Scarred Beautiful

by Michele, Beth

  “Hurry up.” She folds her arms over her chest and taps her foot on the carpet, staring at her watch. “I need to get back to Ryan.”

  I flinch at the sound of his name, taking a hard swallow so I can continue. “Ryan…I’m not even going to ask what you’re doing with him.”

  “What do you care?” she hisses, making me take a couple of steps toward her, while still giving her space.

  “I want to show you something. Let’s go sit down.” I offer her my hand but she waves me off, so I nod toward the sofa by the window.

  “I’m fine standing and you’ve got ten minutes before I’m going back downstairs.” She leans against the door and all I can think about is how damn sexy she is when she’s stubborn.

  “Fran, stow your feisty side for a second and come sit down with me, please.” I beg her with my eyes, hoping they’ll be more convincing than my words.

  She throws her hands up in the air and I smile. “Fine, but the clock’s ticking.”

  After she sits down, I turn to face her while she fights to avoid my gaze. “Listen, I’m sorry I left this morning. I know I acted like a jerk but I kind of freaked out and I didn’t know how to handle it.” Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the charm and hold it up, my heart thrashing loudly against my chest as I wait for her reaction.

  It’s almost as if I can read her now, the pained look in her green eyes, the way she’s biting her lower lip, the cute little wrinkle in her forehead. I see the internal struggle playing out, the longing mixed with anger, and I’m just praying anger loses the tug of war.

  She inches closer and squints to get a better look before she plucks it out of my hand. “Where did you get this?”

  “My mom gave it to me…just before she died, and, when I saw you had one, too…well, I lost it.” I pause, wanting to get this right. “She told me that someday I’d find the other half of my heart, and I have found it, Fran, I’ve found you.”

  My words seem to have little effect on her, the look on her face giving nothing away as she stares at it before thrusting it back at me. “So what, it still doesn’t mean anything.”

  “It doesn’t mean anything? The hell it doesn’t.” I stand up and begin pacing the floor, struggling to find the right words. “It means something to me. You mean something to me. Jesus Christ, Fran, don’t you get it? I want to give you the fucking fairytale!” I scrape a hand through my hair, my feet wearing down the carpet. “My life, it’s never been a fairytale either, Fran, my mother and sister dying, my father walking out. But you, you blew into my life, like a strong gust of wind—actually, more like a fucking tornado—and now I don’t want to go back to the way I was before. I want who I am when I’m with you, who I became the day I met you!” My voice softens, the anger melting away. “You make me want, Fran. You brought me hope…but most of all…you brought me back to life.”

  She doesn’t say anything. I can tell she’s trying to be resolute, but her eyes are filling with tears. I cover my head with my hands and try to rein in my emotions…and then I make a decision. I stalk toward her and lift her to her feet, crashing my lips to hers in desperation, removing the air between us, leaving her with no choice…but to hopefully accept me.

  In the absence of words, the slide of her tongue, the way her hand slips to the back of my neck and holds me there, and the soft noises coming from her throat give me a sliver of hope.

  I lace my fingers through her hair before I break the kiss, staying close to her lips, but far enough so she can see my eyes. “I didn’t even know what this feeling was until now…until you. Jesus, I think about you all the time. During the day I can’t concentrate because you invade my mind, and at night I can’t sleep because when I close my eyes, you’re all I see. Every little detail. The way you bite your lip when you’re thinking, that tiny freckle you have on the bridge of your nose, the way your eyes glimmer with that little spark and make me feel alive. Hearing your laugh and seeing you smile lights me up inside, fills me with a happiness I never even knew was possible. I love you, Fran. And even though it scares the shit out of me, and the thought that maybe I could lose you terrifies me, I can’t let you go without telling you how I feel.”

  Her tears are falling heavily now, and my heart stops beating as I wait patiently for anything she might say, just as long as she doesn’t walk away from me. She cradles my face, tracing the angle of my jaw with her thumb. “I love you, too,” she whispers through her tears.

  “Baby, thank God.” I sigh with relief, holding her tight because now that she’s told me how she feels, I’ll never let her go. I need her like I need air to breathe.

