He stood and took out a bottle of water from the minifridge and chugged it loudly.
Ellie glared at him.
“Sorry... You know what, I’m just going to head outside.”
She simply nodded and waved him away. He was tempted to go in for a quick goodbye kiss, but now that shit between them was getting real, he was too nervous. Instead, he quickly escaped outside, where the early evening sun was starting to cast shadows over the wilderness.
He looked toward the lodge and saw the group inside. He wasn’t going there. He’d eventually join all of them again. By the next morning, he hoped he could see Brent without wanting to punch him in the throat, but right now, it was still too soon.
Maybe a run might ease some of the anxiety. He’d never let anyone read his work before, not since his creative writing teacher, and this was absolute torture.
How was he ever going to send it out to agents or editors? Having people all over the world read his stuff someday...worse, his family. He wasn’t sure he could ever do it.
Leaving the cottage deck, he headed down the nearest trail in a sprint. He trusted Ellie more than anyone. She’d give it to him straight. If she said it was good, he’d believe her. If she said it was bad, he’d give it up and go work for the hotel.
That idea made him completely nauseous. Having grown up around the industry, he knew for certain it wasn’t what he’d be happy doing with his life. He often wished it was. Life would be easier. He wouldn’t have to feel like such a failure in his father’s eyes or leave all of the responsibility to Sean.
His mother’s love of books and her passion for writing had obviously been the genes he’d inherited. But had he inherited her talent?
Sweaty and exhausted but still a ball of nerves, Callum reentered the cottage an hour later. Ellie sat on the bed, the pages of the manuscript beside her.
“Well?” He was fairly certain he stopped breathing as he waited for her answer.
“They were amazing.”
His shoulders slumped in relief. “You’re telling me the truth?”
“I’d never lie to you about something this important.”
He sat on the bed and removed his running shoes, needing the distraction to hide his pleasure and pride at her words. She liked his writing. Now, if only he could get a straightforward, honest answer from her about whether or not she liked him.
“Can I read you my favorite part?” she asked, her eyes lighting up.
She had a favorite part? His mouth went dry. “Uh...” That would be almost torture. Rereading his own work was often challenging, impostor syndrome an ugly beast. Hearing her read the words out loud would be terrifying.
But she didn’t give him a choice. Not waiting for him to answer, she flipped the pages to somewhere in the middle. She cleared her throat and read, “‘Six bedrooms in this mansion of a prison and four remain empty, while this one contains two sides. I feel as though I’m split in half, like a multiple personality.’”
It was the scene from the point of view of their childhood home. Particularly the walls that formed the corners of his side of the bedroom. Callum swallowed hard. He’d shared a room with Sean because of his brother’s night terrors. That scene had both poured out of him with ease and taken every ounce of vulnerability. Ellie continued reading and his heart pounded harder as she drew closer to the climax of the scene.
“‘Across from me, the foundations shake and twist, paint peels away and beams start to break. I’m still standing. Why am I not crumbling? The same storms rage against my beams, my drywall, my paint, yet the vibrant blue only deepens, the tiny cracks hold together and I feel indestructible.’”
Callum bit his lip, struggling to watch Ellie’s emotional expression as she read, but unable to tear his gaze away. His words coming from her mouth seemed surreal, held more depth, made him realize just how impactful his past was on his future. He continued to be the strong one, and he could never allow his world to crumble.
“‘Was I built stronger? Or have I simply learned to resist? Have the beatings of my environment only instilled a desire to last? To persevere? And how can I save the rest of this shelter without compromising the integrity within and risking it all falling down?’” She stopped reading with a deep sigh. “Wow.”
Wow was right. He was both vibrating with the anxiousness of having her read his work out loud and paralyzed as to what to say or do next.
“That was completely captivating...and it’s not just that scene but the entire work so far.”
“Thank you.”
“I can’t believe you kept this talent to yourself all this time,” she said.
This was the secret she was amazed he’d kept from her? Not the fact that he was in love with her and wanted to be more than just coworkers and friends. Much more.
“Well, what are you going to do next? Have you submitted anything to agents or publishers yet?”
Now that she knew about this, he knew she wouldn’t let him put off that decision much longer. “No. It’s not done and most want a completed manuscript from new authors.”
She smiled and her entire face lit up, despite the lingering paleness from the accident earlier that day. “New author. I like the sound of that.”
“Well, not that I’m really an author. I told you, this is just more...therapeutic than anything else.”
“But you’re going to publish it, right?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. It’s super personal and it talks about my family...” His father would kill him, and he wasn’t sure Sean would be pleased about his own personal issues being put into a book.
“You could publish under a pen name. The stories in here could be about any family going through these challenges. You’ve written it in such a beautifully moving way that I think it would resonate with a lot of people.”
“Really?”
“Yes really!” She shook her head. “I still don’t get why you’ve never told anyone?”
“Who would I tell?”
“Well, your father for a start. Maybe if he knew you had another ambition, he’d leave you alone about the hotel.”
