by Karen Woods
The wind was howling and the cold night air was tickling his ears. Blowing warm breath on the palms of his hands, he rubbed them together trying to get warm. Smithy was on his way back. As he reached him he was gasping for breath. “Fuck me, he’s a big bastard that one. I swear, I’m losing my touch. I need to train a bit harder.”
Mark started to walk to the car park and smirked. “Tell me about it. I’ve not got the motivation to train anymore. It’s this job stressing me out. Who was it anyway, is it anyone we know?”
Smithy started to take his coat off before he opened his car door and gasped his breath. “I’m not sure who he is. One of the other thugs called him Davo though. Anyway, tomorrow’s another day, fuck speaking about work now, we’ve clocked off. We’ll deal with it when we have to.”
Smithy jumped inside his car, fastened his seatbelt and started the engine. Mark walked to his vehicle not far away. He paused before he got inside. Turning his head slowly, he looked back at the prison and seemed in a deep trance as he took in his surroundings. This place was getting to him now and the sooner he was out of there the better. Smithy honked his horn as he drove past him. Mark was still in a world of his own and raised his hand up slowly to say goodbye. He was alone now and there was nobody else in the car park. As he listened closely he could hear the disturbing voices from the inmates locked behind bars; swearing, whistling, singing, screaming. They were all off their rockers. Not one of them was anywhere near normal. Mark opened his car door and turned the radio on. He needed to get as far away as he could from this place now. It was wearing him down.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Rachel was quivering. She rubbed vigorously at her arms as she hovered about, looking at her mother’s house from the other side of the road. “Just go and knock on the door… no, wait, think about it.” Her head was all over the show. This woman had most certainly bitten off more than she could chew. Her heart was in her mouth. Rachel peered out from near the bus shelter like a sniper, she shot her eyes one way, then the other as she ragged her fingers through her hair. This was a bad idea and she didn’t know how she’d let herself come this far. It had all seemed a good idea when she set off but now she was facing her fears, she was flapping. Rachel slid down the wall at the side of her and dropped her head into her hands, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she whispered. This was all Sarah’s fault; she’d filled her head with that much shit regarding family values that she let her think she had no other option than to go and see her mother.
Rachel stood up and paced one way then the other. She looked different today; clean and tidy and not her usually scruffy self, she had scrubbed up well. These last few days had been horrendous for her and it was only when she heard that Davo had been lifted that she started to relax. The local gangster had been caught bang to rights on a job he was involved in and had broken the conditions of his parole; word on the street was he was getting the book thrown at him. He was a twat and getting what he deserved. Davo had done some bad things to the residents in the area and a lot of them would have been relieved behind closed doors. Good riddance to the prick. Let him rot in hell! The threats he’d made to Rachel had really unsettled her, he said he was going to set her house alight with her in it and he would have as well, the guy was a sick, twisted bastard who liked to see his victims suffer. This was one of the first days Rachel had set foot outside her front door, she’d had the shits for days and her stomach was churning constantly.
Mikey had been belling her nearly every night after bang up. He was worried about her safety as well. His head was done in and anytime he got the chance he was on the blower to his mother checking she was alright. He’d told her straight that he’d left her in charge of the money and it was her job to make sure she got it back. This was a bit unfair and a big ask but he was right, he’d left her in charge of the cash and she’d lost it. It was her problem to deal with. Mikey had accused her of being part of it. Yes, in his own head he actually thought his mother had a part to play in all of this. He might have been paranoid but his mind was working overtime and he didn’t know what to think anymore. Mikey’s words hit her deep in her heart and she’d tried to make him believe that she would never double-cross him like that but she had history - she was a thief and a liar, her track record wasn’t great. What did she expect? She’d done similar things in the past and where earning some extra cash was concerned, she didn’t care who she had over. A ruthless bitch she was with no morals.