  Her lips part and I hear a subtle intake of breath before I slide my tongue inside her mouth and she wraps around me, our sensual dance causing me to shiver and goose bumps to break out across the nape of her neck. I love the feel of her mouth, the softness of her lips. I want nothing more than to make ridiculous amounts of love to her all night long. But I have something I need to share with her first.

  I take her hand and lead her over to the bed. “I want to show you something,” I tell her, and her eyebrows lift with her smile and I know what she’s thinking. My dirty girl. “Yes, I want to show you that, too, but not yet.” I chuckle, feathering my hand across her cheek. Pulling her onto my lap, I roll up the sleeve of my shirt to reveal a white bandage that I instantly peel back. Her mouth falls open and hangs there, staring at the tattoo sprawled around my bicep, the word “Sunshine” in black script.

  Her eyes flare with tears as her mouth opens and closes and I watch her grapple for words…but sometimes there are no words. So I kiss her, and it’s a kiss that says all the things I now know we both feel. It’s a kiss filled with longing and need, and love, so much damn love my heart feels like it might burst.

  She pulls away and I smudge the tears now staining her cheeks. “So you decided to finally shed your tight-ass image once and for all by getting a tattoo?”

  “No. I wanted a reminder of you, sunshine, every day.”

  “You’re insane…you’ve known me for seven days,” she says, and even though she’s protesting, the smile she’s trying to hide says she loves it.

  “Yes.” I stare at the other half of my heart, my second chance. “But I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.”

  The sun pours through the pale blue curtains of my bedroom window as I crack open my sleepy eyes. I wake up smiling now, and I have every day since Matt told me he loved me. Turning my head to the side, I stare at the picture of us we had taken two months ago at the beach in Malibu. We’ve been seeing each other every weekend for the past year. Either he comes to New York or I fly out to Los Angeles. It’s amazing how flying doesn’t bother me anymore, especially when I know he’s waiting for me at the other end.

  I started seeing a therapist again eleven months ago and I feel stronger than ever. She’s helped me to get to know who I am now, the strong person I’ve become, the strong person I never realized I was, that I’m so much more than just the sum of my scars and my broken past. I’ve finally come to understand that love is a choice for me, not something I need to feel better about myself. The only person who holds that power is me. It makes me smile because it makes me think of Matt. Even though I didn’t realize it at the time, I chose him and he’s the best choice I’ve ever made.

  My phone vibrates with an incoming text and I already know who it is before I reach for it. Matt sends me a text every morning with a countdown and a cute message. Today is Tuesday and he’ll be here Friday night, and even without his notes, my own internal clock tells me what day it is.

  I won’t deny it’s been difficult. The long-distance relationship thing is draining, mostly because I love seeing him on Friday, but when Sunday comes, it’s really hard to say goodbye. There’s nothing better than falling asleep in his arms and waking up curled into his side, but when Monday rolls around and the other side of my bed is empty my heart aches with longing.

  With my back propped against the pillow, I gra
b my phone and get comfortable so I can soak up his words.

  Morning, sunshine! 3 more days until we can have mad, passionate sex. Until then, my hand and your picture are getting quite a workout. Miss you and love you. xo M

  “Oh my God!” I snort, laughing so hard that Peyton pokes her head inside the door.

  “What’s so funny?” she asks, but then she smiles. “Let me guess. Loverboy?”

  I make a popping sound with my lips and grin. “Three more days.”

  “You guys are very cute. Nauseating, but cute,” she says, plopping down on the bed, shoveling a piece of a bagel in her mouth.

  “So have you talked to Caleb?” I ask, arching a brow and plucking the rest of the bagel from her hand.

  “Yeah, we talked about a month ago.” She shrugs. “He said he might be in Manhattan in a few weeks on business.”

  “Oh?” I reply nonchalantly, taking a bite of the bagel. “Well, I was talking to Matt last night and he mentioned that Caleb still isn’t seeing anyone…just in case you were interested in that information.”

