’m about to say something else, Mark comes into view. I can tell he’s surprised to see me and not too happy I’m home early.
“Hey I didn’t think you would be done so early.”
“Obviously,” I reply, my voice filled with sarcasm.
“We were about to leave, so, yeah,” he says uncomfortably, not meeting my eyes.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m just your roommate, not your wife,” I snap.
The Barbie doll dances her way back to his room and I’m glad she is not completely naked. I know it shouldn’t bother me she’s there, but it does. Today was supposed to be a happy day, and I wanted nothing more than to celebrate with him. I guess that wasn’t going to happen now.
“Birdie,” his voice is nothing but a whisper behind me.
“Don’t even think about.”
“God, please just let me explain.”
“Drop it Mark. I’m going out so you don’t have to leave because of me.” I walk away and thankfully he doesn’t follow.
Mark
Shit, shit, shit. How did this happen? I don’t even know what made me say yes when Linda called today. I wasn’t going to see her, but she actually begged to come over. Linda and I went out a few times years ago, but nothing came out of it. She was not the one for me and I told her that. The thing about girls like Linda, is that they don’t want relationships. They just want to have a good time.
Today was no different. We talked for a while and before I knew it, her hand was grabbing my crotch hard as she kneeled in front of me. I knew I should’ve pushed her away, but little head was more powerful than the big one. So I closed my eyes and imagined being with Sofia like the sick bastard I am. Being with Linda meant nothing, but that didn’t change the hurt I saw on Sofia’s face. The damage was done, and I had to find a way to make it up to her.
Linda’s voice brought me back to reality. I went back to my room to find her naked on the bed, all smiles and ready to go.
“Come here and let’s get back to business. No reason why you should let that little boring girl ruin it for us,” she purrs.
“Get dressed Linda. Fun’s over.” She starts crawling toward me and instead of a turn on, it is actually getting on my last nerve. I throw the clothes at her and walk out before she has a chance to protest.
This day was turning out to be a whole lot of crap after all. I’ve been feeling this way ever since Birdie decided to go out with that sleazeball. If I had a pair of balls, I would put an end to it and tell her she belongs with me, but it turns out I don’t have any when it comes to her.
Linda storms out of my room, fuming. She gives me one last dirty look and calls me an asshole before heading out.
Chapter 14.
Sofia
I’m not sure how long I sit on the floor with my back against the bedroom door. I keep my eyes closed and try to think of happy thoughts. This takes me back to high school when my room was my refuge. A refuge from my mom. “You are worthless and the reason why I’m not married. You don’t want me to be happy, that’s what this is. You are just like your father. Yeah just like him. Keep crying you stupid girl, but that won’t bring him back. He’s dead, get it through your head, missy,” she would say, yelling at me through the door. And just like today, I would sit against the door, crying silently, trying to calm my shaking body, and feeling all alone.
And just like back in high school, I’m all wrapped up in the same feeling. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe I do deserve everything bad that comes my way. I have no right to be mad at Mark. He’s done nothing but nice things for me. So why can’t
I stop crying? I feel so cold and empty.
The loud slam of a door makes me come back from my pity party. I slowly get up and decide to take a quick shower, but get stopped by the buzzing coming from my cell. I take it out from my bag and notice I have several messages, all from Bradley. I stare at the messages with mixed feelings. Do I really want to get back to him? Maybe he is the exact distraction I need. With Mona out of town, who else do I have?
I send him a quick text back, letting him know that dinner would be great. Within seconds he replies, telling me to be ready by seven. I have exactly twenty minutes to prepare. One glance in the mirror tells me that I need a miracle to get rid of the dark circles and red swollen eyes.
The warm water soothes my aching body but does nothing for my broken heart. Think happy, think happy. I take more time than usual with my makeup and dress in skinny jeans and a turquoise sweater, a gift from Mona. She says it makes my eyes pop and I guess that’s a good thing. Who knows?! I grab my bag and jacket and plaster my happy smile on.
