by Ray G.
He looks stunned. Of course. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, can’t let you stay in some seedy motel. You wouldn’t last in that world.”
“You don’t have a boyfriend that might get mad?”
This territory is none of his business, but for some inexplicable reason I get the urge to come out to him. Not going to, but the urge is there. He’s bound to find out though. Well, maybe not. It’s not like my place is teeming with lesbosity. No nudie mags or porn vids lying around. I try to keep the place as sexually neutral as possible. But Wyatt’s assumption is anything but neutral. I’ll go with the simple approach for now, “I don’t have a boyfriend Wyatt.”
“I always thought you had a boyfriend.”
I’ve never shared anything with him regarding my romantic life so how he came to that conclusion is beyond me. But I’m curious. I wonder what kind of guy he mentally fixed me up with. Probably a jerk. Probably someone like one of those assholes I let stick their dick in me. Where was Alice back then? When I really needed a past-her-prime bottle-blonde sensei dyke.
WYATT BOUGHT a pizza and a 2-liter bottle of fruit punch soda. I have some music going. Deep into the playlist now. The brand new one called ‘Hostess.’ Underworld’s Push Downstairs is going.
“Who’s Tina?” Wyatt asks.
“She lives in Berlin.”
Wyatt laughs. Not a bad night so far.
“I wonder how Tina feels about that shout-out.” He really wants to explore this.
“What if Tina was one of those elf nymph things like in one of your gay-ass games?”
“Was that a shot Eve?”
“No, it’s possible. Some gay-ass elf nymph from a planet named after an obscure skin disease.”
“What are you talking about Eve?”
“Your games are gay Wyatt.”
Laughs, “What does that have to with Tina?”
“Nothing. Forget about Tina. That bitch is in Berlin.”
“But just think about it. She’s probably somebody.”
“Yes. An elf nymph.”
“Come on Eve. Just think about it.”
“What if you knew somebody was talking about you in a song, but nobody else knew, but you.”
“How do you know that nobody else knows about Tina?”
“I don’t, I have no idea, but I’m just saying. For the sake of conversation. What if you knew, but nobody else knew. How would that make you feel?”
What is this? Is he gonna come out to me? Odd twist. Would be nice. Ironic as all hell, but nice nonetheless. I really don’t know how I’d feel about any of this I know, nobody else knows business, got Ms. Pretty Pussy on the brain, but I wouldn’t mind keeping this little exchange going. I’ll just start talking and eventually something will form…
I get going about personal messages in public spaces. A heart etched in a tree, two names in the center, plus sign in-between. Stuff like that. Simple. Keep it abstract right now. No need to personalize it.
Phone chime scares me.
New email.
Ms. Pretty Pussy.
what you tryna do fire red?
Don’t stop talking Eve. Keep going. Talk about…talk about…SHIT! I don’t know. Can’t think right now. What exactly am I tryna do? Can’t send Wyatt out right now. But I want it right now. Like right now right now. Damn it. Damn it. Da—
“But how would you feel?”
Looks like he has grown weary of my abstract bullshitting. But I got nothing else. Blank now. All I see is her magnificent pussy. Definitely no Vaseline involved there. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I gotta act fast. Don’t want her to think I’m bullshitting. I’m not bullshitting. Just a little scared. A little worried. Don’t know if I should go all the way.
I’m hungry.
Starving.
Time to eat. Right?
I’m about to go crazy.
About to?
Why am I lying to myself? I am going crazy.
I’ll tell her maybe tomorrow. We’ll get together then. But what if she bails? Senses my feet getting cold.
Can’t send Wyatt to the bar. Not now. Not an option. Surprisingly decent night so far.
Damn it.
What the fuck am I tryna do?!
This is not how it was supposed to go down. The Real Her is right there. For the taking. Ready to deliver herself to me. But I’m freaking out. I never thought I…
“…would freak out Wyatt. I would totally freak out.”
“But nobody knows. Only you.”