Callum shook his head. “Nope. It would only enrage him even further.”
“Even if the subject matter wasn’t about him?” Ellie asked.
He nodded.
“What? Why?”
He sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair. “Dad doesn’t exactly appreciate the arts or anything that can’t be quantitated with numbers and a bottom line. Success to him equals money and reputation.” He paused before going all in. “My mom is a writer.”
Ellie’s eyes widened. “I feel like I’ve never really known you at all.”
Maybe in some ways she hadn’t. She’d never seen beyond the surface, anyway. And that was only partially her fault. He’d done a good job keeping his life private. How had he expected her to fall for him when he’d never shown her who he really was? Or at least who he could be? Wanted to be?
“I don’t talk about her much. I try not to think about her much either. It’s too hard, I guess.” He’d been so close to his mom. Her leaving had been hard on Sean, but it had devastated him. “When she first met my father, she was working at a successful accounting firm, but she hated every second of the job. Her passion was writing. When she had my brother, she went on maternity leave and didn’t go back.” He paused. “Which my father never understood.”
“She wanted to write?”
He nodded. “And she did. Which created even more fights and tension when my dad found out that she’d given up a lucrative career to chase a pipe dream.”
“It’s not like your family needed the money.”
Callum shook his head. “Believe me, to my dad there’s no such thing as ever having too much money. But I don’t really believe it was about that. I think it was more that he felt like sh
e’d betrayed him somehow, tricked him into thinking she was as career-minded as he was. And he didn’t see writing as a viable career.”
“Maybe he should stop by some author events at the store sometime.”
Callum’s laugh was humorless. “If you can get my father into a bookstore, you will have done the impossible. Anyway, Mom hid her writing from him after that. She even went back to the accounting firm after she had me in an effort to stop the fighting and try to regain some of their relationship for our sake, but she wasn’t happy.”
“When a mom’s not happy, no one’s happy,” Ellie said softly.
“That’s so true. My brother and I felt the tension between them and heard the fights. We knew Mom was miserable, but Dad was callous and oblivious to it. As long as she did what he wanted her to do, he didn’t care.”
Ellie sent him an apologetic look. “So, you really can’t tell him about this without making things worse between you two?”
“Nope. And honestly, I don’t care. I tried for years to bridge the gap between us. Mom gave up. Sean is still desperately trying, fighting for Dad’s approval. I’m stuck in the in-between of either giving Dad what he wants or walking away.” He released a deep sigh. He’d never admitted all of this out loud or told anyone about his past before. Opening up to Ellie felt liberating but also terrifying. What if she continued to reject him? He’d shared so much of himself today.
“I’m sorry, Callum. I wish you had his support.” She picked up the manuscript pages, her passion returning to her voice. “But this is really good. I don’t think you should give in to your dad. Your mom didn’t. You shouldn’t. And I think your mom would be proud of you.”
His jaw clenched. “If she cared about us, maybe.”
Ellie touched his shoulder gently. “I’m sure she does. Have you reached out to her? Does she know you inherited her passion and talent?”
“Not in years.” She had used to reach out on Christmas and birthdays, but she’d gotten remarried in recent years and had adopted a child with her new husband. He wasn’t ready to divulge all of that and the impact it had had on him to Ellie just yet. “She’d be happy, but I’m not ready to give her that, you know. I’m still pissed that she left, not for my sake, but for Sean’s. She should have at least taken him with her.”
Ellie nodded slowly. “I get it. I mean, at least I do now. Thank you for confiding in me and trusting me with this.” She hugged his manuscript to her chest the way he’d seen her hug her favorite, precious books. And no matter how much turmoil he might have dug up regarding his family that day, or the way he was dangling out on a limb all on his own regarding his feelings, Ellie’s admiration in this one respect helped to soften his uneasiness.
“What comes next?” she asked, curling her legs under her on the bed.
“In the book?” he asked, almost surprised that she was interested enough to want to know.
“Yes, in the book! You’ve left me hanging.” She tossed a pillow at him and he caught it.
He laughed as he climbed onto the bed next to her and put the pillow behind his back to sit against the bed frame. “This is okay?” he asked. He didn’t want to cross any boundaries, and she’d made it quite clear that they weren’t sharing the bed. But after the intensely intimate kisses they’d been sharing lately, him sitting next to her on the bed seemed hardly something to worry about...
“Of course,” she said.
He settled in and tried to relax his tense muscles. “I’m not sure. I’ve hit that dreaded saggy middle section that writers always talk about. I know some of the stories I still want to tell, but I’m running out of ways to tell them. Some are too close to the surface still, maybe... I have mad respect for anyone who has ever successfully completed a book.”
Ellie bit her lip. “Well, what about writing those more difficult scenes in a different perspective?”
“Like Sean’s?”
She hesitated. “I was thinking more like your dad’s perspective.”