  “Is that so?” Her lips tip up into a wide grin and she sprawls out on the bed with a satisfied stretch of her arms. “Just so happens I’m not seeing anyone, either.”

  We burst out into a fit of laughter that makes my stomach hurt. It feels good to laugh. This is what happy feels like and I love every minute of it.

  “So do you want to come with me to get coffee? I’m meeting Gabby at The Brew House.” I smile. “You know, Matt’s brother’s coffee shop.”

  “Yeah, I know the place,” she retorts, “I can’t this morning, though. I have to meet with the vice president about a new client. Let’s have lunch today, instead. I want to try that new Italian place that opened up near Lexington.”

  “Sure, sounds good. All right, I’m hitting the shower. I’ll see you at the office.” I breeze out the door, grabbing the other half of bagel left on the kitchen counter and a quick glass of juice before heading into the shower.

  The Brew House is crowded when I arrive, the smell of fresh coffee and cinnamon rolls making my stomach grumble the moment I step foot inside. Brad spots me, giving me his trademark dimpled smile and a wave, instantly making me think of Matt. Emotion climbs up and clogs my throat but I clear it a few times and barrel through the crowd to find Gabby, already waiting for me at a table.

  “Hey, you hot, engaged woman!” I say excitedly, and her face beams with happiness as she lifts her hand up to admire her ring. “When the hell is Brad going to make an honest woman out of you? It’s been like…umm…two years!” I drag out the last word for effect.

  “We’re getting closer. It’s almost time to shop for your Maid of Honor’s dress.” She takes a bite of her chocolate chip muffin. “Should be tons of fun.” She winks, handing me the coffee she so thoughtfully ordered for me.

  “Yes, well, as long as it shows good cleavage and knocks Matt’s socks off, that’s all that matters.” I peel a corner of her muffin off and toss it in my mouth. “Hmmm…that’s good.”

  “Speaking of Matt, how is he?” she asks, leaning back in her chair and tapping a finger against her lightly-glossed lips.

  “He’s great.” I sigh. “Except, I miss him terribly. But, he’ll be here on Friday so I’m just counting down the hours. And,” I say with a wide smile, “it looks like he’ll be moving here at the end of the year. He’s going to open up an office in New York City.”

  “Yeah, I heard something about that from Brad. So since he’ll be here this weekend, maybe we can all go out on Saturday night or something?” she asks with a strange grin on her face and a speckle of mischief in her brown eyes.

  “Is that a joke? Because Matt and I won’t be leaving my room all weekend.” I take a sip of coffee and eye her speculatively over the rim of it. “What’s going on?”

  “What do you mean?” she asks, attempting to look serious but failing miserably.

  “What are you up to?” I narrow my gaze, my mind buzzing with possibilities.

  “I’m not up to anything.” She chews on her muffin, but she’s hiding behind her cup. “I just thought it would be fun if we could all hang out.”

  “Hmph, how long have we known each other? You’re up to something. I can see the gears churning, the plot thickening inside your brain.”

  She laughs, spitting out a piece of muffin across the table. “You’re delusional.”

  I’m about to come back with a sarcastic retort when something catches my attention, my ears perking up and my mouth lifting in a smile.

  “What is it?” Gabby asks, tilting her head, a question in her eyes.

  “It’s silly. I thought I heard something that reminded me of Matt. Never mind,” I say, brushing it off…until I hear it again. “What is that?”

  “What’s what?” she asks. “I don’t hear anything.”

  I look over my shoulder and see a crowd gathering on the sidewalk. “What’s going on out there?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s go find out,” she suggests, setting her coffee down and following me outside.

  As I get closer to the door, the music gets louder and my heart beats a little bit faster because I recognize the song. It’s the beginning of “This Love” by Tyrone Wells. The same song that Matt and I first danced to at the hotel. My stomach is hit with the oddest sensation as if a million butterflies are tickling my belly, telling me something in a whisper. I push the door open and my hand flies to my mouth but not before a gasp manages to escape. Peyton and Caleb are hovering together on the sidewalk and Matt is standing on the roof of Brad’s car. I’ve never been happier to see anyone in my entire life. The song is blaring from the speakers, and Matt’s smiling down on me like I’m the only person he sees.

