by Alina Man
CHAPTER 21.
Mark
Jon and Mona are having their first party as a married couple today, and I spent most of my morning coming up with excuses as to why I couldn’t attend. I’ve been driving myself mad trying to figure out a way to tell Birdie how I feel. It’s like she’s avoiding me or something and I wonder if maybe finally she has decided that Bradley is the better choice. I call Jon and tell him again that I won’t be able to go but he doesn’t want to hear it. So here I am, in their big new house, leaning against the wall, watching all the familiar faces in the room. Birdie’s face stands out the most. Bradley has his arm around her and she’s laughing at something he is saying. Before I have a chance to turn, she lifts her face and our eyes lock. Her head leans slightly to the side. It’s her way to acknowledge my presence. I keep staring at her beautiful face. In that instant we are the only people in the room. Time has stopped and nothing else in the world matters.
“She looks happy, doesn’t she?” I turn to find Mona sitting next to me. “Let’s go for a walk,” she gently nudges me toward the door. I take one last look in Sofia’s direction before I follow Mona out on the patio.
“Mark, you know how much you mean to us and because of that, I don’t want you to take what I’m about to tell you the wrong way.” I already kind of know where this is going, yet part of me wants to hear her say it. “You need to let her go and move on. She is going to be very happy with Bradley. Isn’t that what you want? To see her happy? She deserves it more than anyone I know.”
When I say nothing, she touches my arm again as if to ensure she has my undivided attention. “Bradley is going to propose, and I wanted to tell you first so you can be prepared. She needs –“
“Stop telling him what she needs!” Jon appears in the doorway and shocks us both with his stern voice. I have never heard him talk to her that way before.
“But honey - ”
“Enough babe,” he tells her again, then he turns to me leaving Mona speechless.
“Dude how many times did I tell you to go for what you want? Not letting the opportunity pass you by?”
“Mona is right,” I say.
“Mona doesn’t know everything. He presses on then turns to face her. Sorry baby, but you don’t.” He smiles at her gently and gives her a quick kiss. “Even if in the end she chooses him, at least you know you tried. Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from doing this. If don’t at least try, you’ll always wonder about it.”
With that, he turns to his wife who now has tears in her eyes. He pulls her in for a hug. “Let’s go inside love.”
Together they walk back in to join the party. From my spot I can clearly see Birdie, and Bradley looks like he’s about to make a speech. He raises his champagne glass and everyone turns toward him. Anything to draw attention to himself, the bastard.
Mona’s words are rolling in my head, nauseating me. I should feel angry that she’s on Bradley’s side, but I know she’s just looking out for her friend. Too deep in thought, I miss whatever Bradley is saying. But I see the very surprised look on Sofia’s face and I put two and two together. He must’ve proposed already. I’m starting to feel sick to my stomach. I have to get out of here and I have to do it now.
I push my way through the mass of people, knocking over someone’s drink in the process. I don’t bother to stop to apologize. All I can think of is getting to my car and the hell away from this place. Shit…
I keep pounding the steering wheel over and over until my hands go numb. I start the car and just as I’m pulling away from the curb, I notice a small figure waving at me. I want to believe it’s Birdie, but I know better. So I just keep on driving with no particular direction in mind.
Sofia
I wasn’t going to come with Bradley tonight but Mona, always the matchmaker, took it upon herself to send him an invitation before I could argue. When he asked me, I had to pretend I forgot all about it, blaming my busy work schedule. He made no fuss over it and before I could object, he was already making plans for the both of us.
It’s been two weeks since his dinner party and I’m not sure how I’ve been able to avoid him this entire time, but I have. Being the nice guy that he is, he never complained until last night when he called to remind me about the party.
“Sofia, you can’t tell me you are not going to Mona’s party. If I didn’t know better, I would think you were avoiding me.”
“Bradley, I am not sure what time I will be home. Amanda wants me to go in for a few hours and you and I know what that means. A few hours will turn into the whole day. I just think it would be better if you went alone. I’ll see you there later.”
“Darling that’s nonsense. I will wait for you no matter how late. I want to have you on my arm when I walk in. Besides my family, including my grandfather, will be there and I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone.”
Eventually he has his way. I still have not confronted him about what happened. Bradley picks me up around six and compliments me over and over on how wonderful I look. He looks impeccable in his black suit, not a hair out of place. While he sounds genuine, every time I look at him, images of him and Sam kissing cloud my mind.
We are greeted by Mona and Jon, both looking amazing and more in love than ever. It is in that moment, seeing the love in their eyes, that I realize I want to find the same thing. I just have to find a way to break up with Bradley. I think tonight’s the night to do it.
“Bradley, we need to talk,” I whisper, not wanting to draw any attention.
“Sweetheart now is not the time or place. Come on, I need you to meet my grandfather.” The mayor is a good friend of Mona’s family, and I had met him briefly a few years ago but I see no need in telling Bradley this. As we approach him, he gives us his “vote for me smile,” as I like to call it. He kisses my hand then gives Bradley a pat on the shoulder.