Rachel’s spirit was low and she had nowhere else to turn in her time of need. She’d felt loneliness before in her life, isolation, but it never hit her as bad as it did now. There was an emptiness in her heart, a dull aching pain that never left her. Sarah was helping her out but she couldn’t be with her twenty-four hours a day. In fact, if she was being honest, Sarah was doing her head in most of the time, she was a right boring cow and they never really had anything in common to talk about. Chalk and cheese they were. Her heart was in the right place she supposed, but fuck me, Rachel thought, she could talk a glass eye to sleep. She just never shut up chatting pure bullshit. Who on this earth wanted to know the latest news about politics and how much a Mac foundation cost? Rachel knew full well that crime didn’t pay in the long run but she had no other choice than to start shoplifting again, even if it meant risking jail. Somehow, some way, she had to make sure the money was back for her son. It was his nest egg, his chance of a better future. She owed him that much, she couldn’t let him down. She was trying to change but it was so hard for her. It was like she was banging her head against a brick wall. Rachel had lived in this kind of world for as long as she could remember and to be a straight head was something she would always struggle with. Where was the excitement in going to work every day anyway? It was boring and not her cup of tea. She had no real qualifications, the best job she could ever hope for was a cleaner or a lollipop lady.
Rachel craned her neck and watched the house across the road. Her sister’s black car was parked up outside her mother’s house. A smart top-of-the-range BMW it was, her husband’s pride and joy. His fanny magnet, or so he thought. Rachel knew that, at this time of night, her family would be sat around the kitchen table sharing a bottle of red wine. Cath had always thought she was a cut above the rest and liked to think she was posh. She ate lots of foreign dishes and travelled to exotic holiday resorts hoping to learn more about different cultures. Rachel had never got as far as Blackpool. She had no urge to ever travel either, she was a home bird and liked what she was familiar with. Agnes had never really been a big drinker but on the odd occasion she let her hair down and got wrecked. She was a nasty drunk. Oh yes, she was evil with her mouth once she’d necked a few glasses of vino. She could go one way or the other to be honest.
Rachel sucked in a large mouthful of air as she crossed the road. She knew it was now or never. At least if she tried to make amends and failed, she could go to bed each night knowing she’d tried to fix it. The summer night air was gentle and it tickled her hair as she crossed the road into the cul-de-sac. Her heart was beating rapidly and her legs started to wobble slightly. The lights of her mother’s house were on in the front room and as she neared she could hear music being played. Celine Dion had always been her mother’s favourite singer and she’d often belted out a few tunes when she was drunk. She was a good singer, she could hold a tune. Rachel edged closer to the living room window and peered inside. A warmth filtered her body and she gave an endearing smile. This was what she was missing, home was where the heart was. All the years that had passed she’d been so mixed up in all her traumas that she’d never realised how comforting a family could be in times of need. But they’d sold her out, banished her from the family without so much as a kiss my arse or anything. Okay, she’d fucked up a few times but surely they could understand her point of view. She was in a bad place at that time and her head was all over the place. Watching through the windowpane, she touched the glass with her fingertips. She wanted her family back and hoped they could see eye to eye now she
’d realised her mistakes.
Suddenly Rachel jumped back from the window. Cath’s husband appeared and draped his arms around her sister’s neck. What a smarmy bastard he was! And there was her sister, none the bloody wiser, blinded by his lies and manly charms. Her mind was racing now. This guy would just put a spanner in the works and do his best to make sure she wasn’t in their lives anymore. He knew Rachel knew the truth about him and there was no way he would put his neck on the line for her. Edging closer to the front door, Rachel stood fidgeting. Her hand slowly came out of her pocket and lifted up the letterbox. There was no going back now, she’d made her move. Looking around the garden, she realised they hadn’t heard her. She tried again, she rapped harder. A light was switched on in the hallway, a shadow approached. The front door opened wide and Cath was still singing her head off. She clocked Rachel stood there and her jaw hung low. What the hell was she doing here? She tried to look happy but her disappointment was there for everyone to see. “Erm, is it me you want to talk to or have you come to see my mam?”