  Tears blur my eyes as they lock with his, my knees threatening to collapse underneath me at the sheer sight of him. I don’t know what the hell he’s doing on top of Brad’s car, but I don’t really care. He’s here and that’s all that matters.

  His smile is larger than life and draws so much of my attention that I almost don’t notice he has something in his hands. He’s holding a stack of large, white note cards with bold, black letters on them. As the tears stream down my face, he holds up the first card.

  Once upon a time there was a boy named Matt

  Then the next card…

  Who met a girl named Fran

  And the next…

  She was beautiful

  And FEISTY

  And she had a heart of gold

  She barreled into his life

  And into his heart

  With her spirit

  And her smartass mouth

  The boy thought he had everything in order

  In his perfect little life

  Except he didn’t realize how far from perfect it really was

  Until this amazing girl came crashing in

  And now he’s happy

  Because she’s by his side

  So hey there, little spark

  I hope you like fairytales with happy endings…

  Matt jumps down from the car and when his eyes land on mine, I realize that everything in my life has led to this, to him, and this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

  He drops down on one knee just in time for the song to fade out, my heart hammering against my chest, my eyes wide open to this moment. Tears are continuing to slide down my cheeks through my smile, and my throat is thick with so much emotion that I can barely breathe. A sheen of sweat builds on his forehead, glistening as the sun hits it.

  “You’re sweating,” I say with a shaky voice, heavy with tears.

  “I’m nervous,” he tells me, the sweat trickling down his skin, and I lift a finger to wipe it away. “I’ve never done this before.”

  “I certainly hope not,” I tease, arching a brow and grinning, and his lips soften into a relaxed smile.

  He takes my hand and places a kiss to the inside of my palm before pressing it to his cheek. “I didn’t rehearse some big speech because I
wanted this to be spontaneous. I didn’t know much about that word before I met you. Before you, everything in my life was controlled, planned, well-thought out…boring. But then you appeared and you turned everything upside down. You flipped me on my ass, Fran. You showed me there was another way to live. You showed me how to love and God, I love you so much, Fran. You’re all I think about. You’re all I want. You’re all I breathe….”

  He blows out a breath, his voice cracking. “I want to build sandcastles with you. I want to hold your hand when you’re scared and I want you to draw strength from my smile when yours is faltering. I want to make you laugh and I want to be the one to make you cry joyful tears when I’ve done something that stirs your heart, the way you’ve stirred mine. You’re the last person I want to see when night falls and you’re the first one I want to see when my eyes open to a new day. I want to be the one you entrust your heart, you mind, and your body to every day for the rest of our lives.

  Ride off into the sunset with me, Fran….

  Marry me.”

  Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I push wisps of hair away from his face and see the same happiness in his eyes that I feel, seeing the man that I love, the man that I choose. “Y-yes…I-I want to marry you, Matt…more than anything.”

  His smile blinds me into silence as he reaches into his pocket and slides a shockingly beautiful princess-cut diamond ring on my finger, the sparkles dancing in the sunlight. With my mouth still hanging open, he lifts me off my feet and swings me around before gently placing me back on the ground.

  He draws me in, taking my face between the warmth of his hands. “You see the effect you have on me. I’ve become a rebel. I ink my skin and stand on top of cars now.”

  I press my lips to the corner of his mouth. “You’re a crazy delinquent.”

  “No, just crazy for you, sunshine,” he says, his bright blue eyes smiling down on me. He lowers a hand, digging in his pocket again, and just as I start to wonder what he’s doing, he pulls out the heart charm. With a shy smile that melts my insides, he holds it out in front of me. “I think this belongs to you.” He drapes my hair over my shoulder with gentle hands and then reaches around to unclasp my necklace with the other half, the one I wear every day. Taking the charm, he threads it onto the chain, slides it next to mine, and places it around my neck. He cups my face, his thumbs doing a slow caress of my cheeks. “Now my heart is where it belongs—and I’m where I belong—with you.”