Next he introduces us to one of his associates and his wife. Looking between that guy and his wife, I marvel at what money can actually get you. She is at least half his age and the only real thing about her is the massive diamond ring she’s wearing. It is pointless to have any type of conversation with her and after a few attempts, I finally give up. Obviously he didn’t marry her for her intellect.
I look around the room until my eyes land on Mark. I’m always amazed at the effect he has on me, even from across the room. He walks out on the balcony with Mona and I’m dying to find out what they are talking about. I want to follow them, but Bradley keeps pulling me closer to his side.
When Mark finally emerges back in the room, he looks sad and troubled. Bradley is about to make a speech and I should probably pay attention to him, yet all I hear are bits and pieces about love and forever and God knows what else. Everything happens so fast and I can feel the entire room spin. Within seconds, I’m Alice in Wonderland going down and around, spinning uncontrollably. I gaze back to Bradley just as he’s about to go down on one knee, my right hand between his both hands. What the hell am I doing, I wonder. Better yet, what the hell is he doing?
Every eye is on us, everyone smiling, champagne in hand. I look around for a familiar face and find Mona watching me with tears in her eyes. Noticing me, she gives me two thumbs up, the same way she does when I pick a good outfit. Without giving a second thought, I snap my hand from his, turn around, and run.
“What are you doing?” Mona yells at me from the driveway. “Get back in there this instant. Birdie, how can you walk away and leave Bradley in the middle of his proposal?”
“Are you listening to yourself?” I yell back, the veins in my neck popping with anger. “HIS PROPOSAL, NOT MINE!”
Both Jon and Bradley are now outside. I’m grateful Jon closed the door behind him and that no one else followed us outside. I think we gave everyone enough of a show to last them for a while.
“Bradley, what the hell were you thinking? How could you do this? I understand you have your reasons to lie to your family and friends about who you really are, bu
t how can you lie to me? And what are you doing proposing to me when you’re freaking gay? Seriously? You are willing to destroy your entire life just to keep up your image?”
The shocked expression tells me he had no idea I knew about it. His face is void of any color now, and I’m afraid he’s going to faint. I walk up to him and take his hands in mine.
“Don’t you want to be happy?”
“It’s not about being happy, but doing the right thing,” he says firmly.
“Then I guess you’re failing at both. You’re not doing the right thing, you’re doing the selfish thing. The right thing would’ve been to tell me the truth. Pretending to love me and proposing in front of a bunch of strangers is not the right thing.”
“Sofia you don’t know what it’s like to be me. I can’t afford to disappoint my family. And most of all, I can’t afford to lose my inheritance.”
“Are all you rich people this narrow? I feel sorry for you Bradley, I really do. I don’t know what it’s like to be you, but I would rather die happy and poor than live a life full of lies just to please others.”
“I never wanted to hurt you Sofi, you have to believe that. You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and I wasn’t lying when I said I enjoyed your company. I hope one day you can forgive me and maybe allow me to still be your friend.”
Yeah like that’s going to happen. I can hear Mona’s cries and Jon pulls her to his chest. I feel terrible for disrupting their party, and I’m sure I’ll have to work hard to make it up to her. I give Bradley’s hand one last squeeze then make my way up to Mona and touch her back. Immediately she turns and engulfs me in her arms.
“Oh crap girly, I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you. I should’ve minded my own business like Jon said.”
“Shh it’s ok. No one knew. Honestly I didn’t know until a few weeks ago when I saw him kissing Sam. At least now I can cross off “make out with gay guy” from my bucket list.” We both burst out laughing.
Jon comes back and hands her a set of keys, which she hands to me. “Here, take my car and go get your man.” She winks, her lashes heavy with tears. She doesn’t have to tell me twice. I keep dialing his number on my way to the house. I have to get hold of him, to tell him everything. Most of all to tell him just how much I love him.
He’s not home when I get there so I drive around for a while, looking for him. There’s only one place I can think of that he could be. So I drive to my old neighborhood and park in the small parking lot by the park. Immediately I spot his car, but he is not inside. Just the fact that he came to our old spot makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. The playground is empty aside from Mark, who is sitting in one of the swings, not moving, staring up to the sky.
“You could’ve at least said goodbye,” I say and take the swing next to him. He doesn’t turn around and takes a while to answer.
“What are you doing here, Birdie?” I try to answer but he cuts me off. “Never mind that. I need to tell you something, even if it’s too late.”
“Too late for what?” I asked, worried.
“Just listen please. I want you to be happy and I can see now he’s doing a good job with that.” I try to object, but once again he tells me to be quiet. “Just let me get this off my chest. I’ve always had these feelings for you, feelings I didn’t know what to do about. Looking back, I know I fell in love with you that very first day we met. I always loved you and always will Birdie.”
He rubs his hands nervously back-n-forth over the top of his jeans then turns around to face me. I’m too afraid to say anything, a happy feeling rushing through my veins.