The TV is on in the living room which means Mark did not leave with the bimbo. From the bottom of the stairs I can see the sofa he’s sitting on and just as I’m about to answer the door, he turns and our eyes meet. He starts to get up, but I turn my back to him and answer the door. Bradley is smiling, looking just as handsome as always, holding a big bouquet of roses.
“Hello beautiful. Are you ready?” he hands me the flowers and our fingers touch for a moment. I wish I could say that sparks went flying in that moment, but that would be a lie.
“Wow Bradley, they are beautiful. Thank you. And yes I’m ready. Let me just put these in water and we’ll go.”
He follows me in the kitchen, walking so close behind me that I could smell his rich cologne. Mark makes no attempt to come say hi to him, but that doesn’t seem to bother Bradley.
“So what are you craving this evening?” I ask before I realize I walked right into it. The double meaning is not missed by Bradley.
“Sweetheart are you sure you want me to answer that?” he winks at me and gets even closer. “I’ve been craving you for quite a while now, but I don’t think you’re ready yet.”
Oh my God. Sick, sick, sick.
“Ok, down lover boy, you know what I mean. I’m actually talking about food. As in do you want Chinese, Italian, or what?”
“I was kidding, baby. Whatever you want, really. I haven’t had dinner so I’m pretty hungry. Why don’t you pick the place this time?”
His voice is so soft when he answers and he actually looks sorry. Now I really feel bad. Underneath all that rich cover, there’s a nice guy.
“How about we go to Pei Wei? I haven’t been there since I lost my job, and I really enjoy their food.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been there, but why not? I’m all about trying anything at least once.”
The restaurant, if you can call it that, is packed. Once we place our order, Bradley goes to fill our drinks while I find a table. I watch him as he tries to figure out how to use the soda machine and it makes me smile. He is so out of place here, but he doesn’t seem to care.
Eventually he gets the drinks and walks back to me, holding the cups and a container filled with fortune cookies. When I eye the container, he just shrugs his shoulders.
“I saw someone do that and I just followed. By the way, have you seen that soda machine? You need a degree to work that thing.” We laugh and I decide that I like the relaxed Bradley.
“I got a job today,” I smile as I take a sip of my drink.
“Wow Sofi, that’s awesome. I thought you were going to wait for the center to open, but if you’re happy, that’s all that matters. Are you happy?”
I have to think for a moment. “Yes, I think I am. I mean, I even get to have my own office and all,” I say with a wink.
“There you have it, what more could one ask for,” he jokes.
The food arrives and it looks as delicious as always. We eat and talk, and talk and eat, and for the first time in a long while I allow myself to relax and enjoy it all. Turns out there’s so much more to Bradley. True, he can be arrogant and, at times, oblivious at how others feel, but all in all he’s not so bad.
When I ask him about his job, all he tells me is that he works in commercial real estate and, as he puts it, “a little of this, a little of that.” His entire family is into politics and his dad wanted him to become a lawyer. He went to Harvard just like everyone in his family did, but after graduation he decided that being a lawyer was just not for him. This surprises me since I can’t imagine him not being good at anything.
After dinner we go for a walk at a nearby park. The evening is cold and I welcome the crisp air. Bradley touches my arm then moves his hand until our fingers touch. He holds my hand and looks at me for approval. I actually don’t mind it, so we continue to walk in silence for a while.
“We better get back. I just remembered that I have work tomorrow and one of my boss’ pet peeves is tardiness.”
When we get to his car, he opens the door for me and just as I’m about to put my seatbelt on, he leans over and gives me a small kiss on the lips. It takes me by surprise and I can tell from the look on his face that he is afraid it was too soon. I keep still as he closes the door and walks around to get in.