He frowned. “He wasn’t there for the particular scenes I’m thinking about.” Mainly they were scenes of him helping his brother during the more challenging times. His father had never been around to witness those times. Which had probably been for the best, in hindsight. Callum had been angry that he’d been the one left supporting Sean on his own—just a teen himself—and that his father hadn’t been there. But now he knew that would have only made everything worse.
“Then, that would make it all the more interesting and impactful,” Ellie said softly. “What would it have been like if he had been? What would he have thought? How would he have reacted? How would it have made you both feel?”
Callum nodded. It would definitely add another dimension to the prose. He wasn’t sure he could actually do it, but... “I’ll think about it.” He paused. “Thank you. It’s a good idea.”
Ellie nodded. “Do you know how you want it to end?”
“Yes. I do have that part figured out already.” He wanted the book to be real, to be authentic, but he also wanted it to inspire and provide hope.
Ellie continued to stare at him. “So?”
“So what?”
She let out an exasperated sigh. “How does it end?”
He grinned. “You’ll have to wait and find out.”
She pouted, and it was so incredibly irresistible that it took all his strength not to kiss her. “Fine,” she said. “But know that I plan to ride your ass every day to finish this now so I can read it.”
He swallowed hard. Having her support, having her encouragement, having her ride his ass was renewing his motivation for the project. It sucked that he’d never had this before, but he was happy he was getting it now. From her. It meant so much more coming from someone he truly cared about.
His eyes dropped to her lips, then returned to her eyes. “Thanks, Ellie,” he said, his voice slightly husky.
She nodded. “Of course, Callum. I’m here for you,” she said, and her voice sounded slightly strained as an intensity filled the space around them.
Sharing so much with her had his emotions so close to the surface. He cared about her. He was in love with her. She was the closest person in his life... He slowly reached out and touched her cheek.
He still expected her to pull away, but instead she turned her face into his palm, and her gaze was hesitant as it met his. He ran his thumb along her jawline and then over her bottom lip, and he saw her swallow hard.
He moved closer, his face inching toward hers, giving her plenty of time to stop him or back away. She had kissed him a few hours ago to try to prove a point. Maybe now it was his turn?
“Ellie, I’m sorry if I’ve completely freaked you out with what I said, but after everything that happened today, I needed you to know.” Life was precious. And short. Things could be ripped away in an instant. He couldn’t risk another day of her not knowing how he felt. He wasn’t expecting anything in return...just maybe a chance to show her how great they could be together.
She stared into his eyes, and the conflict he saw in hers made his chest ache. He didn’t want to make this hard on her or complicate things...but he knew he was the better man for her.
He moved closer and wrapped his arms around her. She moved into him willingly, and when she lifted her face upward and closed her eyes, he kissed her.
Soft. Gentle. Teasing.
Not like her full-on, intense, passion-filled kiss earlier.
He wrapped his hands around the back of her neck and let his fingers tangle in her soft hair as he held her face to his. He tipped his head to the side and allowed his lips to move away from hers, kissing along her jawline and down the side of her neck.
He felt her swallow hard, and her hands knotted in the fabric of his T-shirt. “Callum...” she whispered.
He brought his lips back to hers and his tongue teased hers open. He kissed her harder this
time before moving away to kiss the other side of her neck. The smell of her skin was driving him crazy. He wanted to leave kisses like this all over her.
She took his face into her hands and kissed him on the mouth again. Desperate, needy, as though searching for the answers to her conflicted heart.
He continued to kiss her for a long time. He wouldn’t stop if she didn’t. He was afraid to. Afraid of what awaited on the other side. Afraid he’d never get this chance again.
Finally, she pulled back, slowly, looking slightly dazed when her gaze met his. “I’m going to go get some air,” she said, releasing his shirt and scampering toward the end of the bed. She didn’t seem to be running away...more like looking for a way to process. “And you should write some more,” she said, grabbing her sweater and running shoes and leaving the cottage quickly.
Callum sighed, but his heart soared with hope. Those kisses had been everything he’d been longing for from her. It wasn’t one-sided. It was deep and raw and full of emotion—from both of them.
He grabbed his laptop and, heading out onto the deck, opened his work in progress. Now more than ever, he wanted to finish it.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SHE’D NEEDED TO ESCAPE.
So why was she tempted to turn around and head back to the cottage and continue the make-out session with Callum? His touch, his kiss, the way he’d looked at her, his confession of feelings were all confusing as hell.
Maybe she had suffered a worse injury that day? Maybe she’d actually drowned and none of this was real. Or maybe she was still lying unconscious on the side of the lake... Unfortunately, no amount of pinching herself had her waking up from this mess of emotions she was caught in like a bug in a spider’s web.
Everything had gotten so out of control. She never should have gone along with this idea. She’d been hoping to connect with Brent not Callum, but now she wasn’t sure what she wanted. Brent was struggling through some things, and her old love for him had her wanting to be there for him...if he wanted her to be.
But her unexpected attraction to Callum was definitely stealing her focus. He was an amazing guy—sweet, thoughtful, gorgeous, the hero of the day, and he could write!
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