“Still. I would freak out. Especially if I just heard it suddenly. Like I didn’t even know about it. On the radio or something like that. Would definitively wake me up. Break me out of whatever mode I was in.”
“And what would you do? After freaking out.”
“There’s no such thing as post freak-out planning.”
“I guess that’s true. Everything just breaks down.”
“And that’s funny, because most of the time we know what’s gonna cause us to freak out. So we should know how it all works.”
i’m free 2nite mama
Of course you are.
Need a diversion.
Ah-ha, “Let’s play MK. MK2.”
“What do you have it on?”
“It’s a MUGEN hack.”
“Oh shit, then yeah, load it up.”
Thank God.
I quickly run a VGA cable from my laptop to the TV. We’re in business.
“I only have one controller. You can use it, I’ll just use the keyboard.”
“Is that gonna be fair?”
“Wyatt, you can’t see me in this. I could use a stopwatch as a controller and beat you.”
He laughs. Chooses Sub Zero. Lame. I select Jade. Time to kick some ass.
so…u tryna kick it tonight?
Yes. But no at the same time. Damn it! Wyatt is giggling his ass off. Little dude’s really enjoying himself. Unlike earlier today. Fuck. Maybe I should just tell him what’s up, what’s really going on. He is kind of like a roommate now. But what should I say? Maybe something like: “Hey Wyatt, I like girls, I mean like really like girls, but I’ve never been with one and since I’m not getting any younger, only hornier, I’m thinking about inviting some strange woman over tonight. You’re welcomed to stay if you’d like, but if you feel you may be a little uncomfo—”
That was quick. Round one is over. Easy victory. But I’m not satisfied. He got a few hits in. That’s okay. I’ll make up for it in the next—
You took down the ad Eve.
Apparently chocoboi is what you were looking for.
Then why the anxiety? Why the doubt? It’s supposed to be time.
Just get it over with you coward.
Get your itch scratched.
“Many people think Jade is black, but she’s really Edenian.”
Shut up Wyatt. She’s black to me. Ethiopian to be exact. And when she’s not removing people’s heads she goes by the name Amara. Has a fondness for dance. Jazz tap. I get angry when she stays at the studio late. Sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. One morning she tried to sneak into the house. I caught her. She apologized effusively. Fell into my arms crying. I stroked her hair. Told her I wasn’t mad. Minutes later she was riding my face. Rifled her bladed fans through the ceiling when she climaxed…like usual. Upstairs neighbors are always complaining…and dying.
Wait a minute.
Safety.
That’s why I’m anxious.
What if she’s not a she? What if she’s a dude?
Well…
Maybe Wyatt should stay. In case she is a guy. Don’t really think she is, but just to be safe. And if she is a she, like I suspect, it should still be cool. Turn these humble proceedings into a party of sorts. Pizza, fruit punch soda and MK2. She’ll love it.
Yeah right. She ain’t tryna eat cold pizza and play twenty-year-old videogames. She’s tryna fuck. Oh what to do? What to do? This is fucking nerve-racking!
Maybe…
Maybe I can meet her at a bar.
No. She’ll think I’m bullshitting. Damn.
Flawless Victory. Of course. Don’t fuck with me Wyatt. He wants a rematch. He goes with Scorpion this time. This is gonna be too ea—
hey…i’m about to go to bed…hit me tomorrow.
Well all right.
I can do that.
I will do that.
It’s time.
JACK FINALLY did it. He cut our hours. Only one person in the store at a time now. No more overlapping. That means I have to show up on time. Fortunately, I’m off today. Wyatt’s working though. He just left. Taking my bus route. Don’t really know how I feel about that. Don’t really know how I feel about him rubbing shoulders with my girls. I shouldn’t worry though. From what I know he only likes Asian girls. Animated ones. With giant eyes and supernatural abilities.
Why am I wasting time thinking about Wyatt? I have a chocoboi to email.
Remember…
It’s time.
Why don’t you exchange numbers? Call her.