Rachel was searching for words but she was struggling, dry throat, clammy palms, small beads of sweat forming on her forehead. She swallowed hard. “I’ve come to have a word with you all really. Well, that’s if you’ll listen to me?”
Cath stood with the front door wide open and Agnes was shouting from the front room. “Cath, who is it, tell them to piss off, we don’t want to buy anything.” Cath raised her eyes and smirked. This area was well known for door-to-door salesmen and every night around this time, they were always knocking on the door trying to pitch a sale. Rachel walked inside and Cath closed the door behind her. The smell of her mother’s home sent a sense of wellbeing through her. There was always a candle burning somewhere in the house and the vanilla fragrance from it was so inviting. The aroma gave her inner peace and started to make her relax. Cath opened the living room door and Rachel stood behind her playing with her hands. “Mam, it’s our Rachel,” Cath announced. Rachel edged into the front room. Dave nearly choked on his drink as he plonked down on the chair near him. She’d taken the wind right out of his sails and he was shocked to say the least.
Agnes tried to focus, her eyes were not what they used to be. It looked like her daughter but she had to reach for her glasses to get a better look. Her spectacles hung on the end of her nose as she tried to focus. Agnes swallowed hard and you could see so much pain in her expression. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. “Sit down, I’ll get you a glass of wine,” Cath whispered.
Agnes sat forward in her chair and looked her daughter up and down. She was half-cut and it could go either way. “So, to what do we owe the pleasure? Don’t you dare come in my house trying to cause trouble! I’m not in the mood for it! Just spit out what you have to say, then you can be on your way.” These were harsh words but she had her own reasons behind them. Every time Rachel had been here in the past she’d always caused murders in the house. Dave couldn’t make eye contact, there was no way he was adding anything to the conversation, he was keeping well out of it.
Rachel took a deep breath and began. “I’ve come to say I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it in the past but this time I mean it. I’ve had a lot of thinking time and you all mean the world to me.” Cath was blubbering, she always had a big heart and no matter what, she was always ready to give someone a second chance. She was a soft cow really, a bit over the top. Dave cringed as he listened further. “I’ve had so much trouble in my life and I don’t know if I can take it anymore on my own. I’ve even thought of ending it all. I am nothing without you lot. Our Mikey’s banged up and I don’t know where my head’s at from one minute to the next.” Agnes picked her glass up and sipped at her drink, she was listening and never said a word. Cath came to her sister’s side and tried to comfort her as she began to break down crying. “Mam, can you let me back in your life. I promise from this day forward I’ll never let you down again. I just need to be part of something, part of this family again.” Dave sat playing with his fingers, his eyes were all over the place waiting on his mother-in-law’s decision. Rachel’s eyes clouded over and a single fat bulky tear sailed down her cheek. This was a first and something that only ever happened when Rachel was at her wit’s end.
Agnes crossed her legs and folded her arms tightly in front of her. Was her daughter after money? Was this just another ploy to have her over again? The amount of times this woman had lied and cheated to get what she wanted was endless and there was no way she was being fooled ever again. She’d cried rivers over Rachel in the past and said endless prayers just to make sure she was alright but at this moment, her own flesh and blood was knocking her sick. Her stomach was churning, half of her wanted to knock ten bags of shit out of her and the other half wanted to hold her in her arms and never let her go. Cath looked at her mother and urged her to say something. She was a right stubborn cow sometimes and she was the world’s worst when it came to forgiving somebody. “So, Mikey’s in prison again. Why does that not surprise me with a mother like you?” She reached over to the small table at the side of her and sparked a cigarette up. Here it was, the lecture. The ‘I told you so’ speech. “Didn’t I warn you about where he was heading? I remember it like it was yesterday. I said to you he needs keeping in line. The way he’s going he’ll end up like his dad, a lowlife waste of space. And I knew I was right. I always am.”