“I’m not going to apologize for kissing you,” he says after a few seconds without looking at me. “I wanted to do that for a while and it felt right. I don’t know what you want with me, Sofia. I feel like we have a great time together and just when I believe you’re all into it, you pull back. I’m not sure if it’s me or someone else.”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
He starts the car but doesn’t pull away. The only noise comes from the heater and I’m wondering what he is thinking. I know I haven’t been fair to him, but we only went out a few times. What he doesn’t know is that unlike most twenty four year olds, I haven’t really dated. I don’t know what or how I’m supposed to feel.
“Look Sofi, I like you. You have to know that by now. The question is, are you willing to take this journey with me and see where it goes?”
Am I willing? Images of Mark and blondie come to mind and before I know it, I accept Bradley’s offer.
“I would like that.” He smiles. As he puts the car in drive, I feel his fingers lace with mine for the second time this evening.
Chapter 15.
Sofia
I’m not sure if Mark is avoiding me or if he’s just busy, but if I’m honest with myself, I’m glad he stays out of my way. So far the only way I know he’s still alive, is because he eats the food I leave for him every night. I started my new job a month ago and Amanda is the slave driver I expected her to be, but I’m not complaining.
Today I got my first paycheck and although I was mad as hell over all the taxes they took out, it still felt good to know I could once again buy the few little things I enjoyed, like coffee and books. I bet you thought I was going to say shoes and handbags, but hey, I just started working so it’s not like I can afford to go on a shopping spree. I leave that to Mona. Speaking of which, she will be back tomorrow from her never ending honeymoon and I’m ecstatic.
We spoke a few times on the phone and we tried to keep in touch via text, but that can’t replace actually being in the same room with her. There is so much to talk about, not just my new job, but also my new relationship with Bradley.
He has been wonderful to me and that should be enough, but something is missing; can’t point my finger on it but it doesn’t feel complete. I try not to think about it because, after all, I was no expert when it came to love. We always have a great time, and I am grateful that he does not pressure me into anything I am not ready to do.
I drove to the bank to deposit my check and as I was waiting in line, my phone buzzed.
Mark – hey
That’s it? Just “Hey”? Seriously? The guy has not said a word to me in weeks and now all I get is HEY?
Me – hey
> Mark – Jon and Mona are getting back tonight and wanted to know if we can meet them at Frank’s
Me – I guess.
Mark – k … c u later
What the hell was all that about? I check my phone again to make sure I didn’t miss any calls from Mona. How come she didn’t tell me she was on her way back today? After the bank, I stop by Starbucks for my one indulgence. As I wait in line, I decide to give Bradley a quick call.
“Hello sweetheart. I was just thinking about you,” I could tell he was smiling. For some reason he always seemed happy when I called.
“You always say that,” I laugh. “Listen I know we were going to meet for dinner tonight, but something has come up. Mona is back in town and wants to get together.”
I should’ve told him that it was not just Mona but Jon and Mark too, but for some reason I couldn’t get myself to say it. Bradley has always had this animosity towards Mark and we agreed from the beginning that we would never bring him into our conversations. So far it worked well for both of us; until today. I really hate lying to him.
“I feared that one day you’d blow me off, but never thought it would be for a woman,” he jokes. “Sounds good babe. Go have fun with your friend and call me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”
“You really are the best, you know that?” That is the honest truth.
“It’s you. You really bring out the best in me.”
If you think I felt like a jerk for lying to him, think how I felt when I heard him say that. I wonder what he would say if he knew I was about to go to a bar with Mark. Deep inside I know I probably should’ve invited him, but also know it would be awkward with him and Mark in the same room.
I drive home and notice Mark’s car is parked in the front. The door is unlocked and music is blaring from his room. Lord please don’t let another bimbo be in there with him. Not today. I call his name and he comes out wearing nothing but faded jeans. No shirt, no socks, just jeans. I never thought it would be possible for someone to look so good in something as simple as a pair of jeans. But looking at him like this makes me weak in the knees and fuzzy warm all over.