Too nervous for that. I’ll just continue the email correspondence. So much easier. I have time to read and react. I’ll be exposed during a phone call. Not as witty during a phone call. What if she hates my voice as much as I do? What if I come off as boring?
Fuck.
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Back here again. Uncertain. Lacking confidence. Come on Eve. Get it together. She likes your fire pussy. That’s gotta mean something. Besides, she just wants to fuck. She’s not looking for deep conversation. Gotta keep things in perspective. She sent you pictures of her dildos and pussy. Just exchange numbers, call her and set the date.
I can email that to her.
Have some balls. Exchange the digits. Call her.
No. I’ll just email.
Whatever Eve. I’m running out of fucks to give anyway.
Seriously?
Yes, seriously, be a coward. See if I care.
Phone’s ringing. It’s the shop. It’s Wyatt.
“What’s up playboy?”
He laughs, “Playboy? Who in the hell are you Eve?”
“How was the bus ride?”
“Long.”
“Lotta pretty girls though, right?” Watch yourself Wyatt. This is a test.
“I don’t know. I was terrified. How do you do that everyday?”
“I’m used to it.”
“Don’t think I could ever get used to it. A guy got on covered in scabs. Old guy. He insisted on talking to me about baseball. Hey, guess what?”
“No. Not in the mood for guessing games, just tell me.”
“You know that game I showed you? The one called Can You?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“It’s comin’ out tonight! At fucking midnight! Isn’t that crazy?!”
“I guess.”
“I gotta get it. This is crazy. Like outta nowhere. And the best part is it’s gonna be fucking free!!!”
“For real?”
“Yeah. Isn’t that crazy?”
Now that is crazy. Doesn’t really make sense. They could make a fortune with that sick little game. Something fishy is going on here. It’s probably gonna be packed with ads.
“These guys came in and said that Tech Czar has the guns. I’m gonna go over there and grab one after work. This is just so fucking cool! I can’t believe it’s coming out tonight! We gotta celebrate Eve. My treat.”
Not that excited about the game, but I’m not about to turn down free consumables. “Okay Wyatt.”
“Eve, this is like the biggest day in gaming history!”
Dude’s going apeshit for this game. I guess he really wants to shoot people in the face. It’s kinda cute actually. I remember getting similarly excited for Street Fighter II when it came out for the SNES. One of the best days of my life.
“The industry is changing Eve. This is like a huge paradigm shift.”
Damn Wyatt. How much hyperbole are you gonna pack into one conversation? Let’s wrap this up, “So…when are you gettin’ off?”
“I gotta long one today. Five more.”
Five more? Hmmm.
Invite her over Eve.
Chill.
Invite her over Eve. Stop bullshitting.
“Okay Wyatt, I’ll see you later tonight then. Looking forward to the party.”
“All right Eve, see ya.”
You hear what he said? Five hours Eve. With the bus ride that’s—at the very least—six-and-a-half hours. And there’s no telling how long he’s gonna be over at Tech Czar. Conservatively you’re looking at eight hours of ‘hosting’ time. Invite her over.
Too risky. What if she’s a serial killer?
Then so be it. It’s time Eve. That’s what you said. It’s time. Time for something to fucking happen. This is something that is happening. Don’t stop it. Invite her over.
But—
Go ahead and email her. I don’t care anymore. Just as long as you do it.
Fuck.
Fuckity fuck fuck.
Why am I staring at my phone? Just do it Eve. Just—
As fast as I can I send over a hey, what u up to?
Why am I sweating? This is ridiculous. What if she doesn’t respond? What if—
i ain’t doin nuthin, u tryna kick it?
Damn. She could’ve at least given me some time to freak out.
Just say yes Eve.
I don’t know. Maybe I should meet her somewhere.
Why? Scratch the damn itch Eve! She’s what you want. Everything you’ve been fantasizing about. Your internet image searches come to life. The Real Damn Her!
FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!
Breathe. Breathe.
It’s not that serious Eve. Just say fucking yes!