“So yeah, I just needed you to know. The fact that you chose him doesn’t change the way I feel. I can’t change the way I feel. I tried, trust me. I just can’t.”
We sit in silence for moment and when I finally find the strength to stand, I walk up to him and sit on his lap, circling my arms around his neck. He gathers me close to his chest and buries his face in my hair.
“I love you too, always have,” I whisper.
He looks up at me, his eyes searching my face, and then crushes his lips to mine. Everything you read or see in movies about love instantly becomes real, fireworks and Puccini, butterflies and shivers down the spine, I can feel it all in his kiss. We kiss until we can no longer breathe, making up for all the lost time.
“Does this mean you’ll marry me?” he asks against my lips.
I kiss him gently before I answer. “Probably.”
EPILOGUE
Sofia
“Hmm babe, the baby,” I turn over to Mark but my eyes are still closed.
“Shh, go back to sleep. I got it.”
I feel Mark getting up and within seconds the crying stops. The clock on the nightstand tells me it’s four in the morning. I yawn loudly, stretch my arms, and decide to go check on my two favorite boys. Mark is holding our son and my heart fills with love at the sight of them.
Sometimes I can’t believe how much has happened in the past two years. If I was honest, it still felt like a dream. We were going to wait a while to get married, but in the end we didn’t see the point in postponing the inevitable.
After Mona’s party fiasco and the craziness from work, Mark and I decided to take a one week vacation to Alaska. It was exactly what we needed and we learned so much more about each other in that time alone. He proposed, properly this time, on our last night there and it couldn’t have been more perfect. I still get teary eyed when I look at the vintage ring on my finger, a ring that his grandmother wore for fifty five years.
“Oh look, mommy has come to say hi to you,” Mark lifts up our baby’s tiny little hand and waves at me.
I walk in and give both a big hug. In that moment, I know that no matter what life throws my way, I will be ok. More than ok.
The End
Thank you for reading my debut novel, Loving Sofia. I hope you enjoy it. Here’s a sample of Finding My Way Home, now available on Amazon.
Chapter 1.
I couldn’t believe she was gone. Have you ever lost someone really dear to you? What did you feel? How did you go on? I sit in my rental car with the engine turned off, rain pounding on my windshield and I feel nothing. No cold, no pain, no fear; just numbness. Is it normal to feel so numb?
We just buried my grandma, my only real family, my best friend, my teacher, my confidant, my everything. We knew she was sick and had prepared for this for a while. I guess you’re never really ready to let go, are you? How can you be ready to let go of someone you love?
The mourners are all long gone and they will not be waiting for me at the house. It was one of the many promises I made to her; that we will not get together after the funeral to mourn her. She wanted us to remember the good times and continue life as if nothing had happened. A month ago she had a party at her house and invited all her friends and whatever little family we had to celebrate her life. Oh the looks on everyone’s face when she asked each and every one of them to say a few words about what they liked and didn’t like about her. Mrs. Burns almost had a heart attack when nana asked her to tell everyone what she would miss the most about her after she was gone.
Yup, that was my nana, always cracking jokes and making everyone feel good. She always said, “What do you have to be sad or angry about? Always remember that someone out there has it worse than you. You only live once my princess and you are the maker of your own destiny.” And then she would wink, pat my cheek and go back to her baking or her knitting.
Was she right about us being the makers of our own destiny? Because if she was, I am really bad at it, let me tell you. I really am. If I wasn’t bad at making my own destiny, I would be able to sit here and say that my life turned out exactly how I’d expected, that I was happy beyond belief and madly in love. Instead I’m miserable, confused, and lonely. And let’s not forget full of regret; regrets mostly over not coming home more often after college, regrets of not spending more time with nana while she was here and regrets about not telling
her more often that I loved her and I was grateful for everything she did for me.
The ringing coming from my purse brings me back to the present. It takes me a while to find it through all the mess I have in there but whoever is calling doesn’t mind waiting, because the ringing doesn’t stop.
“Hello?” I ask, my voice hoarse and unrecognizable.
“Hi babe,” the strange voice answers.
“Who is this?”
“Brenda it’s me, Joe.”
“Ohmygod Joe I’m so sorry. My mind is all over the place right now.”
“No worries. Listen I just called to find out if you’re flying back home today. Remember we have dinner plans?”
His indifference to my feelings should no longer surprise me, yet I can’t help but feel hurt.
“I’m sorry but I don’t think I will.” I wonder if he can hear the anger in my voice. “Joe, I just buried my grandma and meeting your clients for dinner is the last thing on my mind right now.”
“I’m sorry dear, you’re right. Forget I asked. Do you need anything or is everything settled there?”
“No I’m good. I will be here for a few more days to figure out what to do with the house but I should be home by the end of next week.”
I don’t even bother to say goodbye and hang up on him before I say something I’ll regret later. After all the years together this is all I get? With just that one phone call, I feel like I just woke up from a three year coma. Everything that my nana ever told me now all of the sudden makes sense.