Rachel sighed and shook her head slowly. This was an impossible mission, she knew it was going to be hard but could she just sit there and keep her mouth shut and listen to her waffling about days gone by? Mikey was her life and there was no way she was letting anybody badmouth him like this. She’d tried her best to hold it together. “Mam, our Mikey has had a rough time. I blame myself for the way he’s turned out. You don’t need to kick me while I’m down. I’ve made mistakes, yes, but hasn’t everybody?” She flicked a sly glance over at Dave. Cath was watching her from the corner of her eye and noted the way Dave reacted. “I just want to put the past behind us and start again if we can. I’ve missed a lot of years with you all and if you will forgive and forget we can all move on.”
Agnes sucked hard on her cigarette and for a few seconds she digested what had been said. Cath was eager to put this situation to bed and it was in her nature to be the peacemaker. “Well, I’m all up for giving you a second chance. If what you’ve said here today is from the bottom of your heart, then I can forgive you. At least you’ve admitted your mistakes, so that’s a start.”
Agnes wasn’t as sure as her daughter though. She hated putting her neck on the line just in case she was wrong. There was no way she was buying her daughter’s sob story. If that was the case, where was she at Christmas? Mother’s Day? Her birthday? She continued with caution. “How do I know you mean it this time? You know what you’re like when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. You might just wake up in the morning and go back to your old ways. How can I take a chance on you when all you’ve ever done is lie to me and broken my heart? And it’s not just once may I add!” There was silence, not a word spoken.
Dave coughed and cleared his throat, he was in Agnes’s corner. The guy was a prick and somewhere in his thoughts he was only thinking about himself and watching his own back. Rachel was a loose cannon and he knew that sooner or later the affair he had with her would be in the limelight again. “I’m with your mother on this one, Cath. Rachel has caused nothing but misery in this family, every day she has a drama and who’s to say she’s not on drugs anymore. I mean, would you feel safe leaving money about where she is because,” he screwed his face up and held his head to the side, “I’ll tell you something for nothing, I wouldn’t trust her. She’s stolen from us in the past, remember your gold necklace that just went missing, the odd tenner here, the odd tenner there? I’m not sure she’s all that she’s making herself out to be. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.”
Rachel had seen her arse, she hated that dickhead for bad-mouthing her. He’d made mistakes in the past too and wa
s she sitting there blurting out his track record? No. She’d let bygones be bygones and never mentioned a single word about what went on. Cath’s cage was rattled and she was the only one who was giving Rachel a break. She walked over to the table and picked up the bottle of wine. Tipping some into a glass, she filled it to the top and passed it over to her younger sister. “I say we make a toast to new beginnings, let’s move on and see if we can all get on.” She raised her glass high in the air and made a speech. Cath was pissed and she was wobbling slightly. “Let’s raise our glasses, to new beginnings.” She clinked her glass with her sisters and smiled at Dave and Agnes. It was hard to tell how Rachel’s mother was feeling. She was keeping her cards close to her chest and giving nothing away. The music was turned back up now and Cath was singing her head off. Her sister seemed to be back in the family for now.
A little later, Rachel stood at the kitchen sink washing some pots. Agnes came into the room and stood looking at her. Here it was, the true Agnes. “You can leave them dishes. I’ll do them in the morning.”
“It’s alright, I’ll have them done in no time.”
Agnes stood behind her and reached over and touched her hair. She lifted it up and closed her eyes as she inhaled the fragrance from it. Her daughter was clean for a change and her heart ached deep inside knowing what kind of a life she’d led in the past. The wine was talking now and Agnes was slurring her words. “You shattered my heart, every day that passed I wanted to speak to you. Do you know how that feels for a mother to watch her own child melting away right in front of their eyes? Not knowing if I’m going to get the knock on the door telling me you’ve been found dead?”