“I guess you won’t know until we explore it further,” he said, moving even closer.
Her heart pounded against her chest. Exploring things with Callum meant not exploring things with Brent. If she took this leap of faith with him, she’d be risking any chance she’d ever have at a second chance with her ex-boyfriend. This opportunity wouldn’t present itself again, and could she just let it go without seeing where things could lead? The last few days had been a roller-coaster ride, messing with her clarity. But before the last few days, she’d been so sure of what she wanted. Without both men pulling her heart in opposite directions, her focus had been on Brent and getting him back. But if she chose Brent, that would mean never knowing if there could be a real connection with Callum.
Devil you know versus the devil you don’t?
“What’s going on in that beautiful mind, Ellie?” Callum asked, sounding as though he knew the answer already. A slight disappointed defeat radiated from his body language as he tucked his hands deep into his jeans pockets.
And instantly, she was once again reaching for him, metaphorically, as though the minute he retreated, backed away, took the pressure off, she leaned into him, not wanting him to just give up. So unfair. “I’m not sure I can explore things with you.”
“Because of Brent and what he wants?”
She nodded.
He searched her expression. “What do you want, Ellie?”
“I don’t know!” Damn, if she knew that, she wouldn’t be standing here torn between the urge to dive into his arms and see where things could lead and the urge to run out of the cottage and find Brent to help put things back in focus.
Was this dizzying back-and-forth a sign that maybe she just shouldn’t be with either of them right now? Maybe she needed time to sort out her own thoughts and emotions away from both of them.
“What is your heart telling you?” he asked gently, obviously sensing her turmoil.
It only made things worse. Why was he always putting her feelings first? Why couldn’t he demand that she make a decision? And help her do it by either pushing her away for her indecisiveness or taking her into his arms, stealing the decision from her?
Again, it was unfair to expect, but this patient nonaggressiveness wasn’t helping anyone.
She rubbed her temple as pain radiated across her forehead. “Damn it, Callum. It’s not that simple.”
“If you really wanted to be with Brent, you wouldn’t be questioning it. You wouldn’t be second-guessing if he was the right one for you,” he said, resting his hands on her shoulders and bending low at the knees to look into her eyes.
Now that he was fighting for a chance again, she immediately took the defensive. “I’m questioning things because of you! You’ve made all of this complicated with your kisses and your touches and your knowing everything about me!” She brushed his hands away and started to pace the room.
“I’m not sorry about that. I know we could be amazing together. I’ve known it for a long time. If you’re finally starting to realize it too, then good. It’s about damn time!” Exasperated, he ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t want to pressure you, but I need to know where we stand. I know how I feel, but if there’s still hope in your heart that things could work out with Brent, then you need to explore that. I don’t want to be with you if you will only be left wondering ‘what if?’ If part of your heart will always be longing for him.”
She swallowed hard, her pulse pounding in her veins. It was decision time. Callum was right. She couldn’t keep yo-yoing back and forth between them. It wasn’t fair to either of them. Or herself.
She stared at him for a long, silent moment.
These feelings for him were too new. They couldn’t be real. They couldn’t possibly compete with the ten years of longing and anticipation she had for Brent. Callum had been right there in front of her all this time and she’d never considered him as more than a friend—an amazing friend. But if she loved him, if she was in love with him, she would have known before now, wouldn’t she?
She released a deep sigh. “Everyone knows the truth now,” she said quietly. “We don’t have to stage a breakup... I think you should just head back to Wild River.”
He nodded, but she caught the tightening in his jaw as he said, “If that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do.”
That wasn’t what she wanted. Not even close. But until she could figure out what the hell she did want, letting him go seemed like the only fair thing to do.
* * *
SITTING AROUND THE warmth of the firepit by the lake that evening, Ellie still felt cold. Her argument with Callum weighed heavy on her mind, and the conflicted decision she’d made was making it impossible to feel happy and excited, despite sitting next to Brent on the carved log, a blanket draped over their legs. It wasn’t even an argument really. It had been more like a breakup, but it shouldn’t have been. They’d been planning a fake one, but she’d never expected to have to let him down for real.
Brent’s smile, his lingering gazes, his full attention...everything she’d been dreaming about for years, craving for years, were suddenly all hers and damn Callum for making it impossible for her to enjoy any of it.
All she could think about was whether or not she’d done the right thing asking him to leave.
Right decisions were supposed to feel better, weren’t they?
“Hey, you okay?” Brent asked, touching her knee.
Ellie blinked, snapped back to the moment as she turned to him with a forced smile. “Of course. Why?”
He nodded toward the unrecognizable lump at the end of the long stick in her hand. She wouldn’t be eating that marshmallow. Not that she had much appetite for the sweet snack anyway. Since Callum had left and she’d apologized for the ruse to the rest of her high school classmates, she hadn’t had much of an appetite or desire to participate in the evening’s events. She would have preferred to read her book alone in the cottage, but she was hoping that being around the rest of them, around Brent, would eventually pull her out of the slump she was fighting.