Okay…okay…okay.
Yes…what side of town are you on?
See. Easy. Now here she goes…
west side, i’m near the corner of konigsberg and woodlawn
Damn. That’s close. Real close. Another anxiety surge.
Breathe. Breathe.
She’s got a follow-up…
is that close to u?
Is she reading my mind or something?! Damn. I shoot back a confirmation of closeness. This is really happening. I can’t believe this is really—
what’s your addy fire red?
Here we go. It’s getting really real. Can I do this? Am I ready for this? I’m a novice. She’s a pro. But that’s what I need. Someone to guide me. Lead the way. Right?
Just send her the goddamn address Eve.
But am I ready for this? Don’t know if I’m ready for this.
I close my eyes. A few deep breaths. Steady my nerves. It is that serious. Very serious. Spent nineteen years waiting for this moment. Nineteen years building up the courage. Might need nineteen more.
No.
It’s time Eve. It’s motherfucking time. Here goes…
1717 Konigsberg #20
I fall on my bed. Flat on my back. Stare at the ceiling. Wonder if I have any brown paper bags. I’m about to lose it.
i can be there in about 45…cool?
What am I doing? Am I desperate? She’s a fucking stranger Eve. You haven’t even seen the girl’s face. Don’t even know her real name. This is crazy. Do you have any idea how bad this could potentially be? She could come over here with some accomplices, tie you up, take all your shit. And don’t forget, she might not even be a she, she could be a—
Yeah, it’s cool. Just buzz me.
I’VE BEEN in this shower for twenty-five minutes now. The first fifteen were all business. Diligently scrubbed every nook and cranny. Now I’m just standing here. Lukewarm water cascading down my back. Head full of worry. Doubt. I don’t want to let myself down. In mere minutes a real life naked black girl is going to be on my bed. My dreams…right there…in the flesh. Am I ready? I don’t wanna fuck this up. I’m awfully good at fucking things up. It’s what I do best. It’s what I’m known for.
T
wenty minutes until her arrival. A mere twenty minutes.
Out of the shower. Looking into the mirror now. Why do I look like a bag of shit today? Why is my hair so limp? So lifeless. Why do my eyes look gray? What happened to their emeraldness? Where are my curves? I look droopy now. What the fuck happened to the me of yesterday? I was the shit yesterday.
I should cancel. Postpone this.
Fifteen minutes now.
Why do I feel tears coming on? Get it together you simple bitch! Breathe Eve. Just breathe.
Rifling through the closet. Need something flattering, but not tying-too-hard flattering. Casual. I am at home after all. There it is. My fitted Sonic the Hedgehog graphic tee. Hugs the curves, nice showcase for the big milky ones. I’ll pair it with some jeans. Simple. Clean.
Eight minutes. Eight minutes!!!
I run around the place, nose in the air, sniffing. Nothing offensive jumps out. Just smells like general ‘inside.’ I rub the couch with a dryer sheet just to be safe.
Three minutes. It’s about to get real.
Shit. What’s in the fridge?
Leftover pizza. A quarter-full bottle of fruit punch soda. What else? A carton of eggs. Some lunch meat. Pretty much nothing. Don’t worry. Don’t think she’s coming over for refreshments.
A few deep breaths.
Check myself in the mirror. I look okay. Not as bad as I thought. The mane is full. Brilliant red. Far from limp. Once again, selling myself short. And my eyes. Greener than the Hill of Tara. And look at those hips. I’m one sturdy bitch. One sexy sturdy—
There goes the buzzer.
Damn. I look like crap. Too late now. I rush to the box.
“Hello.” My voice breaks, no moisture in my mouth at all.
“Hey,” she says. A moment, then reluctantly and with a hint of embarrassment, “it’s chocoboi.”
I’m a nervous wreck, but there’s no turning back now.
Footsteps in the hall.
Oh shit.
A knock on the door.
I look through the peephole. She’s looking down. All I see is the top of a black knit cap.