“Well, I guess I ruined that one, huh?” she asked.
Brent sent her a sympathetic look as he used his marshmallow to make a s’more for her. He handed it to her and leaned closer. “Listen, if you’re feeling weird or embarrassed about the Callum thing, don’t. No one is upset that you were lying to them. I think they think it’s amusing.”
She swallowed hard. Amusing. Right. She’d always been a form of amusement for the rest of them. Shy, nervous, introverted Ellie who didn’t quite fit in... This was a mess.
And it shouldn’t be a mess. She should be enjoying Brent’s time and his arm wrapped around her shoulders—not thinking about the fact that she’d hurt Callum or wondering if he’d made it back to Wild River all right...
She should be laughing at Mitch’s jokes and singing along to Nick’s guitar playing, not wishing she was sitting in a car on the side of the highway listening to the rain with Callum.
It wasn’t even raining, not a cloud in the damn sky. So why was she remembering that drive with him, thinking it had been a great day? At the time she’d been eager to get to the cottages to see Brent.
Now, maybe if she could do it again...
She sighed. A little too loudly.
“Hey, why don’t we call it a night?” Brent whispered. “You’ve had a long day.”
Long day about summed it up. A near-drowning experience followed by making an impossible choice between two men about whom she really had no idea how she felt. Hard to believe it had all happened within the last twelve hours. It felt like a lifetime. “I think I definitely could use an early night.”
He removed the blanket from their laps and stood, extending a hand to her.
She took it and got to her feet.
“I think we’re going to turn in,” Brent told the other
s as they looked their way.
Curiosity, interest...maybe a little judgment and concern reflected in the eyes of the others, and again it just filled Ellie’s chest with dread. Why hadn’t she just been honest? What had been so wrong with her life that she’d had to create a fake one?
“Good night,” Alisha said. “Brent, make sure to set your alarm for every couple of hours, okay? A late onset concussion is possible.”
He mock saluted her. “You got it.”
Ellie waved to the others as she headed toward her cottage. Brent walked alongside her. “You don’t have to walk with me,” she said.
“I want to. If that’s okay.”
She nodded. Of course it was okay. This was exactly what she wanted. Above them, the night sky was clear, millions of stars visible. A cool breeze rustled through the trees, and the scent of smoke from the fire lingered on their clothing. It was the perfect summer evening. And she was walking next to her high school sweetheart, who wanted to give their relationship another try.
This moment should be everything.
They walked in silence, and when they reached the cabin, Brent gently touched her hand. “I know it’s been an...interesting day,” he said. “But I promise tomorrow will be better. I meant what I said about old feelings, Ellie. Seeing you again after so long...it feels as if a missing piece of my puzzle has finally been found again.”
If he felt that way...the same way she’d always felt—as though something was missing without him—then that had to mean something, right?
Slightly reassured, she smiled. “I’m happy we have this chance to get to know one another again.” That was all they were doing. This didn’t mean they had to rush into anything or start seeing one another again right away. It was just a second chance to see what could happen.
Exhaustion made her yawn and she covered it with a small laugh. “Well, I guess this is good night.”
Brent lingered, his hazel eyes burrowing into hers, looking anything but tired. “I thought maybe I could spend the night in your cottage. With you.”
Her mouth was dry and her pulse raced. It had been years since she’d been with Brent. They’d been kids back then. They were adults now. A week ago, she’d fantasized about this opportunity. Now the thought made her stomach twist.
Nerves. That was all.
Of course she was nervous to be with him again. She hadn’t been with anyone in a long time. That didn’t mean she shouldn’t do it... And they didn’t have to do anything. They could talk.
“Just thought maybe I shouldn’t be alone tonight... impending concussion and all,” he said with a coaxing grin. “But only if you want me to.”
He was right—he probably shouldn’t be alone. She nodded and led the way inside.
Brent closed the door behind them and immediately his arms were pulling her closer and his mouth was approaching hers.
Whoa! What was he doing?
His eyes closed but Ellie’s only grew wider as panic set in. Brent was about to kiss her. What did she do? The split second felt agonizingly long as her heart flip-flopped back and forth.
Just enjoy this! You want this!
So why the hell couldn’t she erase Callum and his disappointed look from her mind when Brent’s puckered lips were just millimeters from hers?
She couldn’t do this. Not this quickly. There had to be a limitation on how many men she could kiss in one day. She pushed against his chest slowly and he sent her a slightly annoyed, quizzical look. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing... I’m just... Can we just...um...take it a little slower?”
He grinned as though he found her perceived coyness amusing as he nodded. “Of course.”
Great. Now he thought she was playing hard to get.
He kept his arms around her and she sighed as she moved closer and snuggled into him. This was it. This was definitely better. This was where she’d find answers. In his hug was where she’d feel their old connection, his love, the safety and security to allow her heart to reopen to him. Her arms encircled his waist and she rested her head on his chest.
She breathed in and tried to let his familiar scent envelop her like it used to, but something seemed a little off. It was too harsh, too strong, too perfumy... Not the manly, clean soapy smell that Callum had.
Stop thinking about Callum!
Brent tried to move away but she held tighter.
He laughed. “You okay?”
“Yeah... I just, I’ve always loved hugging you.” He had to remember their long hugs. They were one of the things she’d always missed.
“I remember how rock-hard your breasts used to make me... Still do,” he said, a trace of lust in his voice.
That completely destroyed the moment for Ellie. Her gut twisted and she slowly released him, the hug no longer holding the same meaning.
Unfortunately Brent mistook it as her readiness to move beyond a hug. Taking her hand, he headed toward the bed, but she resisted, leading them back outside onto the deck instead. “It’s such a nice night. We should enjoy it,” she said, trying to keep the mood light.
Brent’s annoyance was evident, but he sat on the swing beside her. He kicked his foot, moving the swing back and forth, and his gaze settled on the trees in the distance.
Shit, he was irritated with her. Why wouldn’t he be? What the hell was wrong with her? She’d admitted to going through the trouble of inventing a fake fiancé to save face when she saw him at the reunion. She’d gone ahead with this crazy, elaborate scheme for three days...and now she was practically giving him the cold shoulder?
She turned and grabbed Brent’s face, kissing him fast and hard. Their teeth clanged together and he looked wide-eyed, surprised and slightly put off at her attack. She pulled back and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Sorry.”
Brent grinned. “It’s okay. I like an assertive woman. Just caught me by surprise, that’s all.” He reached for her again, and his hand immediately started sliding up her shirt as he leaned in for another kiss.
What the hell? What happened to slow? “Nope. Sorry...” She stood and folded her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Not tonight, anyway.” Maybe this was ridiculous. She was a grown-ass woman, not a teenager anymore. She’d been with Brent dozens of times in the past. Maybe he was right to think that they could skip a lot of the foreplay and getting to know one another and jump straight into the physical... Maybe she should want that too.
Was the fact that she didn’t a sign?
Brent’s jaw tightened, but he nodded as he stood. “Okay. No pressure. This is at your pace.” He kissed her cheek and headed down the deck stairs.
“You’re leaving?”
“No sense staying the night if you’re...uncomfortable.”
If she wasn’t going to put out. Wow, how could she never have seen what an ass he could be? All of these years she’d been blinded by the past, by her first real relationship with the popular boy in school, the best-looking guy that every girl wanted. She’d thought her feelings were real back then, and maybe in a way they were. Young love.
But she wasn’t young anymore. And maybe what she felt for Brent wasn’t love anymore either, she thought as she watched him walk away.
* * *
CALLUM’S HANDS GRIPPED the steering wheel and he struggled to keep his eyes open as he approached the final hour of the drive back to town. He’d resisted the temptation to turn around at least a dozen times. He couldn’t fight for something only he wanted. He couldn’t fight for a woman who didn’t want to be fought for.
Unfortunately, he struggled with believing that was true. He knew Ellie had feelings for him. He’d felt the change in how she looked at him, touched him... Her kiss had revealed so much.
Of course she was fighting it. It had caught her by surprise and she was scared. Too scared to take a chance on somet
hing new with him. So she was running back to the comfort of something familiar...even if it wasn’t the right thing for her. Even if it wasn’t something she still wanted.
Before that week, his unrequited emotions had been tough but survivable. Now, knowing that they’d had a connection—a real one, not the fake, nostalgic bullshit she was harboring for Brent—and that she refused to acknowledge it, was torture.
Not knowing Brent had definitely made Ellie’s hang-up on him more tolerable. But since he’d met the guy, Callum was even more disappointed that she was so caught up in memories of her first love that she wasn’t seeing the man Brent actually was. And if she was seeing it and was still in love with him, then Callum had been way off in who he believed her to be.
Watching her try to be someone she wasn’t all week, just to impress a guy that didn’t deserve her attention, had bothered him.
Would Brent have been interested in rekindling the relationship if Ellie had been single and available? Or had it been about the chase, the challenge, the idea that someone else had what he’d let go of?
Callum didn’t trust the guy’s motives, and he could only hope Ellie saw through any bullshit before it was too late and she got her heart broken again.
He dialed his brother’s cell phone number using the Bluetooth connection on the car’s dash. Three rings, then Sean’s voice mail.
Callum sighed. He hadn’t been able to reach him since the bad reception call. He hoped everything was okay. His brother had a way of going off the grid sometimes—for days, weeks or sometimes months. He would ignore any attempts to reach him...and often he just needed space to pull through whatever darkness he was lost in. But knowing there was support on the other end was important, so Callum left a message after the beep.
“Hey, bro, call me if you need me. I’m back in town now. Anytime. Whatever you need.”
Seeing the exit for Wild River, he disconnected the call and turned off of the highway. Pulling onto Main Street moments later, he slowed his speed to the limit as the bright neon lights of The Drunk Tank caught his eye, and instead of going left onto his street, he pulled into the bar’s parking lot and got out.
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